THE LOST SON.
The parents respected poor Wat’s seclusion, his misery and trouble,
though it was so hard to keep away from him; not to go and talk to him,
remonstrating or consoling; not to carry him a tray, to implore him to
eat a little. They resisted all these impulses: the last, perhaps, was
the most difficult. Lady Penton had to call to her aid all the forces of
her mind, to strengthen herself by every consideration of prudence,
before she could overcome the burning desire which came back and back,
with renewed temptation, a hundred times in the course of the evening to
take up that tray. A few sandwiches, a little claret, or some beer,
would have done him no harm; and who could tell whether he had eaten
enough to sustain his strength in the course of the day? But, what with
her own self-reminders that it was wiser to leave him to himself, what
with the half taunts, half remonstrances of her husband--“If I am not to
say a word to him, which I believe is nonsense, why should
you?”--holding herself as it were with both hands, she managed to
refrain. The first time that such a breach comes into a family--that one
member of it withdraws in darkness and silence into his own room, not
to be disturbed, not to be found fault with, not even to be
comforted--till to-morrow--how keen is the pang of the separation, how
poignant the sense of his solitude and anguish! In such circumstances it
is the culprit generally who suffers least. The grieved and perhaps
angered parents, pondering what to say to him, how to do what is best
for him, how not to say too much, afraid to make the fault appear too
grave, afraid to make too little of it, casting about in their anxious
souls what to do: the brothers and sisters looking on in the background,
questioning each other with bated breath, their imaginations all busy
with that too touching, too suggestive picture of the offender in his
room, left to himself, eating nothing, communicating with nobody--how
dreadful when it is for the first time! what a heartbreaking and
hopeless wretchedness when custom has made it common, and there is no
longer any confidence in remonstrance or appeal. It is generally some
evident breach of the proprieties or minor morals that is the cause of
such a domestic event. But this time nobody knew what Walter had done.
What had he done? it could not be anything wrong. He had quarreled with
father: to be sure that was as though the heavens had fallen: but yet it
could only be a mistake. Father no doubt had been impatient; Wat had
been affronted. They had not waited, either of them, to explain. The
girls made it clear to each other in this way. At all events, it was all
over now. No doubt poor Wat had spent a miserable day: but no one would
remind him of it by a word, by so much as a look, and it was all over,
and would be remembered no more.
The parents got up in the morning with many a troubled thought. They
asked each other what it would be best to say. Perhaps it would be
wisest to say as little as possible: perhaps only to point out to him
that, in his position, now truly the heir of Penton, any premature
matrimonial project would be ruinous: that he was far too young; that in
any case, supposing the lady were the most eligible person in the world,
it would be necessary to wait.
“If that is what he is thinking of,” said Sir Edward.
“What else could he be thinking of?” cried Lady Penton.
Or if perhaps it was only a passing folly, a foolish little flirtation,
nothing serious at all? Then perhaps a few words only, to remind him
that in his position one must not do such things, one must not lead a
silly girl to form expectations--
“Oh, bother the silly girl!” said Sir Edward; “what are her expectations
to us? It is Wat I am thinking of.”
“Dear Edward,” said the mother, “he will be far, far more likely to see
the folly of it if you show him that it might have a bad effect upon
another.”
At this Sir Edward shook his head, thinking that his wife did not here
show her usual good sense, but he made no objection in words, and
finally it was decided between them that as little as possible was to be
said, nothing at all at first, and that the poor boy was to be allowed
to have his breakfast in peace.
But at breakfast Walter did not appear. It was thought at first that he
was late on purpose, waiting perhaps till the children had
finished--till he might have a hope of being alone; or at least, if he
had to face his father, to secure that no one else should be present
when he was called to account. By and by, however, a thrill of alarm
began to be felt; and then came a terrible disclosure which froze their
very blood--Gardener coming to his work very early in the morning had
met Mr. Walter leaving the house. He had on his big great-coat and a bag
in his hand, and he was in a great hurry, as a man might be who was bent
on catching the seven o’clock train. Walter’s room was searched at once
in case he should have left a note or anything to explain: but there was
not a scrap of explanation. He was gone, that was clear. He had taken
some linen, a change of dress in his bag; his drawers were left open,
and all the contents thrown about, as is usual when a man selects for
himself a few articles of dress to take with him. The look of these
drawers carried dismay to his mother’s heart. He was gone. Where had he
gone? So young, so little accustomed to independent action, so ignorant
of the world! Where had the boy gone? what had happened to him? Lady
Penton recollected after the event, as we so often do, that Walter had
made no response to her suggestions of what was to be said and done
to-morrow. He had answered “Good-night, mother,” and no more; that was
no answer. He had never said he would accept her advice to-morrow, that
he would discuss what had happened, or hear what his father had to say.
