By H. C. Bunner.
(_Century Magazine, September,_ 1883.)
Newe York, y^e 1^st Aprile, 1883.
Y^e worste of my ailment is this, y^t it groweth not Less with much
nursinge, but is like to those fevres w^ch y^e leeches Starve, 'tis
saide, for that y^e more Bloode there be in y^e Sicke man's Bodie, y^e
more foode is there for y^e Distemper to feede upon.--And it is moste
fittinge y^t I come backe to y^s my Journall (wherein I have not writt
a Lyne these manye months) on y^e 1^st of Aprile, beinge in some Sort
myne owne foole and y^e foole of Love, and a poore Butt on whome his
hearte hath play'd a Sorry tricke.--
For it is surelie a strange happenninge, that I, who am ofte accompted
a man of y^e Worlde, (as y^e Phrase goes,) sholde be soe Overtaken &
caste downe lyke a Schoole-boy or a countrie Bumpkin, by a meere Mayde,
& sholde set to Groaninge and Sighinge, &, for that She will not have
me Sighe to Her, to Groaninge and Sighinge on paper, w^ch is y^e greter
Foolishnesse in Me, y^t some one maye reade it Here-after, who hath
taken his dose of y^e same Physicke, and made no Wrye faces over it; in
w^ch case I double I shall be much laugh'd at.--Yet soe much am I a
foole, and soe enamour'd of my Foolishnesse, y^t I have a sorte of
Shamefull Joye in tellinge, even to my Journall, y^t I am mightie deepe
in Love withe y^e yonge Daughter of Mistresse Ffrench, and all maye
knowe what an Angell is y^e Daughter, since I have chose M^rs. Ffrench
for my Mother in Lawe.--(Though she will have none of my choosinge.)--And
I likewise take comforte in y^e Fancie, y^t this poore Sheete, wh^on I
write, may be made of y^e Raggs of some lucklesse Lover, and maye y^e
more readilie drinke up my complaininge Inke.--
This muche I have learnt y^t Fraunce distilles not, nor y^e Indies
growe not, y^e Remedie for my Aile.--For when I 1^st became sensible of
y^e folly of my Suite, I tooke to drynkinge & smoakinge, thinkinge to
cure my minde, but all I got was a head ache, for fellow to my Hearte
ache.--A sorrie Payre!--I then made Shifte, for a while, withe a
Bicycle, but breakinge of Bones mendes no breakinge of Heartes, and 60
myles a Daye bringes me no nearer to a Weddinge.--This beinge Lowe
Sondaye, (w^ch my Hearte telleth me better than y^e Allmanack,) I will
goe to Churche; wh. I maye chaunce to see her.--Laste weeke, her Eastre
bonnett vastlie pleas'd me, beinge most cunninglie devys'd in y^e mode
of oure Grandmothers, and verie lyke to a coales Scuttle, of white
satine.--
2^nd Aprile.
I trust I make no more moane, than is just for a man in my case, but
there is small comforte in lookinge at y^e backe of a white Satine
bonnett for two Houres, and I maye saye as much.--Neither any cheere in
Her goinge out of y^e Churche, & Walkinge downe y^e Avenue, with a
Puppe by y^e name of Williamson.
4^th Aprile.
Because a man have a Hatt with a Brimme to it like y^e Poope-Decke of a
Steam-Shippe, and breeches lyke y^e Case of an umbrella, and have loste
money on Hindoo, he is not therefore in y^e beste Societie.--I made
this observation, at y^e Clubbe, laste nighte, in y^e hearinge of
W^mson, who made a mightie Pretence, to reade y^e Sp^t of y^e Tymes.--I
doubte it was scurvie of me, but it did me muche goode.
7^th Aprile.
