RACHEL IS ILL.
Rachel, before the end of March, received the following letter from
her friend, but she received it in bed. The whole world of Covent
Garden Theatre had been thrown into panic-stricken dismay by the fact
that Miss O'Mahony had something the matter with her throat. This was
the second attack, the first having been so short as to have caused
no trepidations in the world of music; but this was supposed to be
sterner in its nature, and to have caused already great alarm. Before
March was over it was published to the world at large that Miss
O'Mahony would not be able to sing during the forthcoming week.
In this catastrophe her lordly lover was of course the most sedulous
of attendants. In truth he was so, though when we last met him and
his bride together he had made himself very disagreeable. Rachel had
then answered him in such language as to make her think it impossible
that he should not quarrel with her; but still here he was, constant
at her chamber door. Whether his constancy was due to his position
about the theatre or to his ardour as a lover, she did not know; but
in either case it troubled her somewhat, and interfered with her
renewed dreams about Frank. Then came the following letter from
Frank's sister:
DEAR RACHEL,
I am not very much surprised, though I was a little, that
you should have accepted Lord Castlewell; but I had not
quite known the ins and outs of it, not having been there
to see. Frank says that the separation had certainly come
from him, because he could not bring himself to burden
your prosperity with the heavy load of his misfortunes.
Poor fellow! They are very heavy. They would have made you
both miserable for awhile, unless you could have agreed
to postpone your marriage. Why should it not have been
postponed?
But Lord Castlewell came in the way, and I supposed
him naturally to be as beautiful and gracious as he is
gorgeous and rich. But though you say nothing about him
there does creep out from your letter some kind of idea
that he is not quite so beautiful in your eyes as was
poor Frank. Remember that poor Frank has to wear two blue
shirts a week and no more, in order to save the washing!
How many does Lord Castlewell wear? How many will he wear
when he is a marquis?
But at any rate it does seem to be the case that you and
the earl are not as happy together as your best friends
could wish. We had understood that the earl was ready
to expire for love at the sound of every note. Has he
slackened in his admiration so as to postpone his expiring
to the close of every song? Or why is it that Frank should
be allowed again to come up and trouble your dreams?
You are so fond of joking that it is almost impossible for
a poor steady-going, boycotted young woman to follow you
to the end. Of course I understand that what you say about
Mr. Moss is altogether a joke. But then what you say about
Frank is, I am sure, not a joke. If you love him the best,
as I am sure you do--so very much the best as to disregard
the marble halls--I advise you, in the gentlest manner
possible, to tell the marble halls that they are not
wanted. It cannot be right to marry one man when you say
that you love another as you do Frank. Of course he will
wait if you like to wait. All I can say is, that no man
loves a girl better than he loves you.
We are very much down in the world at the present. We have
literally no money. Papa's relatives have given their
money to him to invest, and he has laid it out on the
property here. Nobody was thought to have done so well as
he till lately; but now they cannot get their interest,
and, of course, they are impatient. Commissioners have
sat in the neighbourhood, and have reduced the rents all
round. But they can't reduce what doesn't exist. There
are tenants who I suppose will pay. Pat Carroll could
certainly have done so. But then papa's share in the
property will be reduced almost to nothing. He will not
get above five shillings out of every twenty shillings of
rent, such as it was supposed to be when he bought it. I
don't understand all this, and I am sure I cannot make you
do so.
I have nothing to tell about my young man, as you call
him, except that he cannot be mine. I fancy that girls are
not fond of writing about their young men when they don't
belong to them. Frank, at any rate, is yours, if you will
take him; and you can write about him with an open heart.
I cannot do so. Think of poor Florian and his horrid
death. Is this a time for marriage,--if it were otherwise
possible,--which it is not?
God bless you, dear Rachel. Let me hear from you again
soon. I have said nothing to Frank as yet. I attempted
it this morning, but was stopped. You can imagine
that he, poor fellow, is not very happy.--Yours very
affectionately,
EDITH JONES.
Rachel read the letter on her sick bed, and as soon as it was read
Lord Castlewell came to her. There was always a nurse there, but Lord
Castlewell was supposed to be able to see the patient, and on one
occasion had been accompanied by his sister. It was all done in the
most proper form imaginable, much to Rachel's disgust. Incapable as
she was in her present state of carrying on any argument, she was
desirous of explaining to Lord Castlewell that he was not to hold
himself as bound to marry her. "If you think that father is an ass,
you had better say so outright, and let there be an end of it."
