GENEROUS SELF-DEVOTION.
THE day on which Lloyd Hudson was to pass his examination was one of
considerable interest and anxiety at home. Old Mr. Hudson, equable in
temper as he was, found it impossible to fix his mind upon business,
or to give it anything beyond the most formal attention. The mother
and sisters spent most of the time sitting in each other's rooms, and
talking of Lloyd. The girls—Martha and Ella—were sanguine about the
result; but Mrs. Hudson had her fears.
The usual dinner hour did not bring the young student.
"I thought it would have been all over before this," said Mr. Hudson,
as they gathered around the table. "But the work of examination is,
doubtless, slow. There is a large class this year."
"If he should be rejected," remarked the mother.
"We won't think that possible," said Martha. "I am sure Lloyd is well
prepared. No one could study harder than he has studied."
"But to think of five or six learned professors examining a young
student."
"That is one side of the case," said Mr. Hudson, "and the other is,
that they will examine him on the very points they have taught him.
They will ask him no questions, the answers to which they have not
before given him over and over again in their lectures, and which he
has not seen in books. I think we may safely believe that Lloyd is
fully prepared for the trial, and will pass through it with credit to
himself and honor to the school."
Just then the door was thrown open, and Lloyd walked in with a face
whose brightness told the story of his success.
"All right, I see," said the father, while his heart bounded as lightly
as a boy's.
"Yes, all right, father," returned Lloyd. "The professors did me the
honor to say that I passed the best examination of any who preceded me."
The mother and sisters could not restrain their joy, but starting from
the table, expressed the gladness they felt by warmly embracing the son
and brother.
"And now, my son," said old Mr. Hudson, as they were all together
that evening, "having passed successfully through your long day of
preparation for future usefulness in the world, the question as to the
next step comes up. What are your thoughts in respect to the future?
Have you turned your eyes in that direction?"
"I have thought a good deal of the future," replied the young man,
"but without arriving at any definite conclusion. Of course I wish
to consult you on the subject. Up to this time I have been entirely
dependent upon you for everything. This must now cease, and I must,
hereafter, depend upon my own exertions, which, at first, will meet
with but poor returns. The first thing to determine will be, where to
locate myself."
"Where but in this city?" said the mother, quickly. "You will not go
away from Philadelphia."
"A young physician has but a poor chance in a large city like this,
mother," replied Lloyd. "I might sit in my office for years without
getting practice sufficient to support me. But in some country town
at the West or South, I will doubtless find an opening of sufficient
importance to enable me to sustain myself."
"All that involves serious considerations," remarked Mr. Hudson. "As
Lloyd says, he ought now to sustain himself but if, in the nature of
things, is cannot be done without too great a sacrifice, he must be
sustained for a time longer. A practice in this city, if it can be
made, will be worth securing, even at considerable cost, for in a city
like Philadelphia, a physician of eminent abilities may rise into a
much more distinguished position, and be much more useful, than he can
in a small country town, where everything is circumscribed."
"I am afraid you overrate my ability, father," said the young man, with
the modesty he felt. "Eminence in the medical profession in a city like
this, is attained only by the few."
"By the few, my son, who, to good natural abilities, add untiring
industry and patient thought. You may rise high if you will; but all
the hindrances lie with yourself, and may be overcome. If you deem
your studies at an end when you get your diploma, then you will not
rise above a mere plodding physician, who is retrograding every year,
instead of advancing. But, if you remain a student, and, year after
year, add to your stock of information, at the same time that you
endeavor to make all practical, eminence will come as a natural result."
"That I know, as yet, nothing, I am deeply conscious," replied Lloyd.
"No one, therefore, can feel more sensibly than I do the necessity
for continuing the study of my profession with unremitting assiduity;
and not only of what directly appertains to it, but of all that has
an indirect bearing upon it. As to the eminence, I am content to let
that come, if ever it does come, as the consequence of well-directed
efforts."
"That is the true spirit, my son," replied Mr. Hudson. "Think not of
eminence as the end of your exertions, but rather as a consequence that
may or may not flow from them but which, if it ever does come, will
give you the ability to be more widely useful. If this be your spirit,
I incline to the opinion that you had better remain in Philadelphia,
where the field is wider, and the opportunities greater."
