said; and tried to make the parson forget it, by treating him to several
pots of beer, in the village inn, to which we had adjourned for our
conference at his suggestion. I left him as soon as I could, and
returned to Coldholme, shaping my way past deserted Starkey Manor-House,
and coming upon it by the back. At that side were the oblong remains of
the old moat, the waters of which lay placid and motionless under the
crimson rays of the setting sun; with the forest-trees lying straight
along each side, and their deep-green foliage mirrored to blackness in
the burnished surface of the moat below--and the broken sun-dial at the
end nearest the hall--and the heron, standing on one leg at the water’s
edge, lazily looking down for fish--the lonely and desolate house scarce
needed the broken windows, the weeds on the door-sill, the broken
shutter softly flapping to and fro in the twilight breeze, to fill up
the picture of desertion and decay. I lingered about the place until the
growing darkness warned me on. And then I passed along the path, cut by
the orders of the last lady of Starkey Manor-House, that led me to
Bridget’s cottage. I resolved at once to see her; and, in spite of
closed doors--it might be of resolved will--she should see me. So I
knocked at her door, gently, loudly, fiercely. I shook it so vehemently
that at length the old hinges gave way, and with a crash it fell
inwards, leaving me suddenly face to face with Bridget--I, red, heated,
agitated with my so long-baffled efforts--she, stiff as any stone,
standing right facing me, her eyes dilated with terror, her ashen lips
trembling, but her body motionless. In her hands she held her crucifix,
as if by that holy symbol she sought to oppose my entrance. At sight of
me, her whole frame relaxed, and she sank back upon a chair. Some mighty
tension had given way. Still her eyes looked fearfully into the gloom of
the outer air, made more opaque by the glimmer of the lamp inside, which
she had placed before the picture of the Virgin.
“Is she there?” asked Bridget, hoarsely.
“No! Who? I am alone. You remember me.”
“Yes,” replied she, still terror-stricken. “But she--that creature--has
been looking in upon me through that window all day long. I closed it up
with my shawl; and then I saw her feet below the door, as long as it was
light, and I knew she heard my very breathing--nay, worse, my very
prayers; and I could not pray, for her listening choked the words ere
they rose to my lips. Tell me, who is she?--what means that double girl
I saw this morning? One had a look of my dead Mary; but the other
curdled my blood, and yet it was the same!”
She had taken hold of my arm, as if to secure herself some human
companionship. She shook all over with the slight, never-ceasing tremor
of intense terror. I told her my tale, as I have told it you, sparing
none of the details.
How Mistress Clarke had informed me that the resemblance had driven Lucy
forth from her father’s house--how I had disbelieved, until, with mine
own eyes, I had seen another Lucy standing behind my Lucy, the same in
form and feature, but with the demon-soul looking out of the eyes. I
told her all, I say, believing that she--whose curse was working so upon
the life of her innocent grandchild--was the only person who could find
the remedy and the redemption. When I had done, she sat silent for many
minutes.
“You love Mary’s child?” she asked.
“I do, in spite of the fearful working of the curse--I love her. Yet I
shrink from her ever since that day on the moor-side. And men must
shrink from one so accompanied; friends and lovers must stand afar off.
Oh, Bridget Fitzgerald! loosen the curse! Set her free!”
“Where is she?”
I eagerly caught at the idea that her presence was needed, in order
that, by some strange prayer or exorcism, the spell might be reversed.
“I will go and bring her to you,” I exclaimed. But Bridget tightened her
hold upon my arm.
“Not so,” said she, in a low, hoarse voice. “It would kill me to see her
again as I saw her this morning. And I must live till I have worked my
work. Leave me!” said she, suddenly, and again taking up the cross. “I
defy the demon I have called up. Leave me to wrestle with it!”
She stood up, as if in an ecstasy of inspiration, from which all fear
was banished. I lingered--why, I can hardly tell--until once more she
bade me begone. As I went along the forest way, I looked back, and saw
her planting the cross in the empty threshold, where the door had been.
