The growing pressure of the business having already obliged the
Belgium Postal Authorities to cut down the time allowed for a
telephonic communication between Paris and Brussels, from five minutes
to three, it is to be presumed that the rush of public patronage that
may be expected when the wire is opened between London and the French
Capital, will soon necessitate the substitution, in place of the
promised ten minutes, of an allowance to each speaker of a minute,
or at most a minute and a half for his interview, which it may
confidently be expected will not unfrequently take the following
shape:--
_Inexorable Official_. Now, Sir; your turn next.
[_Shuts intending London Talker in, and switches him "on."_
_London Talker_. Dear me! How quick they are, one hardly knows what
one is about. I wonder how loud, now, one ought to speak. Better
shout. Anyhow, I'll try that first. (_At the top of his voice through
the tube._) Hullo! Hi! I say. Are you there?
_Paris Listener_ (_replying_). Oh! don't bawl like that. Of course I'm
here, I've been waiting quite half a minute; thought you were never
going to begin. But I suppose it is JONES I am speaking to?
_London Talker_. Oh yes, I'm JONES. It's all right. But can't you
recognise my voice?
_Paris Listener_. Not when you bawl fit to break the drum of one's
ear. But come, now, get on quick with what you want to say.
_London Talker_. All right--I'll get on. But now tell me, do I pitch
my voice about right now? Can you catch distinctly all I say?
_Paris Listener_. Oh yes! Bother! But do get on. Timesgoifast.
_London Talker_. What? I didn't catch that last word. Time's what?
_Paris Listener_ (_very distinctly, with emphasis_). I
said--that--time--was--going fast. Can you hear that?
_London Talker_. Oh yes, I can hear that, and most distinctly. Really,
it is a most wonderful invention.
_Paris Listener_. Oh, bother the invention! Do come to business! What
did you want me for?
_London Talker_. Oh. of course. Well, it was just this. I thought--
_Inexorable Official_. Time's up, Sir. Trouble you to make room for
this Lady.
[_Switches him "off," and turns him out._
* * * * *
"THAT CON-FOUNDLAND DOG!"