“Good-night, mother,” that was all he had said. And oh! she might have
known, when he eluded the subject in this way--she might have known! She
ought to have been on her guard. Sir Edward said very little; his face
grew dark with anger and indignation, and he walked off at once in the
direction of the village without saying where he meant to go. All at
once from their happiness and unsuspecting peace the family plunged into
that depth of dismay and misery which comes with the first great family
anxiety. It seemed to them all who were old enough to understand
anything about it that a great shame and horror had come into the midst
of them. Walter had left home without a word; they did not know where he
was, or why he had gone, or in whose company. Could anything be more
terrible? Just grown to man’s estate, and he had disappeared, and no one
knew where he had gone!
The period that followed is beyond description in these pages. Out of
the clear serenity of innocent life this blameless household fell--as
into an abyss of terror and shame, of new experiences unthought of, and
new conditions. The girls, with a gasp, behind backs, scarcely daring to
look at each other, heard their mother say to Mab, who was so great an
aggravation of their trouble, that Walter had gone--to town on business;
that he had preparations to make and things to get before he went to
Oxford. Lady Penton said this in a voice which scarcely faltered,
looking the visitor, who was so sadly out of place in the midst of the
agitated company, in the face all the time.
“Oh, to be sure,” said Mab, “they always do. Any excuse is good enough
for gentlemen, don’t you think, Lady Penton? they are always so pleased
to get to town.”
Lady Penton looked quite gratefully at the girl. “Yes,” she said; “they
all like it.”
“And so should I,” said little Mab, “if I were a boy.”
It was not of any importance what little Mab said, and yet it was
astonishing how it comforted Lady Penton. She said to the girls
afterward that living so quietly as they had all done made people
disposed to make mountains out of mole-hills. “But you see that little
girl thinks it quite a common sort of thing,” she said.
But Sir Edward’s gloomy face was not a thing that was capable of any
disguise. He was in movement the whole day long. He went all about,
taking long walks, and next day went up to London, and was absent from
morning to night. He never said anything, nor did the girls venture to
question him. There seemed to have grown a great difference between
them--a long, long interval separating him from his daughters. He had
long private conversations with his wife when he came back; indeed, she
would withdraw into the book-room when she saw him coming, as if to be
ready for him. And they would shut themselves up and talk for an hour at
a time, with a continuous low murmur of voices.
“Oh, mother, tell us,” Ally or Anne would cry when they could find her
alone for a moment, “is there any news? has father found anything out?”
to which Lady Penton would reply, with a shake of her head, “Your father
hopes to find him very soon. Oh, don’t ask questions! I am not able to
answer you,” she would say.
This seemed to go on for ages--for almost a life-time--so that they
began to forget how peaceful their lives had been before; and to go into
Walter’s room, which they did constantly, and look at his bed, made up
in cold order and tidiness, never disturbed. To see it all so tidy, not
even a pair of boots thrown about or a tie flung on the table, made
their hearts die within them. It was as if Walter were dead--almost
worse. It seemed more dreadful than death to think that they did not
know where he was.
And Mab stayed on for one long endless week. Some one of them had always
to be with her, trying to amuse her; talking, or making an effort to
talk. Lady Penton was the one who succeeded best. She would let the girl
chatter to her for an hour together, and never miss saying the right
thing in the right place, or giving Mab the appropriate smile and
encouragement. How could she do it? the girls wondered and asked each
other. Did she like that little chatter? How did she bear it? Did it
make her forget? Or finally--a suggestion which they hardly dared to
make--did mother not care so very much; Was that possible? When one is
young and very young, one can not believe that the older people suffer
as one feels one’s self to suffer. It seems impossible that they can do
it. They go steadily on and order dinner every day, and point out to the
house-maid when she has not dusted as she ought. This suggestion to the
house-maid (which they called scolding Mary) was a great stumbling-block
to the girls. They did not understand how their mother could be very
miserable about Walter, and yet find fault, nay, find out at all the
dust upon the books. They themselves lived in a world suddenly turned
into something different from the world they had known, where the air
kept whispering as if it had a message to deliver, and sounds were about
the house at night as of some one coming, always coming, who never came.
