"Yes, Mr Payne," I replied. "Something has come to my knowledge. I
cannot yet tell you _how_. And I am miserable at not knowing what is
right to do. I _feared_ you would say what you have just done, and I
would give anything to feel justified in telling you all I know, for
little as it is, it may be of enormous importance. But is one, can one
ever be justified in making use of what one was not intended to hear?"
I looked up at him, feeling that anxiety for his decision was imprinted
on every feature of my face.
"I must think it over," he replied slowly. "I can scarcely feel that I
am disinterested in the matter. It has engrossed me so much of late.
Professionally of course, and beyond that from my strong personal
friendship for this family. I must think it over," he repeated.
"But is there time for that?" I asked, with a sort of disappointment
that he had not at once authorised me, as it were, to tell all. "Is not
the younger brother in a very critical state? If anything can be done
for him, should it not be done at once?"
"In the way of easing his mind, you mean, I suppose?" Clarence asked.
"It is difficult for me to reply, being so much in the dark as I am.
Any sort of excitement would have to be avoided, and after all what you
could tell me might be useless."
"I don't think so," I said breathlessly, and at the words I saw his face
redden a little, as if sharing my feelings. But he shook his head,
evidently repressing his eagerness with a strong hand.
"No," he said, "honestly I can't say that there is any _very_ pressing
need for deciding what you have put before me. For the moment the poor
fellow must be kept quiet. He _is_ gaining ground a little, I think,
physically, from what I learned by the last accounts. And the rest of
them are really wonderful, admirable, in their calm and courage," and
here again he smiled. "You could scarcely associate the elder brother
with the word `cheerful,' could you?" he said. "But really, since
Caryll's illness he has nearly approached seeming so, all out of
devotion."
What a picture his words brought before me! How I longed to feel free
to begin to cut the knot! For that I held in my hands the possibility
of doing so was becoming more and more impressed upon me; not that I
could have given any practical or conclusive grounds for this feeling!
But then, all through the strange affair with which I had become
associated, I had been conscious of a conviction that somehow or other I
was, to put it in commonplace words, intended to "see it through?"
Time had passed more rapidly than we realised in the interest of our
talk. Something, the striking of a clock probably, made Clarence start
and look at his watch.
"Yes," he said, "we had better be looking out for the others. First let
us make a tour of the place, the exhibition, I mean; we have only seen
one house, and we must not be in utter ignorance of the rest."
I got up almost before he had finished speaking. I had a wholesome fear
of any cross-questioning on Mrs Payne's part, though it had not
occurred to me, as it might perhaps have done to a more experienced
young woman, that she might be annoyed by my unduly monopolising her
son. But I felt too excited and eager to have replied in a commonplace
way, and as we strolled round the tents, vaguely admiring the beautiful
groups of flowers and plants they contained, and glancing from side to
side in quest of our seniors, I made no pretence of conversation with my
companion, and he too was very silent. It was only at the last moment
of our solitude, just when we caught sight at last of his father and
mother coming towards us, that Clarence slackened his pace a little, and
said gently--
"Don't worry about this too much. I am quite sure that when people
really want to do what is right and best, things are shaped for us into
guidance. I have often found it so in life, though my experience hasn't
been a very long one as yet."
I felt grateful for his kindness, though I did not reply. There was
more on my mind than he understood; the reproachful consciousness of my
own foolish presumption was not absent from my mind, paradoxical as this
may sound in conjunction with the feeling I have alluded to, of being
destined--intended--to be an instrument in the deliverance of the
prisoners of the Grim House.
"I _need_ not have mixed myself up in it in the least," I thought; "and
why, after things have gone on quietly enough with them for so many
years apparently, should Caryll go and fall ill in this serious way, and
place me in such a tangle of perplexity? For, of course, it does not
take much putting two and two together to see that what the poor thing
is longing and praying for is to have his brother cleared from the
mysterious cloud over him."
As will be remembered, the words I had overheard clearly pointed to the
elder Mr Grey being the centre of the trouble--my own instinctive
conviction since my first glimpse of the four faces in the square pew at
Millflowers church.
Mrs Payne's first words relieved my immediate apprehension. She looked
serenely content, and pleased with herself and everybody else, us
truants included.
"Is it not a charming show?" she said. "I have never seen a prettier.
Your father and I, Clarence, are feeling more eager than ever about the
little country-house we often talk of. How I should enjoy managing the
garden!"