The next morning Lucy and I went to seek her, to bid her join her
prayers with ours. The cottage stood open and wide to our gaze. No human
being was there: the cross remained on the threshold, but Bridget was
gone.
CHAPTER III.
What was to be done next? was the question that I asked myself. As for
Lucy, she would fain have submitted to the doom that lay upon her. Her
gentleness and piety, under the pressure of so horrible a life, seemed
over-passive to me. She never complained. Mrs. Clarke complained more
than ever. As for me, I was more in love with the real Lucy than ever;
but I shrunk from the false similitude with an intensity proportioned to
my love. I found out by instinct that Mrs. Clarke had occasional
temptations to leave Lucy. The good lady’s nerves were shaken, and, from
what she said, I could almost have concluded that the object of the
Double was to drive away from Lucy this last and almost earliest friend.
At times, I could scarcely bear to own it, but I myself felt inclined to
turn recreant; and I would accuse Lucy of being too patient--too
resigned. One after another, she won the little children of Coldholme.
(Mrs. Clarke and she had resolved to stay there, for was it not as good
a place as any other to such as they? and did not all our faint hopes
rest on Bridget--never seen or heard of now, but still we trusted to
come back, or give some token?) So, as I say, one after another, the
little children came about my Lucy, won by her soft tones, and her
gentle smiles, and kind actions. Alas! one after another they fell away,
and shrunk from her path with blanching terror; and we too surely
guessed the reason why. It was the last drop. I could bear it no longer.
I resolved no more to linger around the spot, but to go back to my
uncle, and among the learned divines of the city of London, seek for
some power whereby to annul the curse.
My uncle, meanwhile, had obtained all the requisite testimonials
relating to Lucy’s descent and birth, from the Irish lawyers, and from
Mr. Gisborne. The latter gentleman had written from abroad (he was again
serving in the Austrian army), a letter alternately passionately
self-reproachful and stoically repellent. It was evident that when he
thought of Mary--her short life--how he had wronged her, and of her
violent death, he could hardly find words severe enough for his own
conduct; and from this point of view, the curse that Bridget had laid
upon him and his was regarded by him as a prophetic doom, to the
utterance of which she was moved by a Higher Power, working for the
fulfilment of a deeper vengeance than for the death of the poor dog. But
then, again, when he came to speak of his daughter, the repugnance which
the conduct of the demoniac creature had produced in his mind, was but
ill disguised under a show of profound indifference as to Lucy’s fate.
One almost felt as if he would have been as content to put her out of
existence, as he would have been to destroy some disgusting reptile that
had invaded his chamber or his couch.
The great Fitzgerald property was Lucy’s; and that was all--was nothing.
My uncle and I sat in the gloom of a London November evening, in our
house in Ormond Street. I was out of health, and felt as if I were in an
inextricable coil of misery. Lucy and I wrote to each other, but that
was little; and we dared not see each other for dread of the fearful
Third, who had more than once taken her place at our meetings. My uncle
had, on the day I speak of, bidden prayers to be put up, on the ensuing
Sabbath, in many a church and meeting-house in London, for one
grievously tormented by an evil spirit. He had faith in prayers--I had
none; I was fast losing faith in all things. So we sat--he trying to
interest me in the old talk of other days, I oppressed by one
thought--when our old servant, Anthony, opened the door, and, without
speaking, showed in a very gentlemanly and prepossessing man, who had
something remarkable about his dress, betraying his profession to be
that of the Roman Catholic priesthood. He glanced at my uncle first,
then at me. It was to me he bowed.
“I did not give my name,” said he, “because you would hardly have
recognised it; unless, sir, when in the north, you heard of Father
Bernard, the chaplain at Stoney Hurst?”
I remembered afterwards that I had heard of him, but at the time I had
utterly forgotten it; so I professed myself a complete stranger to him;
while my ever-hospitable uncle, although hating a papist as much as it
was in his nature to hate anything, placed a chair for the visitor, and
bade Anthony bring glasses and a fresh jug of claret.
