_House of Lords, Monday, July 24._--Haven't heard much of House of
Lords this Session. Will take the floor presently, and show Commons
how Legislation should be conducted. For weeks and months they've been
slaving round Home-Rule Bill. Noble Lords, with fuller experience, and
heaven-born aptitude, undertake to polish it off in a week. Meanwhile
have had less work than usual to do. Might even have made long Summer
holiday. Patriotically insisted upon meeting four times a week, to
show, to whom it may concern, that at least they are ready for work.
To-night suddenly blazed forth with amazing vigour. Old friend EVELYN
BARING, taking his seat under new style, Lord CROMER, agreeably
surprised; House almost full; Opposition in high feather; cheered
CADOGAN and the MARKISS with rare enthusiasm.
"I suppose the question is either the Church or the Land?" said
CROMER, looking up his Orders of the Day. "Heard in Egypt those were
only subjects that made you sit up."
"There's one other," said CARRINGTON, to whom remark was addressed;
"though you will say it practically comes to the same thing. It's Mr.
G. Anything connected with him ruffles House with sudden storm. Mr. G.
made HOUGHTON Lord Lieutenant of Ireland. HOUGHTON a charming
fellow; popular in both camps; but being Mr. G.'s selection for the
Viceroyalty, we--I mean they--are bound to go for him."
Went for him to-night hammer and tongues. CADOGAN, not usually a peer
of bloodthirsty aspect, clenched his teeth with ominous vigour when he
discovered HOUGHTON was not present. Had sent him special invitation,
he explained. Had even gone so far as to leave to him choice of
date for his execution. "And now," cried CADOGAN, glaring round the
appalled House, "his Excellency is not here!"
His absence commented on with towering vigour. Lord Lieutenant's
procedure, in his dealing with addresses, "dishonest, dishonourable,
discreditable to all concerned," said CADOGAN, by way of final shot,
intended to sink whole Ministerial Bench.
MARKISS, not to be outdone, denounced Mr. G. as "a despot," and his
colleagues in the Government "a well-trained company of mutes." As
for something Lord SPENCER had said, MARKISS described it as "a
pure invention," which is much politer than Mr. MANTALINI'S way of
referring to similar lapse as "a demnition lie." House sat as late as
half-past six, and went off home in high good humour. "Quite a
long time since we wet our spears," said the MARKISS. "Just as well
sometime, dear TOBY, to show you fellows in the Commons what we can
do."
_Business done._--In Commons Financial Clause to Home-Rule Bill passed
Second Reading.
_House of Commons, Tuesday._--DON'T KEIR HARDIE on again with fresh
inquiry as to misadventure to one ARTHUR WALKER on day of Royal
Wedding. Mr. WALKER (of London) it appears had difficulty with mounted
officer in command of company of troops. Officer says that when
ordered to fall back WALKER seized his horse's rein. ARTHUR says
"Walker!"; didn't do anything of the sort. That remains in dispute.
What is clear is that WALKER got slight scalp wound, inflicted by
the warrior's sword. DON'T KEIR HARDIE wants sworn inquiry into case.
CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN puts whole case in nutshell. "An accident," he
says, "a regrettable accident; entirely owing to fact of the sharp
edge of the sword meeting the man's head, instead of the flat edge."
That was all; but WALKER seems to think it was enough. Carried out on
a larger scale, before and since Waterloo, similar accidents have
had even more direful results. But CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN, by voice and
manner, succeeded in throwing into explanation an amount of conviction
that communicated itself to House, and even quietened DON'T KEIR
HARDIE. The choice of the word "meeting" was perhaps most exquisite
touch in answer. Without venturing upon assertion, it conveyed
impression that responsibility for regrettable occurrence was fully
shared by Mr. WALKER. Meeting implies advance from either side. To
accomplish the contact, Mr. WALKER'S head must have advanced in the
direction of the sword, which at the moment happened to be going the
other way, unfortunately with the sharp edge to the front. Hence,
between the two, the abrasion of Mr. WALKER'S skull.
[Illustration: VIEW OF "COMMITTEE STAGE OF THE HOME-RULE BILL." "CALL"
FOR THE AUTHOR AND MANAGER.]
CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN did not add another word, but everyone who knows
his kindness of heart will understand his unuttered wish that when in
future WALKER takes his walks abroad he will be more careful. At least,
if his head insists upon meeting swords going the other way, he may be
expected to note whether it is the sharp edge or the flat that is out
for the day.
_Business done._--Financial Clause Home-Rule Bill in Committee. A long
dull night, flashing forth at end in encounter between JOSEPH and his
"right hon. friend." Mr. G. in tremendous force and vigour. In its way
it was CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN'S story over again, JOSEPH'S blameless head
meeting the sharp edge of Mr. G.'s sword. Where difference came in was
in circumstance that no one seemed to regard accident as regrettable.
On contrary, whilst the Home-Rulers whooped in wild delight, the
Opposition crowded the benches to watch the fun.
_Friday_, 1.20 A.M.--If there is in the world at this moment a
thoroughly astonished man it is JOHN WILLIAM LOGAN, Member of
Parliament for the South (Harborough) division of Leicestershire. Just
now LOGAN'S mind is disturbed and his collar ruffled by an incident in
the passage of Home-Rule Bill; but he is capable of giving perfectly
coherent account of events. At ten o'clock MELLOR rose as usual to set
in motion machinery of guillotine. Question at moment before Committee
peremptorily put. LOGAN, unguardedly descending from serene atmosphere
of side gallery, reached floor of House; was passing between table and
Front Opposition Bench towards division lobby when he beheld vision of
VICARY GIBBS skipping down gangway steps shouting and waving his arms.
