_He Visits the Wreck and Obtains many Stores from it--Again Thinks of
Quitting the Island--Has a Remarkable Dream_
There are some secret moving springs in the affections which, when they
are set agoing by some object in view, or be it some object, though not
in view, yet rendered present to the mind by the power of imagination,
that motion carries out the soul by its impetuosity to such violent,
eager embracings of the object, that the absence of it is insupportable.
Such were these earnest wishings that but one man had been saved! “Oh
that it had been but one!” I believe I repeated the words a thousand
times; and the desires were so moved by it, that when I spoke the
words my hands would clinch together, and my fingers press the palms
of my hands, that if I had had any soft thing in my hand, it would
have crushed it involuntarily; and my teeth in my head would strike
together, and set against one another so strong, that for some time I
could not part them again.
Let the naturalists explain these things, and the reason and manner of
them. All I can say to them is to describe the fact, which was even
surprising to me when I found it, though I knew not from what it should
proceed. It was doubtless the effect of ardent wishes, and of strong
ideas formed in my mind, realising the comfort which the conversation
of one of my fellow-Christians would have been to me.
But it was not to be. Either their fate or mine, or both, forbid it;
for, till the last year of my being on this island, I never knew
whether any were saved out of that ship or no; and had only the
affliction, some days after, to see the corpse of a drowned boy come
on shore at the end of the island which was next the shipwreck. He had
on no clothes but a seaman’s waistcoat, a pair of open-kneed linen
drawers, and a blue linen shirt; but nothing to direct me so much as
to guess what nation he was of. He had nothing in his pocket but two
pieces of eight and a tobacco-pipe. The last was to me of ten times
more value than the first.
It was now calm, and I had a great mind to venture out in my boat to
this wreck, not doubting but I might find something on board that
might be useful to me. But that did not altogether press me so much
as the possibility that there might be yet some living creature on
board, whose life I might not only save, but might, by saving that
life, comfort my own to the last degree. And this thought clung so to
my heart, that I could not be quiet night nor day, but I must venture
out in my boat on board this wreck; and committing the rest to God’s
providence, I thought, the impression was so strong upon my mind
that it could not be resisted, that it must come from some invisible
direction, and that I should be wanting to myself if I did not go.
Under the power of this impression, I hastened back to my castle,
prepared everything for my voyage, took a quantity of bread, a great
pot for fresh water, a compass to steer by, a bottle of rum (for I had
still a great deal of that left), a basket full of raisins. And thus,
loading myself with everything necessary, I went down to my boat, got
the water out of her, and got her afloat, loaded all my cargo in her,
and then went home again for more. My second cargo was a great bag
full of rice, the umbrella to set up over my head for shade, another
large pot full of fresh water, and about two dozen of my small loaves,
or barley-cakes, more than before, with a bottle of goat’s milk and
a cheese; all of which, with great labor and sweat, I brought to my
boat. And praying to God to direct my voyage, I put out; and rowing,
or paddling, the canoe along the shore, I came at last to the utmost
point of the island on that side, viz., N.E. And now I was to launch
out into the ocean, and either to venture or not to venture. I looked
on the rapid currents which ran constantly on both sides of the island
at a distance, and which were very terrible to me, from the remembrance
of the hazard I had been in before, and my heart began to fail me; for
I foresaw that if I was driven into either of those currents, I should
be carried a vast way out to sea, and perhaps out of my reach, or sight
of the island again; and that then, as my boat was but small, if any
little gale of wind should rise, I should be inevitably lost.
These thoughts so oppressed my mind, that I began to give over my
enterprise; and having hauled my boat into a little creek on the shore,
I stepped out, and sat me down upon a little rising bit of ground, very
pensive and anxious, between fear and desire, about my voyage; when, as
I was musing, I could perceive that the tide was turned, and the flood
come on; upon which my going was for so many hours impracticable. Upon
this, presently it occurred to me that I should go up to the highest
piece of ground I could find and observe, if I could, how the sets of
the tide, or currents, lay when the flood came in, that I might judge
whether, if I was driven one way out, I might not expect to be driven
another way home, with the same rapidness of the currents. This thought
was no sooner in my head but I cast my eye upon a little hill, which
sufficiently overlooked the sea both ways, and from whence I had a
clear view of the currents, or sets of the tide, and which way I was
to guide myself in my return. Here I found, that as the current of the
ebb set out close by the south point of the island, so the current of
the flood set in close by the shore of the north side; and that I had
nothing to do but to keep to the north of the island in my return, and
I should do well enough.
