coin, so, is the place of true esteem and genuine friendship, you have
the outward appearance of it--a mimic show made to look as much like
the real thing as possible.
On the other hand, it may be asked whether there are any people who
really deserve the true coin. For my own part, I should certainly pay
more respect to an honest dog wagging his tail than to a hundred such
demonstrations of human regard.
True and genuine friendship presupposes a strong sympathy with the
weal and woe of another--purely objective in its character and quite
disinterested; and this in its turn means an absolute identification
of self with the object of friendship. The egoism of human nature is
so strongly antagonistic to any such sympathy, that true friendship
belongs to that class of things--the sea-serpent, for instance,--with
regard to which no one knows whether they are fabulous or really exist
somewhere or other.
Still, in many cases, there is a grain of true and genuine friendship
in the relation of man to man, though generally, of course, some
secret personal interest is at the bottom of them--some one among the
many forms that selfishness can take. But in a world where all is
imperfect, this grain of true feeling is such an ennobling influence
that it gives some warrant for calling those relations by the name of
friendship, for they stand far above the ordinary friendships that
prevail amongst mankind. The latter are so constituted that, were you
to hear how your dear friends speak of you behind your back, you would
never say another word to them.
Apart from the case where it would be a real help to you if your
friend were to make some great sacrifice to serve you, there is no
better means of testing the genuineness of his feelings than the way
in which he receives the news of a misfortune that has just happened
to you. At that moment the expression of his features will either show
that his one thought is that of true and sincere sympathy for you; or
else the absolute composure of his countenance, or the passing trace
of something other than sympathy, will confirm the well-known maxim
of La Rochefoucauld: _Dans l'adversite de nos meilleurs amis, nous
trouvons toujours quelque chose qui ne nous deplait pas_. Indeed, at
such a moment, the ordinary so-called friend will find it hard to
suppress the signs of a slight smile of pleasure. There are few ways
by which you can make more certain of putting people into a good humor
than by telling them of some trouble that has recently befallen you,
or by unreservedly disclosing some personal weakness of yours. How
characteristic this is of humanity!
Distance and long absence are always prejudicial to friendship,
however disinclined a man may be to admit. Our regard for people whom
we do not see--even though they be our dearest friends--gradually
dries up in the course of years, and they become abstract notions;
so that our interest in them grows to be more and more
intellectual,--nay, it is kept up only as a kind of tradition; whilst
we retain a lively and deep interest in those who are constantly
before our eyes, even if they be only pet animals. This shows how
much men are limited by their senses, and how true is the remark that
Goethe makes in _Tasso_ about the dominant influence of the present
moment:--
_Die Gegenwart ist eine mächtige Göttin_[1]
[Footnote 1: Act iv., se. 4.]
_Friends of the house_ are very rightly so called; because they are
friends of the house rather than of its master; in other words, they
are more like cats than dogs.
Your friends will tell you that they are sincere; your enemies are
really so. Let your enemies' censure be like a bitter medicine, to be
used as a means of self-knowledge.
A friend in need, as the saying goes, is rare. Nay, it is just the
contrary; no sooner have you made a friend than he is in need, and
asks for a loan.