LOGAN, a man of philosophical temperament and inquiring mind, halted
to watch course of events. Something apparently wrong in the City;
things either gone up or gone down; VICARY GIBBS certainly come down;
was now seated beside PRINCE ARTHUR, with hat fiercely pressed over
brow, excitedly shouting at Chairman. As everybody else was shouting
at same moment, Chairman wrung his hands, and spasmodically cried
"Order! Order!" LOGAN had presence of mind to note that whilst VICARY
in any pause in the storm cried aloud, "Mr. MELLOR, I rise to order,"
he was sitting down all the time with his hat on.
That was LOGAN'S last collected idea before personal affairs
entirely engrossed his attention. HAYES FISHER, in ordinary times
mildest-mannered man that ever helped to govern Ireland, took note of
LOGAN still standing in passage between Front Bench and table; effect
upon him miraculous.
"Yah, LOGAN!" he yelled; "get out. Bah! bah! go to the Bar."
Contagion of fury touched CARSON, who had hitherto been shouting
at large. He now turned on LOGAN. "Gag! gag!" he yelled. "Gang of
gaggers." Then, in heat of moment, he cried above the uproar, "Gag of
gangers."
This too much for LOGAN. Hitherto stood everything; now sat down
in contiguity to CARSON. Here is where the surprise came in. Front
Opposition Bench not his usual place, but was nearest available seat.
His standing up objected to; it was certainly against rules of law and
order that prevail in the House of Commons. Very well then, he would
sit down. This he did, taking vacant place by CARSON. But, like the
bo'sun and the sailor strung up for forty lashes, hit high or hit low
he couldn't please them. The scene that followed has no parallel
since similar disturbance took place in Dotheboys Hall when _Nicholas
Nickleby_ revolted and "took it out" of _Squeers_. HAYES FISHER
leaning over clutched LOGAN by the back of the neck and thrust him
forth. ASHMEAD-BARTLETT, seeing opportunity of winning his knightly
spurs, firmly fixed his eyeglass, and felt for LOGAN in the front.
That the table and front Opposition Bench were not "steepled" in
LOGAN'S gore, as were the forms and benches at Dotheboy's Hall in
that of _Fanny Squeers's_ Pa, was due to diversion raised from another
quarter. Irish members below Gangway, seeing the scrimmage, and noting
CARSON had something to do with it, moved down in body with wild
"whirroo!" SAUNDERSON, providentially in his place, sprang up and
advanced to intercept the rolling flood. CREAN being on crest of
advancing wave found his face, by what CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN would
describe as a "regrettable accident." in contact with the Colonel's
fist. Moreover, it was the knuckly end, scarcely less hurtful than the
sharp edge of the sword which laid WALKER (of London) low. CREAN drew
back, but only _pour mieux reculer_, as they say in Cork. Whilst the
Colonel was standing in the attitude of pacific impartiality he later
described to the SPEAKER, CREAN dealt him an uncommonly nasty one on
the chops; the thud distinctly heard amid the Babel of cries in the
miniature Donnybrook below Gangway. Amid moving, struggling mass,
SAUNDERSON'S white waistcoat flashed to and fro like flag of truce,
to which, alas! there was no response. What became of LOGAN in this
crisis not quite clear. Fancy I saw WALROND extricating him from the
embraces of FANNY-SQUEERS-ASHMEAD-BARTLETT. Mr. G. looked on with
troubled face from Treasury Bench. BARTLEY standing up on edge of
scrimmage, pointed accusatory forefinger at him, was saying something,
probably opprobrious but at the moment inaudible.
"So like BARTLEY to go to root of matter," said GEORGE RUSSELL, who
surveyed scene from sanctuary of Speaker's chair. "Others might
accuse JOSEPH of being responsible for disturbance by likening his
old colleague and chief to iniquitous King HEROD at the epoch when
the worms were waiting to make an end of him. VICARY GIBBS and good
Conservatives generally are sure it was TAY PAY'S retort of 'JUDAS!
JUDAS!' that dropped the fat into the fire. Only BARTLEY has cool
judgment and presence of mind to point the moral of the moving scene.
A striking figure in the inextricable _melee._ When his statue is
added to that of great Parliamentarians in St. Stephen's Hall, the
sculptor should seize this attitude."
_Business done._--Home-Rule Bill through Committee; but first a real
taste of Donnybrook.
[Illustration: AFTER THE FALL OF THE CURTAIN. EXPLANATIONS.]
_Friday Night._--House a little languid after excitement of last
night. Attendance small; subject at morning sitting, Scotch Education;
at night, Agriculture. Dr. HUNTER thinks it would be nice to have
Committee of Inquiry into origin and progress of last night's row.
Nobody else takes that view; general impression is, we'd better forget
it as soon as possible.
_Business done._--TREVELYAN explains Scotch Education Vote.
* * * * *
THE ANGEL (IN THE HOUSE)'S ADVOCATE.--Mr. WOODALL.
* * * * *
Transcriber's Note:
Page 49: 'gateau' corrected to gateau'.
The paper was much applauded, and GATTO _prends le gateau_.
Page 51: "it's" corrected to "its". (... so that its impulse Be
humorous not malevolent;)
Page 57: 'responsility' corrected to 'responsibility' (Would you ever
act upon your own responsibility?)