Will your honor hear me through, before you pronounce sentence.--_Old
Play_.
I was the son of a country clergyman, who, passionately fond of
literature himself, determined to send me into the world with a good
collegiate education. I went through the course of study at the
University of ----, studied hard, graduated with considerable
distinction, and was very fully impressed with the idea that I was a
youth of fine parts and acquirements. On leaving college, I determined
to spend a twelvemonth in recreation and amusement, before I entered
upon the study of a profession.
On my first introduction into the society of the active world, I
expected of course, to command that homage to my superior talents and
acquirements which I thought I so richly merited, and which was so
willingly awarded by the young men at the University of ----. But I
was not only treated with indifference, but contempt. I soon acquired
the character of a conceited coxcomb--a dogmatist without knowledge or
talents. Few of the enlightened part of the community condescended to
converse with me on equal terms; my challenges for argument, in order
to discover my abilities, were disregarded: and I had the
mortification of having the reputation of a fool, without the
opportunity as I thought, of correcting the impression. This treatment
determined me to anticipate the time I had allotted for the
commencement of the study of a profession. The consciousness that I
possessed talents, and the illiberal treatment I conceived I had met
with from the world, excited within me, an ambition of the most
corroding nature. I was determined to extort from an envious world,
that respect which I believed was so unworthily withheld. I had a
restless desire to chalk out my fortunes unassisted. With a single eye
to my purpose, I placed myself somewhat in a hostile attitude to the
world. Such was the uncompromising nature of my pride, and such the
ill-judged confidence in my own abilities, that I enjoyed no man's
friendship, and sought the patronage of none. In two months after I
left the University of ----, I purchased a few books, and commenced
the study of the law. For two years, I gave the most unremitting,
untiring attention to my books. Many nights did I toil over the dry
pages of Coke, until the east was streaked with the approach of
returning day. Many times was my mind so far absorbed, by intense and
abstract thought, that I have been forced suddenly to throw down my
books and count the tiles on the roof of the house, to recall my
aberrated thoughts and prevent absolute derangement. There is always
an exhilaration of feeling which attends mental excitement, that
renders the life of a student happy; and, while my health remained
unimpaired, my hours of study passed pleasantly away. But intense
application began to affect my health, and consequently my spirits; a
melancholy sat continually on my "faded brow." I became unhappy,
without then knowing why; yet I never lost sight of my unalterable
resolve, to make those crouch to my importance, who had once spurned
me from their presence. Occasionally the idea would recur, "would it
not be better to return to my social feelings, unbosom myself to my
relatives, and be content with the good opinion of those with whom I
associated;" but pride and ambition would soon silence such
intimations of my better nature, and goad me on to the attainment of
my object at any sacrifice. In looking back through a period of more
than threescore years, I can distinctly recollect that sullen pride,
that mortified but unsubdued ambition which shut me out from the
pleasures of social intercourse, and "preyed like the canker worm, on
the vitals of my repose."
On perceiving the decline of my health and spirits, my father, with
little persuasion, prevailed on me to take out license and commence
the practise of my profession. By devotion to my studies, I had
acquired such a knowledge of the elementary works, as enabled me to
pass a sustainable examination before the judges of ----. In the
twenty-first year of my age, on the twenty-fifth day of October, with
my license in my pocket, I set out for a distant county court. It was
a fine morning; the air was bracing, but not cold. When I had mounted
my horse, and set off in a brisk trot, on a level and beaten Virginia
country road, I felt an exhilaration that the novelty of my purpose
and the healthy nature of my exercise was well calculated to inspire.
It is needless to inform the reader of the multifarious and never
realized visions of distinction and applause, that my heated brain
formed that day. There is something rather enervating in the young
dreams of love; but the early visions of ambition instil an ardor into
the soul, which nerves the faculties to the most daring enterprize, or
the most laborious undertaking. Both, however, heighten self-respect,
and diffuse a pleasing tranquillity over even excited feeling.
The crowd had already gathered when I reached the court house of ----.
