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[Illustration: "'He _is_ a trouble, Mrs. Lathrop.'" FRONTISPIECE(_See
page 21._)]
Susan Clegg
And a Man in the House
BY
ANNE WARNER
Author of "Susan Clegg and her Friend Mrs. Lathrop,"
"A Woman's Will," "The Rejuvenation of
Aunt Mary," "Seeing France
with Uncle John," etc.
_Illustrated from Drawings by_
ALICE BARBER STEPHENS
Boston
Little, Brown, and Company
1907
_Copyright, 1906_,
By Katharine N. Birdsall
_Copyright, 1907_,
By The Butterick Company, Ltd.
_Copyright, 1907_,
By Little, Brown, and Company
_All rights reserved_
Published October, 1907
GRIFFITH-STILLINGS PRESS, BOSTON, MASS., U.S.A.
CONTENTS
CHAPTER PAGE
I. Man's Proposal 1
II. Elijah Doxey and His Locked Box 20
III. The First Issue of the Newspaper 32
IV. Settling down after the Honeymoon 43
V. Susan Clegg's Full Day 64
VI. The Editor's Advice Column 85
VII. Mrs. Macy and the Convention 98
VIII. The Biennial 113
IX. The Far Eastern Tropics 128
X. The Evils of Delayed Decease 142
XI. The Democratic Party 156
XII. The Trials of Mrs. Macy 168
XIII. Monotony of Ministerial Monologues 200
XIV. Advisability of Newspaper Exposures 212
XV. The Trial of a Sick Man in the
House 223
XVI. The Beginning of the End 235
XVII. An Old-fashioned Fourth 251
XVIII. Celebrating Independence Day 261
XIX. Exit the Man out of Susan Clegg's
House 273
LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS
"'He _is_ a trouble, Mrs. Lathrop.'" _Frontispiece_
PAGE
"'A lady come up, looked at my flag,
an' asked me if I was a delegate
or an alternative'" 119
"'Mrs. Macy was just about plum
paralyzed at _that_'" 179
"'The bottom come out an' the duck
flew down the car'" 188
Susan Clegg And a Man in the House
CHAPTER I
MAN'S PROPOSAL
Susan Clegg had dwelt alone ever since her father's death. She had not
been unhappy in dwelling alone, although she had been a good daughter as
long as she had a parent to live with. When the parent departed, and
indeed some few days before his going, there had arisen a kind of a
question as to the possibility of a life-companion for the daughter who
must inevitably be left orphaned and lonely before long. The question
had arisen in a way highly characteristic of Miss Clegg and had been
disposed of in the same manner.[A] The fact is that Miss Clegg had
herself proposed to four men and been refused four times. Then her
father had died, and, upon the discovery that he was better endowed with
worldly wealth than folks had generally supposed, all four had hastened
to bring a return suit at once. But Miss Clegg had also had her mind
altered by the new discovery and refused them all. From that time to
this period of which I am about to write there had never been any
further question in her mind as to the non-advisability of having a man
in the house.
[A] See "Susan Clegg and her Friend Mrs. Lathrop."
"As far as I can see," she said confidentially to her friend, Mrs.
Lathrop, who lived next door, "men are not what they are cracked up to
be. There ain't but one woman as looks happy in this whole community and
that's Mrs. Sperrit, an' she looks so happy that at first glance she
looks full as much like a fool as anythin'. The minister's wife don't
look happy,--she looks a deal more like somethin' a cat finds an' lugs
home for you to brush up,--an' goodness knows Mrs. Fisher don't look
happy an' she ain't happy neither, for she told me herself yesterday as
since Mr. Fisher had got this new idea of developin' his chest with
Japanese Jimmy Jig-songs, an' takin' a cold plunge in the slop jar every
mornin', that life hadn't been worth livin' for the wall paper in her
room. She ain't got no sympathy with chest developin' an' Japanese
jiggin' an' she says only to think how proud she was to marry the prize
boy at school an' look at what's come of it. She asked me if I hear
about his goin' to town the other day an' buyin' a book on how to make
your hair grow by pullin' it out as fast as it comes in, an' then
gettin' on the train, an' gettin' to readin' on to how to make your
eyebrows grow by pullin' them out, too, an' not noticin' that they'd
unhooked his car an' left it behind, until it got too dark to read any
further--"
"Why, what--" cried Mrs. Lathrop, who was the best of listeners, and
never interjectional except under the highest possible pressure of
curiosity.
