"That is the surest way to have it opened again," said Richards.
He had hardly uttered the words, when, sure enough, the door flew open,
amidst a peal of uproarious laughter.
"Tail!" cried one fellow.
"Head!" shouted another.
"They want another dollar," said Richards. "Well, they must have it, I
suppose. Head!" cried he.
"Lost!" roared the fellows in chorus.
"There is something for you to drink," said my friend, whose wonderful
patience and good-humour was bringing us so fortunately through the
shoals and difficulties of this wild backwoods' life. We now shut the
door, and had time enough to change our wet clothes for dry ones. We
were nearly dressed, when a gentle tapping at the only pane of glass of
which the room window could boast attracted our attention. On looking in
the direction of the sound, we distinguished the amiable features of Mr
Isaac Shifty, who, upon our entering the tavern, had thought proper to
part company.
"Gentlemen," whispered he, removing the remains of an old waistcoat,
which supplied the place of one of the absent panes, and then applying
his face to the aperture--"Gentlemen, I was mistaken. Our spies say you
are not come to the election, but that you are from lower Mississippi."
"And if we are, what then?" replied I dryly. "Didn't we tell you as much
at first?"
"So you did, but I wasn't obliged to believe it; and d'ye see, they're
a-canvassing here for next election, and we've got an opposition in the
other tavern; and as we knew that Bob Snags's people were expectin' two
men from down stream, we thought you might be they."
"And so, because you thought we should vote against you, you allowed us
to stick in the mud, with the agreeable prospect of either breaking our
necks or tumbling into the Tennessee?" said Richards laughing.
"Not exactly that," replied the Yankee; "though if you had been the two
men that were expected, I guess we shouldn't have minded your passing
the night in the swamp; but now we know how matters stand, and I'm come
to offer you my house. There'll be an almighty frolic here to-night, and
p'r'aps somethin' more. In my house you can sleep as quiet as need be."
"It won't do, Mr Shifty," said Richards, with a look that must have
shown the Yankee pretty plainly that his object in thus pressing his
hospitality upon us was seen through; "it won't do, we will stop where
we are."
The latch of the door leading into the kitchen was just then lifted,
which brought our conversation to a close. During the confabulation, our
Yankee's sharp grey eyes had glanced incessantly from us to the door;
and hardly was the noise of the latch audible, when his face
disappeared, and the old waistcoat again stopped the aperture.
"He wants to get us away," said Richards, "because he fears that our
presence here will give Bob too much weight and respectability. You see
they have got their spies. If Bob and his people find that out, there
will be a royal row. A nice disreputable squatter's hole we have fallen
into; but, bad as it is, it is better than the swamp."
The table was now spread; the tea and coffee-pots smoking upon it. The
supper was excellent, consisting of real Alabama delicacies. Pheasants
and woodcocks, and a splendid haunch of venison, which, in spite of the
game-laws, had found its way into Johnny's larder--wheat, buckwheat, and
Indian-corn cakes; the whole, to the honour of Bainbridge be it spoken,
cooked in a style that would have been creditable to a Paris
_restaurateur_. By the help of these savoury viands, we had already, to
a considerable extent, taken the edge off our appetite, when we heard
Bob's voice growling away in the next room. He had begun his speech. It
was high time to make an end of our supper, and go and listen to him
under whose protecting wings we were, and to whom we probably owed it,
that we had got so far through the evening with whole heads and unbroken
bones. Backwoods' etiquette rendered our presence absolutely necessary;
and we accordingly rose from table, and rejoined the assemblage of
electors.
At the upper end of the table, next to the bar, stood Bob Snags, in his
various capacity of president, speaker, and candidate. A thickset
personage, sitting near him, officiated as secretary--to judge at least
from the inkstand with which he was provided. Bob looked rather black at
us as we entered, no doubt on account of our late arrival; but Cicero
pleading against Catiline could not have given a more skilful turn to
his oration than did Bob upon the occasion of our entrance.
"And these gemmen," continued he, "could tell you--ay, and put down in
black and white--no end of proofs of my respectability and character.
May I be shot by Injuns, if it ain't as good as that of the best man in
the state."
"No better than it should be," interposed a voice.
Bob threw a fierce look at the speaker; but the smile on the face of the
latter showing that no harm was meant, the worthy candidate cleared his
throat and proceeded.
"Yes," said he, "we want men as know what's what, and who won't let
themselves be humbugged by the 'Ministration, but will defend our
nat'ral born sovereign rights. I know their 'tarnal rigs, inside and
out. May I be totally swallowed by a b'ar, if I give way an inch to the
best of 'em; that is to say, men, if you honour me with your confidence
and"----
"You'll go the whole hog, will you?" interrupted one of the free and
independent electors.
"The whole hog!" repeated Bob, striking his fist on the table with the
force of a sledge-hammer; "ay, that will I! the whole hog for the
people! Now lads, don't you think that our great folks cost too much
money? Tarnation to me if I wouldn't do all they do at a third of the
price. Why, half a dozen four-horse waggons would have enough to do to
carry away the hard dollars that Johnny{D} and his 'Ministration have
cost the country. Here it is, lads, in black and white."
