[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from Galaxy Science Fiction
December 1954. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the
U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
[Sidenote: _Being trapped in the steaming h--l of Venus is no excuse for
forgetting one's manners--but anyone abducted, marooned, tricked, kept
from tea might well crack under the strain!_]
"What I should like to know," Professor Bernardi said, gazing pensively
after the lizard-man as he bore the shrieking form of Miss Anspacher off
in his scaly arms, "is whether he is planning to eat her or make love to
her. Because, in the latter instance, I'm not sure we should interfere.
It may be her only chance."
[Illustration]
"Carl!" his wife cried indignantly. "That's a horrid thing to say! You
must rescue her at once!"
"Oh, I suppose so," he said, then gave his wife a nasty little grin that
he knew would irritate her. "It isn't that she's unattractive, my dear,
in case you hadn't noticed, though she's pretty well past the bloom of
youth--"
"_Will_ you stop making leering noises and go save her or _not_?"
"I was coming to that. It's just that she persists in using her Ph.D. as
a club to beat men into respectful pulps. Men don't like being beaten
into respectful pulps, whether by a man or a woman. Now if she'd only
learned that other people have feelings--"
"If you don't stop lecturing and go, I will!" his wife threatened.
"All right, all right," he said wearily. "Come on, Mortland."
* * * * *
The two scientists slogged through the steamy, odorous jungle of Venus
and soon reached the lizard-man, who, weighed down by his captive, had
not been able to travel as fast.
"You blast him," the professor told Mortland. "Try not to hit Miss
Anspacher, if you can manage it."
"Er--I've never fired one of these things before," Mortland said. "Can't
stand having my eardrums blasted. However, here goes." He pointed his
weapon at the lizardlike creature in a gingerly manner. "Ah--hands up,"
he ordered. "Only fair to give the--well, blighter a sporting chance,"
he explained to Professor Bernardi.
To their amazement, the lizard-man promptly dropped Miss Anspacher into
the lavender-colored mud and put up his hands. Miss Anspacher gave an
indignant yelp.
"Seems intelligent in spite of the kidnaping," Mortland commented. "But
how does he happen to understand English? We're the only expedition ever
to have reached Venus ... that I know of, anyway." He and the professor
stared at each other in consternation. "There may have been a secret
expedition previously and perhaps they left a--a base or something,
which would explain why--"
"If you two oafs would stop speculating, you might help me out of
here!" Miss Anspacher remarked in her customary snappish tone. Professor
Bernardi leaped forward to obey. "You don't have to pull quite so hard!
I haven't taken root yet!" She came out of the mud with a sound like two
whales kissing. She brushed hopelessly at her once-white blouse and
shorts. "Oh, dear, I look a mess!"
Professor Bernardi did not comment, being engaged in slapping at a small
winged creature--about the size of a bluejay, but looking like a cross
between a bat and a mosquito--that seemed interested in taking a bite
out of him. It escaped his flapping hand and flew to the top of
Mortland's sun helmet, where it glared at the professor.
"Since you seem to understand English," Miss Anspacher said to the
lizard-man through a mouthful of hairpins, "perhaps you will be so kind
as to explain the meaning of this outrage?"
"I was smitten," the alien replied suavely. "Passion made me forget
myself."
Professor Bernardi looked thoughtfully at him. "A prior expedition isn't
the answer. It wouldn't have troubled to educate you so thoroughly.
Therefore, the explanation is that you pick up English by reading our
minds. Correct?"