WALTER: AND HIS FATE.
Walter had darted off to the village as Mab divined; but what was the
good? He might get himself talked of, wandering about Crockford’s
cottage; but there was no one there who would compromise herself for
him. He had to go home again for the evening meal as before, but this
time with more impatience than before, with a stronger sense that the
bondage was insupportable. Walter would have been furiously indignant
had it been said to him that the fact of having or not having money of
his own would change his deportment toward his family; but yet it was
the case, notwithstanding all he could have said. He felt himself a
different being from the docile boy who had to do what was decided for
him, to go to Oxford or wherever his father pleased. This morning, no
further back, that had been all he thought of. There was nothing else
possible--to do what was told him--what was arranged and settled, for
him--what father and mother after one of their consultations had decided
was the best. Walter would no more have thought of resisting that
decision at twenty than Horry would at nine. But a day brings so many
changes with it. He was not now what he had been when he passed the
cottage with his father on his way to Sir Walter’s funeral. Now he was
no longer dependent; he could stand by himself. It seemed absurd to him
that he should have to be punctual to an hour, that he should be bound
by all the customs of the house. Already he had felt the absurdity of
going home--home from his romance, from his drama, from love and
devotion on a heroic scale--to tea! Now he had gone a little further
even than this. He was independent, he had a fortune of his own, no need
to depend upon his father for everything as he had been doing. And he
had come to an age and to circumstances which not only justified, but
made it necessary that he should act for himself. Nevertheless, he was
not even now prepared to break the bond of the old habits. He went back
as before for the family meal, then escaping, once more hurried through
the night to the scene which was ever in his thoughts. The moon was
later of rising, the night was not so clear and frosty as on that other
evening, when he had surprised her with the other lover, the man who had
roused such fury in his breast. Since then they had met every evening,
and Walter no longer feared that vulgar rival. They had no secrets from
each other now. She had told him everything, or so he thought, about
that other; how he had persecuted her to marry him, notwithstanding the
opposition of his parents, who were very rich, and did not think her
good enough--how she had come here to be out of his reach--and how she
feared now that he had discovered her hiding-place he would give her no
peace. She had confessed frankly that before she met Walter she had not
“minded” the other. He was well off, he could give her a home; and if
she had not met Walter she might have been happy enough; but now, never.
The boy’s heart was penetrated by this sweet confession; his boyish love
sprung up all at once into a chivalrous and generous passion. He had
talked to her vaguely, splendidly, of what they could do. If, as seemed
inevitable, his studies must be accomplished, why then they must be
married at once, casting prudence to the winds, and he must find a
little nook at Oxford where they could live like babes in the wood--like
Rosamond in her bower. Yes, that was it--like Rosamond, with a flowery
labyrinth all round her cottage, from whence he should come every
morning with his books, and return when his work was over to love and
happiness. The picture had been beautiful, but vague, and she had
listened and laughed a little, now and then putting a practical question
which confused but did not daunt the young man. How were they to live.
What was enough for one, would not that be enough for two, he asked? and
he cared for nothing, no pleasure, no luxury, but her sweet company. She
let him talk, and perhaps enjoyed it; at least it amused her; it was
like a fairy tale.
But to-night--to-night! there were other things to say. The foolish boy
caught her arm and drew it within his as soon as she appeared. “Are you
warm, are you comfortable?” he whispered. “I have so much to tell you;
everything is changed. You must not hurry in again in a moment, there is
so much to say.”
“What is changed? If you have tired of your romancing that would be the
best thing,” she said.
“I shall never tire of my romancing. It is all coming right; everything
is clearing up. It will be almost too easy. The course of true love this
time will be quite smooth.”
“Ah, that’s what I like,” she cried, “but how is it to be? You don’t
mean to say that your father and mother--they would never be such
fools--”
“Fools!” he cried, pressing her arm to his side; “they’re not fools, but
they know nothing about it; it is something--something that has happened
to me.”
“I am glad,” she said, composedly, “that you have not told them; it
would be a wild thing to do. And I know what young men’s parents are;
they will sometimes pretend to consent to set you against it--they think
that if there is no opposition it will die away of itself.”
“It will never die away,” he said, “opposition or no opposition; but,
Emmy, it isn’t a penniless fellow that you’re going to marry. We
sha’n’t have to live on my little bit of an allowance--I’ve got--money
of my own.”
She gave a little suppressed scream of pleasure.
“Money of your own!”
“Yes; that has nothing to do with my father; that nobody can interfere
with. It comes from my old relative, old Sir Walter. He has left me ten
thousand pounds.”
“Ten thousand pounds!” she repeated, with a quickly drawn breath, then
paused a little; “that is a very nice sum of money. I am very glad
you’ve got all that. How much will it bring in by the year?”