Bob had a bundle of papers before him, which we had at first taken for a
dirty pocket-handkerchief, but which now proved to be the county
newspapers--one of which gave a statement of the amount expended by the
first magistrate of the Union during his administration, reduced, for
the sake of clearness, into waggon-loads. Bob was silent, while his
neighbour the secretary put on his spectacles, and began to read this
important document. He was interrupted, however, by cries of "Know it
already! Read it already! Go on, Bob!"
"Only see here now," continued Bob, taking up the paper. "Diplomatic
missions! what does that mean? What occasion had they to send any one
there? Then they've appointed one General Tariff, who's the maddest
aristocrat that ever lived, and he's passed a law by which we ain't to
trade any more with the Britishers. Every stocking, every knife-handle,
that comes into the States, has to pay a duty to this infernal
aristocrat. Where shall we get our flannel from now, I wonder?"
"Hear, hear!" cried a youth in a tattered red flannel shirt, to whose
feelings this question evidently went home.
"Moreover," continued Bob, "it's a drag put upon our ships, to the
profit of their Yankee manyfacters. Manyfacters, indeed! Men! free
sovereign citizens! to work in manyfacters!"
"Hear, hear!" in a threatening tone from the audience.
"But that ain't all," continued Bob, nodding his head mysteriously. "No,
men--hear and judge! You, the enlightened freemen of Alabama, listen and
judge for yourselves! Clever fellows, the 'Ministration and the Yankees!
D'ye know what they've been a-doin'?"
"No, no. Tell us!" repeated twenty voices.
"You don't know?" said Bob, with a fine oratorical movement. "I'll tell
you then. They've been a-sendin' clothes, powder, rifles, flour, and
whisky to the Creeks! Two full shiploads have they sent. Here it is!"
yelled Bob, taking another paper from his pocket, and dashing it upon
the table.{E}
A breathless silence reigned during the reading of the important
paragraph, while Richards and myself were making almost superhuman
efforts to restrain our laughter. Bob continued--
"You see, men, they want to get the scalpin' plunderin' thieves back
ag'in over the Mississippi into Georgia--ay, and perhaps into Alabama
too. And they're holdin' meetin's and assemblies in their favour, and
say that we owe our independence to these Creeks; and talk about their
chiefs--one Alexander the Great, and Pericles, and Plato, and suchlike
names that we give our niggers. And the cussed Redskins are fightin'
against another chief whom they call Sultan, and who lives upon Turk's
island. Where shall we get our salt from now, I should like to know?"{F}
The storm that had been for some time brewing, now burst forth with a
roar that shook the rafters of the log-built tavern. Although
immeasurably tickled by Bob's speech, Richards and I had struggled
successfully with our disposition to laugh. At this moment, however, a
stifled giggling was heard behind us, which immediately attracted the
attention of Bob and his friends. "A spy! a spy!" shouted they; and
there was a sudden and general rush to the door, through which an
unfortunate adherent of the opposite party had sneaked in to witness
their proceedings. The poor devil was seized by a dozen hands, and
dragged, neck and heel, before Bob's tribunal, to account for his
intrusion. He set up a howl of terror, and probably pain, that
immediately brought to his assistance a whole regiment of his friends,
who were assembled in the adjacent tavern. A furious fight began, from
which Richards and myself hastened to escape. We made our way into the
kitchen, and thence into a court at the back of the house.
"Stop!" said a whispering voice, as we were groping about in the
darkness; "you are close to a pool that would drown an ox. I guess you
won't refuse my invitation now?"
It was no less a person than Mr Isaac Shifty; and we began to consider
whether it would not really be better to put ourselves under his
guidance. Indoors we could hear the fight raging furiously. We paused to
think what was best to be done. Suddenly, to our great astonishment, the
noise of the contest ceased, and was replaced by a dead silence. We
hurried through the kitchen to the field of battle, and found that the
charm which had so suddenly stilled the fury of an Alabamian election
fight, was no other than the arrival of the constable and his
assistants, who had suddenly appeared in the midst of the combatants.
Their presence produced an effect which scarcely any amount of mere
physical force would have been able to bring about; and a single summons
in the name of the law to keep the peace, had caused the contending
parties to separate--the intruding one retiring immediately to its own
headquarters.
We passed a quiet and tolerably comfortable night, except that Bob
thought proper to favour us with his society, so that we lay three in
one bed. Before break of day he got up, and went away. Tired as we were,
it was much later before we followed his example. Upon entering the
common room of the tavern, we found it empty, but bearing pretty evident
marks of the recent conflict. Chairs, benches, and tables, lay in
splinters upon the floor, which was, moreover, plentifully sprinkled
with fragments of broken jugs and glasses; and even the bar itself had
not entirely escaped damage. On repairing to the stable, to pay Caesar a
visit, I found my gig, to my no small mortification, plastered all over
with election squibs--"Hurras for Bob Snags!" and the like; while poor
Caesar's tail was shorn of every hair, as close and clean as if it had
been first lathered and then shaved. Our breakfast, however, was
excellent--the weather fine; and we set out upon our journey to Florence
under decidedly more favourable auspices than those that attended us on
the preceding day.