ON WELL-KNIT SENTENCES
A sentence may be said to be well-knit if it stands the following
tests. It must have unity of form; freedom from excessive looseness; a
due amount of emphasis; and climax, if climax is required. All these
technical terms need explanation.
=Unity of Form.=—To be a unit of form, a sentence must place subordinate
thoughts in subordinate clauses, and must keep one coherent structure
throughout.
=Subordination of Clauses.=—In the early years of a language, before it
has been used to express philosophy and science, the structure of the
sentences is loose and simple; it sounds like the speech of a child. Here
is a passage from a book which appeared about 1370, as the _Voyage and
Travels of Sir John Mandeville_. There is some doubt whether or not there
was really a Sir John; but these Travels are very interesting and curious
reading.
And some men say that in the Isle of Lango is yet the daughter
of Hippocrates, in form and likeness of a great dragon, that
is a hundred fathom of length, as men say: for I have not seen
her. And they of the Isles call her, Lady of the Land. And
she lieth in an old castle, in a cave, and sheweth twice or
thrice in the year. And she doth no harm to no man, but if men
do her harm. And she was thus changed and transformed, from
a fair damsel, into likeness of a dragon, by a goddess, that
was cleped Diana. And men say, that she shall so endure in
that form of a dragon, unto the time that a knight come, that
is so hardy, that dare come to her and kiss her on the mouth:
and then shall she turn again to her own kind, and be a woman
again. But after that she shall not live long.
Though much of the naïve, childlike quality of this passage is due to
the archaic phraseology, much also is due to the use of _and_ and _but_
instead of other conjunctions.
In certain kinds of writing it is natural enough that ideas should be
strung together with _and_’s. Thus: “It rained, and hailed, and blew,
and snowed, and froze, and they became weary of winter.” But suppose
that they did not weary of winter. The sentence then would run, “Though
it rained, and hailed, and snowed, and froze, they did not become weary
of winter.” Here we have ceased the mere enumeration of things that
happened, one after the other, and have stated a process of reasoning.
The result is a complex sentence. The ability to construct good complex
sentences means ability to do careful thinking.
In every complex sentence there is some one _proposition_ that ought to
stand out, with the high light upon it. This is the thing we most wish
to say; to change the comparison, it is the heart of the sentence. If
the other parts can be made subordinate to it, the strongest kind of
sentence unity is secured. In the sentence, “It rained; it snowed; it
hailed; they did not weary of winter,” all the assertions are stated as
equally important. But, clearly enough, the last one is the kernel of the
sentence. Therefore the preceding clauses ought to be reduced to their
proper rank by being made dependent.
=Oral Exercise.=—Examine the following compound sentences, to decide
whether or not there is in each some important thought to which the
others ought to have been subordinated. Then improve the unity by
reducing the subordinate ideas to dependent clauses having a participle,
or a relative adverb like _when_.
1. Love is blind; it is not for want of eyes.
2. The soldiers were perhaps somewhat sleepy with the sultriness of the
afternoon; they had now laid by much of their vigilance.
3. I spied an honest fellow coming along a lane, and asked him if he had
ever heard of a house called the house of Shaws.
4. The next person I came across was a dapper little man in a beautiful
white wig; I knew well that barbers were great gossips, and I asked him
plainly what kind of a man was Mr. Balfour of the Shaws.
5. In these days folk still believed in witches and trembled at a curse;
and this curse fell pat, like a wayside omen, to arrest me; it took the
pith out of my legs.
6. I was called in at last; my uncle counted out into my hand seven and
thirty golden guinea pieces.
7. I had come close to one of the turns in the stair; I felt my way as
usual; my hand slipped upon an edge and found nothing but emptiness
beyond it.
8. I returned to the kitchen; I made up such a blaze as had not shone
there for many a long year; I wrapped myself in my plaid; I lay down upon
the chests and fell asleep.
=The So Construction.=—The conjunction _so_ is a useful word, and the
learner prefers it to its synonyms, _therefore_ and _consequently_,
because it is simpler, less formal than either. But in a narrative which
is liberally besprinkled with _so_’s the reader feels that the simplicity
is overdone. Here is an extreme example.
