Have you some nice houses to let furnished?--Here is our Catalogue,
Sir.--I perceive that most of these are Queen Anne houses; "sanitation
perfect;" where is the satisfactory explanation of the fine
advertisement?--It is in Spain with the other castles (idiom).--What
is "Queen Anne"?--Victoria comes first, Elizabeth second, but
Queen Anne is (the) last.--Is then sanitation also something?--It
is the little game of the big builder; it is all your (my, his,
her,) eyes.--Can we have some nice furniture?--You can have (the
furniture of) Chippendale, Sheraton, M'Adam, or Louis-Quinze.--It
is too dear.--No, Sir; my brother bought it yesterday of the clever
carpenter.--I was done by you or by your brother; I require a room
for my mother-in-law (neuter).--The good mother-in-law sleeps in the
chamber of boxes (box-room), but the evil mother-in-law prefers the
best bed-room.--How many persons are you?--We are sixteen.--You are,
indeed, suited, Sir; it is an eight-roomed house.--Is not the noble
drawing-room smaller than we have a mind to?--On the contrary,
it is very lofty. There is room near the chandelier.--Where is
the "moderate-sized garden"?--It is on the leads with the broken
flower-pots, the capital smuts, and the industrious cats (masculine
or feminine).--Is it then much larger than a postage-stamp?--Decidedly
not, Sir. It is also nearly as sticky. Much rain produces
weeds.--Where are "the bath-rooms"? I only perceived a
watering-pot.--Any rooms in which you put baths, are bath-rooms.--What
is then the price?--The exorbitant client of the first-class agent
demands four hundred guineas for the season.--It is too much.--He
would take less in some minutes; but my commission will rest the
same.--Here are "Commanding mansions," "Bijou maisonettes," and
"Desirable residences."--It is not difficult; the mansion that has a
back-staircase is commanding, the "Bijou" is for the newly-married, or
the actress, but the "Desirable residence" is what you desire.--What
is then the "square hall"?--It is neither round nor oblong; therefore
it is square. It is likewise in a square.--Is it geometrically the
same as the Bridge of Asses?--I do not know. Sir.--Where is the
capital accommodation for the poor servants?--It resembles the
dark kennel of the sad dog.--What are dilapidations and electric
light?--The first, Sir, is what you break; the second is what breaks
_you_.--If I were to let my own house, and then to myself take it,
would it be on the same terms?--No, the buyer is usually sold, but
the seller loves the first of April.--If another agent were to let my
house, would you, likewise, expect commission?--Why not? I am the best
friend of the little lawyer with the long nose.--I was inquiring of
you about flats.--It were better that you should be _sharp_, Sir.--I
was not born yesterday (proverb.)--Right (adjective) you are, Sir; we
will write (verb) to you till you take or let something, not alone
I, but also some others; if you refuse me something, I will be very
discontented.--Have you ever let well alone? (idiom).--We have let
many things alone (bare), but you must, notwithstanding, pay for
the fixtures.--I think I will be going.--Here are pens, paper, and
a form of an attorney.--No, I thank you.--We shall not charge for
this interview, but one must live.--I do not see the necessity
(_v_. Anecdotes in Appendix).--The Necessity is the mother of the
inventory.--Who is the Caretaker?--She is the great-grandmother of the
superannuated laundress. She becomes sleepy during the Winter. Shall
we send her to your house?--Not if I know it (expletive). Receive
the assurance (insurance) of my highest consideration. By the bye
(interjection), which is the topmost storey?--The topmost story is the
last thing you have heard me mention. I salute you, Sir.
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