ANOTHER ESCAPE, MORE FORTUNATE THAN THE ONE RECORDED IN THE PRECEDING
CHAPTER.
From the time that I had passed my examination, and worked as a pilot on
my own account, until the period of our escape, which I have narrated in
the preceding chapter, I had continued to live in the cottage with
Bramble, without contributing any share to the expenses. I had at first
proposed it, but Bramble would not listen to any such arrangement; he
considered me, he said, as his son, and who knowed, he added, but that
the cottage would be mine after he was gone. The fact was that Bramble
ardently wished that Bessy and I should be united. He continually
hinted at it, joked with Bessy about me; and I believe that, in
consequence, Bessy's feelings towards me had taken the same bent. She
was prepared for the issue; the regard naturally felt for me from her
long intimacy, now that the indulgence of it was so openly sanctioned by
him whom she considered as her father, was not checked on her part;
indeed, there was no doubt but that it had ripened into love. She
showed it in every little way that her maiden modesty did not interfere
with, and old Bramble would at times throw out such strong hints of our
eventual union as to make me feel very uncomfortable. They neither of
them had any idea of my heart having been pre-engaged, and the
strangeness of my manner was ascribed by Bramble to my feelings towards
Bessy. Bessy, however, was not so easily deceived; my conduct towards
her appeared, to say the best of it, very inconsistent. So often had I
had opportunities, especially when I was at home and Bramble was away,
of speaking on the subject, and so often had these opportunities been
neglected, that it filled her mind with doubt and anxiety. After having
accepted my addresses at first, Janet had once or twice written to me;
latterly, however, she had not written herself--all her messages were
through Virginia's letters, or, perhaps, she would add a little
postscript. Had letters arrived for me in any other handwriting than
that of Virginia, Bessy, after her suspicions were roused, might have
easily guessed the truth; but it was the absence of any clue to guide
her as to the state of my feelings which so much puzzled her. She was
fully convinced that my heart was not hers, but she had no reason to
suppose that it was in the possession of another. Thus did my passion
for Janet Wilson in every way prove to me a source of anxiety. I knew
that it was my duty to undeceive Bramble and Bessy, yet the task was too
painful, and I could not make up my mind to make them unhappy. I felt
that I had no right to remain under Bramble's roof and live at his
expense, and, at the same time, I could not find an opportunity of
telling him what my feelings and wishes were, the very mention of which
would at once explain to him that the desire of his old age would never
be accomplished. I often accused myself of ingratitude, and felt as if
it were my duty to make every sacrifice to one who had been so kind a
protector; but I was bound by vows to Janet Wilson, and how was it
possible that I could retract?
Virginia's letters were not satisfactory: at first she told me how much
she had been annoyed by the attentions of the young nobleman, and how
very indelicate my mother had been in her conduct; eventually she
informed me that she had been insulted by him, and that, upon
complaining to my mother, the latter had, much to her surprise and
indignation, not only laughed at his extreme forwardness, but pointed
out to Virginia a line of conduct by which he might be entrapped into
marriage; that her refusal to accede to such unworthy devices had
created a serious breach between her mother and herself. She stated the
young man to be extremely silly and weak, and that my mother had gained
great influence over him; and were it not that the presence of the
tutor, who seldom quitted the house, had proved a check, that there was
little doubt but, as far as the young man was concerned, the
disproportionate match would be readily acceded to; that the only person
she had ventured to consult was her dear friend Mrs St. Felix, who had
promised her, if the persecution did not cease, that she would make Mr
Sommerville the tutor aware of what was going on. Virginia described
the latter as an amiable modest young man, who did all in his power to
instruct his pupil, but who was treated with anything but deference in
return.
Relative to Janet she said little, except that she generally called
there every day to make inquiries after me: once or twice she did say
that it was a pity that I was not able to come oftener to Greenwich, as
Janet was not very steady; indeed, considering how young she was,
without a mother, and so little controlled by her father, it was not to
be wondered at.
Such was the state of affairs when I made up my mind that I would speak
to Bramble about my paying my share of the expenses, which I thought
would open his eyes to the real state of my feeling towards Bessy: I did
so; I pointed out to him that I was now earning money fast, and that I
considered it but fair that I should support myself, and not put him to
further expense; that perhaps it would be better that I should take a
house for myself; as I must give a great deal of trouble to Bessy and
Mrs Maddox.
"Well, Tom," said Bramble, "you've been at me about this before, and I
believe it's a proper feeling, after all, it certainly does seem to me
to be a matter of little consequence, as things stand; however, I can't
consent to your leaving us. You have been with me ever since you were a
lad, and I should feel like a fish out of water if I were to be without
you or Bessy; so pay just what you please--I'll take it since you wish
it--and there's an end of the matter."
This was not the end to which I was driving; but Bramble's eyes would
not be opened, and I could not help it. He had never directly spoken to
me about an union with Bessy, and therefore it was impossible for me to
say any more. Bramble, however, did not fail to communicate what I had
said to her; and one evening when we were standing on the shingle beach,
she said to me, "So Emerson has been convicted for smuggling, and
sentenced beyond the seas."
"I am sorry for it," replied I.
"His house is to be let now, Tom; would it not suit you? for my father
told me that you wished to leave us."
"Why should I live upon you when I am able to support myself?"
"Certainly not. If it were not that I could not bear to see father
miserable, I think it would be better if you did take Emerson's house;
but it would vex him, poor good man."
"But not you, Bessy; is it that you mean?"
"Perhaps it is. Tell me yourself, Tom, would it not be better?"