Father Bernard received this courtesy with the graceful ease and
pleasant acknowledgment which belongs to the man of the world. Then he
turned to scan me with his keen glance. After some slight conversation,
entered into on his part, I am certain, with an intention of discovering
on what terms of confidence I stood with my uncle, he paused, and said
gravely--
“I am sent here with a message to you, sir, from a woman to whom you
have shown kindness, and who is one of my penitents, in Antwerp--one
Bridget Fitzgerald.”
“Bridget Fitzgerald!” exclaimed I. “In Antwerp? Tell me, sir, all that
you can about her.”
“There is much to be said,” he replied. “But may I inquire if this
gentleman--if your uncle is acquainted with the particulars of which you
and I stand informed?”
“All that I know, he knows,” said I, eagerly laying my hand on my
uncle’s arm, as he made a motion as if to quit the room.
“Then I have to speak before two gentlemen who, however they may differ
from me in faith, are yet fully impressed with the fact, that there are
evil powers going about continually to take cognizance of our evil
thoughts; and, if their Master gives them power, to bring them into
overt action. Such is my theory of the nature of that sin, of which I
dare not disbelieve--as some sceptics would have us do--the sin of
witchcraft. Of this deadly sin, you and I are aware Bridget Fitzgerald
has been guilty. Since you saw her last, many prayers have been offered
in our churches, many masses sung, many penances undergone, in order
that, if God and the Holy Saints so willed it, her sin might be blotted
out. But it has not been so willed.”
“Explain to me,” said I, “who you are, and how you come connected with
Bridget. Why is she at Antwerp? I pray you, sir, tell me more. If I am
impatient, excuse me; I am ill and feverish, and in consequence
bewildered.”
There was something to me inexpressibly soothing in the tone of voice
with which he began to narrate, as it were from the beginning, his
acquaintance with Bridget.
“I had known Mr. and Mrs. Starkey during their residence abroad, and so
it fell out naturally that, when I came as chaplain to the Sherburnes at
Stoney Hurst, our acquaintance was renewed; and thus I became the
confessor of the whole family, isolated as they were from the offices of
the Church, Sherburne being their nearest neighbour who professed the
true faith. Of course, you are aware that facts revealed in confession
are sealed as in the grave; but I learnt enough of Bridget’s character
to be convinced that I had to do with no common woman; one powerful for
good as for evil. I believe that I was able to give her spiritual
assistance from time to time, and that she looked upon me as a servant
of that Holy Church, which has such wonderful power of moving men’s
hearts, and relieving them of the burden of their sins. I have known her
cross the moors on the wildest nights of storm, to confess and be
absolved; and then she would return, calmed and subdued, to her daily
work about her mistress, no one witting where she had been during the
hours that most passed in sleep upon their beds. After her daughter’s
departure--after Mary’s mysterious disappearance--I had to impose many a
long penance, in order to wash away the sin of impatient repining that
was fast leading her into the deeper guilt of blasphemy. She set out on
that long journey of which you have possibly heard--that fruitless
journey in search of Mary--and during her absence, my superiors ordered
my return to my former duties at Antwerp, and for many years I heard no
more of Bridget.
“Not many months ago, as I was passing homewards in the evening, along
one of the streets near St. Jacques, leading into the Meer Straet, I saw
a woman sitting crouched up under the shrine of the Holy Mother of
Sorrows. Her hood was drawn over her head, so that the shadow caused by
the light of the lamp above fell deep over her face; her hands were
clasped round her knees. It was evident that she was some one in
hopeless trouble, and as such it was my duty to stop and speak. I
naturally addressed her first in Flemish, believing her to be one of the
lower class of inhabitants. She shook her head, but did not look up.
Then I tried French, and she replied in that language, but speaking it
so indifferently, that I was sure she was either English or Irish, and
consequently spoke to her in my own native tongue. She recognised my
voice; and, starting up, caught at my robes, dragging me before the
blessed shrine, and throwing herself down, and forcing me, as much by
her evident desire as by her action, to kneel beside her, she exclaimed:
“‘O Holy Virgin! you will never hearken to me again, but hear him; for
you know him of old, that he does your bidding, and strives to heal
broken hearts. Hear him!’
“She turned to me.
