SCENE--_Near Torcello. CULCHARD and PODBURY are seated
side by side in the gondola, which is threading its way
between low banks, bright with clumps of Michaelmas daisies
and pomegranate-trees laden with red fruit. Both CULCHARD
and PODBURY are secretly nervous and anxious for
encouragement._
_Podbury_ (_humming "In Old Madrid" with sentiment_).
La-doodle-um-La-doodle-oo: La-doodle-um-te-dumpty-loodle-oo! I think
she rather seemed to like me--those first days at Brussels, don't
_you_?
_Culchard_ (_absently_). Did she? I daresay. (_Whistling "The
Wedding March" softly_.) Few-fee; di-fee-fee-few-few;
few-fiddledy-fee-fiddledy-few-few-few-fee. I fancy I'm right in my
theory, eh?
_Podb._ Oh, I should say so--yes. _What_ theory?
_Culch._ (_annoyed_). What theory? Why, the one I've been explaining
to you for the last ten minutes!--that all this harshness of hers
lately is really, when you come to analyse it, a decidedly encouraging
symptom.
_Podb._ But I shouldn't nave said Miss TROTTER was exactly _harsh_ to
me--lately, at all events.
_Culch._ (_with impatience_). Miss TROTTER! You! What an egotist you
are, my dear fellow! I was referring to myself and Miss PRENDERGAST.
And you can't deny that, both at Nuremberg and Constance, she--
_Podb._ (_with careless optimism_). Oh, _she_'ll come round all right,
never fear. I only wish I was half as safe with Miss TROTTER!
_Culch._ (_mollified_). Don't be too downhearted, my dear PODBURY. I
happen to know that she likes you--she told me as much last night. Did
Miss PRENDERGAST--er--say anything to that effect about _me_?
_Podb._ Well,--not exactly, old chap--not to me, at least. But I say,
Miss TROTTER didn't tell you _that_? Not _really_? Hooray! Then it's
all right--she may have me, after all!
_Culch._ (_chillingly_). I should advise you not to be over confident.
(_A silence follows, which endures until they reach the landing-steps
at Torcello._) They _are_ here, you see--those are evidently their
gondolas, I recognise those two cloaks. Now the best thing _we_ can do
is to separate.
_Podb._ (_springing out_). Right you are! (_To himself._) I'll draw
the church first, and see if she's there. (_Approaches the door of
Santa Maria: a Voice within, apparently reading aloud: "Six balls, or
rather almonds, of purple marble veined with white are set around the
edge of the pulpit, and form its only decoration"_) HYPATIA, by Jove!
Narrow shave that! [_He goes round to back._
_Culch._ (_comes up to the door_). I know I shall find her here. Lucky
I know that Torcello chapter in "The Stones" very nearly by heart!
(_Reaches threshold. A Voice within. "Well, I guess I'm going to climb
up and sit in that old amphitheatre there, and see how it feels!"_)
Good heavens,--_MAUD_! and I was as nearly as possible--I think I'll
go up to the top of the Campanile and see if I can't discover where
HYPATIA is.
[_He ascends the tower._
_In the Belfry._
_Podb._ (_arriving breathless, and finding CULCHARD craning eagerly
forward_). Oh, so _you_ came up too? Well, can you _see_ her?
_Culch._ Ssh! She's just turned the corner! (_Vexed._) She's with Miss
TROTTER!... They're sitting down on the grass below!
_Podb._ Together? That's a nuisance! Now we shall have to wait till
they separate--sure to squabble, sooner or later.
_Miss T.'s Voice_ (_which is perfectly audible above_). I guess we'll
give RUSKIN a rest now, HYPATIA. I'm dying for a talk. I'm just as
enchanted as I can be to hear you've dismissed Mr. PODBURY. And I
expect you can guess _why_.
_Podb._ (_in a whisper_). I say, CULCHARD, they're going to talk about
us. Ought we to listen, eh? Better let them know we're here?
_Culch._ I really don't see any necessity--however--(_Whistles
feebly._) Feedy-feedy-feedle!
[Illustration: "Hypatia, by Jove!"]
_Podb._ What is the use of fustling like that? (_Yödels._) Lul-li-ety!
_Miss P.'s V._ Well, my dear MAUD, I confess that I--
_Culch._ It's quite impossible to make them hear down there, and it's
no fault of ours if their voices reach us occasionally. And it
_does_ seem to me, PODBURY, that, in a matter which may be of
vital importance to me--to us both--it would be absurd to be
over-scrupulous. But of course you will please yourself. _I_ intend to
remain where I am.
[_PODBURY makes a faint-hearted attempt to go, but ends by
resigning himself to the situation._
_Miss T.'s V._ Now, HYPATIA PRENDERGAST, don't tell _me_ you're not
interested in him! And he's more real suited to you than ever Mr.
PODBURY was. Now, isn't that _so_?