A short time afterward my uncle died; so my aunt went to her
country-house in Derbyshire. She did not wish to be alone in
the country; so she took her servants. When they got there they
found the house very lonely; so the maids did not want to stay,
but they did.
Examine the sentences just quoted, and show the relations between the
clauses by other devices than the use of _so_.
_So_, as a conjunction, should be employed very sparingly. When it is
employed, it should usually be preceded by _a semicolon rather than a
comma_.
=Oral Exercise.=—A careful writer is known by his use of conjunctions: he
does not use _and_ unless the clauses joined are co-ordinate; nor _but_
unless there is a real opposition; nor a given subordinate conjunction
unless it is actually required by logic. In the subjoined selections from
Ruskin the original conjunctions have been changed to those in italics.
Find better expressions for those italicized.
1. In employing all the muscular power at our disposal we
are to make the employments we choose as educational as
possible. _Consequently_ a wholesome human employment is
the first and best method of education, mental as well as
bodily. A man taught to plough, row, or steer well, _moreover_
a woman taught to cook properly, and make a dress neatly,
are already educated in many essential moral habits. Labour
considered as a discipline has hitherto been thought of only
for criminals, _therefore_ the real and noblest function of
labour is to prevent crime, _but_ not to be _Re_formatory, but
Formatory.—RUSKIN.
2. We must spend our money in some way, at some time,
_accordingly_ it cannot at any time be spent without employing
somebody. _While_ we gamble it away, the person who wins it
must spend it; _while_ we lose it in a railroad speculation,
it has gone into some one else’s pockets, or merely gone to
pay navvies for making a useless embankment, _but not_ to pay
riband or button makers for making useless ribands or buttons;
we cannot lose it (unless by actually destroying it) _and not
give_ employment of some kind; _nevertheless_ whatever quantity
of money exists, the relative quantity of employment must some
day come out of it; _and_ the distress of the nation signifies
that the employments given have produced nothing that will
support its existence. Men cannot live on ribands, or buttons,
or velvet, or by going quickly from place to place; _but_ every
coin spent in useless ornament, or useless motion, is so much
withdrawn from the national means of life.—RUSKIN.
=One Coherent Structure.=—We have seen that to be well-knit a sentence
must have that unity of form which gives every thought its proper
clause-rank. It must also be uniform in structure. There should be no
sudden, unnecessary change in subject, or in the form of the verb.
Sometimes a sentence is pulled about by the mind as a child by a cross
nurse. It begins in the active voice, it is twitched aside into the
passive. It begins as the act of one person, it ends as that of another.
Even so admirable a writer as John Fiske has this sentence: “But Howe
could not bear to acknowledge the defeat of his attempts to storm, and
accordingly, at five o’clock, with genuine British persistency, a third
attack was ordered.” This “British persistency” is evidently Howe’s.
Why not give him full credit for it, thus?—“But Howe could not bear to
acknowledge the defeat of his attempts to storm, and accordingly, at five
o’clock, with genuine British persistency he ordered a third attack.”
=Oral Exercise.=—Change the following sentences so that each shall have
unity of form.
1. A blue pencil? there is nothing so easy for an editor to manage, so
unmistakable in reading, so wholly impressive to a contributor when he
sees it.
2. Tom and East became good friends, and the tyranny of a certain
insolent fellow was sturdily resisted by them together.
3. You will see no sudden jerks of the _St. Ambrose_ rudder, nor will any
clumsy rounding of a point be seen.
4. Miller, motionless till now, lifts his right hand and the tassel is
whirled round his head.
5. Thorold had just read the account of John Inglesant’s vision of the
dead King Charles. He disliked the idea of spending the night in the old
country house, and still more to go through the tapestried chamber; but
it was immediately determined by him that such an invitation must not be
refused.
