_Question._ What is your duty as a Director?
_Answer._ To give my name to a prospectus.
_Q._ Is there any necessary formality before making this donation?
_A._ Yes; I am to accept a certain number of qualifying shares in the
company obtaining the advantage of my directorial services.
_Q._ Need you pay for these shares?
_A._ With proper manipulation, certainly not.
_Q._ What other advantages would you secure by becoming a Director?
_A._ A guinea an attendance.
_Q._ Anything else?
_A._ A glass of sherry and a sandwich.
_Q._ What are your duties at a Board Meeting?
_A._ To shake hands with the Secretary, and to sign an attendance
book.
_Q._ What are your nominal duties?
_A._ Have not the faintest idea.
_Q._ Would it be right to include in your nominal duties the
protection of the interests of the shareholders?
_A._ As likely as not.
_Q._ Would it be overstating the case to say that thousands and
thousands of needy persons are absolutely ruined by the selfish
inattention of a company's direction?
_A._ Not at all--possibly understating it.
_Q._ I suppose you never read a prospectus to which you put your name?
_A._ Never.
_Q._ Nor willingly wish to ruin any one?
_A._ No; why should I?
_Q._ You are guilty of gross ignorance and brutal indifference?
_A._ Quite so.
_Q._ And consequently know that, according to the view of the Judges,
you are above the law?
_A._ That is so.
_Q._ And may therefore do what you like, without any danger to your
own interests?
_A._ To be sure.
_Q._ And consequently will do what you best please, in spite of
anything, and anybody?
_A._ Why, certainly.
* * * * *
[Illustration: DIFFERENCE OF OPINION.
_Stern Parent._ "NO WONDER YOU LOOK SO SEEDY AND FIT FOR NOTHING. I
HEAR YOU CAME HOME SO VERY LATE LAST NIGHT!"
_Youth (who is having his fling)._ "BEG YOUR PARDON, DAD, I DID
NOTHING OF THE SORT. I CAME HOME VERY EARLY!"]
* * * * *
At a meeting of the International Maritime Congress "M. GATTO read
a paper on Harbour Lights." Does this mean that one of the Adelphoi
GATTI read the paper (extract from the play, or perhaps a play-bill)
on _Harbour Lights_, which was an Adelphi success? Of course one of
"the GATTI'S" would be in the singular "M. GATTO." The paper was much
applauded, and GATTO _prends le gateau_.
* * * * *
FROM SPIRIT LAND.--The Spirits or Spooks from the vasty deep that can
be called and will come when Stead-ily and persistently summoned will
not be the first to speak. The "Spooks" well-bred rule of politeness
is, "Don't spook till you're spooken to." Also, "A good Spook must be
seen and not heard."
* * * * *