In my first Description of the Company in which I pass most of my
Time, it may be remembered that I mentioned a great Affliction which
my Friend Sir ROGER had met with in his Youth, which was no less than
a Disappointment in Love. It happened this Evening, that we fell into
a very pleasing Walk at a Distance from his House: As soon as we came
into it, "It is," quoth the good old Man, looking round him with a
Smile, "very hard, that any Part of my Land should be settled upon one
who has used me so ill as the perverse Widow did; and yet I am sure I
could not see a Sprig of any Bough of this whole Walk of Trees, but I
should reflect upon her and her Severity. She has certainly the finest
Hand of any Woman in the World. You are to know this was the Place
wherein I used to muse upon her; and by that Custom I can never come
into it, but the same tender Sentiments revive in my Mind, as if I had
actually walked with that beautiful Creature under these Shades. I
have been Fool enough to carve her Name on the Bark of several of
these Trees; so unhappy is the Condition of Men in Love, to attempt
the removing of their Passions by the Methods which serve only to
imprint it deeper. She has certainly the finest Hand of any Woman in
the World."
Here followed a profound Silence; and I was not displeased to observe
my Friend falling so naturally into a Discourse, which I had ever
before taken Notice he industriously avoided. After a very long Pause,
he entered upon an Account of this great Circumstance in his Life,
with an Air which I thought raised my _Idea_ of him above what I had
ever had before; and gave me the Picture of that chearful Mind of his,
before it received that Stroke which has ever since affected his Words
and Actions. But he went on as follows.
"I came to my Estate in my Twenty second Year, and resolved to follow
the Steps of the most worthy of my Ancestors, who have inhabited this
spot of Earth before me, in all the Methods of Hospitality and good
Neighbourhood, for the Sake of my Fame; and in Country Sports and
Recreations, for the Sake of my Health. In my Twenty third Year I was
obliged to serve as Sheriff of the County; and in my Servants,
Officers, and whole Equipage, indulged the Pleasure of a young Man
(who did not think ill of his own Person) in taking that publick
Occasion of shewing my Figure and Behaviour to Advantage. You may
easily imagine to your self what Appearance I made, who am pretty
tall, rid well, and was very well dressed, at the Head of a whole
County, with Musick before me, a Feather in my Hat, and my Horse well
bitted. I can assure you I was not a little pleased with the kind
Looks and Glances I had from all the Balconies and Windows, as I rode
to the Hall where the Assizes were held. But when I came there, a
beautiful Creature in a Widow's Habit sat in Court, to hear the Event
of a Cause concerning her Dower. This commanding Creature (who was
born for Destruction of all who behold her) put on such a Resignation
in her Countenance, and bore the Whispers of all around the Court with
such a pretty Uneasiness, I warrant you, and then recovered her self
from one Eye to another, till she was perfectly confused by meeting
something so wistful in all she encountered, that at last, with a
Murrain to her, she cast her bewitching Eye upon me. I no sooner met
it, but I bowed like a great surprized Booby; and knowing her Cause to
be the first which came on, I cried, like a captivated Calf as I was,
Make Way for the Defendant's Witnesses. This sudden Partiality made
all the County immediately see the Sheriff also was become a Slave to
the fine Widow. During the Time her Cause was upon Trial, she behaved
her self, I warrant you, with such a deep Attention to her Business,
took Opportunities to have little Billets handed to her Counsel, then
would be in such a pretty Confusion, occasioned, you must know, by
acting before so much Company, that not only I but the whole Court was
prejudiced in her Favour; and all that the next Heir to her Husband
had to urge, was thought so groundless and frivolous, that when it
came to her Counsel to reply, there was not half so much said as every
one besides in the Court thought he could have urged to her Advantage.
You must understand, Sir, this perverse Woman is one of those
unaccountable Creatures that secretly rejoyce in the Admiration of
Men, but indulge themselves in no further Consequences. Hence it is
that she has ever had a Train of Admirers, and she removes from her
Slaves in town to those in the Country, according to the Seasons of
the Year. She is a reading Lady, and far gone in the Pleasures of
Friendship: She is always accompanied by a Confident, who is Witness
to her daily Protestations against our Sex, and consequently a Bar to
her first Steps towards Love, upon the Strength of her own Maxims and
Declarations.
