MR. PUNCH'S Special Nuisance Commissioner continued yesterday afternoon
this adjourned inquiry, which, having now arrived at the stage of
dealing with "street-music," at present attracting so much public
notice, invested the proceedings with an unusual amount of interest.
The Commissioner, on taking his seat, said that, since they last met, he
had been rather puzzling himself with the distinction that might be
drawn between a "particular" and a "general" or a "pretty general"
nuisance, and he had come to the conclusion that he much doubted whether
this latter kind had any definite existence, as there were always to be
found disagreeable people, themselves the most intolerable nuisances,
ready to support and encourage anything that might prove a source of
annoyance or even distraction to their more rational neighbours. It was
by these growling and cantankerous philanthropists that German "Bands of
Three," or even damaged bagpipes, were invited by halfpence to make
hideous noises in quiet back-streets. He merely offered these remarks
for what they were worth, in passing, and he would now proceed to listen
to such fresh evidence as might be forthcoming.
A Nervous Invalid (who was led in tottering, and immediately supplied
with a chair, into which he sank in an exhausted condition) said, in a
feeble voice, that his present shattered state he attributed solely to
the never-ceasing strain to which his nerves had been subjected by the
continuous Babel of street-noises that invaded the suburban quarter in
which he had been induced to take up his residence in the belief that he
was ensuring himself a quiet and snug retreat. (_Sensation._) From the
moment when he was roused from his slumbers in the early morning by
Sweeps who came to attend to somebody else's chimneys--(_cries of
"Shame!"_)--to a late hour, frequently close on eleven at night, when a
loud-lunged urchin bawled out a false alarm of a local murder in the
"latest edition," his whole life was one continual contest with organs,
with or without monkeys or babies, shouting fern-vendors, brass bands,
broken-winded concertinas, Italian brigands, choruses of family beggars,
tearing milk-carts, itinerant twilight ballad-singers, and other
disturbers of the public peace. (_Groans._) And the result, from the
series of shocks his system had now been continually sustaining for
several years, was the condition to which the Commissioner could see he
had been reduced, which he could only characterise as that of one who,
once blithe, gay, happy, and active, was now a complete physical and
mental wreck, to whom if he could see no prospect of coming relief,
the gloom of life appeared to stretch away as a vast wilderness, with a
prospect of such overwhelming depression, that he could only conclude
his evidence with the significant but heartrending warning that he could
face it no longer! The Witness here fairly broke down, and, bursting
into a hysterical fit of weeping, had to be led from the room by a bevy
of sympathising friends.
THE COMMISSIONER (_much moved_). Dear me! this is very distressing! Can
the Police be of no use? (_A Voice. "Not the slightest!"_) Indeed! Ah!
that's very awkward. However, we had better proceed with the evidence.
Is there anyone to be heard on the other side?
A Big Drum of the Salvation Army hereupon said he had something to say.
THE COMMISSIONER. By all means. We are all attention.
The Big Drum said he had been frequently charged with creating a
disturbance. This charge he utterly repudiated. Of course, if such
trifles as destroying the tranquillity of an English Sunday, disturbing
the peaceful worship of other denominations, creating a street
obstruction or two, frightening an occasional omnibus horse into a fit
of kicking, and perhaps leading up to some local excitement culminating
in a possible riot, be regarded as "disturbing the public peace" then,
of course, the Salvationists must plead guilty. As to "making a noise,"
their mission was to "make a noise," and he flattered himself that the
"Big Drum" was not behind-hand, at all events, in that business. As far
as "making a noise" was concerned, all processions accompanied by bands
aimed at this. The Salvation Army was only in the same boat with the
rest. (_Oh! oh!_)
THE COMMISSIONER. Just so. And for that reason a short Act should be
passed licensing only such processions as have a national, civic, or
State character as their _raison d'etre_. That, I think, would
effectively dispose of the big drum nuisance. (_Cheers._)
A Flute-player, who from his habit of playing, in the dim twilight,
Scotch airs without sharps or flats, but with sudden turns and trills,
had become the terror of several quiet suburban squares, was here about
to be heard in his own defence, when the proceedings were interrupted by
strains of a German Band that had taken up its station in the street
outside, and commenced an imperfect rehearsal of an original valse
composed by the Conductor.
On the Commissioner having given orders that it should be stopped
forthwith, and it being intimated to him that, in the absence of any
policeman, it declined to move off or cease playing under
eighteen-pence; he thereupon expressed himself strongly on the present
unsatisfactory condition of the existing law, and, explaining at the top
of his voice, that it would be no use continuing his remarks through a
noise in which he could not possibly make himself heard, hastily
adjourned the meeting. And thus the business of the day came suddenly to
an unexpected and abrupt conclusion.
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