DEAR OLD SPORT,--It won't do--really it won't. I've been doing my best to
give your plan of food rations a fair run, and every week I've found myself
on the wrong side of the fence. I have never considered myself a large or
reckless eater, though I own to having had a liking for a good breakfast
(fish, kidneys and eggs, with muffin or buttered toast and marmalade) as a
start for the day. Then came luncheon--steak or chop or Irish stew, with a
roly-poly pudding to follow, and a top-up of bread-and-butter and cheese.
Tea, of course, at five o'clock, with more buttered toast, and then home to
a good solid dinner of soup, fish and _entrée_ and joint and some sort of
sweet. This just left room for an occasional supper--say three times a
week. It doesn't sound out of the way, now does it? And you must remember
that I'm not one of your thin, dwarfish, anæmic blokes that you could feed
out of a packet of bird-seed. No, I stand six foot, and I don't weigh an
ounce under seventeen stone. Dear old boy, you can't have the heart to ask
me to do it.
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III.--From _Miss Lavinia Fluttermere_.
DEAR LORD DEVONPORT,--I am writing on behalf of my sister Penelope as well
as on my own to bring before you a difficulty under which we are labouring
in connection with your Lordship's order in regard to the consumption of
food. We are two sisters, the daughters of a country clergyman, who died
when I was eighteen and Penelope a year and a half younger. I tell you this
to show you that we were not accustomed in our youth to luxurious living.
For many years now Penelope and I have lived together in a very small way
on the income of an annuity for our joint lives which was bought with a sum
of money left to us by an uncle. On this we have managed to get along
comfortably, and have even been able to pay for occasional help in the work
of our very modest household. When your Lordship's food order was issued we
determined to obey it strictly, being glad of an opportunity to show our
patriotic devotion to the cause of our country. "It will be hard for us,
Penelope," I said, "for we are not used to such quantities of meat, and
even the allowance of bread is too great, I fear, for our poor appetites;
but, since Lord DEVONPORT wishes it, all we can do is to obey, even though
this may entail a change in our manner of living and an increase in our
weekly expenses." Penelope agreed, and on this principle we have
endeavoured to act. We have, however, now found the task to be beyond our
capacity, though we have struggled loyally to fulfil the duty imposed upon
us; and we write to ask your Lordship to grant us some dispensation, lest
permanent plethora should ensue.
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