Witsuntide being a rayther slack time with us Hed Waiters, coz our
principle paytrons is all out of Town, I naterally slected that week
for my annewal yearly wisit to the Royal Academy. I never coud quite
hunderstand why it was called a Academy, which I bleeves is a rayther
swell name for a Skool, but I hadn't bin there long larst week afore
I soon dishcovered the reason. In course it stands to reason that
lots of the werry wust of the bad picturs is the work of werry young
pupils, who haven't yet left skool, so that's why they calls it a
Academy insted of a Hinstitooshun or a Hexebishun.
The fust thing as struck me wos the emense number of portraits of
peeple as noboddy never heard of, and therefore didn't want for to
see, and I wunders how the poor peeple woud like for to be obliged to
wark about the rooms and hear the fun as the peeple makes on 'em. One
on 'em looks so werry cross, that a Gent by me said as how he must ha'
bin taken when the bad news came from India. Another looks so savage,
that amost everybody asks him why he don't have it out and done with
it! Another werry savage sojer looked at me as much as to say, "What
are you staring at, Stupid?" which wasn't at all perlite. Professor
HUXLEY, I am told, is a werry great man, and so he most suttenly seems
for to think by the looks on him, and ain't he jist got a lot of big
books for to read! I was surprised to find as there wasn't not no Lord
Mare among the lot. His Lordship's state robes wood have lighted up
the hole place. And now for the reel picters.
Fust and foremost of all the lot stands "_The Flock of Sheep_," by
Mr. COOPER, and as this happens to be one of the things as I does
understand, I makes no hesitation in saying, that there's about a
dozen of the werry finest saddles of mutton there as I ewer seed, ewen
at the honored Manshun House! Next comes the grand pictur called "_One
and Twenty_." Ah! ain't they jest a jolly set, and ain't they all a
drinking the young swell's health, and manny appy returns of the day?
Why you can amost hear 'em.
And now jest a word and a hint to all our great Painters. Pray what
is picters painted for? Is it to make peeple werry sollem, and werry
sorry, and werry unappy? Ain't we got reel trubbles, and reel sorrows
enuff in the world, without painting sham ones? And yet I do declare
that, arter looking at them two wundurful picters of "_The Crisis_,"
and "_The Doctor_," and feeling as there wasn't not no chance for
either of the poor things to recover, that the kind Doctor's trubble
was all in wain, and that the poor Mother wood soon have to bear the
awfullest trubble as she coud ewer know, I left the place as fast as
I coud get out, for fear the peeple shoud notice the big round tears
as woud run down my silly old cheeks. Oh, Mr. FILDES, Mr. FILDES, to
think that jest a few little delicate touches of your magic brush
woud have sent away thousands of appy hearts, instead of hundreds of
miserable ones, ort to make you resolve always to put jest a gleam of
hope in your wunderful pictures in future.
There was about the same number of staggerers as ushal, and I again
arsks, who has the hordacity to buy 'em? I wunder what Mrs. ROBERT
woud say if I took one home to my sober dwelling! But, jest as I was a
coming away, I seed one of the most howdacions of the lot, and it was
named "_The Judgment of Paris"!_ I had often heard as the French was
werry free and bold in all these sort of things, but I newer coud have
thort that our Royal Academy swells coud have so lowered theirselves
as to condescend to submit the whole of the Picters in the Exhibition
to the judgment of the Paris Painters, or that they wood have slected
the greatest staggerer as the one in their judgment the most worthy of
the werry fust prize. I don't think as it says much for their taste.