Funerals.
The saddest of all ceremonies is that attendant upon the death of
relatives and friends, and it becomes us to show, in every possible way,
the utmost consideration for the feelings of the bereaved, and the
deepest respect for the melancholy occasion. Of late the forms of
ostentation at funerals are gradually diminishing, and by some people of
intelligence, even mourning habiliments are rejected in whole or in
part.
INVITATION TO A FUNERAL.
It is customary in cities to give the notice of death and announcement
of a funeral through the daily newspapers, though sometimes when such
announcement may not reach all friends in time, invitations to the
funeral are sent to personal and family friends of the deceased. In
villages where there is no daily paper, such invitations are often
issued.
Private invitations are usually printed on fine small note paper, with a
heavy black border, and in such form as the following:
[Illustration:
_Yourself and family are respectfully invited to
attend the funeral of Mr. James B. Southey, from
his late residence, No. 897 Williams avenue, on
Friday, October 18, at 3 o' clock P.M. (or from
St. Paul's Episcopal Church), to proceed to
Woodland Cemetery._]
When an announcement of a death is sent to a friend or relative at a
distant point, it is usual to telegraph or to write the notice of death,
time and place of funeral, to allow the friend an opportunity to arrive
before the services.
It is a breach of good manners not to accept an invitation to a funeral,
when one is sent.
ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE FUNERAL.
It is customary to trust the details of the arrangements for the funeral
to some relative or friend of the family, and if there be no friend who
can perform this duty, it can be safely left with the undertaker to
perform the painful duties of master of ceremonies. It is prudent to
name a limit for the expenses of the funeral, and the means of the
family should always govern these. Pomp and display should always be
avoided, as they are out of keeping with the solemn occasion, and
inconsistent with real grief. At the funeral some one should act as
usher to seat the friends who attend.
THE HOUSE OF MOURNING.
Upon entering the house of mourning, a gentleman should always remove
his hat in the hall, and not replace it until he is about to depart. No
calls of condolence should be made upon the bereaved family while the
dead remains in the house, and members of the family may be excused from
receiving any but their most intimate friends at that time.
There should be no loud talking or confusion while the body remains in
the house. All differences and quarrels must be forgotten in the house
of mourning, and personal enemies who meet at a funeral must treat each
other with respect and dignity. The bell knob or door handle is draped
with black crape, with a black ribbon tied on, if the deceased is
married or advanced in years, and with a white ribbon, if young or
unmarried.
THE FUNERAL SERVICES.
If the services are held at the house, some near friend or relative will
receive the guests. The immediate members of the family and near
relatives should take a final view of the corpse just before the
arrival of the guests, and should not make their appearance again until
the services are about to commence. It is becoming customary now to
reserve a room of the house adjoining that in which the services are
held, for the exclusive use of the near relatives and members of the
family during the services. Then the clergyman takes his position at the
door between the two rooms while conducting the services. As guests
arrive, they are requested to take a last look at the corpse before
seating themselves, and upon the conclusion of the services the coffin
lid is closed, and the remains are borne to the hearse. The custom of
opening the coffin at the church to allow all who attend to take a final
look at the corpse, is rapidly coming into disfavor. The friends who
desire it are requested to view the corpse at the house, before it is
taken to the church.
If, however, the deceased is a person of great prominence in the
community, and the house is not able to accommodate the large numbers
who desire to take a last look at the face of the deceased, then,
perhaps, it may be well that the coffin should be opened at the church.
THE PALL-BEARERS.
The pall-bearers, usually six, but sometimes eight, when the deceased is
a person of considerable prominence, are generally chosen from the
intimate acquaintances of the deceased, and of nearly the same age. If
they walk to the cemetery, they take their position in equal numbers on
either side of the hearse. If they ride, their carriage or carriages
precede the hearse.
ORDER OF THE PROCESSION.
The carriages containing the clergyman and pall-bearers precede the
hearse, immediately following which are the carriages of the nearest
relatives, more distant relatives and friends respectively. When
societies or masonic bodies take part in the procession they precede the
hearse.
The horse of a deceased mounted military officer, fully equipped and
draped in mourning, will be led immediately after the hearse. As the
mourners pass out to enter the carriage, the guests stand with uncovered
heads. No salutations are given or received. The person who officiates
as master of ceremonies, assists the mourners to enter and alight from
the carriages. At the cemetery the clergyman or priest walks in advance
of the coffin. In towns and villages where the cemetery is near at hand
and the procession goes on foot, the men should go with uncovered heads,
if the weather permit, the hat being held in the right hand. Guests
return to their respective homes after the services at the grave.
FLORAL DECORATIONS.
The usual decorations of the coffin are flowers, tastefully arranged in
a beautiful wreath for a child or young person, and a cross for a
married person, which are placed upon the coffin. These flowers should
mostly be white. Near friends of the deceased may send beautiful floral
devices, if they wish, as a mark of their esteem for the deceased, which
should be sent in time to be used for decorative purposes.
OTHER DECORATIONS.
A person of rank generally bears some insignia upon his coffin. Thus a
deceased army or naval officer will have his coffin covered with the
national flag, and his hat, epaulettes, sword and sash laid upon the
lid. The regalia of a deceased officer of the Masonic or Odd Fellows'
fraternity is often placed upon the coffin.
CALLS UPON THE BEREAVED FAMILY.
About a week after the funeral, friends call upon the bereaved family,
and acquaintances call within a month. The calls of the latter are not
repeated until cards of acknowledgment have been received by the family,
the leaving of which announces that they are ready to see their friends.
It is the custom for friends to wear no bright colors when making their
calls of condolence. In making first calls of condolence, none but most
intimate friends ask to see the family. Short notes of condolence,
expressing the deepest sympathy, are usually accepted, and help to
comfort stricken hearts. Formal notes of condolence are no longer sent.
Those who have known anything of the unsounded depths of sorrow do not
attempt consolation. All that they attempt to do is to find words
wherein to express their deep sympathy with the grief-stricken ones.
SECLUSION OF THE BEREAVED FAMILY.
No member of the immediate family of the deceased will leave the house
between the time of the death and the funeral. A lady friend will be
commissioned to make all necessary purchases, engage seamstresses, etc.
It is not desirable to enshroud ourselves in gloom after a bereavement,
however great it may be, and consequently no prescribed period of
seclusion can be given. Real grief needs no appointed time for
seclusion. It is the duty of every one to interest himself or herself in
accustomed objects of care as soon as it is possible to make the
exertion; for, in fulfilling our duties to the living, we best show the
strength of our affection for the dead, as well as our submission to the
will of Him who knows what is better for our dear ones than we can know
or dream.
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