“‘She will hear you, if you will only pray. She never hears me: she and
all the saints in Heaven cannot hear my prayers, for the Evil One
carries them off, as he carried that first away. O, Father Bernard, pray
for me!’
“I prayed for one in sore distress, of what nature I could not say; but
the Holy Virgin would know. Bridget held me fast, gasping with eagerness
at the sound of my words. When I had ended, I rose, and, making the sign
of the Cross over her, I was going to bless her in the name of the Holy
Church, when she shrank away like some terrified creature, and said:
“‘I am guilty of deadly sin, and am not shriven.’
“‘Arise, my daughter,’ said I, ‘and come with me.’ And I led the way
into one of the confessionals of St. Jacques.
“She knelt; I listened. No words came. The evil powers had stricken her
dumb, as I heard afterwards they had many a time before, when she
approached confession.
“She was too poor to pay for the necessary forms of exorcism; and
hitherto those priests to whom she had addressed herself were either so
ignorant of the meaning of her broken French, or her Irish-English, or
else esteemed her to be one crazed--as, indeed, her wild and excited
manner might easily have led any one to think--that they had neglected
the sole means of loosening her tongue, so that she might confess her
deadly sin, and after due penance, obtain absolution. But I knew Bridget
of old, and felt that she was a penitent sent to me. I went through
those holy offices appointed by our church for the relief of such a
case. I was the more bound to do this, as I found that she had come to
Antwerp for the sole purpose of discovering me, and making confession to
me. Of the nature of that fearful confession I am forbidden to speak.
Much of it you know; possibly all.
“It now remains for her to free herself from mortal guilt, and to set
others free from the consequences thereof. No prayers, no masses, will
ever do it, although they may strengthen her with that strength by which
alone acts of deepest love and purest self-devotion may be performed.
Her words of passion, and cries for revenge--her unholy prayers could
never reach the ears of the Holy Saints! Other powers intercepted them,
and wrought so that the curses thrown up to Heaven have fallen on her
own flesh and blood; and so, through her very strength of love, have
bruised and crushed her heart. Henceforward her former self must be
buried,--yea, buried quick, if need be,--but never more to make sign, or
utter cry on earth! She has become a Poor Clare, in order that, by
perpetual penance and constant service of others, she may at length so
act as to obtain final absolution and rest for her soul. Until then, the
innocent must suffer. It is to plead for the innocent that I come to
you; not in the name of the witch, Bridget Fitzgerald, but of the
penitent and servant of all men, the Poor Clare, Sister Magdalen.”
“Sir,” said I, “I listen to your request with respect; only I may tell
you it is not needed to urge me to do all that I can on behalf of one,
love for whom is part of my very life. If for a time I have absented
myself from her, it is to think and work for her redemption. I, a member
of the English Church--my uncle, a Puritan--pray morning and night for
her by name: the congregations of London, on the next Sabbath, will pray
for one unknown, that she may be set free from the Powers of Darkness.
Moreover, I must tell you, sir, that those evil ones touch not the great
calm of her soul. She lives her own pure and loving life, unharmed and
untainted, though all men fall off from her. I would I could have her
faith!”
My uncle now spoke.
“Nephew,” said he, “it seems to me that this gentleman, although
professing what I consider an erroneous creed, has touched upon the
right point in exhorting Bridget to acts of love and mercy, whereby to
wipe out her sin of hate and vengeance. Let us strive after our fashion,
by almsgiving and visiting of the needy and fatherless, to make our
prayers acceptable. Meanwhile, I myself will go down into the north, and
take charge of the maiden. I am too old to be daunted by man or demon. I
will bring her to this house as to a home; and let the Double come if it
will! A company of godly divines shall give it the meeting, and we will
try issue.”
The kindly, brave old man! But Father Bernard sat on musing.
“All hate,” said he, “cannot be quenched in her heart; all Christian
forgiveness cannot have entered into her soul, or the demon would have
lost its power. You said, I think, that her grandchild was still
tormented?”
“Still tormented!” I replied, sadly, thinking of Mistress Clarke’s last
letter.