_Culch._ (_withdrawing his head_). Did you hear, PODBURY? She's
actually pleading for me! _Isn't_ she an angel? Be quiet, now. I must
hear the answer!
_Miss P.'s V._ I--I don't know, really. But, MAUD, I want to speak to
you about--Somebody. You can't think how he adores you, poor fellow! I
have noticed it for a long time.
_Podb._ (_beaming_). CULCHARD! You heard? She's putting in a word for
me. What a brick that girl is!
_Miss T.'s V._ I guess he's pretty good at concealing his feelings,
then. He's been keeping far enough away!
_Miss P.'s V._ That was _my_ fault. I _kept_ him by me. You see, I
believed you had quite decided to accept Mr. CULCHARD.
_Miss T.'s V._ Well, it does strike me that, considering he was
adoring me all this time, he let himself be managed tolerable easy.
[_PODBURY shakes his head in protestation._
_Miss P.'s V._ Ah, but let me explain. I could only keep him quiet
by threatening to go home by myself, and dear BOB is such a devoted
brother that--
_Podb._ Brother! I say. CULCHARD, she can't be meaning _BOB_ all this
time! She _can't_! Can she now?
_Culch._ How on earth can _I_ tell? If it is so, you must be a
philosopher, my dear fellow, and bear it--that's all.
_Miss P.'s V._ That _does_ alter the case, doesn't it? And I may tell
him there's some hope for him? You mustn't judge him by what he is
with his friend, Mr. PODBURY. BOB has such a _much_ stronger and finer
character!
_Miss T.'s V._ Oh well, if he couldn't stand up more on his edge than
Mr. PODBURY! Not that I mind Mr. PODBURY any, there's no harm in him,
but he's too real frivolous to amount to much.
_Podb._ (_collapsing_). Frivolous! From _her_ too! Oh, hang it _all_!
[_He buries his head in his hands with a groan._
_Miss T.'s V._ Well, see here, HYPATIA. I'll take your brother on
trial for a spell, to oblige you--there. I cann't say more at present.
And now--about the other. I want to know just how you feel about him.
_Culch._ The _other_!--that's Me! I wish to goodness you wouldn't make
all that noise, PODBURY, just when it's getting interesting!
_Miss P.'s V._ (_very low_). What is the good? Nothing will bring him
back--_now_!
_Culch._ Nothing? How little she knows me!
_Miss T.'s V._ I hope you don't consider _me_ nothing. And a word from
me would bring him along pretty smart. The only question is, whether
I'm to say it or not?
_Miss P.'s V._ (_muffled_). Dar-ling!
_Culch._ I really think I might almost venture to go down, now, eh,
PODBURY? (_No answer._) Selfish brute! [_Indignantly._
_Miss T.'s V._ But mind this--if he comes, you've got to care for him
the whole length of your boa--you won't persuade him to run in couples
with anybody else. That's why he broke away the first time--and you
were ever so mad with me because you thought I was at the bottom
of it. But it was all his pride. He's too real independent to share
chances with anybody alive.
_Culch._ How thoroughly she understands me!
_Miss T.'s V._ And I guess CHARLEY will grow out of the great Amurrcan
Novel in time--it's not going ever to grow out of _him_, anyway!
_Culch._ (_bewildered_). CHARLEY? I don't see why she should mention
VAN BOODELER _now_!
_Miss T.'s V._ I like CHARLEY ever so much, and I'm not going to have
him cavort around along with a circus of suitors under vows. So, if I
thought there was any chance of--well, say Mr. CULCHARD--
_Miss P.'s V._ (_indignant_). MAUD! how _can_ you? That odious
hypocritical creature! If you knew how I despised and--!
_Miss T.'s V._ Well, my dear, he's pretty paltry--but we'll let him go
at that--I guess his shares have gone down considerable all round.
_Culch._ PODBURY, I--I--this conversation is evidently not intended
for--for other--ears. I don't know whether _you_ have heard enough,
_I_ shall go down!
_Podb._ (_with a ghastly chuckle_). Like your shares, eh, old chap?
And mine too, for that matter. Well, _I'm_ ready enough to go. Only,
for goodness' sake, let's get away without being seen!
[_They slip softly down the series of inclined planes, and out
to the steps, where they re-embark. As their gondola pushes
off, Mr. TROTTER and BOB PRENDERGAST appear from the
Museum._
_Mr. T._ Why, land sakes! ain't that Mr. PODBURY and Mr. CULCHARD? Hi!
You ain't ever going away? There's my darter and Miss HYPATIA around
somewhere.--They'll be dreadful disappointed to have missed you!
_Podb._ (_with an heroic attempt at cheeriness_). We--we're awfully
disappointed to have missed _them_, Mr. TROTTER. Afraid we can't stop
now! Goodbye!
[_CULCHARD pulls his hat-brim over his eyes and makes a sign
to the gondoliers to get on quickly; Mr. TROTTER comments
with audible astonishment on their departure to BOB, who
preserves a discreet silence._
* * * * *