I am, as you will understand, so busy in my preparations for departure,
that I fear I may not find time to call upon you, _p.p.c._, and
therefore take up my pen to write these few lines, hoping they will find
you well, as they leave me at present. It is an odd reflection to one
who has reached my time of life, that henceforward sixteen-shilling
trousers shall have no more interest for me. Already, in the privacy of
my room, I don the flowing robes of the East, and sit by the hour as you
see me in a little sketch I have had made, and beg your acceptance
herewith. It is all very strange to me yet. As GR-ND-LPH says, it is the
oddest thing in the world that the Ark and I, after much tossing about
in troublous waters, should finally settle down in the neighbourhood of
Ararat. If I had had my choice, I would not have gone so far afield. The
wise men, you know, come from the East, they do not go there; at least,
not further than Constantinople, which would have suited me admirably.
Rome I have eyed askance. I could have dressed the part for St.
Petersburg. Berlin would not have been bad; and I feel that I was born
for Paris. But the Markiss of course has his way, and he has mapped mine
out for Teheran.
It is odd to reflect (and as I sit here trying to grow accustomed to the
hookah, I feel in a reflective mood) that if BR-DL-GH had not been
elected for Northampton in 1880, I would never have been Her Majesty's
Minister at the Court of the SHAH. Do you remember the night, nearly
eight years gone, when I jumped up from my seat below the Gangway and
physically barred BR-DL-GH'S passage up the House? In the loose way
history is written, GR-ND-LPH gets the credit of incubating the Fourth
Party. But if it had not been for me, that remarkable cohort would never
have existed, and the history of English politics for the last seven
years would have been written differently. GR-ND-LPH was actually not in
the House when I created the BR-DL-GH difficulty. Three weeks earlier,
on BR-DL-GH'S first presenting himself, FREDDY C-V-ND-SH had moved for a
Select Committee to consider his claim to make affirmation. ST-FF-RD
N-RTHC-TE had seconded the hum-drum motion, the Committee was agreed to,
and there the matter ended. When GR-SV-N-R moved to nominate the
Committee, I came to the front, was snubbed by H-LK-R at the instance of
our respected Leaders, but stuck to it then and after, till presently,
the Conservative Party, seeing the advantage, came round to my view and
poor ST-FF-RD N-RTHC-TE had to eat his words. GR-ND-LPH came on the
field and the ball was set rolling; but it was I who gave it the first
kick.
And now behold me solemn, sedate, responsible, the Representative of the
greatest of Western Powers at the Court where once ARTAXERXES ruled! In
quitting Parliamentary life I leave behind me an example which young
Members will find it profitable to study. The opportunities I possessed
were held in common with hundreds of others whom I leave in obscurity. I
had no particular gifts that promised the comfortable pre-eminence I
have reached. The coarsest flatterer could not accuse me of oratorical
ability. GR-ND-LPH, I confess, excelled me there, and so did G-RST, an
abler man than either of us, but lacking in the quality that brought
GR-ND-LPHand me to the front and kept us there. What I did, was to keep
myself in evidence, and to make myself as disagreeable as possible to
people in authority. If the object of attack were GL-DST-NE, good; if it
were N-RTHC-TE, better, as showing more independence, and as securing
the favourable attention of the Opposition. It is a commonplace,
ordinary thing to be cheered by your own side. What the young aspirant
to Parliamentary distinction should look to, is to gain the applause of
the Benches opposite. R-B-CK knew that in old days, and so did H-RSM-N,
and in these later times GR-ND-LPH better and more successfully than
either.
I quit the House of Commons with unfeigned regret, tempered only by the
anticipated pleasure of watching from Teheran the coming cropper of my
old friends. The deluge is surely coming for them, whilst I loll landed
high and dry upon Ararat. I like to make B-LF-R uneasy by telling him
this. But he boasts of an infallible receipt the Government have for
keeping up their Parliamentary majority. Here and there a bye-election
may reduce it, "but," says B-LF-R, "we can always play next, and win.
For every bye-election lost we clap an Irish Member in gaol, or, for the
matter of that, a Radical, and thus maintain an even balance. We lose
Coventry and they lose O'BR-N'S vote. Spalding goes, and T. H-RR-NGT-N'S
vote is crossed out. Northwich is lost, and the Lord Mayor of Dublin is
lagged. We lose a vote in the Exchange Ward, Liverpool, and they are
bereft of SHEEHY, whilst we have left to the good COX and E. H-RR-NGT-N,
with P-NE safe within the mud walls of his castle."
That is all very well, but evidently it cannot go on indefinitely. I at
least am out of the scuffle happily, and in good time, and, political
life's fever over, shall live well.
Yours faithfully,
H. D. W-LFF.
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