He rose to go. We afterwards heard that the occasion of his coming to
London was a secret political mission on behalf of the Jacobites.
Nevertheless, he was a good and a wise man.
Months and months passed away without any change. Lucy entreated my
uncle to leave her where she was,--dreading, as I learnt, lest if she
came, with her fearful companion, to dwell in the same house with me,
that my love could not stand the repeated shocks to which I should be
doomed. And this she thought from no distrust of the strength of my
affection, but from a kind of pitying sympathy for the terror to the
nerves which she observed that the demoniac visitation caused in all.
I was restless and miserable. I devoted myself to good works; but I
performed them from no spirit of love, but solely from the hope of
reward and payment, and so the reward was never granted. At length, I
asked my uncle’s leave to travel; and I went forth, a wanderer, with no
distincter end than that of many another wanderer--to get away from
myself. A strange impulse led me to Antwerp, in spite of the wars and
commotions then raging in the Low Countries--or rather, perhaps, the
very craving to become interested in something external, led me into the
thick of the struggle then going on with the Austrians. The cities of
Flanders were all full at that time of civil disturbances and
rebellions, only kept down by force, and the presence of an Austrian
garrison in every place.
I arrived in Antwerp, and made inquiry for Father Bernard. He was away
in the country for a day or two. Then I asked my way to the Convent of
Poor Clares; but, being healthy and prosperous, I could only see the
dim, pent-up, gray walls, shut closely in by narrow streets, in the
lowest part of the town. My landlord told me, that had I been stricken
by some loathsome disease, or in desperate case of any kind, the Poor
Clares would have taken me, and tended me. He spoke of them as an order
of mercy of the strictest kind, dressing scantily in the coarsest
materials, going barefoot, living on what the inhabitants of Antwerp
chose to bestow, and sharing even those fragments and crumbs with the
poor and helpless that swarmed all around; receiving no letters or
communication with the outer world; utterly dead to everything but the
alleviation of suffering. He smiled at my inquiring whether I could get
speech of one of them; and told me that they were even forbidden to
speak for the purposes of begging their daily food; while yet they
lived, and fed others upon what was given in charity.
“But,” exclaimed I, “supposing all men forgot them! Would they quietly
lie down and die, without making sign of their extremity?”
“If such were their rule, the Poor Clares would willingly do it; but
their founder appointed a remedy for such extreme case as you suggest.
They have a bell--’tis but a small one, as I have heard, and has yet
never been rung in the memory of man: when the Poor Clares have been
without food for twenty-four hours, they may ring this bell, and then
trust to our good people of Antwerp for rushing to the rescue of the
Poor Clares, who have taken such blessed care of us in all our straits.”
It seemed to me that such rescue would be late in the day; but I did not
say what I thought. I rather turned the conversation, by asking my
landlord if he knew, or had ever heard, anything of a certain Sister
Magdalen.
“Yes,” said he, rather under his breath; “news will creep out, even from
a convent of Poor Clares. Sister Magdalen is either a great sinner or a
great saint. She does more, as I have heard, than all the other nuns put
together; yet, when last month they would fain have made her
mother-superior, she begged rather that they would place her below all
the rest, and make her the meanest servant of all.”
“You never saw her?” asked I.
“Never,” he replied.
I was weary of waiting for Father Bernard, and yet I lingered in
Antwerp. The political state of things became worse than ever, increased
to its height by the scarcity of food consequent on many deficient
harvests. I saw groups of fierce, squalid men, at every corner of the
street, glaring out with wolfish eyes at my sleek skin and handsome
clothes.
At last Father Bernard returned. We had a long conversation, in which he
told me that, curiously enough, Mr. Gisborne, Lucy’s father, was serving
in one of the Austrian regiments, then in garrison at Antwerp. I asked
Father Bernard if he would make us acquainted; which he consented to do.
But, a day or two afterwards, he told me that, on hearing my name, Mr.
Gisborne had declined responding to any advances on my part, saying he
had abjured his country, and hated his countrymen.
