Mr. Punch and his wife
Led a terrible life,
Very much like a dog and a cat;
Till, one summer morn
A baby was born,
A darling all dimples and fat.
[Illustration: PUNCH, JUDY, AND THE BABY.]
Mrs. Judy was proud,
And the nurses allowed
That they never had seen such a child;
And the proud mother thought
When her baby she brought
To her husband, "It must make him mild."
[Illustration: PUNCH AND THE BABY.]
Mr. Punch was quite pleased;
The poor baby he seized,
And danced up and down in great joy.
"Oh, my Judy," he cried,
"With a father's just pride,
I look on our beautiful boy."
But the baby soon cried;
Punch's temper was tried,
And in a great passion he flew;
He shook the poor child,
And, with rage growing wild,
The babe o'er the balcony threw.
Judy, greatly displeased,
A thick stick at once seized,
And began her stern husband to beat;
"O you monster," she cried,
As her weapon she plied,
"You deserve the same ending to meet."
[Illustration: PUNCH AND JUDY.]
On his arms and his head
Her blows fell like lead;
She wonder'd such treatment he stood!
Beating and battering,
She made such a clattering,
It sounded like chopping up wood.
[Illustration: PUNCH KILLS JUDY.]
Of his beating quite tired,
Punch's patience expired;
He snatched the stick out of her hands,
And gave Judy a blow
Which, alas, laid her low,
And above her a conqueror stands.
Then he danced and he sang,
And such nonsense began,
That we laughed, though we couldn't tell why;
For in such a sad case
It were much more our place
For Judy's misfortunes to cry.
[Illustration: PUNCH AND THE CONSTABLE.]
But the constable see!--
"Are you come here for me?"
Cries Punch, as he dances about.
"Yes, yes; come to jail,
'Tis a terrible tale,"
Said the constable, "you must come out,
"And be tried for your life,
For thus killing your wife;
In prison, meantime, you'll abide."
"Oh no, I won't go,"
Cried Punch, and a blow
He gave the poor man in his side.
[Illustration: PUNCH, TOBY, AND THE CLOWN.]
Now Punch had a pet
Whom we must not forget,
A dog known as Toby by name;
A clown from a show
One day came to know
If Punch would not sell him the same.
But Punch would not part
From his dog, for his heart
(Though a wooden one) to him was true.
He cried, "Give me a kiss,
Dear Toby, I wis
I never will sever from you."
[Illustration: PUNCH AND THE DOCTOR.]
But Jack Ketch comes at last;
Punch's frolics are past,
There is no one his cause to befriend;
His nonsense and fun
Are all, alas, done;
He has come to a very bad end!
If he were not of wood
It would not be good
To laugh at the harm he has done;
But 'twas only pretence,
And there was not much sense
In his crimes, or his grief, or his fun.
[Illustration: PUNCH AND JACK KETCH.]
For a great many years,
Punch's laughter and tears,
Have amused both the child and the man;
So I think at the last,
For the sake of the past
We will keep him as long as we can.