8. But especially, when I thought of myself, that I must quickly
come to judgment.
{342} CHR. And could you at any time, with ease, get off the guilt
of sin, when by any of these ways it came upon you?
HOPE. No, not I, for then they got faster hold of my conscience;
and then, if I did but think of going back to sin, (though my mind
was turned against it), it would be double torment to me.
CHR. And how did you do then?
HOPE. I thought I must endeavour to mend my life; for else, thought
I, I am sure to be damned.
{343} CHR. And did you endeavour to mend?
HOPE. Yes; and fled from not only my sins, but sinful company too;
and betook me to religious duties, as prayer, reading, weeping for
sin, speaking truth to my neighbours, &c. These things did I, with
many others, too much here to relate.
CHR. And did you think yourself well then?
HOPE. Yes, for a while; but at the last, my trouble came tumbling
upon me again, and that over the neck of all my reformations.
{344} CHR. How came that about, since you were now reformed?
HOPE. There were several things brought it upon me, especially such
sayings as these: "All our righteousnesses are as filthy rags."
[Isa. 64:6] "By the works of the law shall no flesh be justified."
[Gal. 2:16] "When ye shall have done all those things, say, We are
unprofitable", [Luke 17:10] with many more such like. From whence
I began to reason with myself thus: If ALL my righteousnesses are
filthy rags; if, by the deeds of the law, NO man can be justified;
and if, when we have done ALL, we are yet unprofitable, then it
is but a folly to think of heaven by the law. I further thought
thus: If a man runs a hundred pounds into the shopkeeper's debt,
and after that shall pay for all that he shall fetch; yet, if this
old debt stands still in the book uncrossed, for that the shopkeeper
may sue him, and cast him into prison till he shall pay the debt.
CHR. Well, and how did you apply this to yourself?
HOPE. Why; I thought thus with myself. I have, by my sins, run a
great way into God's book, and that my now reforming will not pay
off that score; therefore I should think still, under all my present
amendments, But how shall I be freed from that damnation that I
have brought myself in danger of by my former transgressions?
{345} CHR. A very good application: but, pray, go on.
HOPE. Another thing that hath troubled me, even since my late
amendments, is, that if I look narrowly into the best of what I do
now, I still see sin, new sin, mixing itself with the best of that
I do; so that now I am forced to conclude, that notwithstanding
my former fond conceits of myself and duties, I have committed sin
enough in one duty to send me to hell, though my former life had
been faultless.
CHR. And what did you do then?
{346} HOPE. Do! I could not tell what to do, until I brake my
mind to Faithful, for he and I were well acquainted. And he told
me, that unless I could obtain the righteousness of a man that
never had sinned, neither mine own, nor all the righteousness of
the world could save me.
CHR. And did you think he spake true?
HOPE. Had he told me so when I was pleased and satisfied with mine
own amendment, I had called him fool for his pains; but now, since
I see mine own infirmity, and the sin that cleaves to my best
performance, I have been forced to be of his opinion.
{347} CHR. But did you think, when at first he suggested it to you,
that there was such a man to be found, of whom it might justly be
said that he never committed sin?
HOPE. I must confess the words at first sounded strangely, but
after a little more talk and company with him, I had full conviction
about it.
CHR. And did you ask him what man this was, and how you must be
justified by him?
HOPE. Yes, and he told me it was the Lord Jesus, that dwelleth on
the right hand of the Most High. And thus, said he, you must be
justified by him, even by trusting to what he hath done by himself,
in the days of his flesh, and suffered when he did hang on the
tree. I asked him further, how that man's righteousness could be
of that efficacy to justify another before God? And he told me he
was the mighty God, and did what he did, and died the death also,
not for himself, but for me; to whom his doings, and the worthiness
of them, should be imputed, if I believed on him. [Heb. 10,
Rom. 6, Col. 1, 1 Pet. 1]
{348} CHR. And what did you do then?
HOPE. I made my objections against my believing, for that I thought
he was not willing to save me.
CHR. And what said Faithful to you then?
HOPE. He bid me go to him and see. Then I said it was presumption;
but he said, No, for I was invited to come. [Matt. 11:28] Then
he gave me a book of Jesus, his inditing, to encourage me the more
freely to come; and he said, concerning that book, that every jot
and tittle thereof stood firmer than heaven and earth. [Matt.
24:35] Then I asked him, What I must do when I came; and he told
me, I must entreat upon my knees, with all my heart and soul, the
Father to reveal him to me. [Ps. 95:6, Dan. 6:10, Jer. 29:12,13]
Then I asked him further, how I must make my supplication to him?