Probably he recollected my name in connection with that of his daughter
Lucy. Anyhow, it was clear enough that I had no chance of making his
acquaintance. Father Bernard confirmed me in my suspicions of the hidden
fermentation, for some coming evil, working among the “blouses” of
Antwerp, and he would fain have had me depart from out the city; but I
rather craved the excitement of danger, and stubbornly refused to leave.
One day, when I was walking with him in the Place Verte, he bowed to an
Austrian officer, who was crossing towards the cathedral.
“That is Mr. Gisborne,” said he, as soon as the gentleman was past.
I turned to look at the tall, slight figure of the officer. He carried
himself in a stately manner, although he was past middle age, and from
his years, might have had some excuse for a slight stoop. As I looked at
the man, he turned round, his eyes met mine, and I saw his face. Deeply
lined, sallow, and scathed was that countenance; scarred by passion as
well as by the fortunes of war. ’Twas but a moment our eyes met. We each
turned round, and went on our separate way.
But his whole appearance was not one to be easily forgotten; the
thorough appointment of the dress, and evident thought bestowed on it,
made but an incongruous whole with the dark, gloomy expression of his
countenance. Because he was Lucy’s father, I sought instinctively to
meet him everywhere. At last he must have become aware of my
pertinacity, for he gave me a haughty scowl whenever I passed him. In
one of these encounters, however, I chanced to be of some service to
him. He was turning the corner of a street, and came suddenly on one of
the groups of discontented Flemings of whom I have spoken. Some words
were exchanged, when my gentleman out with his sword, and with a slight
but skilful cut drew blood from one of those who had insulted him, as he
fancied, though I was too far off to hear the words. They would all have
fallen upon him had I not rushed forwards and raised the cry, then well
known in Antwerp, of rally, to the Austrian soldiers who were
perpetually patrolling the streets, and who came in numbers to the
rescue. I think that neither Mr. Gisborne nor the mutinous group of
plebeians owed me much gratitude for my interference. He had planted
himself against a wall, in a skilful attitude of fence, ready with his
bright glancing rapier to do battle with all the heavy, fierce, unarmed
men, some six or seven in number. But when his own soldiers came up, he
sheathed his sword; and, giving some careless word of command, sent them
away again, and continued his saunter all alone down the street, the
workmen snarling in his rear, and more than half-inclined to fall on me
for my cry for rescue. I cared not if they did, my life seemed so
dreary a burden just then; and, perhaps, it was this daring loitering
among them that prevented their attacking me. Instead, they suffered me
to fall into conversation with them; and I heard some of their
grievances. Sore and heavy to be borne were they, and no wonder the
sufferers were savage and desperate.
The man whom Gisborne had wounded across his face would fain have got
out of me the name of his aggressor, but I refused to tell it. Another
of the group heard his inquiry, and made answer:
“I know the man. He is one Gisborne, aide-de-camp to the
General-Commandant. I know him well.”
He began to tell some story in connection with Gisborne in a low and
muttering voice; and while he was relating a tale, which I saw excited
their evil blood, and which they evidently wished me not to hear, I
sauntered away and back to my lodgings.
That night Antwerp was in open revolt. The inhabitants rose in rebellion
against their Austrian masters. The Austrians, holding the gates of the
city, remained at first pretty quiet in the citadel; only, from time to
time, the boom of a great cannon swept sullenly over the town. But, if
they expected the disturbance to die away, and spend itself in a few
hours’ fury, they were mistaken. In a day or two, the rioters held
possession of the principal municipal buildings. Then the Austrians
poured forth in bright flaming array, calm and smiling, as they marched
to the posts assigned, as if the fierce mob were no more to them than
the swarms of buzzing summer flies. Their practised manœuvres, their
well-aimed shot, told with terrible effect; but in the place of one
slain rioter, three sprang up of his blood to avenge his loss. But a
deadly foe, a ghastly ally of the Austrians, was at work. Food, scarce
and dear for months, was now hardly to be obtained at any price.
Desperate efforts were being made to bring provisions into the city, for
the rioters had friends without. Close to the city port nearest to the
Scheldt, a great struggle took place. I was there, helping the rioters,
whose cause I had adopted. We had a savage encounter with the Austrians.