The political rivals had commenced haranguing the mob; the shrill cry
of the Yankee pedler vendueing his goods, the hoarse laugh of the
stout Virginia planter, the neighing of horses, the loud voice of the
stump orator, and the menaces of county bullies, met for the purpose
of testing their pugilistic talents, broke upon the tympanum in no
agreeable confusion. Here was a group collected around a decapitated
cask of whiskey, emptying its contents to the health of favorite
candidates; there a collection eyeing with eagerness two combatants
encircled in a ring, struggling for the acclamation of "the best man."
At a respectful distance stood the man of authority, the Virginia
justice, commanding the peace; but his vociferous interference only
met with the response of "Hands off: fair play!" In this promiscuous
assemblage, every grade of society in the county was represented. Here
was the rich, unpopular aristocrat, with his lofty bearing. The
representatives of old, and once rich and aristocratical families, who
had left nothing but a name for their posterity, were here mingling
familiarly with the plebeian herd, seeking popularity as the only
step-stone to political eminence. Here was seen, also, the rich
demagogue--the people's man--the frequenter of militia musters, the
giver of good dinners, without distinction of guests. Here, also, was
the substantial two hundred acre freeholder. Of the most conspicuous
"_minora sidera_," the Kentuckian horsedrover, the horsejockey, the
ganderpuller, might be mentioned. I soon passed this congregated mass,
and reached the bar. One of the fraternity was kind enough to
introduce me to the court and his professional brethren. It is useless
to describe my sensations during the continuance of that term of the
court. I was, generally, either entirely unnoticed, or treated with
marked contempt. So undeserving and discourteous did this treatment
seem, that I asked an old lawyer, who appeared rather more affable
than his brethren, what it meant; he smiled, and whispered that every
young lawyer, and particularly _a college lawyer_, was, _prima facie_,
a fool, until he showed the contrary. I profited so much by this rough
response, as to resolve to push my own way, without soliciting favor,
and careless even of common courtesy.
After about four months attention to my courts, I found a world of
difference between the life of a student and a lawyer. The one deals
with his fellow at the most confiding and innocent age; the other
deals with every variety of character, and meets with every grade of
vice. When I first discovered with what a cold and selfish set of
creatures I had to mingle, I became melancholy, disgusted with my
profession and every thing attached to it. The fearful thought came
over my mind to turn scoundrel, and manage the _world_ in its own way;
to "carve it like an oyster"--"to ride mankind as Pyrrhus did his
elephant." But my better nature prevailed, and I determined to
persevere in the difficult task of mingling with mankind and
preserving my principles uncontaminated by the contact.
When we reflect what a trivial occurrence alters one's fortunes, we
are ready to conclude that life is a complete game of hazard, and man
the creature of circumstances. If it had not been for a singular
accident, I might have toiled on through the prime of my existence,
without success in my profession, and deserted it after my glittering
youth was spent, a disappointed and pennyless misanthrope. I took a
small "tide of fortune at its flood, and it led to glory." It was
twelve months from the time I took out license, that I was touched on
the arm by a stranger, who asked me if I was not Owen the lawyer? I
told him I was; he then retained me to defend him in a prosecution
against him for forgery, and added, that my general celebrity as a
criminal advocate, had induced him to employ me. The application was
of a kind so new to me, (for I had never been spoken to either for
counsel or defence) that in the agitation of the moment I did not
discover that I was mistaken for a lawyer of some eminence, of the
same name, who attended the same court. As soon as he left me, cool
reflection came, and I was convinced that I had been retained through
mistake. I immediately went in search of the forger, to suggest the
mistake. I met with him among a number of by-standers and a few
members of the bar. As soon as he saw me, he accused me of practising
a fraud upon him, by designingly confirming him in his error. I
immediately turned from him, remarking that I could be no gainer by
altercation with a forger. But from the reception that his charge met
with among some of the by-standers and lawyers, I was impressed with
the conviction that they either believed, or affected to believe, the
accusation of the forger. I concealed my chagrin as well as I could
until his trial came on, and availing myself of the invitation of the
prosecutor to assist him, I made a speech containing the bitterest
invective and perhaps the best argument that I have ever made since.
As soon as I look my seat I observed approbation or envy on every
countenance that met my eye, for the criminal was very opprobrious to
the multitude. He was convicted by the unanimous voice of the court. I
was congratulated on every side on the success of my "maiden effort,"
and by numbers of the obsequious crowd who previously withheld from me
even the ordinary civilities of life.