TRAVELING.
In this country where ladies travel so much alone, a gentleman has many
opportunities of making this unprotected state a pleasant one. There are
many little courtesies which you may offer to a lady when traveling,
even if she is an entire stranger to you, and by an air of respectful
deference, you may place her entirely at her ease with you, even if you
are both young.
When traveling with a lady, your duties commence when you are presented
to her as an escort. If she is personally a stranger, she will probably
meet you at the wharf or car depot; but if an old acquaintance, you
should offer to call for her at her residence. Take a hack, and call,
leaving ample time for last speeches and farewell tears. If she hands
you her purse to defray her expenses, return it to her if you stop for
any length of time at a place where she may wish to make purchases. If
you make no stop upon your journey, keep the purse until you arrive at
your destination, and then return it. If she does not give you the money
for her expenses when you start, you had best pay them yourself, keeping
an account, and she will repay you at the journey's end.
When you start, select for your companion the pleasantest seat, see that
her shawl and bag are within her reach, the window lowered or raised as
she may prefer, and then leave her to attend to the baggage, or, if you
prefer, let her remain in the hack while you get checks for the trunks.
Never keep a lady standing upon the wharf or in the depot, whilst you
arrange the baggage.
When you arrive at a station, place your lady in a hack while you get
the trunks.
When arriving at a hotel, escort your companion to the parlor, and leave
her there whilst you engage rooms. As soon as her room is ready, escort
her to the door, and leave her, as she will probably wish to change her
dress or lie down, after the fatigue of traveling. If you remain
chatting in the parlor, although she may be too polite to give any sign
of weariness, you may feel sure she is longing to go to a room where she
can bathe her face and smooth her hair.
If you remain in the hotel to any meal, ask before you leave her, at
what hour she wishes to dine, sup, or breakfast, and at that hour, knock
at her door, and escort her to the table.
If you remain in the city at which her journey terminates, you should
call the day after your arrival upon the companion of your journey. If,
previous to that journey, you have never met her, she has the privilege
of continuing the acquaintance or not as she pleases, so if all your
gallantry is repaid by a cut the next time you meet her, you must
submit, and hope for better luck next time. In such a case, you are at
liberty to decline escorting her again should the request be made.
When traveling alone, your opportunities to display your gallantry will
be still more numerous. To offer to carry a bag for a lady who is
unattended, to raise or lower a window for her, offer to check her
baggage, procure her a hack, give her your arm from car to boat or boat
to car, assist her children over the bad crossings, or in fact extend
any such kindness, will mark you as a gentleman, and win you the thanks
due to your courtesy. Be careful however not to be too attentive, as you
then become officious, and embarrass when you mean to please.
If you are going to travel in other countries, in Europe, especially, I
would advise you to study the languages, before you attempt to go
abroad. French is the tongue you will find most useful in Europe, as it
is spoken in the courts, and amongst diplomatists; but, in order fully
to enjoy a visit to any country, you must speak the language of that
country. You can then visit in the private houses, see life among the
peasantry, go with confidence from village to town, from city to city,
learning more of the country in one day from familiar intercourse with
the natives, than you would learn in a year from guide books or the
explanations of your courier. The way to really enjoy a journey through
a strange land, is not to roll over the high ways in your carriage, stop
at the hotels, and be led to the points of interest by your guide, but
to shoulder your knapsack, or take up your valise, and make a pedestrian
tour through the hamlets and villages. Take a room at a hotel in the
principal cities if you will, and see all that your guide book commands
you to seek, and then start on your own tour of investigation, and
believe me you will enjoy your independent walks and chats with the
villagers and peasants, infinitely more than your visits dictated by
others. Of course, to enjoy this mode of traveling, you must have some
knowledge of the language, and if you start with only a very slight
acquaintance with it, you will be surprised to find how rapidly you will
acquire the power to converse, when you are thus forced to speak in that
language, or be entirely silent.
