"Can any one of you men milk?" said Lieutenant Brough, a little
plump-looking man, of about five and thirty, as he stood in naval
uniform staring at the new addition to His Majesty's cutter _White
Hawk_, a well-fed dun cow, which stood steadily swinging her long tail
to and fro, where she was tethered to the bulwarks, after vainly trying
to make a meal off the well holystoned deck.
There was no reply, the men grinning one at the other, on hearing so
novel a question. "Do you men mean to say that not one amongst you can
milk?" cried the lieutenant.
No one had spoken; but now, in a half-shrinking foolish way, Dick pulled
his forelock, and made a kick out behind.
"You can?" cried the lieutenant, "that's right; get a bucket and milk
her. I'll have some for breakfast."
"Didn't say as I could milk, sir," said Dick. "Seen 'em milk, though,
down in Linkyshire, and know how it's done."
"Then, of course, you can do it," said the lieutenant shortly; "look
sharp!"
The men grinned, and Dirty Dick by no means looked sharp, but
exceedingly blunt and foolish as he shuffled along the deck, provided
himself with a bucket, and then approached the cow, which had suddenly
began chewing the cud.
"Look at her, mate," said one of the sailors.
"What for?" said the man addressed.
"Some one's been giving her a quid o' bacca."
"Go on."
"But some one has. Look at her chewing."
"Why, so she is!" said the sailor, scratching his head, as he watched
the regular actions of the cow's jaw, as she stood blinking her eyes,
and swinging her tail to and fro, apparently quite content; the more so,
that the sun was shining upon her warmly, and the sea water rapidly
quitting her skin for the deck, where it made a rivulet into one of the
scuppers.
Jack the sailor is easily pleased, for the simple reason that anything
is a relief from the tedium of life on ship-board; consequently the
coming of the cow was like a half-holiday to them at the wrong end of
the day, and they stood about nudging each other, as Dirty Dick trotted
up with his bucket, Archy looking on as much amused as the men.
The cow blinked her eyes, and turned her head to smell at the bucket
which Dick set down on the deck, and stood scratching his head.
"Well, sir, go on," said the lieutenant--"Seems to me, now, Mr
Raystoke, that we ought to have cream and fresh butter. Capital prize
you've taken.--Do you hear, sir? Go on."
"Yes, sir. Beg pardon, sir, but you see I wants something to sit on.
'Nother bucket."
"You, sir, fetch another bucket," said the lieutenant sharply; and
another was brought, turned upside down, and, taking the first bucket,
amidst the titterings of the men, Dick seated himself, leaned his head
against the cow's side, placed the vessel between his legs, and began to
operate in true dairyman style upon the cow.
_Whack_! _Bang_! _Clatter_!
There was a tremendous roar of laughter from every one on board except
from Dirty Dick, who was down on his back a couple of yards away,
staring at the cow as if wondering how she could have gone off as she
did. For the quiet-looking, inoffensive beast was standing perfectly
still again, blinking her eyes and chewing her cud, but writhing and
twisting her tail about as if it were an eel, after, at Dick's first
touch, raising one of her hind legs and sending the pail flying across
the deck and the would-be milker backwards.
"Come, come," said the lieutenant, wiping his eyes and trying to look
very important and stern, "that's not the right way, my man. Try
again."
Dick rose unwillingly, planted the upturned bucket once more in its
place, and took the milking bucket from one of the men who had picked it
up. Then, sitting down again rather nervously, he once more placed the
vessel between his legs, stuck his head against the cow's side, and
prepared to milk.
_Whack_!
The bucket flew along the deck again, and Dick bounded away, saving
himself from falling this time as he was prepared, and made a sudden
leap backwards to stand wiping the perspiration from his forehead.
There was another roar of laughter, and the lieutenant bade Dick try
again.
The man gave his officer an appealing look which seemed to say, "Tell me
to board the enemy, sir, and I'll go, but don't ask me to do this."
"Come; be smart!"
Dick turned, glanced wistfully at Archy, shaking his head at him
reproachfully, sighed, and, taking the bucket again, he looked into it
with his rugged brown face full of despair.
"It's quite empty, Dick," said the middy, laughing.
"Yes, sir; there's nowt in it, and," he added to himself, "not like to
be."
Again he settled himself into his place in as businesslike a way as a
farm lad would who was accustomed to the cow-shed, but the moment he
began the cow gave her tail a swing, lifted her leg, and planted it in
the bucket, holding it down on the deck.
"Pail's full," cried Archy; and the men yelled with delight, their
officer vainly trying to control his own mirth as Dick began to pat and
apostrophise the cow.
"Coom, coom! Coosh, cow, then," he said soothingly. "Tak' thy leg oot
o' the boocket, my bairn;" and to the astonishment of all present the
cow lifted her leg and set it down again on deck.
"Well done, my lad," cried the lieutenant. "Now, then, look sharp with
the milk."
Dick sighed, wiped his hands down the sides of his breeches, and began
once more, but at the first touch of the big strong hands accustomed to
handle capstan-bars and haul ropes, the cow gave a more vigorous kick
than ever; away flew the bucket, and over went Dick on his back.
He sprung up angrily now in the midst of the laughter, and touched his
forehead to his commanding officer.
"It arn't no good, sir; she's a beef cow, and not a milker."
"You don't know your business, my lad," said the lieutenant.
"But she's such a savage one, sir. Don't go anigh her, sir."
"Nonsense!" said the lieutenant, going up to the cow, patting her and
handling her ears and horns; to all of which attentions the animal
submitted calmly enough, blinking her eyes, and gently swinging her
tail.
"I think I could milk her, sir," said Archy.
"Think so, Raystoke?" said the lieutenant. "I was just thinking I
should have liked some new milk."
"So was I, sir. Shall I try?"
"Yes," said the lieutenant. "I believe I could do it myself. It always
looks so easy. But no; won't do," he said firmly, as he drew himself up
and tried to look stern and tall and big, an impossibility with a man of
five feet two inches in height, and whose physique had always been
against his advance in the profession. For as a short energetic little
man he might have gained promotion; as a little fat rosy fellow the
Lords of the Admiralty thought not; and so, after endless
disappointments regarding better things, he had been appointed commander
of the little _White Hawk_, and sent to cruise off the south coast and
about the Channel, to catch the smugglers who were always too clever to
be caught.
"No," he said shortly, as he drew himself up; "won't do, Raystoke,
though you and I are condemned to live in this miserable little cutter,
and on a contemptible kind of duty, we must not forget that we are
officers and gentlemen in His Majesty's service. Milking cows won't do.
No; we must draw the line at milking cows. But I should have liked a
drop for my breakfast."
"Ahoy!" cried one of the men loudly.
"Ahoy yourself!" cried a voice from off the sea on the shore side, and
all turned to see a boat approaching rowed by a rough-looking fisherman,
and with a lad of about sixteen sitting astern, who now rose up to
answer the man who shouted.
"Where did he come from?" said the lieutenant. "Anybody see him put
off?"
"No, sir! No, sir!" came from all directions; and the lieutenant raised
his glass to sweep the coast.
"What do you want?" cried the man at the side as the boat came on, and
the lieutenant bade the man ask.
"Want?" shouted the lad, a sturdy-looking fellow with keen grey eyes and
fair close curly hair all about his sunburned forehead. "I've come
after our cow!"