MATCH-MAKING
"Cal!" said Mr. Sim.
"Wall!" said Calvin Parks. "That's poetry, Sim, or as nigh to it as you
and me are likely to come."
"Quit foolin', Cal! I want to speak to you serious."
"Fire away!" said Calvin, leaning back in his chair and stretching his
long legs.
"I want to know what you think of Cousin!" Mr. Sim went on.
Calvin sat up, and drew in his legs.
"She's all right!" he said shortly.
"Of course she's all right!" said Mr. Sim peevishly. "She wouldn't be
here if she was all wrong, would she? I want to know what you _think_ of
her."
"I think she's a fine-appearin' woman!" said Calvin slowly. "And smart.
And personable. A 1, clipper-built and copper-fastened, is the way I
should describe your cousin if she was a vessel."
"You're right, Cal; you're right!" said Mr. Sim. "She's all that and
more. She's agreeable, and she's capable, and she's savin', Calvin;
savin'. Ma allers said, 'If the time comes when you _have_ to marry,
marry a saver!' she'd say."
Calvin said nothing. He felt the honest middle-aged blood mounting in
his cheeks, but reflected comfortably that it would not show through the
brown.
"Now, Cal," Mr. Sim went on; "a woman like that ain't goin' through life
single."
"You bet she ain't!" said Calvin briefly; "you darned old weasel!" he
added, but not aloud.
"She ain't no more than forty, and she don't look that. She's well
fixed, too; she ain't no need to work, Cousin ain't; she come here to
accommodate, you understand."
"I understand!" said Calvin; "you blamed old ferret!" Calvin was fond of
finishing his sentences in silence.
"Now what I say is,--" and Mr. Sim leaned forward, and sank his voice to
a whisper,--"What I say is, that woman ought not to go out of the
family, Calvin Parks!"
Calvin grunted. A grunt may mean anything, and Mr. Sim took it for
assent.
"Jes' so! That's what I'm sayin'. I knew you'd see it that way. Now,
Calvin, I want you to help us."
A spark came into Calvin's brown eyes. "Help you!" he repeated. "What's
the matter? Ain't you old enough to speak for yourself?"
"Not for myself, Calvin!" cried Mr. Sim. "No, no, no! for Sam'l! for
Sam'l!"
"Well, I am blowed!" said Calvin Parks.
Mr. Sim leaned forward anxiously. "Don't you see, Cal?" he cried. "I
ain't a marryin' man; that's plain to be seen. Sam'l was allers the one
for the gals, you know he was. You remember Ivy Bell?"
Calvin nodded.
"Well, that's the way of it!" Mr. Sim continued. "His mind allers run
that way; mine didn't. Besides, I ain't a well man; I ain't in no shape
to marry, Calvin, no way in the world, if I wanted to, and I don't. Now,
Calvin, I want you to kind of urge Sam'l on. We ain't speakin', Sam'l
and me, you know that. I told you how 'twas, fust time you come round.
Nothin' agin one another, only we don't like. So I can't urge him
myself; and fust thing we know some outlandishman or other'll step in
and kerry her off, and then where should we be, Sam'l and me? I ask you
that, Calvin Parks. We're gettin' on, you know, Cal; we're five years
good older than what you be, and we couldn't abide hired help, no way in
the world. You urge Sam'l on to speak to Cousin, won't you now? I'd take
it real friendly of you, Cal. I allers thought a sight of you, and so
did Ma. 'Twould please Ma if you got a good woman for Sam'l, Cal. Say
you'll think about it!"
"I'll think about it!" said Calvin Parks.
* * * * *
An hour later, Calvin was out in the barnyard, leaning over the pigsty,
and looking at the finest hogs in the county. Mr. Sam pronounced them
so, and he ought to know, Calvin thought. Calvin had never cared for
hogs himself.
"You see them hawgs," said Mr. Sam with squeaking enthusiasm, "and you
see the best there is. Take 'em for looks, or heft, or eatin', there's
no hawgs can touch 'em in this county. I'll go further and say State.
They're a _lovely_ hawg, sir! that's what they are; lovely!"
"All black, be they?" asked Calvin, for the sake of saying something.
"All black!" said Mr. Sam. "I bought 'em off'n Reuben Hutch. They was
Cousin's choice in the fust place. She likes 'em black; says they look
cleaner, and I guess they do. I don't know as you've remarked it, Cal,
but I think a sight of Cousin."
He cast a sly glance at Calvin, who again returned inward thanks for the
solid brown of his cheeks.
"I should s'pose you might!" he said shortly.
"A sight!" repeated Mr. Sam emphatically. "You show me a smarter woman
than that, Calvin Parks, and I'll show you a toad with three tails."
He paused, as if waiting for Calvin to avail himself of this handsome
offer.
"Well!" said Calvin, rather morosely. "I ain't got no smarter woman to
show. What are you drivin' at, Sam Sill?"
Mr. Sam's little eyes were twinkling, and his sharp features were
twisting themselves into knots which were anything but becoming.
