(_With the British Army in France._)
The decisive victory of the Racing Club de Petiteville--late the _deuxième
équipage_ of the Sportif Club de Petiteville--over the _troisième équipage_
of the Société Athlétique de Pont Neuf would not appear to have any bearing
on the washing of Percival's collars and pyjamas; but, according to Elfred
Fry, there was a poignant connection between the two.
When the Sportif Club received the challenge they doubted whether to accept
it, as the Société Athlétique was rumoured to include several veterans
approaching fifteen years of age and of tremendous physique. On being
conceded the choice of ground, however, they took up the gage and trained
and practised with such vigour that two days before the date of the match
Georges Darré, right back, punted his toe through a previously suspected
weak spot in the ball and irreparably ruined it. The Société Athlétique was
informed of the disaster and asked to supply a ball, but they answered that
no known authority or precedent existed for visiting teams providing the
accessories. There was also an insinuation that the story of the burst ball
was a fabrication, designed to give the Sportif Club a loophole of escape
from a contest that spelt certain defeat.
Stung to the quick, the _deuxième équipage_ made an urgent appeal to the
_premier équipage_ of the Sportif Club, who replied that this was the first
intimation they had had of the existence of a _deuxième équipage_, and
recommended a tourney at marbles or a combat of peg-tops as being more
suitable to their tender years.
Naturally this insult could not be brooked, and it was decided to break
away from the parent body and reorganise under the title of the Racing Club
de Petiteville; but this did not help them to solve the question of a new
ball. Then it was that Théo Navet, left half, and son of the
_blanchisseuse_ in the rue Napoléon, had an inspiration, and Percival's
pyjamas became linked up with the destinies of the club.
* * * * *
"It wouldn't surprise me, Sir," said Elfred on the evening when Petiteville
was ringing with the news of the Racing Club's victory by 4 _buts_ to 2,
"if you are the only officer in Mess to-night with a reelly clean collar."
"And why am I singled out for so much honour?" asked Percival, taking the
slacks which Elfred produced from between the mattresses. "Has the
Washer-women's Union handed in notices and made a complimentary exception
in my case?"
"Well, Sir, you _'ave_ been favoured, but it weren't a strike," explained
Elfred. "You know, Sir, there's been an alarming short ration of coal an'
fuel down in the village for a long time, an' two days ago Madame Navet,
who does the orficers' washing, came up an' said she was bokoo fashay but
the washing was napood for the week, becos she couldn't buy, beg, borrer
nor steal enough fuel to keep her copper biling.... Do we wear the yaller
boots to-night, Sir, or the _very_ yaller ones?"
"The light pair," said Percival, "to give tone to the clean collar. But go
on."
"Well, I put it to Madame as my orficer was a very partickler gent, an'
she'd gotter do our washing even if she 'ad to light 'er fire with the
family dresser. She said she was desolated; she 'adn't sufficient coal to
take the chill off a mouchoir. I thought of trying to borrer a sack for 'er
from the quarter bloke, but our relations 'ave never been the same since
the time I took my weekly ration of 'Pink Princesses' back an' arsked 'im
to change 'em for cigarettes with a bit o' tobacco in.
"After she'd gone I took a kit inventory 'an found we was down to our last
clean collar, an' we looked like bein' a bit grubby in the matter of
pyjamas. I went a walk to the canteen to think it over, an' on my way
Madame's lad came up an' said 'is team 'ad an important match for two days
later an' could I possibly oblige 'em with a football. Being a sportsman--I
take a franc chance in the camp football sweep every week--I said I'd try
what I could do, knowin' of a ball which me an' the other batmen punt about
in our rare hintervals of leisure. But then the thought of that washing
that wasn't washed came into my mind.
"'See 'ere, Meredith,' I says. 'Je voo donneray a ball si votre mère does
our washing toot sweet.'"
"'E looked blue at this an' said they couldn't get fuel nohow.
"'Compree scrounge?' says I.
"It seems 'e did. It seems scrounging for fuel 'ad reached such a pitch in
the village that people took their backyard fences in at night, 'an they
'ad posted a policeman on the station to prevent 'em sawing away the
waiting-room. But our washing 'ad to be done, 'an I thought if I got the
whole of this football team scrounging they might find something as
everyone else 'ad overlooked. So I pretended to be indifferink.
"'Very well,' says I. 'San fairy ann. Napoo washing--napoo ball.'
"That set 'em to work. Next day little boys were scraping the village over
like fowls in a farmyard, getting a chip 'ere an' a shaving there, an'
making themselves such a nuisance that there was talk of calling the
gendarmerie out. They would 'ave done, too, only he'd laid down for a nap
an' left strict orders 'e wasn't to be disturbed. Then they slipped into
the Camp, trying to lay nefarious 'ands on empty ration boxes, but the Camp
police spotted 'em an' chivied them off. I never seen our police so
exhausted as they were at the end of that day.
"'I can't think what's taken the little varmints,' said the Provost-
Sergeant. 'It ain't the Fifth of November.'
"On the whole it wasn't a good day's 'unting, but this morning I was waited
on by a deputation wearing striped jerseys, which they appeared to 'ave put
on at early dawn. They said the fire was lit under the copper, 'an could
they 'ave the ball?
"'Doucemong!' says I. 'Allay along, an' let's see the fire first.'
"Yes, it were lit, but only just. The water was lukewarm an' the fuel 'ad
nearly all burned away, an' Madame was standing looking at it hopelessly.
"'Pas bong,' says I to the lads. 'Pas assay chaud. Voo scroungerez
ongcore.'
"They was frantic, becos it was nearly match time. I felt inclined to give
'em the ball, but the thought of you, Sir, in a dirty collar--"
"You may keep the pair of old riding-breeches you borrowed without
permission," interrupted Percy.
"Thank you, Sir. Then all at once the lads 'ad a confab an' went away, an'
in a few minutes they was back with some lovely straight planed props of
timber, an' they chopped 'em up in a jiffy 'an got the fire roaring 'ot,
an' I gave 'em the ball, an' your collars is done an' the rest of your
things is out drying an' will be finished to-morrow."
"Of course I'm grateful," said Percival. "You might tell your young friends
I'm willing to be a vice-president of their club--on the usual terms.
What's the name of it?"
"They tell me it's called 'The Racing Club,'" said Elfred. "But I think,
Sir, you'd better give your subscription to the other club in the
village--'The Sportif Club.' You see, Sir, they 'ad a match on to-day as
well, an' when they arrived on the ground they found someone 'ad been and
scrounged their goal-posts!"
* * * * *
[Illustration: "I SAY, EXCUSE ME, DEAR OLD TOP, BUT YOU MUSTN'T WEAR THAT
GUNNER TIE NOW YOU'RE DEMOBBED. IT SIMPLY ISN'T DONE!"]
* * * * *