Numbers fell on both sides; I saw them lie bleeding for a moment; then a
volley of smoke obscured them; and when it cleared away, they were
dead--trampled upon or smothered, pressed down and hidden by the
freshly-wounded whom those last guns had brought low. And then a
gray-robed and gray-veiled figure came right across the flashing guns,
and stooped over some one, whose life-blood was ebbing away; sometimes
it was to give him drink from cans which they carried slung at their
sides, sometimes I saw the cross held above a dying man, and rapid
prayers were being uttered, unheard by men in that hellish din and
clangour, but listened to by One above. I saw all this as in a dream:
the reality of that stern time was battle and carnage. But I knew that
these gray figures, their bare feet all wet with blood, and their faces
hidden by their veils, were the Poor Clares--sent forth now because dire
agony was abroad and imminent danger at hand. Therefore, they left
their cloistered shelter, and came into that thick and evil mêlée.
Close to me--driven past me by the struggle of many fighters--came the
Antwerp burgess with the scarce-healed scar upon his face; and in an
instant more, he was thrown by the press upon the Austrian officer
Gisborne, and ere either had recovered the shock, the burgess had
recognised his opponent.
“Ha! the Englishman Gisborne!” he cried, and threw himself upon him with
redoubled fury. He had struck him hard--the Englishman was down; when
out of the smoke came a dark-gray figure, and threw herself right under
the uplifted flashing sword. The burgess’s arm stood arrested. Neither
Austrians nor Anversois willingly harmed the Poor Clares.
“Leave him to me!” said a low stern voice. “He is mine enemy--mine for
many years.”
Those words were the last I heard. I myself was struck down by a bullet.
I remember nothing more for days. When I came to myself, I was at the
extremity of weakness, and was craving for food to recruit my strength.
My landlord sat watching me. He, too, looked pinched and shrunken; he
had heard of my wounded state, and sought me out. Yes! the struggle
still continued, but the famine was sore; and some, he had heard, had
died for lack of food. The tears stood in his eyes as he spoke. But soon
he shook off his weakness, and his natural cheerfulness returned. Father
Bernard had been to see me--no one else. (Who should, indeed?) Father
Bernard would come back that afternoon--he had promised. But Father
Bernard never came, although I was up and dressed, and looking eagerly
for him.
My landlord brought me a meal which he had cooked himself: of what it
was composed he would not say, but it was most excellent, and with every
mouthful I seemed to gain strength. The good man sat looking at my
evident enjoyment with a happy smile of sympathy; but, as my appetite
became satisfied, I began to detect a certain wistfulness in his eyes,
as if craving for the food I had so nearly devoured--for, indeed, at
that time I was hardly aware of the extent of the famine. Suddenly,
there was a sound of many rushing feet past our window. My landlord
opened one of the sides of it, the better to learn what was going on.
Then we heard a faint, cracked, tinkling bell, coming shrill upon the
air, clear and distinct from all other sounds. “Holy Mother!” exclaimed
my landlord, “the Poor Clares!”
He snatched up the fragments of my meal, and crammed them into my hands,
bidding me follow. Down-stairs he ran, clutching at more food, as the
women of his house eagerly held it out to him; and in a moment we were
in the street, moving along with the great current, all tending towards
the Convent of the Poor Clares. And still, as if piercing our ears with
its inarticulate cry, came the shrill tinkle of the bell. In that
strange crowd were old men trembling and sobbing, as they carried their
little pittance of food; women with the tears running down their cheeks,
who had snatched up what provisions they had in the vessels in which
they stood, so that the burden of these was in many cases much greater
than that which they contained; children, with flushed faces, grasping
tight the morsel of bitten cake or bread, in their eagerness to carry it
safe to the help of the Poor Clares; strong men--yea, both Anversois and
Austrians--pressing onwards with set teeth, and no word spoken; and over
all, and through all, came that sharp tinkle--that cry for help in
extremity.
We met the first torrent of people returning with blanched and piteous
faces: they were issuing out of the convent to make way for the
offerings of others. “Haste, haste!” said they. “A Poor Clare is dying!