Encouraged with this observation, I resolved the next morning to set
out with the first of the tide, and reposing myself for the night in
the canoe, under the great watch-coat I mention, I launched out. I
made first a little out to sea, full north, till I began to feel the
benefit of the current which set eastward, and which carried me at a
great rate; and yet did not so hurry me as the southern side current
had done before, and so as to take from me all government of the boat;
but having a strong steerage with my paddle, I went at a great rate
directly for the wreck, and in less than two hours I came up to it.
It was a dismal sight to look at. The ship, which, by its building,
was Spanish, stuck fast, jammed in between two rocks. All the stern
and quarter of her was beaten to pieces with the sea; and as her
forecastle, which stuck in the rocks, had run on with great violence,
her mainmast and foremast were brought by the board; that is to say,
broken short off; but her bowsprit was sound, and the head and bow
appeared firm. When I came close to her a dog appeared upon her, who,
seeing me coming, yelped and cried; and as soon as I called him, jumped
into the sea to come to me, and I took him into the boat, but found him
almost dead for hunger and thirst. I gave him a cake of my bread, and
he ate it like a ravenous wolf that had been starving a fortnight in
the snow. I then gave the poor creature some fresh water, with which,
if I would have let him, he would have burst himself.
After this I went on board; but the first sight I met with was two men
drowned in the cook-room, or forecastle of the ship, with their arms
fast about one another. I concluded, as is indeed probable, that when
the ship struck, it being in a storm, the sea broke so high, and so
continually over her, that the men were not able to bear it, and were
strangled with the constant rushing in of the water, as much as if
they had been under water. Besides the dog, there was nothing left in
the ship that had life; nor any goods that I could see, but what were
spoiled by the water. There were some casks of liquor, whether wine or
brandy I knew not, which lay lower in the hold, and which, the water
being ebbed out, I could see; but they were too big to meddle with. I
saw several chests which I believed belonged to some of the seamen; and
I got two of them into the boat, without examining what was in them.
Had the stern of the ship been fixed, and the forepart broken off, I am
persuaded I might have made a good voyage; for by what I found in these
two chests, I had room to suppose the ship had a great deal of wealth
on board; and if I may guess by the course she steered, she must have
been bound from the Buenos Ayres, or the Rio de la Plata, in the south
part of America, beyond the Brazils, to Havana, in the Gulf of Mexico,
and so perhaps to Spain. She had, no doubt, a great treasure in her,
but of no use, at that time, to anybody; and what became of the rest of
her people, I then knew not.
I found, besides these chests, a little cask full of liquor, of about
twenty gallons, which I got into my boat with much difficulty. There
were several muskets in a cabin, and a great powder-horn, with about
four pounds of powder in it. As for the muskets, I had no occasion for
them, so I left them, but took the powder-horn. I took a fire-shovel
and tongs, which I wanted extremely; as also two little brass kettles,
a copper pot to make chocolate, and a gridiron. And with this cargo,
and the dog, I came away, the tide beginning to make home again; and
the same evening, about an hour within night, I reached the island
again, weary and fatigued to the last degree.
I reposed that night in the boat; and in the morning I resolved to
harbor what I had gotten in my new cave, not to carry it home to my
castle. After refreshing myself, I got all my cargo on shore, and began
to examine the particulars. The cask of liquor I found to be a kind of
rum, but not such as we had at the Brazils, and, in a word, not at all
good. But when I came to open the chests, I found several things of
great use to me. For example, I found in one a fine case of bottles,
of an extraordinary kind, and filled with cordial waters, fine, and
very good; the bottles held about three pints each, and were tipped
with silver. I found two pots of very good succades, or sweetmeats, so
fastened also on top, that the salt water had not hurt them; and two
more of the same, which the water had spoiled. I found some very good
shirts, which were very welcome to me; and about a dozen and half of
linen white handkerchiefs and colored neck-cloths. The former were also
very welcome, being exceeding refreshing to wipe my face on a hot day.
Besides this, when I came to the till in the chest, I found there three
great bags of pieces of eight, which held out about eleven hundred
pieces in all; and in one of them, wrapped up in a paper, six doubloons
of gold, and some small bars or wedges of gold. I suppose they might
all weigh near a pound.
