WE OPEN CONFIDENCES
I bent my head, impressed by her earnestness, every instinct of a
gentleman born, returning instantly.
"I do comprehend," I admitted seriously. "Believe me I have felt the
truth of this ever since I first saw your face. You have ample reason
for misjudging me, for believing me a criminal, but I possess no excuse
for even questioning you. Shall we not permit the whole matter to rest
there, and pretend at being friends for the moment? You have already
acknowledged being both homeless and hungry. What more do I need know
to be of assistance? The cause of such a condition is no business of
mine, unless you choose to tell me voluntarily. You may not consider
me a gentleman," and I glanced down at my cheap suit. "Yet surely you
cannot regard me as a mere brute."
She continued to gaze at me, her eyes misty, yet full of wonderment.
My language was not that of the slums, nor were my manners. To her I
must have seemed as strange a character, as she appeared to me. We
were both advancing blindly through the dark.
"You are also," she affirmed finally, as if half regretting the words.
"You are just as penniless as I."
"Why should you say that?"
"Because I know," and by now her eyes were blinded by the tears
clinging to her lashes. "You--you humiliated yourself to serve me;
you--you were obliged to pawn something in security for this food.
I--I saw you--your excuse for leaving me outside was just a sham. You
had no money. I watched through the window, and--and I almost ran
away, only my promise held me."
I laughed uneasily, yet sobered almost at once, leaning across the
table, all earlier embarrassment vanished.
"Well, even at that, it would not be my first experience," I said
swiftly. "Poverty is extremely unpleasant, but not a crime. Do not
let that unfortunate condition of my exchequer spoil your appetite, my
girl. I can assure you that is among the least of my troubles. In
fact I have of late become hardened to that state of affairs. My life
has been up and down; I 've ridden the top wave of prosperity, and have
knocked against the rocks at the bottom. Lately I 've been on the
rocks. But good luck, or bad, I am not the sort to desert a woman in
distress."
"You are a man of some education?"
"Two years at the University."
"And now?"
I smiled grimly, determined to admit the worst.
"Little better than a tramp, I suppose, although I have held a job
lately--driving for a lumber yard across the river."
A moment she sat in silence, her eyes lowered to the table.
"What--what was that you offered the man for security?" she asked
quietly.
"Oh, nothing much. It had no intrinsic value, and the fellow would not
even accept it. He was willing to trust me."
"Yes, but tell me what it was? Something you valued highly?"
I felt my cheeks reddening, yet there was no reason why I should not
answer.
"It was a medal, an army medal."
"You were in the army then?"
"Yes, I served an enlistment in the Philippines, and was invalided
home; discharged at the Presidio. Someway I have been up against tough
luck ever since I got back. I think the climate over there must have
locoed me; anyhow the liquor did. Tonight the pendulum is swinging the
other way."
"Why do you think that?"
"I have met you, have I not?"
There was no brightening of her eyes, no acknowledgment of the words.
"To have the misery of another added to your own requires no
congratulations," she said gravely. "But I am glad you told me. I
know there are many who return home like that. I can understand why
much better now than I could once. I have had experience also. It is
so easy to drift wrong, when there is no one to help you go right. I
used to believe this world was just a beautiful playground. I never
dreamed what it really means to be hungry and homeless, to be alone
among strangers. I had read of such things, but they never seemed
real, or possible. But I know it all now; all the utter loneliness of
a great city. Why it is easier to fall than to stand, and, oh! I was
so desperate tonight. I--I actually believe I had come to the very end
of the struggle. Whatever happens--whatever possibly can happen to me
hereafter--I shall never again be the same thoughtless creature, never
again become uncharitable to others in misery." Her eyes dropped
before mine, yet only to uplift themselves again, shining with brave
resolution. "Would you care to tell me what it is with you? What it
is you fight?"
"I am afraid I do not fight, except physically," I confessed soberly.
"Probably that is the whole trouble. If I have ever had a grip I 've
lost it. However I 'm willing to tell my story, although it's a poor
one, just the uninteresting recital of a fool. My home was in New
England, my father a fairly successful manufacturer. My mother died
while I was a child, and I grew up without restraining influence. I
led an ordinary boy's life, but was always headstrong, and willful,
excelling physically. My delight was hunting, and the out-of-doors.
However I kept along with my studies after a fashion, and entered the
University. Here I devoted most of my time to students' pranks, and
athletics, but got through two years before being expelled.
Interesting, is n't it?"
"Yes," she said. "It is what I wish to know."
"This expulsion resulted In a row at home," I went on, disgusted at
myself. "And I took French leave. For six months I knocked about,
doing a little of everything, having rather a tough time, but too
obstinate to confess my mistake and return. Of course I naturally fell
in with a hard set, and finally enlisted. My regiment was sent to the
Philippines, where we had some fighting. I liked that, and was a good
enough soldier to be promoted to a sergeantcy. I reckon I had better
have remained in the service, for when I was sent back to Frisco,
because of wounds, and then discharged, I went to hell."
