Late in October Sara Lee went back to the little house of mercy; went
unaccredited, and with her own money. She had sold her bit of property.
In London she went to the Traverses, as before. But with a difference
too. For Sara Lee had learned the strangeness of the English, who are
slow to friendships but who never forget. Indeed a telegram met her at
Liverpool asking her to stop with them in London. She replied, refusing,
but thanking them, and saying she would call the next afternoon.
Everything was the same at Morley's: Rather a larger percentage of men
in uniform, perhaps; greater crowds in the square; a little less of the
optimism which in the spring had predicted victory before autumn. But
the same high courage, for all that.
August greeted her like an old friend. Even the waiters bowed to her,
and upstairs the elderly chambermaid fussed over her like a mother.
"And you're going back!" she exclaimed. "Fancy that, now! You are
brave, miss."
But her keen eyes saw a change in Sara Lee. Her smile was the same, but
there were times when she forgot to finish a sentence, and she stood,
that first morning, for an hour by the window, looking out as if she saw
nothing.
She went, before the visit to the Traverses, to the Church of Saint
Martin in the Fields. It was empty, save for a woman in a corner, who
did not kneel, but sat staring quietly before her. Sara Lee prayed an
inarticulate bit of a prayer, that what the Traverses would have to tell
her should not be the thing that she feared, but that, if it were, she
be given courage to meet it and to go on with her work.
The Traverses would know; Mrs. Cameron was a friend. They would know
about Henri, and about Jean. Soon, within the hour, she would learn
everything. So she asked for strength, and then sat there for a time,
letting the peace of the old church quiet her, as had the broken walls
and shattered altar of that other church, across the channel.
It was rather a surprise to Sara Lee to have Mrs. Travers put her arms
about her and kiss her. Mr. Travers, too, patted her hand when he took
it. But they had, for all that, the reserve of their class. Much that
they felt about Sara Lee they did not express even to each other.
"We are so grateful to you," Mrs. Travers said. "I am only one mother,
and of course now--" She looked down at her black dress. "But how many
others there are who will want to thank you, when this terrible thing is
over and they learn about you!"
Mr. Travers had been eying Sara Lee.
"Didn't use you up, did it?" he asked. "You're not looking quite fit."
Sara Lee was very pale just then. In a moment she would know.
"I'm quite well," she said. "I--do you hear from Mrs. Cameron?"
"Frequently. She has worked hard, but she is not young." It was Mrs.
Travers who spoke. "She's afraid of the winter there. I rather think,
since you want to go back, that she will be glad to turn your domain
over to you for a time."
"Then--the little house is still there?"
"Indeed, yes! A very famous little house, indeed. But it is always
known as your house. She has felt like a temporary chatelaine. She
always thought you would come back."
Tea had come, as before. The momentary stir gave her a chance to brace
herself. Mr. Travers brought her cup to her and smiled gently down
at her.
"We have a plan to talk over," he said, "when you have had your tea. I
hope you will agree to it."
He went back to the hearthrug.
"When I was there before," Sara Lee said, trying to hold her cup steady,
"there was a young Belgian officer who was very kind to me. Indeed, all
the credit for what I did belongs to him. And since I went home I
haven't heard--"
Her voice broke suddenly. Mr. Travers glanced at his wife. Not for
nothing had Mrs. Cameron written her long letters to these old friends,
in the quiet summer afternoons when the sun shone down on the lifeless
street before the little house.
"I'm afraid we have bad news for you." Mrs. Travers put down her
untasted tea. "Or rather, we have no news. Of course," she added,
seeing Sara Lee's eyes, "in this war no news may be the best--that is,
he may be a prisoner."
"That," Sara Lee heard herself say, "is impossible. If they captured
him they would shoot him."
Mrs. Travers nodded silently. They knew Henri's business, too, by that
time, and that there was no hope for a captured spy.
"And--Jean?"
They did not know of Jean; so she told them, still in that far-away
voice. And at last Mrs. Travers brought an early letter of Mrs.
Cameron's and read a part of it aloud.
"He seems to have been delirious," she read, holding her reading glasses
to her eyes. "A friend of his, very devoted to him, was missing, and he
learned this somehow.
