The following essay is a humorous treatment of the
days of the year, with emphasis on the holidays and
special days in the English calendar. You should
read it with a sharp lookout for the play on words.
Each day supposedly acts in keeping with its
character, and so the New Year's dinner party is
kept in high mirth. But you cannot appreciate the
humor until you understand what each day stands
for.
The Old Year being dead, the New Year came of age,
which he does by Calendar Law as soon as the breath
is out of the old gentleman's body. Nothing would serve
the youth but he must give a dinner upon the occasion, to
which all the Days of the Year were invited. 5
The Festivals, whom he appointed as his stewards, were
mightily taken with the notion. They had been engaged
time out of mind, they said, in providing mirth and cheer
for mortals below; and it was time that they should have
a taste of their bounty. 10
All the Days came to dinner. Covers were provided for
three hundred and sixty-five guests at the principal table,
with an occasional knife and fork at the sideboard for the
Twenty-ninth of February.
I should have told you that invitations had been sent out. 15
The carriers were the Hours--twelve as merry little whirligig
foot pages as you should desire to see. They went all
around, and found out the persons invited well enough,
with the exception of Easter Day, Shrove Tuesday, and a
few such Movables, who had lately shifted their quarters. 20
Well, they were all met at last, four Days, five Days, all
sorts of Days, and a rare din they made of it. There was
nothing but "Hail! fellow Day!" "Well met, brother
Day! sister Day!"--only Lady Day kept a little on the
aloof and seemed somewhat scornful. Yet some said that 5
Twelfth Day cut her out, for she came in a silk suit, white
and gold, like a queen on a frost cake, all royal and
glittering.
The rest came, some in green, some in white--but Lent
and his family were not yet out of mourning. Rainy Days 10
came in dripping, and Sunshiny Days helped them to
change their stockings. Wedding Day was there in his
marriage finery. Pay Day came late, as he always does.
Doomsday sent word he might be expected.
April Fool (as my lord's jester) took upon himself to 15
marshal the guests. And wild work he made of it; good
Days, bad Days, all were shuffled together. He had stuck
the Twenty-first of June next to the Twenty-second of
December, and the former looked like a maypole by the side
of a marrowbone. Ash Wednesday got wedged in betwixt 20
Christmas and Lord Mayor's Day.
At another part of the table, Shrove Tuesday was helping
the Second of September to some broth, which courtesy
the latter returned with the delicate thigh of a pheasant.
The Last of Lent was springing upon Shrovetide's pancakes; 25
April Fool, seeing this, told him that he did well, for pancakes
were proper to a good fry-day.
May Day, with that sweetness which is her own, made a
neat speech proposing the health of the founder. This
being done, the lordly New Year from the upper end of 30
the table, in a cordial but somewhat lofty tone, returned
thanks.
They next fell to quibbles and conundrums. The question
being proposed, who had the greatest number of followers--the
Quarter Days said there could be no question
as to that; for they had all the creditors in the world
dogging their heels. But April Fool gave it in favor of the 5
Forty Days before Easter; because the debtors in all cases
outnumbered the creditors, and they kept Lent all the year.
At last, dinner being ended, all the Days called for
their cloaks and greatcoats, and took their leaves. Lord
Mayor's Day went off in a Mist, as usual; Shortest Day 10
in a deep black Fog, which wrapped the little gentleman
all round like a hedgehog.
Two Vigils, or watchmen, saw Christmas Day safe home.
Another Vigil--a stout, sturdy patrol, called the Eve of
St. Christopher--escorted Ash Wednesday. 15
Longest Day set off westward in beautiful crimson and
gold--the rest, some in one fashion some in another, took
their departure.
--_Last Essays of Elia._
1. Lord Mayor's Day falls on November 9. Explain
the reference to Mist. Quarter Day is the day
usually looked upon as the day rent falls due. Why
did April Fool decide against the Quarter Days in
behalf of the Forty Days before Easter? The Second
of September is the beginning of the open season
for shooting. Explain the reference to "pheasant."
2. How many were at this feast? Why did the
Festivals come? Why have only twelve carriers, in
the fourth paragraph? Explain how April Fool added
to the merriment in seating the guests. What pun
did April Fool make?
3. What American holidays would you add if you were
writing this essay? How could you make them fit in
humorously?
4. Charles Lamb (1775-1834), English essayist, is
noted for his humorous sketches. You should read
his "Dissertation on Roast Pig" With his sister
Mary, he wrote _Tales from Shakespeare_, which you
will enjoy reading.