The other chest I found had some clothes in it, but of little value;
but by the circumstances, it must have belonged to the gunner’s mate;
though there was no powder in it, but about two pounds of fine glazed
powder, in three small flasks, kept, I suppose, for charging their
fowling-pieces on occasion. Upon the whole, I got very little by
this voyage that was of any use to me; for as to the money, I had no
manner of occasion for it; ’twas to me as the dirt under my feet; and
I would have given it all for three or four pair of English shoes and
stockings, which were things I greatly wanted, but had not had on my
feet now for many years. I had indeed gotten two pair of shoes now,
which I took off of the feet of the two drowned men whom I saw in the
wreck, and I found two pair more in one of the chests which were very
welcome to me; but they were not like our English shoes, either for
ease or service, being rather what we call pumps than shoes. I found in
this seaman’s chest about fifty pieces of eight in royals, but no gold.
I suppose this belonged to a poorer man than the other, which seemed to
belong to some officer.
Well, however, I lugged this money home to my cave, and laid it up, as
I had done that before which I brought from our own ship; but it was
great pity, as I said, that the other part of this ship had not come to
my share, for I am satisfied I might have loaded my canoe several times
over with money, which, if I had ever escaped to England, would have
lain here safe enough till I might have come again and fetched it.
Having now brought all my things on shore, and secured them, I went
back to my boat, and rowed or paddled her along the shore to her old
harbor, where I laid her up, and made the best of my way to my old
habitation, where I found everything safe and quiet. So I began to
repose myself, live after my old fashion, and take care of my family
affairs; and, for a while, I lived easy enough, only that I was more
vigilant than I used to be, looked out oftener, and did not go abroad
so much; and if at any time I did stir with any freedom, it was always
to the east part of the island, where I was pretty well satisfied the
savages never came and where I could go without so many precautions,
and such a load of arms and ammunition as I always carried with me if I
went the other way.
I lived in this condition near two years more; but my unlucky head,
that was always to let me know it was born to make my body miserable,
was all this two years filled with projects and designs, how, if it
were possible, I might get away from this island; for sometimes I was
for making another voyage to the wreck, though my reason told me that
there was nothing left there worth the hazard of my voyage; sometimes
for a ramble one way, sometimes another; and I believe verily, if I had
had the boat that I went from Sallee in, I should have ventured to sea,
bound anywhere, I knew not whither.
I have been, in all my circumstances, a memento to those who are
touched with the general plague of mankind, whence, for aught I know
one-half of their miseries flow; I mean, that of not being satisfied
with the station wherein God and Nature has placed them; for now to
look back upon my primitive condition, and the excellent advice of my
father, the opposition to which was, as I may call it, my _original
sin_, my subsequent mistakes of the same kind had been the means of
my coming into this miserable condition; for had that Providence,
which so happily had seated me at the Brazils as a planter, blessed me
with confined desires, and I could have been contented to have gone
on gradually, I might have been, by this time, I mean in the time of
my being in this island, one of the most considerable planters in the
Brazils; nay, I am persuaded that by the improvements I had made in
that little time I lived there, and the increase I should probably
have made if I had stayed, I might have been worth an hundred thousand
moidores. And what business had I to leave a settled fortune, a
well-stocked plantation, improving and increasing, to turn supercargo
to Guinea to fetch negroes, when patience and time would have so
increased our stock at home, that we could have bought them at our own
door from those whose business it was to fetch them; and though it had
cost us something more, yet the difference of that price was by no
means worth saving at so great a hazard.
But as this is ordinarily the fate of young heads, so reflection upon
the folly of it is as ordinarily the exercise of more years, or of
the dear-bought experience of time; and so it was with me now. And
yet, so deep had the mistake taken root in my temper, that I could
not satisfy myself in my station, but was continually poring upon the
means and possibility of my escape from this place. And that I may,
with the greater pleasure to the reader, bring on the remaining part
of my story, it may not be improper to give some account of my first
conceptions on the subject of this foolish scheme for my escape, and
how, and upon what foundation, I acted.
I am now to be supposed retired into my castle, after my late voyage to
the wreck, my frigate laid up and secured under water, as usual, and my
condition restored to what it was before. I had more wealth, indeed,
than I had before, but was not at all the richer; for I had no more use
for it than the Indians of Peru had before the Spaniards came there.
