EXIT THE MAN OUT OF SUSAN CLEGG'S HOUSE
"Well, Mrs. Lathrop," said Miss Clegg, coming over the evening after,
weary but triumphant, "Elijah is gone an' I tell you I'll never be too
tender-hearted for my own good again. I won't say but what it was me an'
nobody else as brought him down on my own head, but I must fully an'
freely state as it's certainly been me an' no one else as has had to
hold my own head up under him. An' he _has_ been a load!
"Why, Mrs. Lathrop, do you know that man's stockin's alone has took me
about one mornin' a week, an' as to buttons--well, I never knew a editor
could bu'st 'em off so fast. An' as to puttin' away what he took off, or
foldin' back things into the drawer where they belongs, why, a monkey
swingin' upside down by his tail is busy carefully keepin' house
compared to Elijah Doxey.
"I never see such a man afore! If Hiram's anythin' like him I don't
blame Lucy for battin' him about as she does. I did n't suppose such
ways could be lived with in oneself. An' that table where he wrote!
Well! I tell you I've got it cleared off to-night an' my clean curtains
folded off on it, an' no man never sets foot on it again, I can tell you
_that_.
"I won't say as it wa'n't a little tryin' gettin' him off to-day an' I
did feel to feel real sober while I was hangin' his mattress back to the
rafters in the attic, but when I remembered as I'd never see them
bedclothes kicked out at the foot again I cheered up amazin'. Mrs. Brown
come in just afore supper an' she seemed to think it was some queer as I
was n't goin' to miss Elijah, but I told her she did n't know me. 'Mrs.
Brown,' I says, 'your son was a doctor an' you can't be expected to
know what it is to board a editor, so once bit, soonest mended. She's
mournin' over her burnt house yet, so she could n't really feel to
sympathize with me, but I had n't time to stop an' mourn with her,--I
was too busy packin' away Elijah's toilet set.
"He got a good deal of ink around the room, Mrs. Lathrop, an' I shall
make Mr. Kimball give me a bottle of ink-remover free, seein' as he's
his nephew; but I don't see as he done any other real damage. I looked
the room over pretty sharp an' I can't find nothin' wrong with it. I
shall burn a sulphur candle in there to-morrow an' then wash out the
bureau drawers an' I guess then as the taste of Elijah'll be pretty well
out of my mouth.
"I'm sure I don't know what we're comin' to as to men, Mrs. Lathrop, for
I must say they seem more extra in the world every day. Most everythin'
as they do the women is able to do better now, an' women is so willin'
to be pleasant about it, too. Not as Elijah was n't pleasant--I never
see a more pleasant young man, but he had a way of comin' in with muddy
boots an' a smile on his face as makes me nothin' but glad as he's left
my house an' gone to Polly White's."
"Won't you--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
"No, I won't,--not if I know myself. I ain't never been lonesome afore
in my life an' I ain't goin' to begin now. Bein' lonesome is very fine
for them as keeps a girl to do their work, but I have to slave all day
long if there's anybody but me around the house, an' I don't like to
slave. I guess Elijah's expectin' to be lonesome though, for he asked me
if I'd mind his comin' up an' talkin' over the Personal column with me
sometimes. I could see as he was more'n a little worried over how under
the sun he was goin' to run the paper without me. As a matter of fact,
Mrs. Lathrop, I've been the main stay of that paper right from the
first. Not to speak o' boardin' the editor, I've supplied most o' the
brains as run it. You know as I never am much of a talker, but I did
try to keep Elijah posted as to how things was goin' on an' the feelin'
as no matter what I said, it was him an' not me as would be blamed if
there was trouble, always kept up my courage. There's a many nights as
I've kept him at his work an' a many others as I've held him down to it.
Elijah has n't been a easy young man to manage, I can tell you."
Susan stopped and sighed.
"I like to think how he's goin' to miss me now," she said, "I made him
awful comfortable. Polly'll never do all the little things as I did.
It's a great satisfaction when a man leaves your house, Mrs. Lathrop, to
know as he'll be bound to wish himself back there many an' many time."
"What--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
"Oh, I'll find plenty to do," said Susan Clegg, "it ain't made a mite of
difference in my life. I shall go on livin' just the same as ever.
Nothin's changed for me just because for three months I had a man in
the house. I ain't even altered my general views o' men any, for land
knows Elijah wa'n't so different from the rest of them that he could
teach me much as is new. I ain't never intended to get married anyway,
so he ain't destroyed my ideals none, an' I told Mr. Kimball when I took
him as I'd agree to keep him three months an' I would n't agree for love
or money to keep him any longer, an' I've kept him for three months an'
no love or money could of made me keep him a day longer."
"Did n't you--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
"Why, yes, I liked him," said Susan, "there were spots durin' the time
when I felt to be real fond of him, but laws, that did n't make me want
to have him around any more than I had to. But you know as well as I do
that a woman can like a man very much an' still be happiest when she
ain't got him on her hands to fuss with. I was n't built to fuss, Mrs.