And he said, Go, and thou shalt find him upon a mercy-seat, where
he sits all the year long, to give pardon and forgiveness to them
that come. I told him that I knew not what to say when I came.
And he bid me say to this effect: God be merciful to me a sinner,
and make me to know and believe in Jesus Christ; for I see, that
if his righteousness had not been, or I have not faith in that
righteousness, I am utterly cast away. Lord, I have heard that thou
art a merciful God, and hast ordained that thy Son Jesus Christ
should be the Saviour of the world; and moreover, that thou art
willing to bestow him upon such a poor sinner as I am, (and I am a
sinner indeed); Lord, take therefore this opportunity and magnify
thy grace in the salvation of my soul, through thy Son Jesus Christ.
Amen. [Exo. 25:22, Lev. 16:2, Num. 7:89, Heb. 4:16]
{349} CHR. And did you do as you were bidden?
HOPE. Yes; over, and over, and over.
CHR. And did the Father reveal his Son to you?
HOPE. Not at the first, nor second, nor third, nor fourth, nor
fifth; no, nor at the sixth time neither.
CHR. What did you do then?
HOPE. What! why I could not tell what to do.
CHR. Had you not thoughts of leaving off praying?
HOPE. Yes; an hundred times twice told.
CHR. And what was the reason you did not?
HOPE. I believed that that was true which had been told me, to
wit, that without the righteousness of this Christ, all the world
could not save me; and therefore, thought I with myself, if I leave
off I die, and I can but die at the throne of grace. And withal,
this came into my mind, "Though it tarry, wait for it; because it
will surely come, it will not tarry." [Heb. 2:3] So I continued
praying until the Father showed me his Son.
{350} CHR. And how was he revealed unto you?
HOPE. I did not see him with my bodily eyes, but with the eyes of
my understanding; [Eph. 1:18,19] and thus it was: One day I was
very sad, I think sadder than at any one time in my life, and this
sadness was through a fresh sight of the greatness and vileness of
my sins. And as I was then looking for nothing but hell, and the
everlasting damnation of my soul, suddenly, as I thought, I saw
the Lord Jesus Christ look down from heaven upon me, and saying,
"Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved." [Acts
16:30,31]
{351} But I replied, Lord, I am a great, a very great sinner. And
he answered, "My grace is sufficient for thee." [2 Cor.12:9] Then
I said, But, Lord, what is believing? And then I saw from that
saying, "He that cometh to me shall never hunger, and he that
believeth on me shall never thirst", that believing and coming was
all one; and that he that came, that is, ran out in his heart and
affections after salvation by Christ, he indeed believed in Christ.
[John 6:35] Then the water stood in mine eyes, and I asked further.
But, Lord, may such a great sinner as I am be indeed accepted of
thee, and be saved by thee? And I heard him say, "And him that
cometh to me, I will in no wise cast out." [John 6:37] Then I said,
But how, Lord, must I consider of thee in my coming to thee, that
my faith may be placed aright upon thee? Then he said, "Christ
Jesus came into the world to save sinners." [1 Tim. 1:15] "He is
the end of the law for righteousness to every one that believeth."
[Rom. 10:4] "He died for our sins, and rose again for our
justification." [Rom. 4:25] "He loved us, and washed us from our
sins in his own blood." [Rev. 1:5] "He is mediator betwixt God
and us." [1 Tim. 2:5] "He ever liveth to make intercession for
us." [Heb. 7:24,25] From all which I gathered, that I must look
for righteousness in his person, and for satisfaction for my sins
by his blood; that what he did in obedience to his Father's law,
and in submitting to the penalty thereof, was not for himself, but
for him that will accept it for his salvation, and be thankful.
And now was my heart full of joy, mine eyes full of tears, and mine
affections running over with love to the name, people, and ways of
Jesus Christ.
{352} CHR. This was a revelation of Christ to your soul indeed;
but tell me particularly what effect this had upon your spirit.
HOPE. It made me see that all the world, notwithstanding all the
righteousness thereof, is in a state of condemnation. It made me
see that God the Father, though he be just, can justly justify the
coming sinner. It made me greatly ashamed of the vileness of my
former life, and confounded me with the sense of mine own ignorance;
for there never came thought into my heart before now that showed
me so the beauty of Jesus Christ. It made me love a holy life,
and long to do something for the honour and glory of the name of
the Lord Jesus; yea, I thought that had I now a thousand gallons
of blood in my body, I could spill it all for the sake of the Lord
Jesus.
