IN WHICH MY MOTHER GIVES MY FATHER A SCRIPTURAL LESSON. MY FATHER'S
GRIEF AT PARTING WITH AN OLD FRIEND--HE EXPOSTULATES WITH MY MOTHER AND
QUITS THE HOUSE.
I woke early the next morning; for the whole night I had been restless,
and dreaming of the unusual occurrences of the day before. It was just
daylight, and I was recalling what had passed, and wondering what had
become of my father, when I heard a noise in my mother's room. I
listened--the door opened, and she went downstairs.
This surprised me; and being conscious, even at my age, of the
vindictive temper shown by my mother upon every occasion, and, anxious
to know where my father was, I could not remain in bed; I put on my
trousers, and crept softly downstairs without my shoes. The door of the
front room was ajar, and I looked in. The light was dimly peering
through the window which pointed to the alley; the table was covered
with the empty pipes, tobacco, and large pools of beer and liquor which
had been spilt on it; the sofa was empty, and my father, who evidently
had become deeply intoxicated the night before, was lying on the sanded
floor with his face downwards; my mother, in her short dressing-gown and
flannel petticoat, was standing over him, her teeth set, her fists
clenched, and arms raised, with a dire expression of revenge in her
countenance. I thought at the time that I never saw her look so ugly--I
may say, so horrid; even now her expression at that moment is not
effaced from my memory. After a few minutes she knelt down and put her
ear close to his head, as if to ascertain whether he was in a sound
sleep; she then took a knife from off the table, felt the edge, looked
at my prostrate father, and raised it. I would have screamed, but my
tongue was glued to my lips with horror. She appeared to reflect, and,
after a time, laid the knife down on the table, put the palm of her hand
up to her forehead, and then a smile gleamed over her moody features.
"Yes, if he murders me; but they will be better," muttered she at last.
She went to the cupboard, took out a large pair of scissors, and,
kneeling down by my father, commenced severing his long pigtail from his
head. My father was too sound asleep to be roused: in a minute the tail
was off, and my mother rose up, holding it, with an expression of the
utmost contempt, between her finger and thumb. She then very softly
laid it down by his side, and replaced the scissors in the cupboard; as
I expected that she would go upstairs again, I concealed myself in the
back kitchen. I was correct in my supposition. A moment afterwards I
heard her ascending the stairs, and go into her own room.
I must say that I felt indignant at this conduct of my mother's, as, so
far from provocation, she had hardly received the reward of previous
treachery. I believe, however, that, like most people, I was actuated
by my own feelings towards my mother, who had treated me so unkindly. I
thought for a little while--what would my mother do? She would hardly
remain in the house, to meet the wrath of my father, when he made the
discovery. She would escape him: this I had no wish that she should do;
so I went softly into the front parlour, and pushed my father to awake
him. For some time this was useless; he muttered and growled, but it
appeared impossible to rouse him. There were the remains of a jug of
water on the table and, as I had seen the same thing done before to a
drunken sailor, I took the jug, and poured the water softly on the nape
of his neck. In a minute or two this had the effect of waking him: he
turned over, opened his eyes, and, when I put my finger to my lips to
intimate silence; he looked at me with a vacant stare. Time pressed; I
heard my mother moving about upstairs, and I was afraid that she would
leave the house before my father had recovered his senses. I therefore
took his pigtail from the floor, and held it up before him. This
appeared to surprise him; he fixed his eyes upon it for a few seconds,
and then, as if at last suspecting what had taken place, he put his hand
to the back of his head, and found no pigtail there. Suddenly he jumped
up; he appeared to be sobered all at once: he caught the tail out of my
hand, looked at it, felt convinced of his loss, threw himself down on
the sofa, and wept like a child.
"I saw my mother do it, father," said I, whispering in his ear. This
appeared to recall him; he raised himself up, wiped his eyes with the
back of his hand, ground his teeth, and shook his head. He threw his
tail on the floor, and, as he eyed it, a deep melancholy spread over his
countenance. After a minute or two, he folded his arms, and thus
lamented over it:--
"Well, I never would have thought it, had they told me that you and I
should have parted company. Many, many years has it taken you to grow
to your present length; often have you been handled, often have you been
combed, and often have you been tied. Many's the eel has been skinned
for your sarvice, and many's the yard of ribbon which you have cost me;
you have been the envy of my ship mates, the fancy of the women, and the
pride of poor Tom Saunders. I thought we should never have parted on
'arth, and, if so be my sins were forgiven me, and I could show a fair
log, that I might be permitted to wear you in the world which is to
come. But there you are--parted for all the world like a limb shot off
in action, never to be spliced again. What am I to say when I go on
board? I shall have a short tale to tell, instead of a long tail to
show. And the wife of my bosom to do this! Well, I married too high,
and now my pride is laid low. Jack, never marry a lady's ladies' maid;
for it appears that the longer the names, the more venomous the cattle
be."