He was a little checked in his enthusiasm by this inquiry; and, to tell
the truth, it was not a question he had considered or knew very well how
to answer.
“You might get five hundred a year for it if you were very very lucky;
but I don’t think,” she said, “you will get so much as that.”
“At all events,” he said, somewhat sobered, “it will be my own; it will
be something I can spend as I please, and with which nobody will have
any right to interfere. We could have existed perhaps on my allowance;
but it would have been hard upon my darling cooping her up in a small
cottage, with scarcely money enough to live upon--”
He thought perhaps she would interrupt him here, and cry out, as he
himself would have done, what did that matter, so long as they were
together? But she did not do this. She was quite silent, waiting for him
to go on.
“But now,” he continued, “it will be different. We can enjoy ourselves a
little. I don’t suppose we shall be rich even now.”
“No,” she said, quietly, “you will not be rich.”
He turned and looked into her face, but in the darkness he could see
nothing. And then he was used to these little prudential ways she had,
and the superior knowledge which she claimed of the world.
“Perhaps not rich, but well off, don’t you think?” he said, with a
little timidity, “to begin upon; and then there would be Penton in the
distance. Penton is a noble place. All the time of the ball I was
thinking of you, how you would have liked it, and how much more
beautiful it would have been had you been there. We must give a ball
some time, when we come home--”
“You mean,” she said, for he made a pause, “when you succeed; but your
father is not an old man, and that may be a long, long time.”
“I hope so,” said Walter, fervently; “loving you makes me love everybody
else better. I hope it may be a long, long time.”
Again she made no remark--which she might have done, perhaps saying she
hoped so too; but no doubt she thought it unnecessary to say what was so
certain and evident.
“But,” he cried, pressing her arm again closer to his side, “I didn’t
mean anything so lugubrious, I meant when I brought you home. That will
be a triumph, darling! They will put up arches for us, and come out to
meet us. It shall be a summer evening, not cold like this. We shall have
a pair of white horses lit for a bride, though you will be a little more
than a bride by that time, Emmy?”
“Shall I?” she said, with a tone of mockery in her laugh.
“Why, of course,” he cried, bending over her, “since it is winter now!
You don’t suppose it is to be put off so long. Why, you say yourself you
are a will-o’-the-wisp. You would have disappeared by that time if I
left you to yourself.”
“That’s true enough,” she said, with another soft suppressed laugh,
which made him turn and look at her again, for there seemed a meaning in
it more than met the ear.
“Don’t laugh so,” he said, softly. “It sounds as if you would like to
wring my heart, only for the fun of it; but it would be no fun to me.”
“Did I?” said she. “No, it is you who are making fun.”
“It is not a thing to laugh about,” cried the boy. “It is tremendous
beautiful earnest to me. But I was talking of the coming home. My people
would never say a word when they knew it was done, Emmy, and that you
and I were one. They might object perhaps before, not knowing you. I am
not even sure of that when they knew how I cared for you. Father might;
but mother would be on my side.”
“No,” she said, “don’t tell me that; I am sure they are not so silly,
your mother, above all.”
“Do you call that silly? Well, I think she is silly then, dear old
mother!” cried the young man, with his voice a little unsteady. Walter
felt to the bottom of his heart what he had said to his unresponsive
companion, that in loving her he loved them all so much better. The
faculty of loving seemed to have expanded in him. He had not an unkind
feeling to any one in the world, except perhaps to that fellow--no, not
even to him, poor beggar, who was losing her. To lose her was such a
misfortune as made even that cad an object of pity to gods and men.
“And how is all this to come about?” she said, after a pause. “It’s easy
talking about what’s to happen in summer, and coming home to Penton, and
all that sort of thing--but in the meantime there are a few things to be
done. How is it all to come about?”
“Our marriage?” he said.
“Well, yes, I suppose that’s the first step,” she answered.
“That is the easiest thing in the world,” said Wat. “I shall go to town
and arrange all the preliminaries. Why, what did you tell me that fellow
wanted to do? Do you think I’m less fit to manage it than he is?”
“Well,” she said, “for one thing, he’s older than you are; he has more
freedom than you have. He knows his way about the world. Will they let
you go to London by yourself, for one thing?” she asked, with again that
mocking sound in her voice.
Walter caught her arm to his side with a kind of fond fury, and cried,
“Emmy!” in an indignant voice.
“I shouldn’t if I were your people,” she continued, with a laugh; “I
should feel sure you would be up to some mischief. But, supposing you
get off from them, and get to London, what will you do then?”
“I shall do--whatever is the right thing to do. I am not so foolish as
you think me. There is a license to be got, I know--a special license.”