It was one of the nights in the rainy season in March, the four and
twentieth year of my first setting foot in this island of solitariness.
I was lying in my bed, or hammock, awake, very well in health, had no
pain, no distemper, no uneasiness of body, no, nor any uneasiness of
mind, more than ordinary, but could by no means close my eyes, that
is, so as to sleep; no, not a wink all night long, otherwise than as
follows.
It is as impossible, as needless, to set down the innumerable crowd of
thoughts that whirled through that great thoroughfare of the brain, the
memory, in this night’s time. I ran over the whole history of my life
in miniature, or by abridgment, as I may call it, to my coming to this
island, and also of the part of my life since I came to this island. In
my reflections upon the state of my case since I came on shore on this
island, I was comparing the happy posture of my affairs in the first
years of my habitation here compared to the life of anxiety, fear, and
care which I had lived ever since I had seen the print of a foot in the
sand; not that I did not believe the savages had frequented the island
even all the while, and might have been several hundreds of them at
times on shore there; but I had never know it, and was incapable of any
apprehensions about it. My satisfaction was perfect, though my danger
was the same; and I was as happy in not knowing my danger, as if I had
never really been exposed to it. This furnished my thoughts with many
very profitable reflections, and particularly this one: how infinitely
good that Providence is which has provided, in its government of
mankind, such narrow bounds to his sight and knowledge of things; and
though he walks in the midst of so many thousand dangers, the sight
of which, if discovered to him, would distract his mind and sink his
spirits, he is kept serene and calm, by having the events of things hid
from his eyes, and knowing nothing of the dangers which surround him.
After these thoughts had for some time entertained me, I came to
reflect seriously upon the real danger I had been in for so many
years in this very island, and how I had walked about in the greatest
security, and with all possible tranquillity, even when perhaps nothing
but a brow of a hill, a great tree, or the casual approach of night
had been between me and the worst kind of destruction, viz., that
of falling into the hands of cannibals and savages, who would have
seized on me with the same view as I did of a goat or a turtle, and
have thought it no more a crime to kill and devour me, than I did of
a pigeon or a curlew. I would unjustly slander myself if I should say
I was not sincerely thankful to my great Preserver, to whose singular
protection I acknowledged, with great humility, that all these unknown
deliverances were due, and without which I must inevitably have fallen
into their merciless hands.
When these thoughts were over, my head was for some time taken up in
considering the nature of these wretched creatures, I mean the savages,
and how it came to pass in the world that the wise Governor of all
things should give up any of His creatures to such inhumanity; nay, to
something so much below even brutality itself, as to devour its own
kind. But as this ended in some (at that time fruitless) speculations,
it occurred to me to inquire what part of the world these wretches
lived in? how far off the coast was from whence they came? what they
ventured over so far from home for? what kind of boats they had? and
why I might not order myself and my business so, that I might be as
able to go over thither, as they were to come to me.
I never so much as troubled myself to consider what I should do with
myself when I came thither; what would become of me, if I fell into
the hands of the savages; or how I should escape from them, if they
attempted me; no, nor so much as how it was possible for me to reach
the coast, and not be attempted by some or other of them, without
any possibility of delivering myself; and if I should not fall into
their hands, what I should do for provision; or whither I should bend
my course. None of these thoughts, I say, so much as came in my way;
but my mind was wholly bent upon the notion of my passing over in my
boat to the mainland. I looked back upon my present condition as the
most miserable that could possibly be; that I was not able to throw
myself into anything, but death, that could be called worse; that if I
reached the shore of the main, I might perhaps meet with relief, or I
might coast along, as I did on the shore of Africa, till I came to some
inhabited country, and where I might find some relief; and after all,
perhaps I might fall in with some Christian ship that might take me in;
and if the worse came to the worst, I could but die, which would put an
end to all these miseries at once. Pray, note, all this was the fruit
of a disturbed mind, an impatient temper, made as it were desperate
by the long continuance of my troubles, and the disappointments I had
met in the wreck I had been on board of, and where I had been so near
the obtaining what I so earnestly longed for, viz., somebody to speak
to, and to learn some knowledge from of the place where I was, and of
the probable means of my deliverance. I say, I was agitated wholly by
these thoughts. All my calm of mind, in my resignation to Providence,
and waiting the issue of the dispositions of Heaven, seemed to be
suspended; and I had, as it were, no power to turn my thoughts to
anything but to the project of a voyage to the main, which came upon me
with such force, and such an impetuosity of desire, that it was not to
be resisted.