Lathrop, as you know to your cost, for if I had been I'd of been over
here two days a week tidyin' up out of pure friendship, for the last
twenty years. But no, I ain't like that--never was an' never will
be--an' I ain't one to go pitchin' my life hither an' yon an' dancin'
wildly first on one leg an' then the other from dawn to dusk for other
people. Elijah's come an' Elijah's gone an' his mattress is hung back to
the rafter in the attic an' his sulphur candle is all bought to burn
to-morrow an' when that's over an' the smell's over too I shall look to
settle down an' not have nothin' more to upset my days an' nights till
your time comes, Mrs. Lathrop, an' I hope to goodness as it won't come
in the night, for boardin' a editor has put me all at outs with night
work."
"I--" said Mrs. Lathrop.
"Well, if you say so, I'll believe it," said Miss Clegg; "for I will say
this for you, Mrs. Lathrop, an' that is as with all your faults you've
never yet told me nothin' as I've found out from others afterwards was
n't true."
_A Masterpiece of Native Humor_
SUSAN CLEGG AND HER
FRIEND MRS. LATHROP
By ANNE WARNER
Author of "A Woman's Will," etc.
With Frontispiece. 227 pages. 12mo. $1.00.
It is seldom a book so full of delightful humor comes before the reader.
Anne Warner takes her place in the circle of American woman humorists,
who have achieved distinction so rapidly within recent years.--_Brooklyn
Eagle_.
Nothing better in the new homely philosophy style of fiction has been
written.--_San Francisco Bulletin_.
Anne Warner has given us the rare delight of a book that is extremely
funny. Hearty laughter is in store for every reader.--_Philadelphia
Public Ledger_.
Susan is a positive contribution to the American characters in
fiction.--_Brooklyn Times_.
Susan Clegg is a living creature, quite as amusing and even more
plausible than Mrs. Wiggs. Susan's human weaknesses are endearing, and
we find ourselves in sympathy with her.--_New York Evening Post_.
No more original or quaint person than she has ever lived in
fiction.--_Newark Advertiser_.
LITTLE, BROWN, & CO., Publishers, BOSTON
_At all Booksellers'_
_Another Popular "Susan Clegg" Book_
SUSAN CLEGG AND
HER NEIGHBORS' AFFAIRS
_By_ ANNE WARNER
With frontispiece. 12mo. Cloth, $1.00
All the stories brim over with quaint humor, caustic sarcasm, and
concealed contempt for male folk and matrimonial chains.--_Philadelphia
Ledger_.
Anything more humorous than the "Susan Clegg" stories would be hard to
find.--Jeannette L. Gilder, Editor of _Putnam's Magazine_.
The best work that Anne Warner has published. Miss Clegg has become an
institution in the humor of America.--_Baltimore Sun_.
Her "Susan Clegg" stories, rich in pungent humor and extremely clever in
their portrayal of quaint and amusing character, deserve a place among
the choice specimens of American humorous literature--which means the
best humorous literature in the world.--_New York Times_.
Sure to be welcomed by that large class of readers who found in "Susan
Clegg and Her Friend Mrs. Lathrop" one of the most genuinely humorous
books ever written by a woman on this side of the Atlantic.--_St. Louis
Globe-Democrat_.
LITTLE, BROWN, & CO., Publishers
254 Washington Street. Boston
_A New Story by the Author of "Susan Clegg"_
THE REJUVENATION
OF AUNT MARY
By ANNE WARNER
Author of "Susan Clegg and Her Friend Mrs. Lathrop," "A Woman's Will,"
etc.
With four full page illustrations.
12mo. Decorated cloth, $1.50.
This very clever and original story by the creator of "Susan Clegg" will
add materially to her reputation as a writer of popular fiction. "Aunt
Mary" and her adventures in New York are simply delicious; and her
nephew, Jack, and his college friends, who personally conduct her
through the metropolis, are brimful of brightness and humor. A pretty
love story runs through the book. "Aunt Mary's" magazine debut delighted
thousands of readers, and the publication of the story in a more
permanent form, with new chapters, and scenes, will increase her
popularity.
Anne Warner takes her place in the circle of American woman humorists,
who have achieved distinction so rapidly within recent years.--_Brooklyn
Eagle_.
Anne Warner is not only a funmaker but adds to that the quality of
sympathy with her characters.--_Public Opinion_.
LITTLE, BROWN, & CO., Publishers, BOSTON
_At all Booksellers'_
_An International Love Comedy_
A WOMAN'S WILL
By ANNE WARNER
Author of "Susan Clegg and Her Friend Mrs. Lathrop."
It is a relief to take up a volume so absolutely free from
stressfulness. The love-making is passionate, the humor of much of the
conversation is thoroughly delightful. The book is as refreshing a bit
of fiction as one often finds; there is not a dull page in
it.--_Providence Journal_.
It is bright, charming, and intense as it describes the wooing of a
young American widow on the European Continent by a German musical
genius.--_San Francisco Chronicle_.
A deliciously funny book.--_Chicago Tribune_.
There is a laugh on nearly every page.--_New York Times_.
Most decidedly an unusual story. The dialogue is nothing if not
original, and the characters are very unique. There is something
striking on every page of the book.--_Newark Advertiser_.
A more vivacious light novel could not be found.--_Chicago
Record-Herald_.
Illustrated by I. H. Caliga. 360 pages. 12mo.
Decorated cloth, $1.50.
LITTLE, BROWN, & CO., Publishers, BOSTON
_At all Booksellers'_
End of Project Gutenberg's Susan Clegg and a Man in the House, by Anne Warner