"DANCING DOLLS IN CHANCERY.--The solicitors' table was cleared of
papers, and the ballet-girl doll, having been wound up, commenced to
dance on the table, to the amusement of a crowded court. Mr. Justice
KAY watched the performance with evident interest, and when the
dance was concluded the doll was handed up to him and carefully
examined. He then handed it to the Registrar of the Court, with an
injunction 'not to hurt it.'"
_Daily News._
Sing a song of Justice
KAY up in his place,
Four-and-twenty dancing dolls
All in a case;
When the case was opened
The dolls were made to play,
Wasn't that a pretty sight
For Mr. Justice KAY?
The Judge sat in the Court-house
Thinking it so funny,
The dolls were on the table
Worth a lot of money,
His Lordship said, "The ballet-
Girly-dolly I'll inspect,"
Which he did, and then pronounced it
"Quite O Kay," or "Orl Kayrect."
* * * * *
Occasionally our Mrs. RAM likes to display her perfect knowledge of the
French language. "I've just been reading," she said, "a most interesting
work, the life of Monsignor DUPANLOUP, who was the Bishop--or, as they
call it in French--the _Equivoque d'Orléans_."
* * * * *
[Illustration: SOCIETY'S NEW PET.
_Delacruche (the rising young Tragedian at the Parthenon)._ "OH, THE
FICKLENESS OF WOMAN! LOOK AT THAT IDIOT THEY'RE ALL SWARMING OVER _NOW_!
UGH! I SHOULD LIKE TO _KICK_ HIM, IF EVER I GET AN OPPORTUNITY!"
_Brown, F. R. S., &c., &c. (who is fond of Tragedies, but dislikes
Popular Tragedians)._ "OH, _DO_, MY DEAR FELLOW, _DO_! AND, I _SAY, LET
ME BE THERE TO SEE THE RESULT._"
_Delacruche._ "HUMPH! WHO _IS_ THE BEAST?"
_Brown._ "SLOGG, THE PUGILIST FROM CALIFORNIA, CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!"
[_Delacruche thinks better of it!_]
* * * * *
"QUITE ENGLISH, YOU KNOW."
(_Latest Version, as sung by President Cleveland._)
May I ask you, Columbia, this lady to note?
She's English, you know; quite English, you know.
(What effect will this have on the Democrat Vote?
She's English, I know; quite English, I know.)
She comes from a country that's cursed with a throne;
Yet I think, in your interest, she ought to be known.
She may help you to deal with your Surplus o'ergrown.
(That's not English, you know; not English, you know.)
_Chorus._
I'll ask you, Columbia, this lady to hear;
She's English, you know; quite English, you know.
Her form, which is slim, and her eyes, which are clear,
Are English; quite English, you know.
Just now, Ma'am, our Surplus has reached such a size,
(Not English, you know; not English, you know,)
The difficulty I can no more disguise.
(Plain English, you know; plain English, you know.)
Why, every year,--it reads like a romance--
That Surplus, by millions, fails not to advance.
If at this young lady you'd give just a glance!
(She's English, you know; quite English, you know.)
_Chorus._
Her words, Ma'am, may please, if you'll deign but to hear;
They're English, you know; quite English, you know.
If you banish her _now_, she must soon reappear.
Still English, quite English, you know.
What Columbia has done she of course can undo
(That's English, you know; quite English, you know);
Our old fiscal system has gone all askew.
(Like the English, you know; say _some_ English, you know.)
Protection has got to the street that's called Queer;
Free Trade!--well, her advent may distant appear;
Anyhow, _do_ just glance at this lady, my dear.
She's English, you know; quite English, you know.
_Chorus._
Mark the things she will say which 'twere prudent to hear,
They're English, you know; quite English, you know.
Our system's not solid or stable, I fear.
Not English, not English, you know.
Protection and you very long have been friends
(That's Yankee, you know; quite Yankee, you know);
But sure such a Surplus serves no useful ends.
To Yankees, you know, robbed Yankees, you know.
Humph! Yes, English "Chambers of Commerce" _do_ pule
Just now for Protection; they're playing the fool.
But they'll hardly score much off the old Free Trade School.
That's English, you know; quite English, you know.
_Chorus._
Heed not all the VINCENTS and BARTLETTS you hear,
Though English, you know; mad English, you know.
Economists know they are very small beer,
Though English, half English, you know.
For SALISBURY, GLADSTONE and BRIGHT all agree
(They're English, you know; all English, you know,)
That this new Fair Trade fad is pure fiddle-de-dee.
(Not English, you know; _not_ English, you know.)
The Farmers and Landlords want prices to rise,
So they look on Fair Trade with encouraging eyes;
But they'll hardly get Statesmen to be their allies,
Who're English, you know; true English, you know.
[Illustration: "QUITE ENGLISH, YOU KNOW."
PRESIDENT CLEVELAND (_to_ COLUMBIA). "WILL YOU ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE
THIS YOUNG LADY?"]
_Chorus._
Trade Chambers may vote, Tory delegates cheer
(They're sure to, you know; quite sure to, you know);
But "Fiscal Reform" won't fool many, I fear,
Who're English; wise English, you know.
Columbia, _may_ I present my young friend?
She's English, I know; quite English, I know.
I _don't_ say adopt her; I _do_ say--attend,
Though she's English, you know; quite English, you know.
At any rate deign to vouchsafe her a smile,
I fear my Republican friends she will rile;
But she may prove a friend, though she comes from the Isle
That's English, you know; quite English, you know.
_Chorus._
The things I have said 'tis high time you should hear,
In English, you know; plain English, you know.
So let me present this young lady, my dear,
Though she's English, quite English, you know!
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE NEW SHYLOCK.
_From a Portrait sketched by the Great McDermott, Q.C., during a recent
Irish Trial._]
* * * * *