"Faith is an almighty thing, for it giveth glory to God, which is the
highest service that can be given to him. Now, to give glory to God, is
to believe in him; to count him true, wise, righteous, merciful,
almighty. The chiefest thing God requireth of man is, that he giveth
unto him his glory and divinity; that is to say, that he taketh him not
for an idol, but for God; who regardeth him, heareth him, showeth mercy
unto him, and helpeth him. For faith saith thus, 'I believe thee, O God,
when thou speakest.'"
But our great wisdom, he says, is to look away from all these
questionings,--from our sins, our works, ourselves, to Christ, who is
our righteousness, our Saviour, our all.
Then at times other things perplex me. If faith is so simple, and
salvation so free, why all those orders, rules, pilgrimages, penances?
And to these perplexities we can neither of us find any answer. But we
must be obedient to the Church. What we cannot understand we must
receive and obey. This is a monk's duty, at least.
Then at times another temptation comes on me. "If thou hadst known of
this before," a voice says deep in my heart, "thou couldst have served
God joyfully in thy home, instead of painfully in the cloister; couldst
have helped thy parents and Else, and spoken with Eva on these things,
which her devout and simple heart has doubtless received already." But,
alas! I know too well what tempter ventures to suggest that name to me,
and I say, "Whatever might have been, malicious spirit, _now_ I am a
religious, a devoted man, to whom it is perdition to draw back!"
Yet, in a sense, I seem less separated from my beloved ones during these
past days.
There is a brotherhood, there is a family, more permanent than the home
at Eisenach, or even the Order of St. Augustine, in which we may be
united still. There is a home in which, perhaps, we may yet be one
household again.
And meantime, God may have some little useful work for me to do here,
which in his presence may make life pass as quickly as this my
pilgrimage to Rome in Brother Martin's company.