However, I must needs say this accomplished Mistress of mine has
distinguished me above the rest, and has been known to declare Sir
Roger de Coverley was the tamest and most human of all the Brutes in
the Country. I was told she said so by one who thought he rallied me;
but upon the Strength of this Slender Encouragement of being thought
least detestable, I made new Liveries, new paired my Coach-Horses,
sent them all to Town to be bitted, and taught to throw their Legs
well, and move altogether, before I pretended to cross the Country and
wait upon her. As soon as I thought my Retinue suitable to the
Character of my Fortune and Youth, I set out from hence to make my
Addresses. The particular Skill of this Lady has ever been to inflame
your Wishes, and yet command Respect. To make her Mistress of this
Art, she has a greater Share of Knowledge, Wit, and good Sense, than
is usual even among Men of Merit. Then she is beautiful beyond the
Race of Women. If you won't let her go on with a certain Artifice with
her Eyes, and the Skill of Beauty, she will arm her self with her real
Charms, and strike you with Admiration instead of Desire. It is
certain that if you were to behold the whole Woman, there is that
Dignity in her Aspect, that Composure in her Motion, that Complacency
in her Manner, that if her Form makes you hope, her Merit makes you
fear. But then again, she is such a desperate Scholar, that no
Country-Gentleman can approach her without being a Jest. As I was
going to tell you, when I came to her House I was admitted to her
Presence with great Civility; at the same Time she placed her self to
be first seen by me in such an Attitude, as I think you call the
Posture of a Picture, that she discovered new Charms, and I at last
came towards her with such an Awe as made me speechless. This she no
sooner observed but she made her Advantage of it, and began a
Discourse to me concerning Love and Honour, as they both are followed
by Pretenders, and the real Votaries to them. When she discussed these
Points in a Discourse, which I verily believe was as learned as the
best Philosopher in _Europe_ could possibly make, she asked me whether
she was so happy as to fall in with my Sentiments on these important
Particulars. Her Confident sat by her, and upon my being in the last
Confusion and Silence, this malicious Aide of hers turning to her
says, I am very glad to observe Sir Roger pauses upon this Subject,
and seems resolved to deliver all his Sentiments upon the Matter when
he pleases to speak. They both kept their Countenances, and after I
had sat half an Hour meditating how to behave before such profound
Casuists, I rose up and took my Leave. Chance has since that Time
thrown me very often in her Way, and she as often has directed a
Discourse to me which I do not understand. This Barbarity has kept me
ever at a Distance from the most beautiful Object my Eyes ever beheld.
It is thus also she deals with all Mankind, and you must make Love to
her, as you would conquer the Sphinx, by posing her. But were she like
other Women, and that there were any talking to her, how constant must
the Pleasure of that Man be, who could converse with a Creature----
But, after all, you may be sure her Heart is fixed on some one or
other; and yet I have been credibly informed; but who can believe half
that is said! After she had done speaking to me, she put her Hand to
her Bosom and adjusted her Tucker. Then she cast her Eyes a little
down, upon my beholding her too earnestly. They say she sings
excellently: Her Voice in her ordinary Speech has something in it
inexpressibly sweet. You must know I dined with her at a publick Table
the day after I first saw her, and she helped me to some Tansy in the
Eye of all the Gentlemen in the Country: She has certainly the finest
Hand of any Woman in the World. I can assure you, Sir, were you to
behold her, you would be in the same Condition; for as her Speech is
Musick, her form is Angelick. But I find I grow irregular while I am
talking of her; but indeed it would be Stupidity to be unconcerned at
such Perfection. Oh the excellent Creature, she is as inimitable to
all Women, as she is inaccessible to all Men!"
I found my Friend begin to rave, and insensibly led him towards the
House, that we might be joined by some other Company; and am convinced
that the Widow is the secret Cause of all that Inconsistency which
appears in some Parts of my Friend's Discourse; tho' he has so much
Command of himself as not directly to mention her, yet according to
that of _Martial_, which one knows not how to render into _English_,
_Dum tacet hanc loquitur._ I shall end this Paper with that whole
Epigram, which represents with much Humour my honest Friend's
Condition.
_Quicquid agit Rufus, nihil est nisi Naevia Rufo:
Si gaudet, si flet, si tacet, hanc loquitur:
Caenat, propinat, poscit, negat, annuit, una est
Naevia: si non sit Naevia, mutus erit.
Scriberet hesterna patri cum luce salutem,
Naevia lux, inquit, Naevia numen, ave._
_Let Rufus weep, rejoice, stand, sit, or walk,
Still he can nothing but of Naevia talk;
Let him eat, drink, ask Questions, or dispute,
Still he must speak of_ Naevia _or be mute.
He writ to his Father, ending with this Line,
I am, my Lovely_ Naevia, _ever thine_.
_Steele._