=The Loose Sentence.=—The passage given at the beginning of the chapter,
from Mandeville, is written in what are called loose sentences. _Loose_
as applied to a sentence, does not necessarily mean that the sentence is
bad,—that it is rambling or disjointed. A loose sentence is one in which
an independent statement comes first, followed by others, dependent or
independent. Example: “And some men say that in the Isle of Lango is yet
the daughter of Hippocrates, in form and likeness of a great dragon, that
is a hundred fathom of length, as men say: for I have not seen her.” In
this sentence comes first a proposition,—“And some men say,” followed by
several subordinate clauses, and by one independent clause,—“for I have
not seen her.” The test of a loose sentence is a grammatical one: the
sentence can be closed at some point before the end, without hurting the
grammatical structure. At what places in the sentence just quoted is the
grammatical structure complete?
The loose sentence is used freely in conversation. The speaker gives his
main idea first, and qualifies it afterward. Therefore the legitimate
effect of the loose sentence is to lend an air of simplicity, a
colloquial air, to the style. The danger is that it may become a mere
sequence of clauses, that dangle insecurely, each from the preceding,
like needles hanging from a magnet. Avoid long loose sentences.
Examine the sentence by Defoe, p. 89. It is a fine example of what a
loose sentence should not be.
=The Periodic Sentence.=—In the sentence, “A short time afterward my
uncle died; so my aunt went to her country-house in Derbyshire,” the
grammatical structure is complete at “died.” But if the two clauses
be welded together by _because_, they will no longer be grammatically
free. Thus: “_Because my uncle died shortly afterward, my aunt went to
her country-house in Derbyshire._” This sentence is periodic in form. A
periodic sentence is a complex sentence in which the modifiers of the
verb precede the verb. The effect of this structure is to delay the
main idea of the sentence until the last.[22] Obviously, if too many
subordinate ideas occur before the main one, the mind of the reader will
weary with the tension of expectation. Short periodic sentences however
are extremely effective in arousing the reader’s attention and holding
it till the important idea is stated. It is plain that good periodic
structure is highly conducive to unity in the sentence: each subordinate
idea is held in its proper place of subordination till the main idea is
stated, and on the reader is flashed a pleasant sense that the structure
has grown naturally into one complete whole.
=Oral Exercise.=—Examine the oral exercise on pages 98, 99, and say which
sentences were made periodic in the effort to improve their unity.
=Oral Exercise.=—Below are given some good periodic sentences.[23] Give
equivalent loose sentences. Decide whether or not the loose are better
than the periodic.
1. At this moment a large, comfortable white house, that had been
heretofore hidden by green trees, came into view.
[Changed, this might read: “A large, comfortable white house
had been heretofore hidden by green trees; it came into view at
this moment.”]
2. Off went Timothy’s hat.
3. And it was to this household that Timothy had brought his child for
adoption.
4. Gay, not being used to a regular morning toilet, had fought against it
valiantly at first.
5. If you care to feel a warm glow in the region of your heart, imagine
little Timothy Jessup sent to play in that garden.
6. Yet of an evening, or on Sunday, she was no village gossip.
=Oral Exercise.=—The following passage, from Hawthorne, is written in
excellent loose sentences. Change to periodic all of them that can be so
changed without hurting the ease of structure. Whatever else it be, a
periodic sentence should never be strained or unnatural.
Then Theseus bent himself in good earnest to the task, and
strained every sinew with manly strength and resolution. He put
his whole brave heart into the effort. He wrestled with the big
and sluggish stone as if it had been a living enemy. He heaved,
he lifted, he resolved now to succeed, or else to perish there,
and let the rock be his monument forever! Æthra stood gazing at
him, and clasped her hands, partly with a mother’s pride, and
partly with a mother’s sorrow. The great rock stirred! Yes, it
was raised slowly from the bedded moss and earth, uprooting the
shrubs and flowers along with it, and was turned upon its side.
Theseus had conquered!
=Inappropriate Periodicity.=—It is foolish to use an elaborate suspended
structure when a very simple thought or a very rapid narrative is to
be given. Note the pomposity of the following sentences. Remove it by
changing the structure.
“Three summers ago, to rejoin my family in northern Michigan, I left the
city. On a little peninsula which juts out into Lake Michigan, a group of
houses, dignified by the name of Edgewood, stands. Undistracted by the
bustle of hotel life, a few sensible people live here. To get away from
town for a few days and lounge in the pine woods about Edgewood, to me is
always very pleasant.”