{353} I saw then in my dream that Hopeful looked back and saw
Ignorance, whom they had left behind, coming after. Look, said he
to Christian, how far yonder youngster loitereth behind.
CHR. Ay, ay, I see him; he careth not for our company.
HOPE. But I trow it would not have hurt him had he kept pace with
us hitherto.
CHR. That is true; but I warrant you he thinketh otherwise.
HOPE. That, I think, he doth; but, however, let us tarry for him.
So they did.
{354} Then Christian said to him, Come away, man, why do you stay
so behind?
IGNOR. I take my pleasure in walking alone, even more a great deal
than in company, unless I like it the better.
Then said Christian to Hopeful, (but softly), Did I not tell you
he cared not for our company? But, however, said he, come up, and
let us talk away the time in this solitary place. Then directing
his speech to Ignorance, he said, Come, how do you? How stands it
between God and your soul now?
{355} Ignorance's hope, and the ground of it
IGNOR. I hope well; for I am always full of good motions, that come
into my mind, to comfort me as I walk.
CHR. What good motions? pray, tell us.
IGNOR. Why, I think of God and heaven.
CHR. So do the devils and damned souls.
IGNOR. But I think of them and desire them.
CHR. So do many that are never like to come there. "The soul of
the sluggard desireth, and hath nothing." [Prov. 13:4]
IGNOR. But I think of them, and leave all for them.
CHR. That I doubt; for leaving all is a hard matter: yea, a harder
matter than many are aware of. But why, or by what, art thou
persuaded that thou hast left all for God and heaven.
{356} IGNOR. My heart tells me so.
CHR. The wise man says, "He that trusts his own heart is a fool."
[Prov. 28:26]
IGNOR. This is spoken of an evil heart, but mine is a good one.
CHR. But how dost thou prove that?
IGNOR. It comforts me in hopes of heaven.
CHR. That may be through its deceitfulness; for a man's heart may
minister comfort to him in the hopes of that thing for which he
yet has no ground to hope.
IGNOR. But my heart and life agree together, and therefore my hope
is well grounded.
CHR. Who told thee that thy heart and life agree together?
IGNOR. My heart tells me so.
CHR. Ask my fellow if I be a thief! Thy heart tells thee so! Except
the Word of God beareth witness in this matter, other testimony is
of no value.
{357} IGNOR. But is it not a good heart that hath good thoughts?
and is not that a good life that is according to God's commandments?
CHR. Yes, that is a good heart that hath good thoughts, and that
is a good life that is according to God's commandments; but it is
one thing, indeed, to have these, and another thing only to think
so.
IGNOR. Pray, what count you good thoughts, and a life according to
God's commandments?
CHR. There are good thoughts of divers kinds; some respecting
ourselves, some God, some Christ, and some other things.
IGNOR. What be good thoughts respecting ourselves?
CHR. Such as agree with the Word of God.
{358} IGNOR. When do our thoughts of ourselves agree with the Word
of God?
CHR. When we pass the same judgment upon ourselves which the Word
passes. To explain myself--the Word of God saith of persons in
a natural condition, "There is none righteous, there is none that
doeth good." [Rom. 3] It saith also, that "every imagination of
the heart of man is only evil, and that continually." [Gen. 6:5]
And again, "The imagination of man's heart is evil from his youth."
[Rom. 8:21] Now then, when we think thus of ourselves, having
sense thereof, then are our thoughts good ones, because according
to the Word of God.
IGNOR. I will never believe that my heart is thus bad.
CHR. Therefore thou never hadst one good thought concerning thyself
in thy life. But let me go on. As the Word passeth a judgment
upon our heart, so it passeth a judgment upon our ways; and when
OUR thoughts of our hearts and ways agree with the judgment which
the Word giveth of both, then are both good, because agreeing
thereto.
{359} IGNOR. Make out your meaning.
CHR. Why, the Word of God saith that man's ways are crooked ways;
not good, but perverse. [Ps. 125:5, Prov. 2:15] It saith they
are naturally out of the good way, that they have not known it.
[Rom. 3] Now, when a man thus thinketh of his ways,--I say, when
he doth sensibly, and with heart-humiliation, thus think, then hath
he good thoughts of his own ways, because his thoughts now agree
with the judgment of the Word of God.
{360} IGNOR. What are good thoughts concerning God?