Your pocket, too, will be the gainer by the power to arrange your own
affairs. If you travel with a courier and depend upon him to arrange
your hotel bills and other matters, you will be cheated by every one,
from the boy who blacks your boots, to the magnificent artist, who
undertakes to fill your picture gallery with the works of the "old
masters." If Murillo, Raphael, and Guido could see the pictures brought
annually to this country as genuine works of their pencils, we are
certain that they would tear their ghostly hair, wring their shadowy
hands, and return to the tomb again in disgust. Ignorant of the language
of the country you are visiting, you will be swindled in the little
villages and the large cities by the inn-keepers and the hack-drivers,
in the country and in the town, morning, noon, and evening, daily,
hourly, and weekly; so, again I say, study the languages if you propose
going abroad.
In a foreign country nothing stamps the difference between the gentleman
and the clown more strongly than the regard they pay to foreign
customs. While the latter will exclaim against every strange dress or
dish, and even show signs of disgust if the latter does not please him,
the former will endeavor, as far as is in his power, to "do in Rome as
Romans do."
Accustom yourself, as soon as possible, to the customs of the nation
which you are visiting, and, as far as you can without any violation of
principle, follow them. You will add much to your own comfort by so
doing, for, as you cannot expect the whole nation to conform to your
habits, the sooner you fall in with theirs the sooner you will feel at
home in the strange land.
Never ridicule or blame any usage which seems to you ludicrous or wrong.
You may wound those around you, or you may anger them, and it cannot add
to the pleasure of your visit to make yourself unpopular. If in Germany
they serve your meat upon marmalade, or your beef raw, or in Italy give
you peas in their pods, or in France offer you frog's legs and
horsesteaks, if you cannot eat the strange viands, make no remarks and
repress every look or gesture of disgust. Try to adapt your taste to the
dishes, and if you find that impossible, remove those articles you
cannot eat from your plate, and make your meal upon the others, but do
this silently and quietly, endeavoring not to attract attention.
The best travelers are those who can eat cats in China, oil in
Greenland, frogs in France, and maccaroni in Italy; who can smoke a
meershaum in Germany, ride an elephant in India, shoot partridges in
England, and wear a turban in Turkey; in short, in every nation adapt
their habits, costume, and taste to the national manners, dress and
dishes.
Do not, when abroad, speak continually in praise of your own country, or
disparagingly of others. If you find others are interested in gaining
information about America, speak candidly and freely of its customs,
scenery, or products, but not in a way that will imply a contempt of
other countries. To turn up your nose at the Thames because the
Mississippi is longer and wider, or to sneer at _any_ object because you
have seen its superior at home, is rude, ill-bred, and in excessively
bad taste. You will find abroad numerous objects of interest which
America cannot parallel, and while abroad, you will do well to avoid
mention of "our rivers," "our mountains," or, "our manufactories." You
will find ruins in Rome, pictures in Florence, cemeteries in France, and
factories in England, which will take the lead and challenge the world
to compete; and you will exhibit a far better spirit if you candidly
acknowledge that superiority, than if you make absurd and untrue
assertions of "our" power to excel them.
You will, of course, meet with much to disapprove, much that will excite
your laughter; but control the one and keep silence about the other. If
you find fault, do so gently and quietly; if you praise, do so without
qualification, sincerely and warmly.
Study well the geography of any country which you may visit, and, as far
as possible, its history also. You cannot feel much interest in
localities or monuments connected with history, if you are unacquainted
with the events which make them worthy of note.
Converse with any who seem disposed to form an acquaintance. You may
thus pass an hour or two pleasantly, obtain useful information, and you
need not carry on the acquaintance unless you choose to do so. Amongst
the higher circles in Europe you will find many of the customs of each
nation in other nations, but it is among the peasants and the people
that you find the true nationality.
You may carry with you one rule into every country, which is, that,
however much the inhabitants may object to your dress, language, or
habits, they will cheerfully acknowledge that the American stranger is
perfectly amiable and polite.