They had not known what the mystery of the darkness was before, the
great profundity of night in which somewhere their brother might be
wandering homeless, in what trouble and distress who could tell? or what
aching depths of distance was in the great full staring daylight,
through which they gazed and gazed and looked for him, but never saw
him. How intolerable Mab became with her chatter; how they chafed even
at their mother’s self-command, and the steadiness with which she went
on keeping the house in order, it would be difficult to say. Their
father, though they scarcely ventured to speak to him in his
self-absorbed and resentful gloom, had more of their sympathy. He not
only suffered, but looked as if he suffered. He lost his color, he lost
his appetite, he was restless, incapable of keeping still. He could no
longer bear the noise of the children, and sickened at the sight of
food. And there was Mab all the time, to whom Lady Penton had told that
story about Walter, but who, when they felt sure, knew better, having
learned to read their faces, and to see the restrained misery, the
tension of suspense. Oh, if this spectator, this observer, with her
quick eyes, which it was so difficult to elude, would but go away!
At last it was announced that the Russell Pentons were coming to fetch
her, an event which the household regarded with mingled relief and
alarm. Sir Edward’s face grew gloomier than ever. “They have come to spy
out the nakedness of the land,” he said; “Alicia will divine what
anxiety we are in, and she will not be sorry.”
“Oh, hush, Edward,” said his wife; “we do not want her to be sorry. Why
should she be sorry? she knows nothing.”
“You think so,” he cried; “but depend upon it everybody knows.”
“Why should everybody know? Nobody shall know from me; and the girls
will betray nothing. They know nothing, poor children. If you will only
try to look a little cheerful yourself, and keep up appearances--”
“Cheerful!” he said, with something of the same feeling as the girls
had, that she could not surely care so much. Was it possible that she
did not care? But nevertheless he tried to do something to counteract
that droop of his mouth, and make his voice a little more flexible and
natural, when the sound of the wheels on the gravel told that the
Pentons had come. Meanwhile Mab had gone, attended by the sisters, to
make her preparations for going. They had packed her things for her, an
office to which she was not accustomed, while she mourned over her
departure, and did their best not to show her that this was a feeling
they did not share.
Mab lingered a little after the carriage arrived. She wanted to show her
sympathy, though it was not quite easy to see how that was to be done.
She remained silent for a minute or so, and then she said, “I haven’t
liked to say anything, but I’ve been very, very sorry,” giving Ally a
sudden kiss as she spoke.
The two girls looked at each other, as was their wont, and Anne, who was
always the most prompt, asked, “Sorry for what?”
“Do you really, really not know where he is?” said Mab, without pausing
to reply. “I think I could tell you where he is. He is in town
with--some one--”
“Some one?” they both cried, with a sudden pang of excitement, as though
they were on the verge of a discovery; for unless she knew
something--though how could she know anything?--it seemed impossible
that she could speak so.
“Oh, the one he went out every night to see. There must have been
somebody. When they go out every night like that it is always to
see--some one,” she said, nodding her head in the certainty of her
superior knowledge of the world.
“Oh, how do you know? You are mistaken if you think that Walter--how can
you know about such things?”
“Because I am little,” said Mab, “and not very old, that’s not to say
that I haven’t been a great deal about: and I’ve heard people talking.
They pretend they don’t talk before girls. I suppose they think they
don’t. They stop themselves just enough to make you want to find out,
and then they forget you are there, and say all sorts of things. That’s
where he is, you may be sure: and he will come back by and by,
especially if he wants money. You needn’t be afraid. That is what they
all do. Oh, listen; they are calling us from down-stairs! I am so sorry
I must go: I wish I could stay: I like this better than any place I ever
stayed at, and you’ve all been so kind. Write to me and tell me, will
you, all about it? I shall be anxious to know. But don’t make yourselves
miserable, for he will come back when he has spent his money, or
when--Yes, we are coming! We are coming! Ally, mind you write and tell
me. I shall want so much to know.”