"There was n't nothin' for him to do except to put his thumb in at the
place where the eyebrows was, an' get down out of the car, an' then she
told me, would you believe that with her an' John Bunyan in their second
hour of chasin' around like a pair of crazy cockroaches because he was
n't on the city train when he said he'd come, he very calmly went up to
a hotel an' took a room for the night? An' she says that ain't the worst
of it whatever you may think, for he was so interested in the book that
he wanted to keep right on readin', an' as the light was too high an' he
had n't no way to lower it, he just highered himself by puttin' a
rockin'-chair (yes, Mrs. Lathrop, a rockin'-chair!) on the center table,
an' there he sit rockin' an' readin' until he felt to go to bed. She
says, would n't that drive a good wife right out beside her own mind? To
think of a man like Mr. Fisher rockin' away all night on top of a table
an' never even gettin' a scare. Why, she says you know an' I know that
if he'd been the husband of a poor widow or the only father of a
deserving family, of course he'd have rocked off an' goodness knows
what, but bein' as he was _her_ husband with a nice life insurance an'
John Bunyan wild to go to college, he needs must strike the one rocker
in the world as is hung true, an' land safe an' sound in her sorrowin'
arms the next mornin'! Oh my, but she says, the shock she got! They was
so sure that somethin' had happened to him that she an' John had planned
a little picnic trip to the city to leave word with the police first an'
visit the Zooelogical Gardens after. Well, she says, maybe you can judge
of their feelin's when they was waitin' all smiles an' sunshine for
their train, with a nice lunch done up under John's arm, an' he got down
from the other train without no preparation a _tall_. She said she done
all she could under the circumstances, for she burst out cryin' in spite
of herself, an' cryin' is somethin' as always fits in handy anywhere,
an' then she says they had nothin' in the wide world to do but to go
home an' explain away the hard-boiled eggs for dinner the best they
could. She says she hopes the Lord'll forgive her for He knows better
than she ever will what she ever done to have Mr. Fisher awarded to her
as her just and lawful punishment these last five and twenty years; an',
she says, will you only think how awful easy, as long as he got on the
table of his own free will an' without her even puttin' him up to it, it
would have been for him to of rocked off an' goodness knows what. She
says she is a Christian, an' she don't wish even her husband any ill
wind, but she did frighten me, Mrs. Lathrop, an' I wanted to speak out
frank an' open to you about it because a man in the house _is_ a man in
the house, an' I want to take men into very careful consideration before
I go a step further towards lettin one have the right to darken my doors
whenever he comes home to bed an' board--"
Mrs. Lathrop quite jumped in her chair at this startling finale to her
neighbor's talk and her little black eyes gleamed brightly.
"Bed and bo--" she cried.
"He'll have father's room, if I take him, of course," said Susan, "but I
ain't sure yet that I'll take him. You know all I stood with father,
Mrs. Lathrop, an' I don't really know as I can stand any more sad
memories connected with that room. You know how it was with Jathrop
yourself, too, an' how happy and peaceful life has been since he lit
out, an' I ain't sure that--My heavens alive! I forgot to tell you that
Mr. Dill thought he saw Jathrop in the city when he was up there
yesterday!"
"Saw Ja--" screamed Mrs. Lathrop. Jathrop was her son who had fled from
the town some years before, his departure being marked by peculiarly
harrowing circumstances, and of whom or from whom she had never heard
one word since.
"Mr. Dill was n't sure," said Susan; "he said the more he thought about
it the more sure he was that he was n 't sure a _tall_. He saw the man
in a seed-office where he went to buy some seed, an' he said if it _was_
Jathrop he's took another name because another name was on the office
door. He said what made him think as it was Jathrop was he jumped so
when he see Mr. Dill. Mr. Dill said he was helpin' himself out of a box
of cigars an' his own idea was as he jumped because they was n't his
cigars. Jathrop give Mr. Dill one cigar an' when he thanked him he said,
'Don't mention it,' an' to my order of thinkin' that proves as they was
n't his cigars, for if they was his cigars why under heaven should he
have minded Mr. Dill's mentionin' it? Mr. Dill said another reason as
made him think as it was Jathrop was as he never asked about you,--but
then if he was n't Jathrop he naturally would n't have asked about you
either. Mr. Dill said he was n't sure, Mr. Dill said he was n't a bit
sure, Mr. Dill said it was really all a mystery to him, but two things
he _could_ swear to, an' one of those was as this man is a full head
taller than Jathrop an' the other was as he's a Swede, so I guess it's
pretty safe not to be him."
Mrs. Lathrop collapsed limply. Susan went on with her tale as calmly as
ever.