"Calvin," he said, "when I look at that young woman--at least not
exactly young, but a sight younger than some, and all the better for
it--what word do you think I use to myself?"
"I don't know!" said Calvin shortly.
Mr. Sam leaned back, and expanded his red flannel waistcoat.
"Take time, Cal!" he said kindly. "Find a good solid-soundin' word
suitable to the occasion, and spit it out!"
"Look at here!" said Calvin, still more shortly. "I come out here to see
your hogs, and I've seen 'em. I didn't come out to play guessin' games;
if you've got anything to say to me, say it! If not, I'm goin' home."
Mr. Sam leaned forward, and poked Calvin in the ribs with a skinny
forefinger.
"Matrimony's the word, Cal!" he said. "Holy matrimony! Ain't that a good
word? ain't it suitable? ain't it what you might call providential?
ain't it? hey?" He paused for a reply; but none coming, he went on.
"I made use of that word, Calvin, the fust time Cousin stepped across
our thrishhold, four months back; and I've ben makin' use of it every
day since then. Now, Cal, I want you to help me!"
"Help you!" repeated Calvin, mechanically.
"Help me!" repeated Mr. Sam. "If you can help me to bring about
matrimony between Cousin and Simeon,--"
"_What_!" said Calvin Parks.
Mr. Sam stared. "Between Cousin and Simeon!" he repeated. "What did you
think I said? You could be of assistance to me, Calvin. You know Sim and
me ain't havin' any dealin's jest at present, and direckly you come
along I says to myself, 'Calvin,' I says, 'is the one who can be of
assistance to me.'"
"I thought 'twas you was goin' to marry her!" said Calvin grimly.
"Me, Cal? no! no! What put that into your head?" and Mr. Sam screwed his
features afresh, and shook his head emphatically. "I admire Cousin, none
more so; but if I was marryin',--and I don't say but I shall, some
day,--I should look out for something jest a mite more stylish. But
there's plenty of time, plenty of time. Besides, I want to travel,
Calvin. I want to see something of the world. Here I've sot all my days,
and never ben further than Bangor. Ma never held with the notion of
folks goin' out of the State of Maine. 'If folks want to go to
Massachusetts,' she'd say, 'they'd orter be born there.' Now, no
disrespect to Ma, you understand, Cal, but that ain't my idee. I want to
go to Boston, and maybe New York. I dono but I might go out west and
locate there. But there's the farm, you see, Cal, and there's Simeon.
Sim ain't a man that's fit to travel, nor yet he ain't able to see to
things as should be. But if he and Cousin was man and wife, don't you
see, the two of 'em could get on fust-rate, and I could go off. You see
how 'tis, Calvin, don't you?"
Calvin Parks turned upon him with a flash.
"What makes you think she'd be seen dead with either one of you two
squinny old lobsters?" he asked fiercely.
Mr. Sam stared again.
"A woman, Calvin, wants a home!" he said solemnly. "Anybody can see
that. Cousin has money in the bank, and she's owner of a schooner, but
she has no home. I expect she'd have married Reuben if he'd been anyways
agreeable _to_ marry. He expected she would, sure as shootin'; lotted on
it, they say. But take a man with one eye and that rollin', and snug,
_and_ a bad disposition, why, it ain't no great of an outlook for a
woman, even if the farm was better than it is. Anyways, she wouldn't
look at him, and that's how she come here. Now here,"--he waved his hand
in a circle. "Look around you, Calvin Parks! Where is she goin' to find
a home like this? for stock, or for truck, or for sightliness, there
ain't its ekal in the county. There ain't its ekal in the State. Now,
Cal, I'm a fair-minded man. A woman brought this farm up to what it is.
Ma done it, sir! I don't say but Sim and me done our best since we
growed up, but Ma done the heft on't, and it needs a woman now. It needs
a woman, Calvin, and Cousin needs a home; and I'm of the opinion that
she won't get such a bad bargain, even with Simeon thrown in. There's no
harm in Simeon, Cal, not a mite!"
"Not a mite!" Calvin echoed mechanically.
"Now,"--Mr. Sam drew himself up, and tapped Calvin on the shoulder. "I
want you to help me, Calvin Parks!"
Calvin growled, but a growl may mean anything. Mr. Sam took it for
assent.
"That's right!" he said. "That's it, Calvin. You talk to Cousin, and
tell her about the farm, and kinder throw in a word for Sim now and
then. Why, he's a real good fellow, Sim is, when he ain't a darned fool.
They'd get on fust-rate. And you talk to him, too, when she's out of the
way! Tell him he needs a woman of his own, and like that. Mebbe you
might drop a hint about my goin' away, if you see a good openin'; why,
you're jest the one to make a match, with your pleasant ways, kind o'
jokin' and cheerful. Make her feel as if she wanted a man of her own,
too. Think about it, Cal! Say you'll think about it!"
"I'll think about it!" said Calvin Parks.