Y^e manner of my meetinge with Her and fallinge in Love with Her (for
y^e two were of one date) is thus--I was made acquainte withe Her on a
Wednesdaie, at y^e House of Mistresse Varick, ('twas a Reception,) but
did not hear Her Name, nor She myne, by reason of y^e noise, and of
M^rsse Varick having but lately a newe sett of Teethe, of wh. she had
not yet gott, as it were, y^e just Pitche and accordance.--I sayde to
Her that y^e Weather was warm for that season of y^e yeare.--She made
answer She thought I was right, for M^r Williamson had saide y^e same
thinge to Her not a minute past--I tolde Her She muste not holde it
originall or an Invention of W^mson, for ye Speache had beene manie
yeares in my Familie.--Answer was made, She wolde be muche bounden to
me if I wolde maintaine y^e Rightes of my Familie, and lett all others
from usinge of my propertie, when perceivinge Her to be of a livelie
Witt, I went about to ingage her in converse, if onlie so I mighte
looke into Her Eyes, wh. were of a coloure suche as I have never seene
before, more like to a Pansie, or some such flower, than anything else
I can compair with them.--Shortlie we grew most friendlie, so that She
did aske me if I colde keepe a Secrett.--I answering I colde, She saide
She was anhungred, having Shopp'd all y^e forenoone since
Breakfast.--She pray'd me to gett Her some Foode.--What, I ask'd.--She
answer'd merrilie, a Beafe-steake.--I tolde Her y^t that _Confection_
was not on y^e Side-Boarde; but I presentlie brought Her such as there
was, & She beinge behinde a Screane, I stoode in y^e waie, so y^t none
mighte see Her, & She did eate and drynke as followeth, to witt--
iij cupps of Bouillon (w^ch is a Tea, or Tisane, of Beafe, made verie
hott & thinne)
iv Alberte biscuit
ij eclairs
i creame-cake
together with divers small cates & comfeits wh^of I know not y^e names.
So y^t I was grievously afeard for Her Digestion, leste it be
over-tax'd. Saide this to Her, however addinge it was my Conceite, y^t
by some Processe, lyke Alchemie, wh^by y^e baser metals are transmuted
into golde, so y^e grosse mortall foode was on Her lippes chang'd to
y^e fabled Nectar & Ambrosia of y^e Gods.--She tolde me 'twas a sillie
Speache, yet seam'd not ill-pleas'd withall.--She hath a verie prettie
Fashion, or Tricke, of smilinge, when She hath made an end of
speakinge, and layinge Her finger upon Her nether Lippe, like as She
wolde bid it be stille.--After some more Talke, wh^in She show'd that
Her Witt was more deepe, and Her minde more seriouslie inclin'd, than I
had Thoughte from our first Jestinge, She beinge call'd to go thence, I
did see Her mother, whose face I knewe, & was made sensible, y^t I had
given my Hearte to y^e daughter of a House wh. with myne owne had longe
been at grievous Feud, for y^e folly of oure Auncestres.--Havinge come
to wh. heavie momente in my Tale, I have no Patience to write more
to-nighte.
22^nd Aprile.
I was mynded to write no more in y^s journall, for verie Shame's sake,
y^t I shoude so complayne, lyke a Childe, whose toie is taken f^m him,
butt (mayhapp for it is nowe y^e fulle Moone, & a moste greavous period
for them y^t are Love-strucke) I am fayne, lyke y^e Drunkarde who maye
not abstayne f^m his cupp, to set me anewe to recordinge of My Dolorous
mishapp.--When I sawe Her agayn, She beinge aware of my name, & of y^e
division betwixt oure Houses, wolde have none of me, butt I wolde nott
be putt Off, & made bolde to question Her, why She sholde showe me
suche exceed^g Coldness.--She answer'd, 'twas wel knowne what Wronge my
Grandefather had done Her G.father.--I saide, She confounded me with My
G.father--we were nott y^e same Persone, he beinge muche my Elder, &
besydes Deade.--She w^d have it, 'twas no matter for jestinge.--I tolde
Her, I wolde be resolv'd, what grete Wronge y^is was.--Y^s more for to
make Speache th^n for mine owne advertisem^t, for I knewe wel y^e whole
Knaverie, wh. She rehears'd, Howe my G.father had cheated Her G.father
of Landes upp y^e River, with more, howe my G.father had impounded y^e
Cattle of Hern.--I made answer, 'twas foolishnesse, in my mynde, for
y^e iii^d Generation to so quarrell over a Parsel of rascallie Landes,