CHR. Even as I have said concerning ourselves, when our thoughts
of God do agree with what the Word saith of him; and that is, when
we think of his being and attributes as the Word hath taught, of
which I cannot now discourse at large; but to speak of him with
reference to us: Then we have right thoughts of God, when we
think that he knows us better than we know ourselves, and can see
sin in us when and where we can see none in ourselves; when we
think he knows our inmost thoughts, and that our heart, with all
its depths, is always open unto his eyes; also, when we think that
all our righteousness stinks in his nostrils, and that, therefore,
he cannot abide to see us stand before him in any confidence, even
in all our best performances.
{361} IGNOR. Do you think that I am such a fool as to think God can
see no further than I? or, that I would come to God in the best of
my performances?
CHR. Why, how dost thou think in this matter?
IGNOR. Why, to be short, I think I must believe in Christ for
justification.
CHR. How! think thou must believe in Christ, when thou seest
not thy need of him! Thou neither seest thy original nor actual
infirmities; but hast such an opinion of thyself, and of what
thou dost, as plainly renders thee to be one that did never see a
necessity of Christ's personal righteousness to justify thee before
God. How, then, dost thou say, I believe in Christ?
{362} IGNOR. I believe well enough for all that.
CHR. How dost thou believe?
IGNOR. I believe that Christ died for sinners, and that I shall be
justified before God from the curse, through his gracious acceptance
of my obedience to his law. Or thus, Christ makes my duties, that
are religious, acceptable to his Father, by virtue of his merits;
and so shall I be justified.
{363} CHR. Let me give an answer to this confession of thy faith:--
1. Thou believest with a fantastical faith; for this faith is
nowhere described in the Word.
2. Thou believest with a false faith; because it taketh justification
from the personal righteousness of Christ, and applies it to thy
own.
3. This faith maketh not Christ a justifier of thy person, but
of thy actions; and of thy person for thy actions' sake, which is
false.
4. Therefore, this faith is deceitful, even such as will leave
thee under wrath, in the day of God Almighty; for true justifying
faith puts the soul, as sensible of its condition by the law, upon
flying for refuge unto Christ's righteousness, which righteousness
of his is not an act of grace, by which he maketh for justification,
thy obedience accepted with God; but his personal obedience to the
law, in doing and suffering for us what that required at our hands;
this righteousness, I say, true faith accepteth; under the skirt
of which, the soul being shrouded, and by it presented as spotless
before God, it is accepted, and acquit from condemnation.
{364} IGNOR. What! would you have us trust to what Christ, in his
own person, has done without us? This conceit would loosen the
reins of our lust, and tolerate us to live as we list; for what
matter how we live, if we may be justified by Christ's personal
righteousness from all, when we believe it?
CHR. Ignorance is thy name, and as thy name is, so art thou; even
this thy answer demonstrateth what I say. Ignorant thou art of
what justifying righteousness is, and as ignorant how to secure thy
soul, through the faith of it, from the heavy wrath of God. Yea,
thou also art ignorant of the true effects of saving faith in this
righteousness of Christ, which is, to bow and win over the heart
to God in Christ, to love his name, his word, ways, and people,
and not as thou ignorantly imaginest.
HOPE. Ask him if ever he had Christ revealed to him from heaven.
{365} IGNOR. What! you are a man for revelations! I believe that
what both you, and all the rest of you, say about that matter, is
but the fruit of distracted brains.
HOPE. Why, man! Christ is so hid in God from the natural apprehensions
of the flesh, that he cannot by any man be savingly known, unless
God the Father reveals him to them.
{366} IGNOR. That is your faith, but not mine; yet mine, I doubt
not, is as good as yours, though I have not in my head so many
whimsies as you.
CHR. Give me leave to put in a word. You ought not so slightly
to speak of this matter; for this I will boldly affirm, even as my
good companion hath done, that no man can know Jesus Christ but by
the revelation of the Father; [Matt. 11:27] yea, and faith too,
by which the soul layeth hold upon Christ, if it be right, must be
wrought by the exceeding greatness of his mighty power; the working
of which faith, I perceive, poor Ignorance, thou art ignorant of.
[1 Cor. 12:3, Eph. 1:18,19] Be awakened, then, see thine own
wretchedness, and fly to the Lord Jesus; and by his righteousness,
which is the righteousness of God, for he himself is God, thou
shalt be delivered from condemnation.
{367} IGNOR. You go so fast, I cannot keep pace with you. Do you
go on before; I must stay a while behind.