=Oral Exercise.=—Examine the following sentences one by one, and say
whether each is (_a_) wholly periodic, (_b_) wholly loose, or (_c_)
partly loose and partly periodic. When the last is the case, show at what
point the change of structure occurs.
1. He who walks in the way these following ballads point
will be manful in necessary fight, fair in trade, loyal in
love, generous to the poor, tender in the household, prudent
in living, plain in speech, merry upon occasion, simple in
behavior, and honest in all things.—LANIER.
2. While Johnson was busied with his _Idlers_, his mother,
who had accomplished her ninetieth year, died at Lichfield.
It was long since he had seen her; but he had not failed to
contribute largely, out of his small means, to her comfort. In
order to defray the charges of her funeral, and to pay some
debts which she had left, he wrote a little book in a single
week, and sent off the sheets to the press without reading them
over. A hundred pounds were paid him for the copyright; and the
purchasers had great cause to be pleased with their bargain,
for the book was “Rasselas.”—MACAULAY: _Life of Johnson_.
3. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever
things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever
things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever
things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there
be any praise, think on these things.—_Philippians._
4. “Sir, you may destroy this little institution; it is weak;
it is in your hands! I know it is one of the lesser lights
in the literary horizon of our country. You may put it out.
But, if you do so, you must carry through your work! You must
extinguish, one after another, all those greater lights of
science which, for more than a century, have thrown their
radiance over our land! It is, Sir, as I have said, a small
college. And yet there are those who love it.”—WEBSTER.
5. Sir, let me recur to pleasing recollections; let me indulge
in refreshing remembrance of the past; let me remind you that,
in early times, no States cherished greater harmony, both of
principle and feeling, than Massachusetts and South Carolina.
Would to God that harmony might again return! Shoulder to
shoulder they went through the Revolution; hand in hand they
stood round the administration of Washington, and felt his
own great arm lean on them for support. Unkind feeling, if it
exist, alienation and distrust, are the growth, unnatural to
such soils, of false principles since sown. They are weeds, the
seeds of which that same great arm never scattered.—WEBSTER.
6. That man, I think, has had a liberal education, who has been
so trained in youth that his body is the ready servant of his
will, and does with ease and pleasure all the work that, as a
mechanism, it is capable of; whose intellect is a clear, cold,
logic engine, with all its parts of equal strength, and in
smooth working order; ready, like a steam engine, to be turned
to any kind of work, and spin the gossamers as well as forge
the anchors of the mind; whose mind is stored with a knowledge
of the great and fundamental truths of Nature and of the laws
of her operations; one who, no stunted ascetic, is full of life
and fire, but whose passions are trained to come to heel by
a vigorous will, the servant of a tender conscience; who has
learned to love all beauty, whether of Nature or of art, to
hate all vileness, and to respect others as himself.—HUXLEY.
7. If then the power of speech is a gift as great as any that
can be named,—if the origin of language is by many philosophers
even considered to be nothing short of divine,—if by means
of words the secrets of the heart are brought to light, pain
of soul is relieved, hidden grief is carried off, sympathy
conveyed, counsel imparted, experience recorded, and wisdom
perpetuated,—if by great authors the many are drawn up into
unity, national character is fixed, a people speaks, the
past and the future, the East and the West are brought into
communication with each other,—if such men are, in a word,
the spokesmen and prophets of the human family,—it will not
answer to make light of Literature or to neglect its study;
rather we may be sure that, in proportion as we master it in
whatever language, and imbibe its spirit, we shall ourselves
become in our own measure the ministers of like benefits to
others, be they many or few, be they in the obscurer or
the more distinguished walks of life,—who are united to us
by social ties, and are within the sphere of our personal
influence.—CARDINAL NEWMAN.[24]
=Oral Exercise.=—Each of the passages given above should be read aloud as
a whole, to get the effects produced by the different types of sentence.