y^t had long ago beene solde for Taxes, y^t as to y^e Cowes, I wolde
make them goode, & th^r Produce & Offspringe, if it tooke y^e whole
Wash^tn Markett.--She however tolde me y^t y^e Ffrenche familie had y^e
where w^al to buye what they lack'd in Butter, Beafe & Milke, and
likewise in _Veale_, wh. laste I tooke much to Hearte, wh. She seeinge,
became more gracious &, on my pleadinge, accorded y^t I sholde have y^e
Privilege to speake with Her when we next met.--Butt neyther then, nor
at anie other Tyme th^after wolde She suffer me to visitt Her. So I was
harde putt to it to compass waies of gettinge to see Her at such Houses
as She mighte be att, for Routs or Feasts, or y^e lyke.--
But though I sawe Her manie tymes, oure converse was ever of y^ts
Complex^n, & y^e accursed G.father satt downe, & rose upp with us.--Yet
colde I see by Her aspecte, y^t I had in some sorte Her favoure, & y^t
I mislyk'd Her not so gretelie as She w^d have me thinke.--So y^t one
daie, ('twas in Januarie, & verie colde,) I, beinge moste distrackt,
saide to Her, I had tho't 'twolde pleasure Her more, to be friends w. a
man, who had a knave for a G.father, y^n with One who had no G.father
att alle, lyke W^mson (y^e Puppe).--She made answer, I was exceedinge
fresshe, or some such matter. She cloath'd her thoughte in phrase more
befittinge a Gentlewoman.--Att this I colde no longer contayne myself,
but tolde Her roundlie, I lov'd Her, & 'twas my Love made me soe
unmannerlie.--And w. y^ts speache I att y^e leaste made an End of my
Uncertaintie, for She bade me speake w. Her no more.--I wolde be
determin'd, whether I was Naught to Her.--She made Answer She colde not
justlie say I was Naught, seeing y^t wh^ever She mighte bee, I was One
too manie.--I saide, 'twas some Comforte, I had even a Place in Her
thoughtes, were it onlie in Her disfavour.--She saide, my Solace was
indeede grete, if it kept pace with y^e measure of Her Disfavour, for,
in plain Terms, She hated me, & on Her intreatinge of me to goe, I
went.--Y^is happ'd att y^e house of M^rss Varicke, wh. I 1^st met Her,
who (M^rss Varicke) was for staying me, y^t I might eate some Ic'd
Cream, butt of a Truth I was chill'd to my Taste allreadie.--Albeit I
afterwards tooke to walkinge of y^e Streets till near Midnight.--'Twas
as I saide before in Januarie & exceedinge colde.
20^th Maie.
How wearie is y^is dulle procession of y^e Yeare! For it irketh my
Soule y^t eache Monthe shoude come so aptlie after y^e Month afore, &
Nature looke so Smug, as She had done some grete thinge.--Surelie if
she make no Change, she hath work'd no Miracle, for we knowe wel, what
we maye look for.--Y^e Vine under my Window hath broughte forth Purple
Blossoms, as itt hath eache Springe these xii Yeares.--I wolde have had
them Redd, or Blue, or I knowe not what Coloure, for I am sicke of
likinge of Purple a Dozen Springes in Order.--And wh. moste galls me is
y^is, I knowe howe y^is sadd Rounde will goe on, & Maie give Place to
June, & she to July, & onlie my Hearte blossom not nor my Love growe no
greener.
2^nd June.
I and my Foolishnesse, we laye Awake last night till y^e Sunrise gun,
wh. was Shott att 4-1/2 o'ck, & wh. beinge hearde in y^t stillnesse fm.
an Incredible Distance, seem'd lyke as 'twere a Full Stopp, or Period
putt to y^is Wakinge-Dreminge, wh^at I did turne a newe Leafe in my
Counsells, and after much Meditation, have commenc't a newe Chapter,
wh. I hope maye leade to a better Conclusion, than them y^t came
afore.--For I am nowe resolv'd, & havinge begunn wil carry to an Ende,
y^t if I maie not over-come my Passion, I maye at y^e least over-com
y^e Melanchollie, & Spleene, borne y^of, & beinge a Lover, be none y^e
lesse a Man.--To wh. Ende I have come to y^is Resolution, to departe
fm. y^e Towne, & to goe to y^e Countrie-House of my Frend, Will
Winthrop, who has often intreated me, & has instantlie urg'd, y^t I
sholde make him a Visitt.--And I take much Shame to myselfe, y^t I have
not given him y^is Satisfaction since he was married, wh. is nowe ii
Yeares.--A goode Fellowe, & I minde me a grete Burden to his Frends
when he was in Love, in wh. Plight I mockt him, who am nowe, I much
feare me, mockt myselfe.