"You see, Mrs. Lathrop, it's like this. I told Mr. Kimball I'd think it
over an' consult you before I give him any answer a _tall_. I could see
he did n't want to give me time to think it over or to consult you for
fear I'd change my mind, but when you ain't made up your mind, changin'
it is easy, an' I never was one to hurry myself an' I won't begin now.
Hurryin' leads to swallowin' fish-bones an' tearin' yourself on nails
an' a many other things as makes me mad, an' I won't hurry now an' I
won't hurry never. I shall take my own time, an' take my own time about
takin' it, too, an' Mr. Kimball nor no other man need n't think he can
ask me things as is more likely to change my whole life than not to
change it, an' suppose I'm goin' to answer him like it was n't no
greater matter than a sparrow hoppin' his tail around on a fence. I
ain't no sparrow nor no spring chicken neither an' I don't intend to
decide my affairs jumpin' about in a hurry, no, not even if you was
advisin' me the same as Mr. Kimball, Mrs. Lathrop, an' you know how much
I think of your advice even if you have yet to give me the first piece
as I can see my way to usin', for I will say this for your advice, Mrs.
Lathrop, an' that is that advice as is easier left untook than yours is,
never yet was given."
Mrs. Lathrop opened her mouth in a feeble attempt to rally her forces,
but long before they were rallied Susan was off again:
"I don't know, I'm sure, whether what I said to Mr. Kimball in the end
was wise or not. I did n't say right out as I would, but I said I would
maybe for a little while. I thought a little while would give me the
inside track of what a long while would be pretty sure to mean. I don't
know as it was a good thing to do but it's done now, so help me Heaven;
an' if I can't stand him I always stand by my word, so he'll get three
months' board anyhow an' I'll learn a little of what it would mean to
have a man in the house."
"A man in--" cried Mrs. Lathrop, recovering herself sufficiently to
illustrate her mental attitude by what in her case always answered the
purposes of a start.
"That's what I said," said Susan, "an' havin' said it Mr. Kimball can
rely on Elijah Doxey's bein' sure to get it now."
"Eli--" cried Mrs. Lathrop, again upheaved.
"Elijah Doxey," repeated Susan. "That's his name. I ain't surprised over
your bein' surprised, Mrs. Lathrop, 'cause I was all dumb did up myself
at first. I never was more dumb or more did up since I was a baby, but
after the way as Mr. Kimball sprung shock after shock on me last night I
got so paralyzed in the end that his name cut very little figger beside
our havin' a newspaper of our own, right here in our midst, an' me
havin' the editor to board an' him bein' Mr. Kimball's nephew, an' Mr.
Kimball havin' a nephew as was a editor, an' Mr. Kimball's never havin'
seen fit to mention the fact to any of us in all these many years as
we've been friends on an' off an' us always buyin' from him whenever we
was n't more friends with Mr. Dill."
"I nev--" said Mrs. Lathrop.
"No, nor no one else ever heard of him neither. The first of it all was
when he came up last night to see would I board him, an' of course when
I understood as it was me as was goin' to have to take him in I never
rested till I knowed hide an' hair of who I was to take in down to the
last button on Job's coat."
"And wh--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
"Well, I'll tell you all I found out myself; an' I tell you I worked
hard findin' it out too, for Mr. Kimball is no windmill to pump when it
comes to where he gets relations from. Seems, Mrs. Lathrop, as he had a
sister though as married a Doxey an' that's the why of Elijah Doxey.
Seems Elijah is so smart that he'll be offered a place on one of the
biggest city papers in a little while, but in the mean time he's just
lost the place that he did have on one of the smallest ones an', as a
consequence, his mother thought he'd better spend this summer in the
country an' so sent him up to Mr. Kimball. Mr. Kimball said he really
did n't sense all it meant at first when Elijah arrived at noon
yesterday but he said he had n't talked with him long afore he see as
this was our big chance 'cause the paper as Elijah was on paid him off
with a old printin' press, an' Mr. Kimball says, if we back him up, we
can begin right now to have a paper of our own an' easy get to be what
they call a 'state issue.' It's easy seen as Mr. Kimball is all ready to
be a state issue; he says the printin' press is a four horse-power an'
he's sure as he can arrange for Hiram Mullins to work the wringer the
day he goes to press. Mr. Kimball says he's positive that Hiram 'll
regard it as nothin' but child's play to wring off his grocery bill that
way. I don't know what Gran'ma Mullins will say to that--or Lucy either
for that matter--but Mr. Kimball's so sure that he knows best that I see
it was n't no time to pull Gran'ma Mullins an' Lucy in by the ears. Mr.