In the first passage note that the first clause arouses interest by the
periodic structure. So do the first and third sentences in the second
passage; but the third and fourth—loose—have a fine simplicity that
adds to the weight of their subject matter. The third passage moves up
steadily to an impressive point,—the word _think_. The fourth passage
is extremely direct and earnest. Webster is pleading for his _Alma
Mater_, Dartmouth; is making an appeal, straight from his heart. Almost
choked with emotion, he has no desire to frame periodic sentences and
nicely subordinated clauses. In the fifth passage he is perhaps equally
direct; but he is master of himself, and his sentences are somewhat
more elaborate. In the sixth passage, Huxley gets a steadily increasing
strength of thought, but not of structure. Cardinal Newman, on the other
hand, builds up his period with superb suspense both of form and thought.
=Written Exercise.=—Change the sentence by Huxley into the periodic form.
This can be done by changing the order of clauses, and beginning each
subordinate clause with _if_, or with _suppose_, or with a relative.
=Emphasis in the Sentence.=—A sentence cannot be called well-knit if it
does not succeed in calling most attention to the most important idea. We
have seen already how important it is to put the unimportant parts of the
sentence into subordinate clauses. How may further emphasis be had?
The beginning and the end of the sentence are the most prominent places.
Important words should usually stand in these places. Rarely should these
points be covered up with trivial expressions. Compare two sentences. “As
a matter of fact, it is bread, rather than advice, that people actually
need, in this city.” “Bread it is, rather than advice, that, in this
city, people actually need.”
Attention can always be called to a word by placing it out of the
ordinary, commonplace order. The _inverted_ order, where verb precedes
the noun, or predicate adjective precedes the verb, frequently permits
emphasis to be put just where it is wanted. The oft-quoted example is as
good a one as can be found: “Great is Diana of the Ephesians!” How much
better it is, how much _greater_ the cry is than, “Diana of the Ephesians
is great!”
=Oral Exercise.=—Which of the following sentences from Ruskin begin and
end with words that deserve distinction?[25]
“For all books are divisible into two classes,—the books of the hour, and
the books of all time. Mark this distinction; it is not one of quality
only. It is not merely the bad book that does not last, and the good one
that does; it is a distinction of species. There are good books for the
hour, and good ones for all time; bad books for the hour, and bad ones
for all time. I must define the two kinds before I go farther.”
=Oral Exercise.=—Change the order of words in the following sentences so
as to throw more emphasis on the italicized words. Avoid infringement of
English idiom in making the changes.
1. It is _courage_ that wins.
2. Never say _die_, under any circumstances.
3. Yet he stood _beautiful and bright_, as born to rule the storm.
4. A rascal, _nothing more or less_, he was.
5. Gilpin went _away_, and the post boy went _away_.
6. The English child is _white as an angel_.
7.
When wild northwesters rave _on stormy nights_
With wind and wave _how proud a thing_ to fight.
8. What a piece of work _man_ is!
9. Trafalgar lay, full in face, _bluish_ mid the burning water.
10. He repeatedly pronounced _these words_, and they were the last which
he uttered.
11. The king said, “_Alas_, help me from hence.”
12. Man is _the paragon of animals_, the beauty of the world.
13. What a place an old _library_ is to be in. It seems as though all
the souls of all the writers that have bequeathed their labors to these
Bodleians, as in some _middle state_ or dormitory, were reposing here. I
do not want to handle, to profane their _winding sheet_, the leaves. I
could a _shade_ as soon dislodge.
=Climax.=—The principle of climax demands that in a series of related
terms the weaker degree should precede the stronger. Southey says of
Lord Nelson’s being permitted to live to hear the news of his great
victory: “That consolation, that joy, that triumph, was afforded him.”
By these three nouns the reader ascends, as if by a ladder—climax is
merely Greek for ladder. Endeavor to discover the original order in which
the following sentences were written to secure climax. Changing them by
slight omissions, weave them together into two sentences.
“The most triumphant death is that of the martyr. The most splendid
death is that of the hero in the hour of victory. If the chariot and the
horses of fire had been vouchsafed for Nelson’s translation, he could
scarcely have departed in a brighter blaze of glory. The most awful death
is that of the martyred patriot. He has left us, not indeed his mantle of
inspiration, but an example which will continue to be our shield and our
strength, and a name which is our pride—an example and a name which are
at this hour inspiring hundreds of the youth of England.”
Which of the sentences quoted on pages 107, 108, have climax of thought?