When this had agitated my thoughts for two hours, or more, with such
violence that it set my very blood into a ferment, and my pulse beat
as high as if I had been in a fever, merely with the extraordinary
fervor of my mind about it, Nature, as if I had been fatigued and
exhausted with the very thought of it, threw me into a sound sleep. One
would have thought I should have dreamed of it, but I did not, nor of
anything relating to it; but I dreamed that as I was going out in the
morning, as usual, from my castle, I saw upon the shore two canoes and
eleven savages coming to land, and that they brought with them another
savage, whom they were going to kill in order to eat him; when, on a
sudden, the savage that they were going to kill jumped away, and ran
for his life. And I thought, in my sleep, that he came running into my
little thick grove before my fortification to hide himself; and that I,
seeing him alone, and not perceiving that the others sought him that
way, showed myself to him, and smiling upon him, encouraged him; that
he kneeled down to me, seeming to pray me to assist him; upon which I
showed my ladder, made him go up, and carried him into my cave, and he
became my servant; and that as soon as I had gotten this man, I said to
myself, “Now I may certainly venture to the mainland; for this fellow
will serve me as a pilot, and will tell me what to do, and whither to
go for provisions, and whither not to go for fear of being devoured;
what places to venture into, and what to escape.” I waked with this
thought, and was under such inexpressible impressions of joy at the
prospect of my escape in my dream, that the disappointments which I
felt upon coming to myself and finding it was no more than a dream
were equally extravagant the other way, and threw me into a very great
dejection of spirit.
Upon this, however, I made this conclusion; that my only way to go
about an attempt for an escape was, if possible, to get a savage into
my possession; and, if possible, it should be one of their prisoners
whom they had condemned to be eaten, and should bring thither to kill.
But these thoughts still were attended with this difficulty, that it
was impossible to effect this without attacking a whole caravan of
them, and killing them all; and this was not only a very desperate
attempt, and might miscarry, but, on the other hand, I had greatly
scrupled the lawfulness of it to me; and my heart trembled at the
thoughts of shedding so much blood, though it was for my deliverance.
I need not repeat the arguments which occurred to me against this,
they being the same mentioned before. But though I had other reasons
to offer now, viz., that those men were enemies to my life, and would
devour me if they could; that it was self-preservation, in the highest
degree, to deliver myself from this death of a life, and was acting in
my own defence as much as if they were actually assaulting me, and the
like; I say, though these things argued for it, yet the thoughts of
shedding human blood for my deliverance were very terrible to me, and
such as I could by no means reconcile myself to a great while.
However, at last, after many secret disputes with myself, and after
great perplexities about it, for all these arguments, one way and
another, struggled in my head a long time, the eager prevailing desire
of deliverance at length mastered all the rest, and I resolved, if
possible, to get one of those savages into my hands, cost what it
would. My next thing then was to contrive how to do it, and this indeed
was very difficult to resolve on. But as I could pitch upon no probable
means for it, so I resolved to put myself upon the watch, to see them
when they came on shore, and leave the rest to the event, taking such
measures as the opportunity should present, let be what would be.
With these resolutions in my thoughts, I set myself upon the scout as
often as possible, and indeed so often, till I was heartily tired of
it; for it was above a year and half that I waited; and for great part
of that time went out to the west end, and to the south-west corner of
the island, almost every day, to see for canoes, but none appeared.
This was very discouraging, and began to trouble me much; though I
cannot say that it did in this case, as it had done some time before
that, viz., wear off the edge of my desire to the thing. But the longer
it seemed to be delayed, the more eager I was for it. In a word, I was
not at first so careful to shun the sight of these savages, and avoid
being seen by them, as I was now eager to be upon them.
Besides, I fancied myself able to manage one, nay, two or three
savages, if I had them, so as to make them entirely slaves to me, to do
whatever I should direct them, and to prevent their being able at any
time to do me any hurt. It was a great while that I pleased myself with
this affair; but nothing still presented. All my fancies and schemes
came to nothing, for no savages came near me for a great while.