Kimball says he's been turnin' it over in his mind's eye ever since
yesterday when he first see Elijah. He says Elijah is just mad with
ideas an' says he 's willin' to make us known far an' wide if we'll only
give him a chance. Mr. Kimball says we all ought to feel ready to admit
that it's time we was more than a quarter of a column a week in the
_Meadville Mixture_. He says the _Meadville Mixture_ ain't never been
fair to us an' Judge Fitch says it ain't got right views as to its
foreign policy. Mr. Kimball says that after Elijah went back to town
yesterday afternoon he went up to Judge Fitch's office an' Judge Fitch
said if we had a paper of our own he'd be more than willin' to write a
editorial occasionally himself, a editorial as would open the
president's eyes to the true hiddenness of things, an' set the German
emperor to thinkin', an' give the czar some insight into what America
knows about _him_.
"Mr. Kimball says this is the day of consolidation an' if we had a paper
the Cherry Ponders an' all the Clightville people'd naturally join in
an' take it too. He says he's figured that if he can start out with a
hundred paid-up subscribers of a dollar each he can make a go of it. He
says Elijah says set him up the press an' _he_ don't ask no better fun
than to live on bread an' water while he jumps from peak to peak of
fame, but Mr. Kimball says Elijah's young an' limber an' he shall want
the paid-up subscriptions himself afore he begins to transport a
printin' press around the country.
"I told him he could count on you an' me takin' one between us before I
knowed what was really the main object of his visit, an' then when he
come out with what _was_ the main object of his visit, an' when I sensed
what he was after I must say I considered as he should have made that
his first word an' give me my paper for nothin',--seein' as the whole of
the thing is got to rest right on me, for I don't know what _is_ the
bottom of a newspaper if it ain't the woman as boards the editor. Yes,
Mrs. Lathrop, that's my view in a nutshell, the more so as Mr. Kimball
openly says as Elijah Doxey says he's a genius an' can't live in any
house where there's other folks or any noise but his own. Mr. Kimball
said it seemed as if a good angel had made me for the town to turn to in
its bitter need an' that it was on me as the new newspaper would have to
build its reputation in its first sore strait; an' he said too as he
would in confidence remark as my influence on Elijah's ideas would be
what he should be really lookin' to to make the paper a success, for he
says as Elijah is very young an' will be wax in my hands an' I can mold
him an' public opinion right along together. He said he really did n't
look for him to be any great trouble to feed because he'd be out pickin'
up items most of the time, an' then too, he says he can always give him
a handful of his new brand of dried apples as is advertised to be most
puffin' an' fillin'; why, do you know, Mrs. Lathrop, he told me as he'd
developed the process now to where if you eat two small pieces you feel
like you never wanted another Thanksgivin' dinner as long as you live."
"And so--" asked Mrs. Lathrop eagerly, Susan pausing an instant for
breath just here.
"Well, in the end I said I would, for three months. I don't know as I
was wise, but I thought it was maybe my duty for three months. I'm tired
of seein' the Clightville folks called 'Glimpses' an' us called 'Dabs'
in that _Meadville Mixture_, an' last week you remember how they spelt
it wrong an' called us 'Dubs,' which is far from my idea of politeness.
It was being mad over that as much as anythin' that made me up an' tell
Mr. Kimball as I'd take Elijah an' take care of him an' look to do what
I could to make the paper a success for three months. I told him as it
was trustin' in the dark, for Elijah was a unknown quantity to me an' I
never did like the idea of a man around my nice, clean house, but I said
if he'd name the Meadville items the 'Mud Spatters' an' so get even for
our feelin's last week I'd do my part by feedin' him an' makin' up his
bed mornin's. Mr. Kimball said I showed as my heart an' my brains was
both in the right place, an' then he got up an' shook hands an' told me
as he would in confidence remark as he expected to make a very good
thing all round for he was gettin' the printin' press awful cheap and
Elijah likewise."
"When--?" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
"Next Wednesday. Elijah's comin' up freight with the printin' press.
Mr. Kimball says he suggested that himself. He says it cuts two birds
with one knife for it makes it look as if the printin' press was extra
fine instead of second-hand, an' it gets Elijah here for nothin'."
"Dear--" said Mrs. Lathrop.
"I would, too," said Miss Clegg, "only you see I have n't got time. I
ought not to be here now. I ought to be over gettin' his room ready an'
takin' out the little comforts. As far as my order of thinkin' goes,
little comforts is lost on men, Mrs. Lathrop, they always trip over them
an' smash them in the dark."