"He escaped from the hospital and got away in an ambulance. He came
straight here and wakened us. There had been a wounded man in the
machine, and he left him on our doorstep. When I got to the door the
car was going wildly toward the Front, with both lamps lighted. We did
not understand then, of course, and no one thought of following it. The
ambulance was found smashed by a shell the next morning, and at first we
thought that he had been in it. But there was no sign that he had been,
and that night one of the men from the trenches insisted that he had
climbed out of a firing trench where the soldier stood, and had gone
forward, bareheaded, toward the German lines.
"I am afraid it was the end. The men, however, who all loved him, do
not think so. It seems that he has done miracles again and again. I
understand that along the whole Belgian line they watch for him at night.
The other night a German on reconnoissance got very close to our wire,
and was greeted not by shots but by a wild hurrah. He was almost
paralyzed with surprise. They brought him here on the way back to the
prison camp, and he still looked dazed."
Sara Lee sat with her hands clenched. Mrs. Travers folded the letter
and put it back into its envelope.
"How long ago was that?" Sara Lee asked in a low tone. "Because, if he
was coming back at all--"
"Four months."
Suddenly Sara Lee stood up.
"I think I ought to tell you," she said with a dead-white face, "that I
am responsible. He cared for me; and I was in love with him too. Only
I didn't know it then. I let him bring me to England, because--I
suppose it was because I loved him. I didn't think then that it was
that. I was engaged to a man at home."
"Sit down," said Mr. Travers. "My dear child, nothing can be your fault."
"He came with me, and the Germans got through. He had had word, but--"
"Have you your salts?" Mr. Travers asked quietly of his wife.
"I'm not fainting. I'm only utterly wretched."
The Traverses looked at each other. They were English. They had taken
their own great loss quietly, because it was an individual grief and
must not be intruded on the sorrow of a nation. But they found this
white-faced girl infinitely appealing, a small and fragile figure, to
whose grief must be added, without any fault of hers, a bitter and
lasting remorse.
Sara Lee stood up and tried to smile.
"Please don't worry about me," she said. "I need something to do, that's
all. You see, I've been worrying for so long. If I can get to work and
try to make up I'll not be so hopeless. But I am not quite hopeless,
either," she added hastily. It was as though by the very word she had
consigned Henri to death. "You see, I am like the men; I won't give him
up. And perhaps some night he will come across from the other side, out
of the dark."
Mr. Travers took her back to the hotel. When he returned from paying
off the taxi he found her looking across at the square.
"Do you remember," she asked him, "the time when the little donkey was
hurt over there?"
"I shall never forget it."
"And the young officer who ran out when I did, and shot the poor thing?"
Mr. Travers remembered.
"That was he--the man we have been speaking of."
For the first time that day her eyes filled with tears.
Sara Lee, at twenty, was already living in her memories.
So again the lights went down in front, and the back drop became but a
veil, and invisible. And to Sara Lee there came back again some of the
characters of the early _mise en scène_--marching men, forage wagons,
squadrons of French cavalry escorting various staffs, commandeered farm
horses with shaggy fetlocks fastened in rope corrals, artillery rumbling
along rutted roads which shook the gunners almost off the limbers.
Nothing was changed--and everything. There was no René to smile his
adoring smile, but Marie came out, sobbing and laughing, and threw
herself into the girl's arms. The little house was the same, save for
a hole in the kitchen wall. There were the great piles of white bowls
and the shining kettles. There was the corner of her room, patched by
René's hands, now so long quiet. A few more shell holes in the street,
many more little crosses in the field near the poplar trees, more Allied
aëroplanes in the air--that was all that was changed.
But to Sara Lee everything was changed, for all that. The little house
was grave and still, like a house of the dead. Once it had echoed to
young laughter, had resounded to the noise and excitement of Henri's
every entrance. Even when he was not there it was as though it but
waited for him to stir it into life, and small echoes of his gayety had
seemed to cling to its old walls.
Sara Lee stood on the doorstep and looked within. She had come back.
Here she would work and wait, and if in the goodness of providence he
should come back, here he would find her, all the empty months gone and
forgotten.