“Oh,” she cried, “but that costs money! You will want money.”
“Of course I shall want money,” said Walter, with a certain dignity,
though his heart grew cold at the thought.
“You have not much confidence in me, Emmy; but I am not so ignorant as
you think.”
There was something like a tone of indignation in his voice, and she
pressed his arm with her hand.
“I am sure you have the courage for anything,” she said.
“Courage! Well, that is not precisely the quality that is needed.” He
thought it was his turn to laugh now. “I am not afraid.”
“I know you are not afraid of fighting or--anything of that kind. But to
walk into an office, and face a man who is grinning at you all the time,
and ask for a marriage license--”
“Well,” he said, “I am capable of that.”
“And of all the questions that will be asked you? You will have to
answer a great many questions--all about me, which you don’t know, and
all about yourself.”
“I know that, I hope. And I shall know the other, for you will tell me.”
“And first of all--goodness!” she cried suddenly, pushing him slightly
away from her, gazing at him in the darkness; “a thing I never thought
of--are you of age?”
“Of age?”
He stood facing her, motionless. He had put out his hand to take hers
again, to draw it through his arm once more. But this question startled
him, and his hand dropped by his side. Each stood a dark shadow to the
other in the dark, staring into each other’s faces, seeing nothing; and
Walter’s heart gave a jump that seemed to take it out of his breast.
“Yes, of age. Oh, you fool! oh, you pretender! oh, you boy trying to be
a man! You have known it all along, but you have not told me. You are
not of age?”
“No,” said the poor boy, humbly. For the first moment he felt no
sensation of anger or disappointment, but only the consternation of one
who feels the very sky thundering down upon his head, the pillars of the
earth falling. “Fool!” did she call him--“pretender!” What did she mean
by fool? What did she mean by that tone of sudden indignation--almost
fury? He felt beaten down by the sudden storm. Then the instinct of
self-defense woke in him. “What have I done?” he said. “I have concealed
nothing from you. No, I am not of age--not till October. What has that
to do with it;--age can not be counted by mere years.”
“It is, though, in Doctors’ Commons,” she said, with a mocking laugh.
“We might have saved ourselves a great deal of trouble and talking
nonsense if you had said so at once. Didn’t I tell you you were too
young to know what was wanted? Do you think they will give any kind of
license to a boy who is under age!”
“I am not a boy,” said Walter, feeling as if she had struck him upon the
naked heart, which was throbbing so wildly. “Perhaps I might be before I
knew you, but not now, not now! And do you mean to tell me that for a
mere punctilio like that--”
“Well, it is a punctilio,” she said, taking his arm suddenly again, her
voice dropping into its softer tone. “That is true; nobody thinks
anything of it, it is merely a matter of form. Even if you are found out
they never do anything to you.”
“Found out in what?”
“In saying you are twenty-one when you are not; for that is what people
have to do. It is just a punctilio, as you say. Nobody thinks anything
of it. It is only a matter of form.”
“Why, it is perjury!” he cried, confused, not knowing what he said.
“If you like to call it so; but nobody minds. No one is harsh to a fib
of that sort. Everything’s fair, don’t you know, in love?--or so they
say.”
Walter’s head seemed going round and round. He could not feel the ground
under his feet. He seemed to be lifted away from his firm and solid
footing and plunged into a dark and whirling abyss. He could feel her
leaning almost heavily upon his arm--all her weight upon him, both her
hands clasping that support. That palpable touch seemed the only reality
left in earth and heaven. He seemed to himself for a long time unable to
speak; and when his voice came forth at last it was not his voice at
all--it was a hoarse outburst of sound such as he had never heard
before. Nor was it he who said the words. He heard them as if some one
else had said them, hoarse, harsh, like the cry of an animal.
“Should you like me to do that?” the question was asked by some one, in
that horrible way, in the midst of the chilled but heavenly stillness of
the night.
He heard the question, but he was not conscious of any answer to it; nor
did he know any more till he found himself, or rather heard himself,
stumbling down the steep road to the Hook, almost falling over the
stones in the way, making a noise which seemed to echo all about. He
knew the way well enough, and where the stony places were, and generally
ran up and down as lightly as a bird, his rapid elastic steps making the
least possible sound as he skimmed along. But this evening it was very
different. He stumbled against every obstacle in his way, and sent the
stones whirling down the road in advance of him as though he had been a
drunken man. He felt indeed as if that were what he was, intoxicated in
a way that had no pleasure in it, but only a wild and stupefied
confusion, which made a chaos all around--a noisy chaos full of the
crash of external sounds--full of voices, conversations, in none of
which he took any part, though he heard things said that seemed to come
from himself flitting across the surface of his dream.