She wished to speak to him after this fashion. But she could not
say it in the presence of the nurse and of Lady Augusta. But Lord
Castlewell's conduct to herself made her more anxious than ever to
say something of the kind. He was very civil, even tender, in his
inquiries, but he was awfully frigid. She could tell from his manner
that that last speech of hers was rankling in his bosom as the frigid
words fell from his lips. He was waiting for some recovery,--a
partial recovery would be better than a whole one,--and then he would
speak his mind. She wanted to speak her mind first, but she could
hardly do so with her throat in its present condition.
She had no other friend than her father, no other friend to take her
part with her lovers. And she had, too, fallen into such a state
that she could not say much to him. According to the orders of the
physician, she was not to interest herself at all about anything.
"I wonder whether the man was ever engaged to two or three lovers at
once," she said to herself, alluding to the doctor. "He knows at any
rate of Lord Castlewell, and does he think that I am not to trouble
myself about him?"
She had a tablet under her pillow, which she took out and wrote on
it certain instructions. "Dear father, C. and I quarrelled before
I was ill at all, and now he comes here just as though nothing
had happened. He said you made an ass of yourself in the House of
Commons. I won't have it, and mean to tell him so; but I can't talk.
Won't you tell him from me that I shall expect him to beg my pardon,
and that I shall never hear anything of the kind again. It must come
to this. Your own R." This was handed to Mr. O'Mahony by Rachel that
very day before he went down to the House of Commons.
"But, my dear!" he said. Rachel only shook her head. "I can hardly
say all this about myself. I don't care twopence whether he thinks me
an ass or not."
"But I do," said Rachel on the tablet.
"He is an earl, and has wonderful privileges, as well as a great deal
of money."
"Marble halls and impudence," said Rachel on the tablet. Then Mr.
O'Mahony, feeling that he ought to leave her in peace, made her a
promise, and went his way. At Covent Garden that evening he met the
noble lord, having searched for him in vain at Westminster. He was
much more likely to find Lord Castlewell among the singers of the
day, than with the peers; but of these things Mr. O'Mahony hardly
understood all the particulars.
"Well, O'Mahony, how is your charming daughter?"
"My daughter is not inclined to be charming at all. I do hope she may
be getting better, but at present she is bothering her head about
you."
"It is natural that she should think of me a little sometimes," said
the flattered lord.
"She has written me a message which she says that I am to deliver.
Now mind, I don't care about it the least in the world." Here the
lord looked very grave. "She says that you called me an ass. Well,
I am to you, and you're an ass to me. I am sure you won't take it as
any insult, neither do I. She wants you to promise that you won't
call me an ass any more. Of course it would follow that I shouldn't
be able to call you one. We should both be hampered, and the truth
would suffer. But as she is ill, perhaps it would be better that you
should say that you didn't mean it."
But this was not at all Lord Castlewell's view of the matter.
Though he had been very glib with his tongue in calling O'Mahony an
ass, he did not at all like the compliment as paid back to him by
his father-in-law. And there was something which he did not quite
understand in the assertion that the truth would suffer. All the
world was certain that Mr. O'Mahony was an ass. He had been turned
out of the House of Commons only yesterday for saying that the
Speaker was quite wrong, and sticking to it. There was not the
slightest doubt in the world about it. But his lordship knew his
gamut, which was all that he pretended to know, and never interfered
with matters of which he was ignorant. He was treated with the
greatest respect at Covent Garden, and nobody ever suspected him of
being an ass. And then he had it in his mind to speak very seriously
to Rachel as soon as she might be well enough to hear him. "You
have spoken to me in a manner, my dear, which I am sure you did not
intend." He had all the words ready prepared on a bit of paper in his
pocket-book. And he was by no means sure but that the little quarrel
might even yet become permanent. He had discussed it frequently with
Lady Augusta, and Lady Augusta rather wished that it might become
permanent. And Lord Castlewell was not quite sure that he did not
wish it also. The young lady had a way of speaking about her own
people which was not to be borne. And now she had been guilty of the
gross indecency of sending a message to him by her own father,--the
very man whom he called an ass. And the man in return only laughed
and called him an ass.
But Lord Castlewell knew the proprieties of life. Here was this--girl
whom he had proposed to marry, a sad invalid at the moment. The
doctor had, in fact, given him but a sad account of the case. "She
has strained her voice continually till it threatens to leave her,"
said the doctor; "I do not say that it will be so, but it may. Her
best chance will be to abandon all professional exertions till next
year." Then the doctor told him that he had not as yet taken upon
himself to hint anything of all this to Miss O'Mahony.