3^rd June.
Pack'd my cloathes, beinge Sundaye. Y^e better y^e Daie, y^e better y^e
Deede.
4^th June.
Goe downe to Babylon to-daye.
5^th June.
Att Babylon, att y^e Cottage of Will Winthrop, wh. is no Cottage, but a
grete House, Red, w. Verandahs, & builded in y^e Fash^n of Her Maiestie
Q. Anne.--Found a mightie Housefull of People.--Will, his Wife, a verie
proper fayre Ladie, who gave me moste gracious Reception, M^rss Smithe,
y^e ii Gresham girles (knowne as y^e Titteringe Twins), Bob White,
Virginia Kinge & her Moth^r, Clarence Winthrop, & y^e whole Alexander
Family.--A grete Gatheringe for so earlie in y^e Summer.--In y^e
afternoone play'd Lawne-Tenniss.--Had for Partner one of y^e Twinns,
ag^st Clarence Winthrop & y^e other Twinn, wh. by beinge Confus'd, I
loste iii games.--Was voted a Duffer.--Clarence Winthrop moste
unmannerlie merrie.--He call'd me y^e Sad-Ey'd Romeo, & lykewise cut
down y^e Hammocke wh^in I laye, allso tied up my Cloathes wh. we were
att Bath.--He sayde, he Chaw'd them, a moste barbarous worde for a
moste barbarous Use.--Wh. we were Boyes, & he did y^is thinge, I was
wont to trounce him Soundlie, but nowe had to contente Myselfe w.
beatinge of him iii games of Billyardes in y^e Evg., & w. daringe of
him to putt on y^e Gloves w. me, for Funne, wh. he mighte not doe, for
I coude knocke him colde.
10^th June.
Beinge gon to my Roome somewhatt earlie, for I found myselfe of a
peevish humour, Clarence came to me, and pray^d a few minutes'
Speache.--Sayde 'twas Love made him so Rude & Boysterous he was
privilie betroth'd to his Cozen, Angelica Robertes, she whose Father
lives at Islipp, & colde not containe Himselfe for Joye.--I sayinge,
there was a Breache in y^e Familie, he made Answer, 'twas true, her
Father & His, beinge Cozens, did hate each other moste heartilie, butt
for him he cared not for that, & for Angelica, She gave not a
Continentall.--But, sayde I, Your Consideration matters mightie Little,
synce y^e Governours will not heare to it.--He answered 'twas for that
he came to me, I must be his allie, for reason of our olde Friend^sp.
With that I had no Hearte to heare more, he made so Light of suche a
Division as parted me & my Happinesse, but tolde him I was his Frend,
wolde serve him when he had Neede of me, & presentlie seeing my Humour,
he made excuse to goe, & left me to write downe this, sicke in Mynde,
and thinkinge ever of y^e Woman who wil not oute of my Thoughtes for
any change of Place, neither of employe.--For indeede I doe love Her
moste heartilie, so y^t my Wordes can not saye it, nor will y^is Booke
containe it.--So I wil even goe to Sleepe, y^t in my Dreames perchaunce
my Fancie maye do my Hearte better Service.
12^th June.
She is here.--What Spyte is y^is of Fate & y^e alter'd gods! That I,
who mighte nott gett to see Her when to See was to Hope, muste nowe
daylie have Her in my Sighte, stucke lyke a fayre Apple under olde
Tantalus his Nose.--Goinge downe to y^e Hotell to-day, for to gett me
some Tobackoe, was made aware y^t y^e Ffrench familie had hyred one of
y^e Cottages round-abouts.--'Tis a goodlie Dwellinge Without--Woude I
coude speake with as much Assurance of y^e Innsyde!
13^th June.
Goinge downe to y^e Hotell againe To-day, for more Tobackoe, sawe y^e
accursed name of W^mson on y^e Registre.--Went about to a neighbouringe
Farm & satt me downe behynd y^e Barne, for a 1/2 an Houre.--Frighted
y^e Horned Cattle w. talkinge to My Selfe.
