HOW WE BEGAN TO SPREAD OUR WINGS
Ten years make little change in the aspect of Sercq, nor ten times ten for
that matter, though the learned men tell us that the sea and wind and
weather take daily toll of the little land and are slowly and surely
wearing it away. It has not changed much in my time, however, and I have no
doubt it will still stand firm for those who are to follow.
But ten years in the life of a boy and girl--ten years, which about double
in number those that have gone, and increase experiences tenfold--these
indeed bring mighty changes.
In those ten years I grew from boy to man, and Carette Le Marchant grew
into a gracious and beautiful woman, and--we grew a little apart.
That was inevitable, I suppose, and in the natural course of things, for
even two saplings planted side by side will, as they grow into trees, be
wider apart at the top than they are down below. And perhaps it is right,
for if they grew too close together both would suffer. Growth needs space
for full expansion if it is not to be lop-sided. And boy and girl days
cannot last for ever.
Those ten years taught me much--almost all that I ever learned, until the
bitterer experiences of life brought it all to the test, and sifted out
the chaff, and left me knowledge of the grain.
And once again I would say that to my mother, Rachel Carré, and to my
grandfather and Krok, and to William Shakespeare and John Bunyan and to my
grandfather's great Bible, I owe in the first place all that I know. All
those books he made me read very thoroughly, and parts of them over and
over again, till I knew them almost by heart. And at the time I cannot say
that this was much to my liking, but later, when I came to understand
better what I read, no urging was needed, for they were our only books,
except Foxe's _Martyrs_, in which I never found any very great enjoyment,
though Krok revelled in it. And I suppose that a man might pass through
life, and bear himself well in it, and never feel lonely, with those books
for his companions.
I should not, however, omit mention of M. Rousselot, the schoolmaster, who
took a liking to me because of the diligence which was at first none of my
own, but only the outward showing of my mother's and grandfather's strict
oversight. But, as liking begets liking, I came to diligence for M.
Rousselot's sake also, and finally for the sake of learning itself. And
also I learned no little from Mistress Jeanne Falla, who had the wisest
head and the sharpest tongue and the kindest heart in all Sercq.
But I was never a bookworm, though the love of knowledge and the special
love of those books I have named is with me yet.
"Whatever you come to be, Phil, though it be only a farmer-fisherman, you
will be all the better man and the happier for knowing all you can," my
grandfather would say to me, when we grew into closer fellowship with my
growing years. "It is not what a man is in position but what he is in
himself that makes for his happiness. And I think," he would add
thoughtfully, "that the more a man understands of life and the more he
thinks upon it--in fact, the more he has inside himself--the less he cares
for the smaller things outside." And I believe he was right.
He taught me all he knew concerning the farm and the land and the crops,
and taught me not by rule of thumb, but showed me the why and wherefore of
things, and opened the eyes of my understanding to notice the little things
of nature as well as the great, which many people, I have found, pass all
through their lives without ever seeing at all.
The same with the fishing. He and Krok gave me all they had to give; and,
without vainglory, but simply as grateful testimony to their goodness, I
think that at two-and-twenty I knew as much as any of my age in Sercq, and
more than most. I knew too that there were things I did not know, and did
not care to know, and for that, and all the higher things, I have to thank
my dear mother and my grandfather.
But growth in its very nature requires a widening sphere. Contentment comes
of experience and satisfaction, and youth, to arrive at that, must needs
have the experience, but craves it as a rule for itself alone.
Sercq is but a dot on the map, and not indeed that on most, and outside it
lay all the great world, teeming with wonders which could only be seen by
seeking them.
Up to the time I was sixteen, and Carette fourteen, we were comrades of the
sea and shore and cliffs, and very great friends. Then Aunt Jeanne Falla
insisted on her being sent to school in Peter Port--a grievous blow to us
both, for which we lived to thank her. For Carette, clever as she was by
nature, and wonderfully sharp at picking things up, had no inducements at
home towards anything beyond bodily growth, except, indeed, when she was at
Beaumanoir with Aunt Jeanne, and those times were spasmodic and were
countered by her returns to the free and easy life on Brecqhou. And Aunt
Jeanne loved her dearly and knew what was best for her, and so she
insisted, and Carette went weeping to Peter Port to the Miss Maugers'
school in George Road.
Her going made a great gap in my life, and the outer things began to call
on me. My ideas respecting them were dim and distorted enough, as I
afterwards found, but their call was all the more insistent for that. Lying
flat on Tintageu, chin on fist, I would watch the white-sailed ships
pushing eagerly to that wonderful outer world and long to be on them. There
were great ships carrying wine and brandy to the West Indies, where the
people were all black, and the most wonderful plants grew, and the palm
trees. And to Canada and Newfoundland, where the great icebergs came down
through the mist. And some carrying fish to the Mediterranean, whose shores
were all alive with wonders, to say nothing of the chances of seeing some
fighting on the way, for England was at war with France and Spain, and
rumours of mighty doings reached us at times. And some taking tea and
tobacco to Hamburg and Emden, where the people were all uncouth foreigners
who spoke neither French nor English and so must offer mighty change from
Sercq.
