HOPE. All the treasures and riches of the world. Also, I delighted
much in rioting, revelling, drinking, swearing, lying, uncleanness,
Sabbath-breaking, and what not, that tended to destroy the soul.
But I found at last, by hearing and considering of things that are
divine, which indeed I heard of you, as also of beloved Faithful
that was put to death for his faith and good living in Vanity Fair,
that "the end of these things is death". [Rom. 6:21-23] And that
for these things' sake "cometh the wrath of God upon the children
of disobedience". [Eph. 5:6]
CHR. And did you presently fall under the power of this conviction?
{339} HOPE. No, I was not willing presently to know the evil
of sin, nor the damnation that follows upon the commission of it;
but endeavoured, when my mind at first began to be shaken with the
Word, to shut mine eyes against the light thereof.
CHR. But what was the cause of your carrying of it thus to the
first workings of God's blessed Spirit upon you?
{340} HOPE. The causes were, 1. I was ignorant that this was the
work of God upon me. I never thought that, by awakenings for sin,
God at first begins the conversion of a sinner. 2. Sin was yet
very sweet to my flesh, and I was loath to leave it. 3. I could
not tell how to part with mine old companions, their presence and
actions were so desirable unto me. 4. The hours in which convictions
were upon me were such troublesome and such heart-affrighting hours
that I could not bear, no not so much as the remembrance of them,
upon my heart.
CHR. Then, as it seems, sometimes you got rid of your trouble.
HOPE. Yes, verily, but it would come into my mind again, and then
I should be as bad, nay, worse, than I was before.
CHR. Why, what was it that brought your sins to mind again?
{341} HOPE. Many things; as,