15^th June.
I wil make an Ende to y^is Businesse.--Wil make no longer Staye
here.--Sawe Her to-day, driven Home fm. y^e Beache, about 4-1/2 of y^e
After-noone, by W^mson, in his Dogge-Carte, wh. y^e Cadde has broughten
here.--Wil betake me to y^e Boundlesse Weste--Not y^t I care aught for
y^e Boundlesse Weste, butt y^t I shal doe wel if haplie I leave my
Memourie am^g y^e Apaches & bringe Home my Scalpe.
16^th June.
To Fyre Islande, in Winthrop's Yacht--y^e Twinnes w. us, so Titteringe
& Choppinge Laughter, y^t 'twas worse y^n a Flocke of Sandpipers.--Found
a grete Concourse of people there, Her amonge them, in a Suite of blue,
y^t became Her bravelie.--She swimms lyke to a Fishe, butt everie
Stroke of Her white Arms (of a lovelie Roundnesse) clefte, as 'twere,
my Hearte, rather y^n y^e Water.--She bow'd to me, on goinge into y^e
Water, w. muche Dignitie, & agayn on Cominge out, but y^is Tyme w.
lesse Dignitie, by reason of y^e Water in Her Cloathes, & Her Haire in
Her Eyes.--
17^th June.
Was for goinge awaie To-morrowe, butt Clarence cominge againe to my
Chamber, & mightilie purswadinge of me, I feare I am comitted to a
verie sillie Undertakinge.--For I am promis'd to Help him, secretlie to
wedd his Cozen.--He wolde take no Deniall, wolde have it, his Brother
car'd Naughte, 'twas but y^e Fighte of theyre Fathers, he was bounde it
sholde be done, & 'twere best I stoode his Witnesse, who was wel lyked
of bothe y^e Braunches of y^e Family.--So 'twas agree'd, y^t I shal
stay Home to-morrowe fm. y^e Expedition to Fyre Islande, feigning a
Head-Ache, (wh. indeede I meante to do, in any Happ, for I cannot see
Her againe,) & shall meet him at y^e little Churche on y^e Southe
Roade.--He to drive to Islipp to fetch Angelica, lykewise her Witnesse,
who sholde be some One of y^e Girles, she hadd not yet made her
Choice.--I made y^is Condition, it sholde not be either of y^e
Twinnes.--No, nor Bothe, for that matter.--Inquiringe as to y^e
Clergyman, he sayde y^e Dominie was allreadie Squar'd.
Newe York, y^e Buckingham Hotell,
19^th June.
I am come to y^e laste Entrie I shall ever putt downe in y^s Booke, and
needes must y^t I putt it downe quicklie, for all hath Happ'd in so
short a Space, y^t my Heade whirles w. thynkinge of it. Y^e after-noone
of Yesterdaye, I set about Counterfeittinge of a Head-Ache, & so wel
did I compasse it, y^t I verilie thinke one of y^e Twinnes was mynded
to Stay Home & nurse me.--All havinge gone off, & Clarence on his waye
to Islipp, I sett forth for y^e Churche, where arriv'd I founde it
emptie, w. y^e Door open.--Went in & writh'd on y^e hard Benches a 1/4
of an Houre, when, hearinge a Sounde, I look'd up & saw standinge in
y^e Door-waye, Katherine Ffrench.--She seem'd muche astonished, saying
You Here! or y^e lyke.--I made Answer & sayde y^t though my Familie
were greate Sinners, yet had they never been Excommunicate by y^e
Churche.--She sayde, they colde not Putt Out what never was In.--While
I was bethynkinge me wh. I mighte answer to y^is, she went on, sayinge
I must excuse Her, She wolde goe upp in y^e Organ-Lofte.--I enquiring
what for? She sayde to practice on y^e Organ.--She turn'd verie Redd,
of a warm Coloure, as She sayde this.--I ask'd Do you come hither
often? She replyinge Yes, I enquir'd how y^e Organ lyked Her.--She
sayde Right well, when I made question more curiously (for She grew
more Redd eache moment) how was y^e Action? y^e Tone? how manie Stopps?