Just as he had finished, I heard my mother coming downstairs with
Virginia, whom she had taken up and dressed, to take away with her.
"Hush!" I heard her softly say to Virginia, "don't speak, dear, or
you'll wake your naughty father."
She had hardly said this, when she made her appearance, with Virginia on
one arm, and a large bundle on the other. But as soon as she perceived
that my father was awake, and cognizant of her revenge, she uttered a
loud scream, dropped Virginia and the bundle, and, running upstairs to
her own room, locked herself in.
Poor little Virginia set up a roar at this very unusual (and I believe
felonious) act of child-dropping on the part of my mother. I ran to
her, and carried her to the sofa, while my father, with compressed lips,
first taking two or three quarter-deck strides up and down the room,
locked the street door, put the key in his pocket, and then ascended the
stairs to pay a visit to my mother, who, I believe, would very willingly
have been "not at home;" but some people are importunate, and will take
no refusal; and, when my father retired three or four steps from the
door, and with a sudden run brought the whole weight of his foot to bear
upon it, it flew open. At first my mother was not visible, my father
thought she had escaped; but at last he spied her legs under the bed.
Seizing her by her extremities, he dragged her out, without any regard
to propriety, until he had her into the middle of time room with his
foot upon her. What a situation for a lady's ladies' maid! I had put
Virginia down on the sofa, and crept up the stairs to see what took
place. My father and mother were in these relative positions, and he
thus addressed her:--
"I have heard say that a man mustn't thrash his wife with anything
thicker than his own thumb. That's as may be,--and I do recollect when
the first lieutenant wanted to cut off the men's hair, that the purser
told him that it was felony, under the Act of cutting and maiming. I
don't know whether the first lieutenant would have made a felony or not;
but this I'm sartain of--he'd have made a mutiny. You desarve no mercy,
and you shall have none. This pigtail of mine shall be what I shall use
upon you, and if the colt is heavy, recollect you cut it for yourself;
and as you may not be able to hear what I say by the time I have done
with you, I'll just tell you now. I'll point the end, and work a mouse
on this pigtail of mine, and never part with it. I'll keep it for your
own particular use, and for nobody else's; and as sartain as I come
back, so sartain every time I come you shall have a taste of pigtail
without _chewing_, my lady's ladies' maid."
Having made this uncommon long speech, to which my mother offered no
reply, her eyes being fixed in terror upon the brandished tail, which
was nearly as thick as her own arm, my father proceeded to put his
threats into execution. Blow resounded after blow; my mother's cries
became feebler and feebler, until at last she appeared senseless. Then
I ran to my father, and clinging to his leg, cried, "Oh, father, she's
dead!"
This observation induced him to leave off. He looked at my mother's
face; her eyes were closed, and her jaw had fallen. "Well, she had
enough of it this time," said my father, after a pause; "maybe, too much
on it. But when I looks at this tail in my hand, I feel as if I could
still give her more. And if she be dead, I think the judge would not
hang me, if I showed him what I have lost. I'd rather have parted with
an arm or a leg any day of the week. There's been provocation enough,
at all events; if she be dead--a saint in heaven couldn't stand it."
During these remarks my mother gave no signs of returning animation, and
at last my father became seriously alarmed. "Jack," said he, "I must
cut my stick, or they may put me into limbo. As soon as I have cleared
out, do you run for a doctor to look at your mother; and mind you don't
forget to tell that old chap who was boozing with me last night
everything which has happened, and the people will say, come what will
on it, that I was aggravated sufficient; and, Jack, if there he a
crowner's inquest, mind you tell the truth. You know I didn't want to
kill the old woman, don't you, my boy? for didn't I say that I'd keep
the tail to give her another dose when I came back again?--that proves I
didn't intend that she should slip her wind, you know, boy. I said I'd
give her another dose, you know, Jack--and," continued my father, "so I
will, if I find her above ground when I comes back again."
My father then went downstairs. Little Virginia had fallen asleep again
on the sofa; my father kissed her softly, shook hands with me, and put a
crown in my hand. He then unlocked the door, and, thrusting the end of
his pigtail into his breast, coiled it, as it were, round his body,
hastened down the alley, and was soon out of sight.