(_By an "Old One."_)
["A Mother of Boys," angry with Mr. JAMES PAYN for his dealings with
"that barbarous race," suggests that as an _amende honorable_ he
should write a book in praise of boys.]
In praise of boys? In praise of boys?
Who mess the house, and make a noise,
And break the peace, and smash their toys,
And dissipate domestic joys,
Do everything that most annoys,
The BOBS and BILLYS, RALPHS and ROYS?--
Just as well praise a hurricane,
The buzzing fly on the window-pane,
An earthquake or a rooting pig!
No, young or old, or small or big,
A boy's a pest, a plague, a scourge,
A dread domestic demiurge
Who brings the home to chaos' verge.
The _only_ reason I can see
For praising him is--well, that he,
As WORDSWORTH--so his dictum ran--
Declared, is "father to the man."
And even then the better plan
Would be that he, calm, sober, sage,
Were--_born at true paternal age_!
Did all boys start at twenty-five
I were the happiest "Boy" alive!
* * * * *
[Illustration: A LITTLE "NEW WOMAN."
_He._ "WHAT A SHAME IT IS THAT MEN MAY ASK WOMEN TO MARRY THEM, AND
WOMEN MAYN'T ASK MEN!"
_She._ "OH, WELL, YOU KNOW, I SUPPOSE THEY CAN ALWAYS GIVE A SORT OF
_HINT_!"
_He._ "WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY A _HINT_?"
_She._ "WELL--THEY CAN ALWAYS SAY, 'OH, I DO _LOVE_ YOU SO!'"]
* * * * *