Wh^at She growinge gretelie Confus'd, I led Her into y^e Churche, &
show'd Her y^t there was no Organ, y^e Choire beinge indeede a Band, of
i Tuninge-Forke, i Kitt, & i Horse-Fiddle.--At this She fell to
Smilinge & Blushinge att one Tyme.--She perceiv'd our Errandes were y^e
Same, & crav'd Pardon for Her Fibb.--I tolde Her, If She came Thither
to be Witness at her Frend's Weddinge, 'twas no greate Fibb, 'twolde
indeede be Practice for Her.--This havinge a rude Sound, I added I
thankt y^e Starrs y^t had bro't us Together. She sayde if y^e Starrs
appoint'd us to meete no oftener y^n this Couple shoude be Wedded, She
was wel content. This cominge on me lyke a last Buffett of Fate, that
She shoude so despitefully intreate me, I was suddenlie Seized with so
Sorrie a Humour, & withal so angrie, y^t I colde scarce Containe
myselfe, but went & Sat downe neare y^e Doore, lookinge out till
Clarence shd. come w. his Bride.--Looking over my Sholder, I sawe y^t
She wente fm. Windowe to Windowe within, Pluckinge y^e Blossoms fm. y^e
Vines, & settinge them in her Girdle.--She seem'd most tall and faire,
& swete to look uponn, & itt Anger'd me y^e More.--Meanwhiles, She
discours'd pleasantlie, askinge me manie questions, to the wh. I gave
but shorte and churlish answers. She ask'd Did I nott Knowe Angelica
Roberts was Her best Frend? How longe had I knowne of y^e Betrothal?
Did I thinke 'twolde knitt y^e House together, & Was it not Sad to see
a Familie thus Divided?--I answer'd Her, I wd. not robb a Man of y^e
precious Righte to Quarrell with his Relations.--And then, with
meditatinge on y^e goode Lucke of Clarence, & my owne harde Case, I had
suche a sudden Rage of peevishnesse y^t I knewe scarcelie what I
did.--Soe when She ask'd me merrilie why I turn'd my Backe on Her, I
made Reply I had turn'd my Backe on muche Follie.--Wh. was no sooner
oute of my Mouthe than I was mightilie Sorrie for it, and turninge
aboute, I perceiv'd She was in Teares & weepinge bitterlie. Wh^at my
Hearte wolde holde no More, & I rose upp & tooke Her in my arms &
Kiss'd & Comforted Her, She makinge no Denyal, but seeminge gretelie to
Neede such Solace, wh. I was not Loathe to give Her.--Whiles we were at
This, onlie She had gott to Smilinge, & to sayinge of Things which even
y^is paper shal not knowe, came in y^e Dominie, sayinge He judg'd We
were the Couple he came to Wed.--With him y^e Sexton & y^e Sexton's
Wife.--My swete Kate, alle as rosey as Venus's Nape, was for Denyinge
of y^is, butt I wolde not have it, & sayde Yes.--She remonstrating w.
me, privilie, I tolde Her She must not make me Out a Liar, y^t to
Deceave y^e Man of God were a greavous Sinn, y^t I had gott Her nowe, &
wd. not lett her Slipp from me, & did soe Talke Her Downe, & w. suche
Strengthe of joie, y^t allmost before She knewe it, we Stoode upp, &
were Wed, w. a Ringe (tho' She Knewe it nott) wh. belong'd to My G.
father. (Him y^t Cheated Her^n.)--
Wh. was no sooner done, than in came Clarence & Angelica, & were Wedded
in theyre Turn.--The Clergyman greatelie surprised, but more att y^e
Largenesse of his Fee.
This Businesse beinge Ended, we fled by y^e Trayne of 4-1/2 o'cke, to
y^is Place, where we wait till y^e Bloode of all y^e Ffrenches have
Tyme to coole downe, for y^e wise Mann who meeteth his Mother in Lawe
y^e 1^st tyme, wil meete her when she is Milde.--
And so I close y^is Journall, wh., tho' for y^e moste Parte 'tis but a
peevish Scrawle, hath one Page of Golde, wh^on I have writt ye laste
strange Happ wh^by I have layd Williamson by y^e Heeles & found me y^e
sweetest Wife y^t ever
* * * * *
stopp'd a man's Mouthe w. kisses for writinge of Her Prayses.