[Baron MUNDY, the founder of the valuable Vienna Voluntary Sanitary
Ambulance Society, mighty foe of disease and munificent dispenser of
charity, shot himself on Thursday, August 23, on the banks of the
Danube, at the advanced age of 72.]
Great sanitary leader and reformer,
Disease's scourge and potent pest-house stormer;
Successful foe of cholera aforetime,
Perfecter of field-ambulance in war-time;
Dispenser of a fortune in large charity;
_Vale!_ Such heroes are in sooth a rarity.
Alas, that you in death should shock Dame GRUNDY!
That we should sigh "_Sic transit gloria_ MUNDY!"
* * * * *
A CLOTHES DIVISION (OF OPINION).--It is said that Woman cannot afford to
alter her style of dress, since her limbs are "all wrong." Clear,
therefore, that however much Woman's Wrongs need redressing, All-Wrong
Women don't!
* * * * *
[Illustration: Q. E. D.
"WHAT'S UP WI' SAL?"
"AIN'T YER ERD? SHE'S MARRIED AGIN!"]
* * * * *
"AUXILIARY ASSISTANCE" IN THE PROVINCES.
(_A Tragedy-Farce in several painful Scenes, with many unpleasant
Situations._)
LOCALITY--_The Interior of Country Place taken for the Shooting Season.
Preparations for a feast in all directions. It is Six o' Clock, and the
household are eagerly waiting the appearance of_ MONTAGU MARMADUKE, the
Auxiliary Butler, _sent in by Contract. Enter_ MONTAGU MARMADUKE, _in
comic evening dress._
_Master_ (_looking at_ MONTAGU _with an expression of disappointment on
his face_). What, are _you_ the man they have sent me?
_Montagu._ Yessir. And I answers to MONTAGU MARMADUKE, or some gentlemen
prefers to call me by my real name BINKS.
_Master._ Oh, MONTAGU will do. I hope you know your duties?
_Mon._ Which I was in service, Sir, with Sir BARNABY JINKS, for
twenty-six years, and----
_Master._ Very well, I daresay you will do. I suppose you know about the
wine?
_Mon._ Yessir. In course. I've been a teetotaler ever since I left Sir
BARNABY'S.
_Master_ (_retiring_). And mind, do not murder the names of the guests.
[_Exit._
[_The time goes on, and Company arrive._ MONTAGU _ushers them
upstairs, and announces them under various aliases._ Sir HENRY
EISTERFODD _is introduced as_ Sir 'ENERY EASTEREGG, _&c., &c._
_After small talk, the guests find their way to the dining-room._
_Mon._ (_to_ Principal Guest). Do you take sherry, claret, or 'ock, my
Lady?
_Principal Guest_ (_interrupted in a conversation_). Claret, please.
[MONTAGU _promptly pours the required liquid on to the table-cloth._
_Master._ I must apologise, but our Butler, who is on trial, is very
short-sighted.
_P. Guest._ Evidently.
[_The wine is brought round;_ MONTAGU _interrupting the conversation
with his hospitable suggestions, and pouring claret into champagne
glasses, and champagne into sherries._
_Nervous Guest_ (_in an undertone to_ MONTAGU). Do you think you could
get me, by-and-by, a piece of bread?
_Mon._ Bread, Sir, yessir! (_In stentorian tones._) Here, NISBET, bring
this gent some bread!
[_The unfortunate guest, who is overcome with confusion at having
attracted so much attention, is waited upon by_ NISBET.
_Master_ (_savagely_). Can't you go about more quietly?
_Mon._ (_hurt_). Certainly, Sir. When I was with Sir BARNABY----
(_Disappears murmuring to himself, and returns with entrée, which he
lets fall on dress of_ Principal Guest). Beg pardon, my Lady, but it was
my stud, which _would_ come undone. Very sorry, indeed, Mum, but if you
will allow me----
[_Produces a soiled dinner-napkin with a flourish._
_P. Guest_ (_in much alarm_). No thanks!
[_General commiseration, and, a little later, disappearance of
ladies. After this,_ MONTAGU _does not reappear except to call
obtrusively for carriages, and tout for tips._
_P. Guest_ (_on bidding her host good-night_). I can assure you my gown
was not injured in the least. I am quite sure it was only an accident.
_Master_ (_bowing_). You are most kind. (_With great severity._) As a
matter of fact, the man only came to us this afternoon, but, after what
has happened, he shall not remain in my service another hour! I shall
dismiss him to-night!
[_Exit_ Principal Guest. Master _pays_ MONTAGU _the agreed fee for
his services for the evening. Curtain._
* * * * *