Dear Sir,--i cant make much of your letter except a riglemerole
about pigs and dinamite and pictures but what they have to do with one
another i dont know if you want some pork why dont you say so strait out
like mr Hobson does i shall be killing one this week shall i send you a
nice leg and remain
Yours obedient
Henry Gibbs.
My reply, given in the affirmative, resulted in the arrival of a
succulent-looking joint with a bill for leg of pork special 5½ lbs.
at 2_s._ per lb. 11_s._
As the price too was rather special I returned the bill with the
following:--
My dear Mr. Gibbs,--What a rapturous piece of pork! Lovely in
life, and oh, how beautiful in death. I count the hours till 7.30
to-morrow.
I am truly sorry you couldn't read my letter with comfort. I have
derived great pleasure from yours. You appear to have a strong leaning
towards phonetic orthography which is very refreshing and seems to bear
the same relation to the generally accepted rules of the art that the
modern dynamic art (a favourite topic of mine, as you know) does to the
academics of the late nineteenth century.
When the proof-sheets of my book arrive I should be glad of your
assistance in going through them. My tendency, I think, is to
over-punctuate, and your proclivity would, I believe, counteract this.
_Mais revenons à nos moutons_ (_mutatis mutandis_, of course). The
specialist who superintends my diet allows me to eat pork at 1_s._ 9_d._
per lb., but does not approve of my indulgence in it at a higher figure.
If you will meet his views (and I am sure you will) I shall absorb my
full share of the dainty you have provided. Otherwise I must return it
with many exquisite regrets.
Anticipating your favourable recognition of my specialist's absurd
prejudice, I enclose a cheque for 9_s._ 8_d._
Accept my word for it that I am
Yours ever most truly,
Arthur K. Wilkinson.