THE ESSENCE OF HUMBUG.
During this and the previous years, some of the older fanciers and
breeders had resorted to the most fulsome and nonsensical style of
advertisements, to push off their stock upon the unguarded. No quality
of superlative goodness, known or unknown, that could be described in
the English language (either by means of "communications" through the
public prints, or by ordinary forms of advertising), was omitted to be
proclaimed by the owners of fancy stock, in order to force off upon the
credulous or the uninitiated their "newly-imported" stuff, and its
progeny.
High-sounding but most ridiculous titles were given, by the nominal
"importers," to their live stock; and the public were asked to purchase
"Hong-Kong" fowls, "Bengal Eagle" chickens, "Wild Indian Mountain" hens,
"Whang-tongs," "Quittaquongs," "Hoang-Hos," "Paduas," etc.; and the
following advertisement appeared, finally, to cap the climax of this
inexpressibly stupid nonsense. It was printed in an agricultural
monthly, issued somewhere in western New York, and it ran as follows:
"MORMANN & HUMM, Importers and Exporters of, and Dealers in, all
breeds and varieties of Blooded Live Stock, Big Falls, N.S. Messrs.
Mormann and Humm are now perfecting their arrangements for
_importing_ from Europe and Asia all the best breeds of Horses,
Cattle, Hogs, Dogs, Sheep, Rabbits, Goats, Fowls, &c. &c., and for
_exporting_ Buffalo, Elk, Deer, Moose, Badgers, Bears, Foxes,
Swifts, Eagles, Swans, Pelicans, Cranes, Loons, &c. &c. They will
keep on hand, as near as may be, all the best Blooded Animals and
Fowls--gallinaceous and aquatic--fancy and substantial--which they
will furnish to their numerous patrons in Europe and America at
reasonable rates. All orders should be directed to Big Falls, N.S.,
until otherwise notified.
"Also, they have imported the finest and only PTARMAGINS ever
introduced into the United States. These surprisingly beautiful
fowls are direct from the original stock. The Ptarmagins--white in
winter and ash-colored in summer--booted and tufted--are the most
unique of domestic fowls. They will supply orders for Ptarmagin
chickens; also, Hoang-Hos, Imperials, Falcon-hocked Cochins, (!)
and a large variety of Improved Suffolks and other fine hogs, from
the choice stocks of His Royal Highness Prince Albert, His Grace
the Duke of Beaufort, Lord Wenlock, the Earl of Radnor, late Earl
of Ducie, Rev. Mr. Thursby, Mr. Garbanati, &c. &c. Also some choice
Chinese Mandarin and Siamese hogs, &c. &c. &c."
In this same pamphlet, appeared the annexed communication (in the form
of a letter to the nominal publisher), which will explain itself,
probably, to those who are acquainted with its hifalutin author. It was
a rich "card," in the estimation of the "boys," at the time of its
first appearance, though nobody ever saw this extraordinary beast or its
progeny, I imagine:
Chinese Mandarin Hogs.
"_----, Nov. 7, 1854._
"FRIEND M----:
"We have just purchased the lot of _Chinese Mandarin Swine_,
imported, &c. &c. &c....
"This is the best breed of China hogs, and are great favorites with
the inhabitants, _the meat being remarkably tender and
fine-flavored_. At maturity they weigh from fifteen to eighteen
score, and are very prolific.
"The head and face of these animals very closely resemble an
elephant, both as to the appearance of the skin and ears, and the
number and depth of facial fissures; perfectly unique, and
strikingly oriental in capital aspect.
"The neck is longer than that of anything of the hog race,
imparting a most singular appearance to the proportions of the
whole animal.
"These Chinese hogs are entirely different from anything of the
sort ever imported into this country before, and are the most
prolific of the swine race. The imported sow and each of the
sow-pigs have _eighteen_ well-developed dugs. The number of
well-defined dugs is always the best _prima facie_ evidence of
prolificness in any animal.
"The bodies of these hogs are shaped like the _white_ Berkshire
breed of England. They take on fat with remarkable rapidity, and,
in color, though not so spotted as the leopard, these hogs are
beautifully striated, the body spotted like polished alabaster and
ebony, checkered and rounded most exquisitely.
"We shall have an engraving of these animals for the northern
agricultural papers, and one of the great English periodicals.
"Yours, truly,
"---- & ----."
The editor adds, cautiously, "The importers are gentlemen of strict
probity and honor, so far as our knowledge extends; but, in these
hurrying times, when the public excitement is up on any kind of stock, a
man _may_ import and sell worthless animals, to a great extent, before a
reaction can take place."
Now, this sort of mush and moonshine very soon nauseated upon the
stomachs of "the people," even; who ordinarily can (and will) patiently
submit to a vast deal of mummery. But when such palpable bosh as this is
placed before them, they are apt to dodge all association with it and
its clearly-expressed humbuggery; and so the tide now very quickly began
to turn against the trade. "Brahmas," and "Quittaquong" fowls, and
"Mandarin" pigs, proved too threatening a dose for the masses! They
hadn't time to spell out the names of such stock--to say nothing of
purchasing it, at round figures, and attempting to _breed_ it
afterwards.
What those men imagined they could possibly effect by this sort of
ridiculous nonsense, I am unable to conceive of. Yet it was put forth in
sober earnest; and scores of similar advertisements filled the papers,
from time to time--each having for its object the continuous gulling of
the "dear people," each in its own peculiar way.
And for years--up to this period--the star-gazing, wonder-loving,
humbug-seeking portion of the community,--the mass who fill every
corner of the land, and who watch for something continuously "new under
the sun," out of which money can be made,--I say, for years, this
portion of the public believed what they saw and read of, and responded
to this sort of thing with a gusto equalled only by the zest with which,
in years before, they had encouraged and supported the score of other
"hums" that had been current around them.
But the delusions of morus multicaulis, and Merino sheep, and patent
bee-keeping, and Berkshire pigs, and tulip-growing, had passed away; and
the hen fever, at last, subsided, too. Unpronounceable names and
long-winded advertisements wouldn't do! "The people" had ascertained
that there was an end even to Shanghae and Brahma-ism! And this
flimsiest of _all_ bubbles was now inflated fully to bursting.