_House of Commons, Monday, August 20._--ASHMEAD-BARTLETT (Knight) is the
CASABIANCA of Front Opposition Bench. All but he have fled. Now his
opportunity; will show jealous colleagues, watchful House, and
interested country, how a party should be led. Had an innings on
Saturday, when, in favourite character of Dompter of British and other
Lions, he worried Under Secretaries for Foreign Affairs and the
Colonies. Didn't get much out of them. In fact what happened seems to
confirm quaint theory SARK advances.
Says he believes those two astute young men, EDWARD GREY and SYDNEY
BUXTON, "control" the Sheffield Knight. They are active and ambitious.
Still only juniors. Moreover, things are managed so well both at
Foreign Office and Colonial Office that they have no opportunity of
distinguishing themselves. The regular representatives on the Front
Opposition Bench of Foreign Affairs and Colonies say nothing;
patriotically acquiescent in management of concerns in respect of which
it is the high tradition of English statesmanship that the political
game shall not be played. In such circumstances no opening for able
young men. But, suppose they could induce some blatant, irresponsible
person, persistently to put groundless questions, and make insinuations
derogatory to the character of British statesmen at home and British
officials abroad? Then they step in, and, amid applause on both sides of
House, knock over the intruder. Sort of game of House of Commons
nine-pins. Nine-pin doesn't care so that it's noticed; admirable
practice for young Parliamentary Hands.
_Invaluable to Budding Statesmen._]
This is SARK'S suggestion of explanation of phenomenon. Fancy much
simpler one might be found. To-night BARTLETT-ELLIS in better luck.
Turns upon ATTORNEY-GENERAL; darkly hints that escape of JABEZ was a
put-up job, of which Law Officers of the Crown might, an' they would,
disclose some interesting particulars. RIGBY, who, when he bends his
step towards House of Commons, seems to leave all his shrewdness and
knowledge of the world in his chambers, rose to the fly; played
BASHMEAD-ARTLETT'S obvious game by getting angry, and delivering long
speech whilst progress of votes, hitherto going on swimmingly, was
arrested for fully an hour.
_Business done._--Supply voted with both hands.
_Tuesday._--A precious sight, one worthy of the painter's or sculptor's
art, to see majestic figure of SQUIRE OF MALWOOD standing between House
of Lords and imminent destruction. Irish members and Radicals opposite
have sworn to have blood of the Peers. SAGE OF QUEEN ANNE'S GATE is
taking the waters elsewhere. In his absence do the best we can. Sat up
all last night, the Radicals trying to get at the Lords by the kitchen
entrance; SQUIRE withstanding them till four o'clock in the morning.
Began again to-night. Education Vote on, involving expenditure of six
millions and welfare of innumerable children. Afterwards the Post Office
Vote, upon which the Postmaster-General, ST. ARNOLD-LE-GRAND, endeavours
to reply to HENNIKER-HEATON without betraying consciousness of bodily
existence of such a person. These matters of great and abiding interest;
but only few members present to discuss them. The rest waiting outside
till the lists are cleared and battle rages once more round citadel of
the Lords sullenly sentineled by detachment from the Treasury Bench.
When engagement reopened SQUIRE gone for his holiday trip, postponed by
the all-night sitting, JOHN MORLEY on guard. Breaks force of assault by
protest that the time is inopportune. By-and-by the Lords shall be
handed over to tender mercies of gentlemen below gangway. Not just now,
and not in this particular way. CHIEF SECRETARY remembers famous case of
absentee landlord not to be intimidated by the shooting of his agent. So
Lords, he urges, not to be properly punished for throwing out Evicted
Tenants Bill by having the salaries of the charwomen docked, and BLACK
ROD turned out to beg his bread.
Radicals at least not to be denied satisfaction of division. Salaries
of House of Lords staff secured for another year by narrow majority
of 31.
_Business done._--Nearly all.
_Wednesday._--The SQUIRE OF MALWOOD at last got off for his well-earned
holiday. Carries with him consciousness of having done supremely well
amid difficulties of peculiar complication. As JOSEPH in flush of
unexpected and still unexplained frankness testified, the Session will
in its accomplished work beat the record of any in modern times. The
SQUIRE been admirably backed by a rare team of colleagues; but in House
of Commons everything depends on the Leader. Had the Session been a
failure, upon his head would have fallen obloquy. As it has been a
success, his be the praise.
"Well, good bye," said JOHN MORLEY, tears standing in his tender eyes as
he wrung the hand of the almost Lost Leader. "But you know it's not all
over yet. There's the Appropriation Bill. What shall we do if WEIR comes
up on Second Reading?"
"Oh, dam WEIR," said the SQUIRE.
JOHN MORLEY inexpressibly shocked. For a moment thought a usually
equable temper had been ruffled by the almost continuous work of twenty
months, culminating in an all-night sitting. On reflection he saw that
the SQUIRE was merely adapting an engineering phrase, describing a
proceeding common enough on river courses. The only point on which
remark open to criticism is that it is tautological.
_Business done._--Appropriation Bill brought in.
_Thursday._--GEORGE NEWNES looked in just now; much the same as ever;
the same preoccupied, almost pensive look; a mind weighed down by
ever-multiplying circulation. Troubled with consideration of proposal
made to him to publish special edition of _Strand Magazine_ in tongue
understanded of the majority of the peoples of India. Has conquered
the English-speaking race from Chatham to Chattanooga, from Southampton
to Sydney. Now lo! The poor Indian brings his annas, and begs a boon.
Meanwhile one of the candidates for vacant Poet Laureateship has broken
out into elegiac verse. "NEWNES," he exclaims,
"NEWNES, noble hearted, shine, for ever shine;
Though not of royal, yet of hallowed line."
That sort of thing would make some men vain. There is no couplet to
parallel it since the famous one written by POPE on a place frequented
by a Sovereign whose death is notorious, a place where
Great ANNA, whom three realms obey,
Did sometimes counsel take and sometimes tea.
The poet, whose volume bears the proudly humble pseudonym "A Village
Peasant," should look in at the House of Commons and continue his
studies. There are a good many of us here worth a poet's attention. SARK
says the thing is easy enough. "Toss 'em off in no time," says he.
"There's the SQUIRE now, who has not lately referred to his Plantagenet
parentage. Apostrophising him in Committee on Evicted Tenants Bill one
might have said:--
SQUIRE, noble hearted, shine, for ever shine;
Though not of hallowed yet of royal line."
_Business done._--Appropriation Bill read second time. WEIR turned up.
Sir WILFRID LAWSON and others said "Dam."
_Saturday._--Appropriation Bill read third time this morning.
Prorogation served with five o'clock tea.
"Parleyment!" said one of the House of Commons waiters loitering at the
gateway of Palace Yard and replying to inquiring visitor from the
country. "Parleyment's horff." So am I.
_Business done._--All.
[Illustration: THE IMPERIAL SHEFFIELD NINE-PIN.
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