Lord Castlewell was puzzled in the extreme. If the lady lost her
voice and so became penniless and without a profession; and if he in
such case were to throw her over, and leave her unmarried, what would
the world say of him? Would it be possible then to make the world
understand that he had deserted her, not on account of her illness,
but because she had not liked to hear her father called an ass. And
had not Rachel already begun the battle in a manner intended to
show that she meant to be the victor? Could it be possible that she
herself was desirous of backing out. There was no knowing the extent
of the impudence to which these Americans would not go! No doubt she
had, by the use of intemperate language on the occasion when she
would not be driven out in the carriage, given him ample cause for a
breach. To tell the truth, he had thought then that a breach would
be expedient. But she had fallen ill, and it was incumbent on him to
be tender and gentle. Then, from her very sick bed, she had sent him
this impudent message.
And it had been delivered so impudently! "The truth would suffer!" He
was sure that there was a meaning in the words intended to signify
that he, Lord Castlewell, was and must be an ass at all times. Then
he asked himself whether he was an ass because he did not quite
understand O'Mahony's argument. Why did the truth suffer? As to his
being an ass,--O'Mahony being an ass,--he was sure that there was no
doubt about that. All the world said so. The House of Commons knew
it,--and the newspapers. He had been turned out of the House for
saying the Speaker was wrong, and not apologising for having uttered
such words. And he, Lord Castlewell, had so expressed himself only
to the woman who was about to be his wife. Then she had had the
incredible folly to tell her father, and the father had told him that
under certain circumstances the "truth must suffer." He did not quite
understand it, but was sure that Mr. O'Mahony had meant to say that
they were two fools together.
He was not at all ashamed of marrying a singing girl. It was the
thing he would be sure to do. And he thought of some singing girls
before his time, and of his time also, whom it would be an honour for
such as him to marry. But he would degrade himself--so he felt--by
the connection with an advanced Landleaguing Member of Parliament.
He looked round the lot of them, and he assured himself that there
was not one from whose loins an English nobleman could choose a wife
without disgrace. It was most unfortunate,--so he told himself. The
man had not become Member of Parliament till quite the other day. He
had not even opened his mouth in Parliament till the engagement had
been made. And now, among them all, this O'Mahony was the biggest
ass. And yet Lord Castlewell found himself quite unable to hold his
own with the Irish member when the Irish member was brought to attack
him. He certainly would have made Rachel's conduct a fair excuse for
breaking with her,--only that she was ill.
If he could have known the state of Rachel's mind there might have
been an end to his troubles. She had now, at length, been made
thoroughly wretched by hearing the truth from the doctor,--or what
the doctor believed to be the truth. "Miss O'Mahony, I had better
tell you, your voice has gone, at any rate for a year."
"For a year!" The hoarse, angry, rusty whisper came forth from her,
and in spite of its hoarseness and rustiness was audible enough.
"I fear so. For heaven's sake don't talk; use your tablet." Rachel
drew the tablet from under her pillow and dashed it across the
room. The doctor picked it up, and, with a kind smile and a little
caressing motion of his hand, put it again back under the pillow.
Rachel buried her head amidst the bedclothes and sobbed bitterly.
"Try to make yourself happy in remembering how you have succeeded,"
said the doctor.
"It won't be back just the same," she wrote on her tablet.
"It is in God's hands," said the doctor. There came not another word
from Rachel, either by her tablet or by any struggle at speech. The
doctor, having made what attempts at comfort he could, went his way.
Then her father, who had been in and out constantly, came to his
daughter. He had not been present when she threw the tablet away, but
he knew what the doctor had said to her.
"My pet," he said. But she made no attempt to answer him. A year! At
her time of life a year is an eternity. And then this doctor had only
told her that her voice was in God's hands. She could talk to herself
without any effort. "When they say that they always condemn you.
When the doctor tells you that you are in God's hands he means the
Devil's."
She had been so near the gods and goddesses, and now she was no more
than any other poor woman. She might be less, as her face had begun
to wither with her voice. She had all but succeeded; as for her
face, as for the mere look of her, let it go. She told herself that
she cared nothing for her appearance. What was Lord Castlewell to
her,--what even was Frank's love? To stand on the boards of the
theatre and become conscious of the intense silence of the crowd
before her,--so intense because the tone of her voice was the one
thing desired by all the world. And then to open her mouth and to let
the music go forth and to see the ears all erect, as she fancied she
could, so that not a sound should be lost,--should not be harvested
by the hungry hearers! That was to be a very god! As she told herself
of all her regrets, there was not a passing sorrow given to Lord
Castlewell. And what of the other man? "Oh, Frank, dear Frank, you
will know it all now. There need be no more taking money." But she
did take some comfort at last in that promise of God's hands. When
she had come, as it were, to the bitterest moment of her grief, she
told herself that, though it might be even at the end of a whole
year, there was something to be hoped.