There are one hundred thousand more people living in London than in New
York. But they are only just living.
* * *
"The Home Rule Bill," says _The Irish Unionist Alliance_, "would, if put
into operation, cause friction in Ireland." We are sorry to hear this, for
friction is the last thing we want to see in Ireland.
* * *
M. GRABSKI, who has just asked for the loan of three thousand million
francs, is the Polish Minister of Finance. Yet people say there is nothing
in a name.
* * *
A Welsh Prohibition Bill is suggested. We think it should be pointed out
that the Welsh language is natural and not due to over-indulgence.
* * *
DEMPSEY, the American Boxer, is to be charged with "draft-dodging." The
other charge of COCHRAN-dodging will not be proceeded with.
* * *
Gold in the mouth, says the American Academy of Dental Science, is out of
date. Much the same applies to gold in the pocket.
* * *
We understand that an American syndicate has been formed for the purpose of
acquiring the sole rights in a suit of clothes by a London tailor.
* * *
American whisky is said to create in consumers a desire to climb trees.
British whisky, on the other hand, seems to create in the Americans a
desire to cross the Atlantic.
* * *
With reference to the road-mender who fell down last week and injured
himself an explanation has now been given. It appears that the colleague
next to him must have moved.
* * *
No fewer than twenty-seven poems on Spring have been received by one weekly
paper editor. Yet there are people who still maintain that the crime wave
is on the wane.
* * *
"The Irish swear by two staple beverages," says _The Daily Mail_. We feel,
however, that an Irishman who was really trying could swear by more than
this.
* * *
We understand that the Foreign Office takes a serious view of the large
number of public-houses which have been burgled during the last few weeks.
It is feared that it may be the work of a foreign spy who is endeavouring
to secure the recipe of British Government ale.
* * *
"A large number of army tanks have been sent to Africa," announces an
article in a daily paper. However, as the brontosaurus is supposed to
devour four of these delicacies at every meal, it is feared that unless a
great many more are sent out immediately this dainty animal may be faced
with extermination.
* * *
A morning paper announces that all airships of "R 34" type are now
obsolete. We have decided to stick a pin in each of ours.
* * *
From Ireland comes the pleasing news that the wife of a well-known Sinn
Feiner has just presented her husband with a little bomberette.
* * *
Since the publication of Professor KEITH'S statistics of efficiency,
showing the superiority of the physical condition of miners over that of
almost every other class of worker, the argument, so popular with the
advocates of nationalisation, that a miner's occupation is a most unhealthy
one, has been given a rest.
* * *
"I doubt if even the youngest child to-day will live to see the real fruits
of the War," said the Bishop of Lincoln last week. Another unmerited slight
on the O.B.E.
* * *
"Visitors to the Zoo," says _The Daily Mail_, "should not miss the rare
spectacle of the highest five animals under one roof--the gorilla, the
chimpanzee, the orang-outang, the gibbon and man." Naturally everybody is
asking, "Who is the lucky man?"
* * *
A merciless campaign against rats is to be waged by the inhabitants of a
large Yorkshire town. This is supposed to be the outcome of the continued
indifference with which these rodents have treated the many propaganda
campaigns which the town has organised.
* * *
Liverpool City Council is to consider the appointment of women park-
keepers. In support it is urged that when it comes to persuading a paper
bag to go along quietly the superior tact of a woman is bound to tell.
* * *
Arrangements for the continuation of the Food Ministry, it is stated, are
still incomplete. It would be a thousand pities if a mere abundance of food
should lead to the disappearance of this valuable department.
* * *
"Will the gentlemen on the Allied Surrender List," says the _Berlin
Official Gazette_, "inform the German authorities of their address?" This
is a typical piece of Teutonic duplicity. There are, of course, no
gentlemen on the List.
* * *
The chiffchaff has been heard in Hampshire and a couple of road-peckers
were observed last week hovering in the neighbourhood of Wellington Street.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Holiday-maker_ (_in difficulties._) "OH, DASH IT! THERE
GOES THAT LETTER MY WIFE GAVE ME TO POST A WEEK AGO."]
* * * * *