Then there were multitudes of smaller vessels, sloops and chasse-marées,
bound on shorter and still more profitable, if more dangerous voyages.
Wherever they were going, on whatsoever errand bent, it was into the great
outside world, and they all cried, "Come!"
Those shorter flights to the nearer shores had a special appeal of their
own, and the stories one heard among one's fellows--of the wild midnight
runs into Cornish creeks and Devon and Dorset coves, of encounters now and
again with the revenue men, of exhilarating flights and narrow escapes from
Government cutters--these but added zest to the traffic in one's
imagination which, in actual fact, might possibly have been found wanting.
The moral aspects of the free-trade business did not trouble me in the
slightest in those days. It was the old-established and natural trade of
the Islands, for which they had evidently been set just where they were
with that special end in view. We looked upon it as very much akin to the
running of cargoes into blockaded ports--a large profit for a large risk
and no ill-feeling, though, indeed, at times, human nature would out, and
attempts at the enforcement of laws in the making of which we had no hand,
would result in collisions, and occasionally in the shedding of blood.
Incidents of that kind were, of course, to be regretted, and were certainly
not sought for by our Island men, though doubtless at times the wilder
spirits would seek reprisal for the thwarting of their plans. But when even
one of the great men in England, who made these laws against free-trading,
could tell his fellow-lawmakers that the mind of man never could conceive
of it as at all equalling in turpitude those acts which are breaches of
clear moral virtue--how should it be expected that the parties chiefly
interested should take a stricter view of the matter?
In course of time my longing for the wider life found expression, first in
looks, and at last in words, which, indeed, were not needed, for my mother
had seen and understood long before I spoke.
And when my words found vent she was ready for them, and I learned how
firmly set upon her way may be a woman whom one had always looked upon as
gentlest of the gentle and retiring beyond most.
"Not that, Phil, not that. Anything but that. I would sooner see you in
your grave than a free-trader,"--which seemed to me an extreme view to take
of the matter, but I know now that she had her reasons, and that they were
all-sufficient for her.
My grandfather set his face against it also, though, indeed, my mother's
strong feeling would have been enough for me. He, however, being a man,
understood better, perhaps, what was in me, for he had been that way
himself, and he set himself to further my craving.
The only other openings were in the legitimate trading to foreign parts, or
service on a King's ship, or on a privateer, which latter business had come
to be of very great importance in the Islands. And between those three
there could not be any question which my mother and grandfather would
favour. For the perils of the sea are considerable in themselves, and are
never absent from any mother-heart in the Islands. But add to them the
harshness of the King's service and the possibilities of sudden death at
the hands of the King's enemies, and there was no doubt as to which way the
mother-heart would incline.
For myself, so hungry was I for wider doings, I would have put my neck
under the yoke sooner than not go at all, and when they saw that spread my
wings I must, they consented to my shipping on one of the Guernsey traders
to foreign parts, and my heart was lighter than it had been for many a day.
I was eighteen, tall and strong, and, thanks to my grandfather and Krok, a
capable seaman, so far as the limited opportunities of our little Island
permitted, and the rest would come easily, for all their teaching had given
me a capacity to learn.
That first parting from home and my mother and grandfather and Krok was a
terrible wrench, full as I was of the wonderful world I was going out to
see. I had never been away from them before, and the sight of my mother's
woeful attempts at cheerfulness came near to breaking me down, and remained
with me for many a day. In my eagerness for the wider life I had forgotten
the hole my going must make in hers. And yet I do not think she would have
had me stay, for she was as wise as she was gentle, and she ever set other
people's wishes before her own. She had borne a man-child, and the
inevitable Island penalty of parting with him she bore without a murmur,
though the look on her face told its own tale at times.
"Change of pasture is good for young calves," was Jeanne Falla's
characteristic comment when they were discussing the matter one evening.
And when my mother, in a moment of weakness, urged the likelihood, if not
the absolute certainty, of my never returning alive, Aunt Jeanne's
trenchant retort, "Go where you can, die where you must," put an end to the
discussion and helped me to my wishes.
My grandfather procured me a berth as seaman on the barque _Hirondelle_ of
Peter Port, Nicolle master, and in her I made three voyages--to the West
Indies, then on to Gaspé in the St. Lawrence, and thence to the
Mediterranean. That was our usual round, and what with contrary winds, and
detentions in various ports, and the necessity of waiting and dodging the
enemy's cruisers and privateers, the voyages were long ones, and not
lacking in incident.
My story, however, is not concerned with them, except incidentally, and I
will refer to them as little as possible.
My grandfather went across with me to Peter Port the first time. He had
known George Nicolle many years, and felt me safe in his hands, and his
confidence was well placed. The _Hirondelle_ was a comfortable ship, and I
never heard a real word of complaint aboard of her. Growling and grumbling
there was occasionally, of course, or some of the older hands would never
have been happy, but it amounted to nothing, and there was no real ground
for it.
She was still only loading when we boarded her, and it was three days later
before we cast off and headed up Little Russel for the open sea.