"And your father does n't know?"
"Not from me. I had money at first, and transportation to Chicago
where I enlisted. I blew in the cash, and lost the other. Then I
started in to beat my passage east, working only when I had to. I was
thrown off a train about twenty miles west of here, and came into this
burg on foot. It was tough luck for a day or two until I caught on to
a lumber yard job. I 've been working now for a couple of weeks. Nice
record, is n't it?"
Her parted lips trembled, but those questioning brown eyes never
deserted my face.
"It is not as bad as I feared, if--if you have told me all."
"I have confessed the worst anyhow. I 'm a rough, I suppose, and a
bum, but I 'm not a criminal."
"Why were you at that house? and so afraid of the police?"
"Well, that is a long story," I replied hesitatingly. "I had been
talking with some men inside, who had offered me work, and good pay.
There was a reason why I did not wish to be seen coming out at that
hour."
"Not--not anything criminal?"
"No; I 've confessed to being a good-for-nothing, but I 'm clear of
crime."
She drew a long breath of relief.
"I do not quite believe," she said firmly. "You--you do not look like
that."
I laughed in spite of my efforts.
"I am delighted to have you say so. No more do I feel like that now.
Yet so the record reads, and you must accept me just as I am, or not at
all. I have nothing else to offer."
She lowered her eyes, her fingers still nervously fumbling the menu
card.
"Perhaps I have no more."
"I have asked no explanation of you."
"True; yet you cannot be devoid of curiosity. You meet me after
midnight, wandering alone in the streets; you see me boldly,
shamelessly, interfering to prevent the arrest of a strange man; you
hear me deliberately falsify, again and again. What could you think of
such a woman? Then I accept your invitation, and accompany you here,
believing you a criminal. What possible respect could you, or any
other man, entertain for a girl guilty of such indiscretion?"
"You ask my individual judgment, or that of the world?"
"Yours, of course; I know the other already."
I extended my hand across the table, and placed it over her own. A
swift flush sprang to her cheeks, but she made no effort to draw away.
The action was so natural, so unaffectedly sincere, as to awaken no
resentment.
"I am a young man," I said earnestly, "but I have seen all kinds of
life, both right and wrong, upper and lower. I can realize how easy it
is to sit in a club window, and criticize the people passing along the
street. That is an amusement of fools. The inclination to become one
of that class left me long ago. Now I do not understand why you were
upon the street tonight unattended; why you came to my assistance, or
why you are here with me now. I have no desire to pry into your
secret. I am content to remain grateful, to count this a red-letter
day, because somehow, out of the mystery of the dark, we have thus been
brought together. An old professor used to say all life hinges on
little things, and I believe our chance meeting is going to change both
our lives, and for the better. Without asking a question, or harboring
a suspicion, I have faith in you--is that enough?"
"You mean, you accept me upon trust?"
"Certainly; even as you must accept me. I have no letters of
recommendation."
She was again looking directly toward me, her brown eyes earnest and
fearless.
"I--I confess I like your face," she admitted, "and I believe you have
tried to tell me the truth about yourself, but our situation is so
peculiar, so different from what I have been taught was proper." She
smiled sadly, her eyes misting. "I am afraid you will not understand.
You can scarcely appreciate how strictly I have been brought up, or
what such an unconventional meeting as this means to me. I ought to be
ashamed of myself."
"But are you?"
"Really I--I do not seem to be. It almost frightens me to realize I am
not, I do not understand myself at all. Why should I talk thus frankly
with you? Why feel confidence in you? It is not in accordance with
the rules of my old life, nor of my nature. Such actions would shock
those who know me; they ought to shock me. Am I in a dream, from which
I am going to awaken presently? Is that the explanation?"
I shook my head.
"No, not in that sense, at least. Rather the other way around. You
have been in a dream all your life--a dream that some social code
somewhere constituted the real world. Under these petty regulations of
conduct you were not yourself at all, only a make-believe. Something
serious has occurred in your life, and changed all in an instant. You
have been thrown against the real world. You find it not to be what
you supposed. It is no cause for shame or regret; womanhood lies
deeper than any pretense at gentility. Men seldom fail to recognize
this fact--their lives of struggle compel them to, but a woman finds it
hard to understand."
"To understand what?"
"How any man meeting her as I have you--in the street at night, under
conditions society would frown at--can still feel for her a profound
respect, and pay her the deference which a gentleman must always extend
to one he deems worthy."
For a long moment she did not speak, but withdrew her hand from beneath
mine, resting her chin in its palm.
"What is your name?" she asked finally.
"Gordon Craig."
The lashes drooped quickly, securely shadowing the brown depths, the
flush deepening on her cheeks. In the momentary hush which followed
the waiter came shuffling forward with our order.