They tried to interrupt her again and again to tell her she was
mistaken; that Walter had only gone to town; that they were not anxious,
or ignorant where he was, or unhappy about him: with much more to the
same effect; but Mab’s cheerful certainty that she was right overpowered
their faltering affirmations, of which she took no notice. She kissed
them both with enthusiasm in the midst of her little harangue, and ran
on with expressions of her regret as they went down-stairs. “Oh, I wish
Lady Penton would have me for good,” Mab said; “but you don’t care for
me as I do for you.”
Meanwhile, in the drawing-room, Lady Penton was receiving her visitors
with an eager cordiality that was scarcely consistent with her nature,
and which was meant to show not only that she was entirely at her ease,
but that her husband’s gloom, which he had tried to shake off, but not
very successfully, did not mean anything. As a matter of fact, the
Russell Pentons, knowing nothing of the circumstances of Walter’s
disappearance, were quite unaware of any effort, or any reason why an
effort should be made. They interpreted the husband’s half-resentful
looks--for that was the natural aspect of distress with Edward
Penton--and the excessive courtesy and desire to please, of his wife, as
fully accounted for by the position toward each other in which the two
families stood. Why should Edward Penton be resentful? He had got his
rights, those rights upon which he had stood so strongly when his cousin
Alicia had paid her previous visit. She was ready to put a private
interpretation of her own on everything she saw. He had resisted then
her proposals and overtures, although afterward he had been anxious to
accede to them; and now he was disappointed and vexed that the bargain
against which he had stood out at first had come to nothing, and that
she would not relieve him from the burden of the expensive house which
he had first refused to give up and then been so anxious to be quit of.
How inconsistent! How feeble! And the wife endeavoring with her little
fuss of politeness to make up, perhaps thinking that she might succeed
where her husband had failed! This was how Mrs. Russell Penton
interpreted the aspect of the poor people whose object was to conceal
their unhappiness from all eyes, and that nobody might have a word to
say against the boy who was racking their hearts.
“I have been sorry to leave Mab so long, to give you the trouble,” Mrs.
Russell Penton said, with her stiff dignity. “Her uncle, in his
consideration for me, did not think of your inconvenience, I fear.”
“There has been no inconvenience. We are so many that one more or less
does not matter. We have treated her without ceremony, as one of the
family--”
“And made her very happy, evidently,” said Russell Penton. “She is very
unwilling to come away.”
And then there was a pause. That Mab Russell, the heiress, should be
treated as one of the family by these poor Pentons was to Alicia a
reversal of every rule which she could scarcely accept without a
protest. “It must have been a glimpse of life very different from
anything she has been accustomed to,” she said at last.
“Yes, poor little thing! with no brothers or sisters of her own.”
“She has compensations,” said Russell Penton, with a glimmer of humor in
his eyes. But Lady Penton looked at him without any response in hers. He
was so surprised at this, and bewildered that Mab’s value should not be
known, that involuntarily, out of the commotion in his own mind, he put
a question which seemed full of meaning to the troubled listeners. “I
don’t see your son,” he said.
The father and mother exchanged a miserable look. “It is known, then,”
their eyes said to each other: and in spite of herself the blood rushed
to Lady Penton’s face and then ebbed away again, leaving her faint and
pallid; but she made an effort at a smile. “Walter,” she said, “is not
at home. He is going to Oxford in a month or two, and he is away for a
little.”
“Taking a holiday?” suggested Russell Penton, with a curious
consciousness, though without any understanding, of trouble in the air.
“Oh, it is rather--business,” said the mother. Sir Edward did not change
that aspect of severe gravity which he had borne all the time. He had
too much set wretchedness in his face to change as she did. “You have
been more good to him,” she continued, glad of the excuse which
justified her trembling voice, “more good than words can say.”
“I have no right to any credit: I only carried out my father’s wishes,”
said Mrs. Penton. How severe her tone was! how clear that she was aware
that Walter, the recipient of her kindness, had shown himself unworthy!
If anything could have made these poor people more unhappy it was
this--that their precautions seemed useless and their trouble known.