"But I cannot think of burdening you longer. It would not be right."
"It will be right if done in the right spirit, my son," replied the
high-minded watchmaker, who, though in humble circumstances, had a
noble nature. "What we do should not be in sole reference to ourselves.
Our acts ought to have some reference to the good of others. I believe
that it will be right for me to help you for one or two or three years,
until you are able to support yourself, for, thereby, you will the more
surely rise into a high and useful position. The sacrifice on my part
will be small, compared to the good attained."
The unanimous voice of the family was in favor of Lloyd's remaining
in Philadelphia, and living at home as before. It would be better for
him, in the end, to do so, he believed; but still, the thought of
burdening his father weighed upon his mind, and kept him for some time
undecided. When alone with him, his sisters urged strongly his giving
up all thought of removing from the city. To Martha he said, about a
week after he had received his diploma, and while the subject was yet
in agitation, in answer to the question, "Why will you think of leaving
us, brother?"
"Because I cannot make up my mind to depend upon father any longer. His
business, I have heard him say, is not so good as it was; and, besides,
he is growing old, and needs freedom from labor, rather than heavier
burdens. I feel, sister, that it would not be just."
To this Martha did not reply for some moments. She, too, felt that her
father's duties were too severe for him, and rather wished to see them
lightened instead of increased.
"It is true what you say about father," she remarked. "He ought not
to be more heavily burdened than he is, and he need not be. Ella and
I have talked that matter over, and decided that we will take a few
scholars and teach them music until you—"
"Never!" ejaculated the young man, firmly. "I will not listen to such
an arrangement."
"Why not, Lloyd?"
"You and Ella become music teachers for the purpose of supporting me
who ought to support you? No—no! Don't breathe it to me again. I will
go South."
"My brother will hear reason," said Martha, calmly.
"There is no reason in that," replied Lloyd, impatiently.
"And why not? All agree that it will be best for you to remain here.
The difficulty in the way is the slowness with which a practice is
acquired in a large city like this, and the inability of a young
physician to support himself for a year or two. Ella and I, in love
and duty, agree to do a certain thing, right in itself—as right as to
practise medicine—in order to sustain our brother, a young physician,
until he can sustain himself. Can he, upon any just plea, refuse to let
us be coworkers, in affection, with him in his honorable elevation.
Will he do violence to our love and sisterly pride? Will he abandon
his home, with all its dear associations, and go off among strangers,
because the voice of false pride is louder than the voice of reason and
love? No! Our brother will not so lightly esteem our offering. He will
not trample it under his feet!"
"Martha! Martha!" exclaimed the young man, "you must not urge me thus.
You paralyse, instead of giving strength to my judgment. My sisters
teach music to support me! Away with the thought!"
"False pride, false independence, Lloyd. It is nothing else. We have
the time and the ability; and whether you accept what we propose or
not, whether you go or stay, we shall do as we said. Our father demands
our consideration, and he shall have it. Long enough has he been
burdened for our support. But, oh! how much sweeter would be our tasks,
how much lighter our duties, if you would still consent to make home
glad with your presence."
Martha spoke with great tenderness; and she saw that her words made an
impression.
"Say that you will remain with us, brother," she continued. "Home will
not seem like home to any of us when you are gone. Do not be the first
to break the circle, when no real necessity for doing so exists."
The young man was silent, yet much disturbed.
"I will think about it a little longer," he said, in an agitated voice.
"At present I will only say, that this unexpected manifestation of
affection by you and Ella has touched me deeply. May it meet its just
reward."
"The reward is in your hands, brother. Do not withhold it," returned
Martha.
"Be silent, sister. You throw my thoughts all into confusion," said
Lloyd Hudson, in a tender yet rebuking-voice. "How am I to decide as to
the right course for me to take, when you bear down my feelings at this
rate? I must think more about it. I think alone. What I conscientiously
believe to be right, that I will do, and do it though all the world
oppose."
"In determining what is right for you to do, I will merely say,"
remarked the sister, "that if you admit into your counsels any
suggestions from false pride, your conclusions will be in great danger
of having in them a tincture of error. If there is any bias of feeling,
let it be given by love and not pride."