A Poor Clare is dead for hunger! God forgive us, and our city!”
We pressed on. The stream bore us along where it would. We were carried
through refectories, bare and crumbless; into cells over whose doors the
conventual name of the occupant was written. Thus it was that I, with
others, was forced into Sister Magdalen’s cell. On her couch lay
Gisborne, pale unto death, but not dead. By his side was a cup of water,
and a small morsel of mouldy bread, which he had pushed out of his
reach, and could not move to obtain. Over against his bed were these
words, copied in the English version: “Therefore, if thine enemy hunger,
feed him; if he thirst, give him drink.”
Some of us gave him of our food, and left him eating greedily, like some
famished wild animal. For now it was no longer the sharp tinkle, but
that one solemn toll, which in all Christian countries tells of the
passing of the spirit out of earthly life into eternity; and again a
murmur gathered and grew, as of many people speaking with awed breath,
“A Poor Clare is dying! a Poor Clare is dead!”
Borne along once more by the motion of the crowd, we were carried into
the chapel belonging to the Poor Clares. On a bier before the high
altar, lay a woman--lay sister Magdalen--lay Bridget Fitzgerald. By her
side stood Father Bernard, in his robes of office, and holding the
crucifix on high while he pronounced the solemn absolution of the
Church, as to one who had newly confessed herself of deadly sin. I
pushed on with passionate force, till I stood close to the dying woman,
as she received extreme unction amid the breathless and awed hush of the
multitude around. Her eyes were glazing, her limbs were stiffening; but
when the rite was over and finished, she raised her gaunt figure slowly
up, and her eyes brightened to a strange intensity of joy, as, with the
gesture of her finger and the trance-like gleam of her eye, she seemed
like one who watched the disappearance of some loathed and fearful
creature.
“She is freed from the curse!” said she, as she fell back dead.
* * * * *
Now, of all our party who had first listened to my Lady Ludlow, Mr.
Preston was the only one who had not told us something, either of
information, tradition, history, or legend. We naturally turned to him;
but we did not like asking him directly for his contribution, for he was
a grave, reserved, and silent man.
He understood us, however, and, rousing himself as it were, he said:
“I know you wish me to tell you, in my turn, of something which I have
learnt or heard during my life. I could tell you something of my own
life, and of a life dearer still to my memory; but I have shrunk from
narrating anything so purely personal. Yet, shrink as I will, no other
but those sad recollections will present themselves to my mind. I call
them sad when I think of the end of it all. However, I am not going to
moralize. If my dear brother’s life and death does not speak for itself,
no words of mine will teach you what may be learnt from it.”
THE HALF-BROTHERS.
My mother was twice married. She never spoke of her first husband, and
it is only from other people that I have learnt what little I know about
him. I believe, she was scarcely seventeen when she was married to him:
and he was barely one-and-twenty. He rented a small farm up in
Cumberland, somewhere towards the sea-coast; but he was perhaps too
young and inexperienced to have the charge of land and cattle: anyhow,
his affairs did not prosper, and he fell into ill health, and died of
consumption before they had been three years man and wife, leaving my
mother a young widow of twenty, with a little child only just able to
walk, and the farm on her hands for four years more by the lease, with
half the stock on it dead, or sold off one by one to pay the more
pressing debts, and with no money to purchase more, or even to buy the
provisions needed for the small consumption of every day. There was
another child coming, too; and sad and sorry, I believe, she was to
think of it. A dreary winter she must have had in her lonesome dwelling,
with never another near it for miles around; her sister came to bear her
company, and they two planned and plotted how to make every penny they
could raise go as far as possible. I can’t tell you how it happened that
my little sister, whom I never saw, came to sicken and die; but, as if
my poor mother’s cup was not full enough, only a fortnight before
Gregory was born the little girl took ill of scarlet fever, and in a
week she lay dead. My mother was, I believe, just stunned with this last
blow. My aunt has told me that she did not cry; aunt Fanny would have
been thankful if she had; but she sat holding the poor wee lassie’s
hand, and looking in her pretty, pale, dead face, without so much as
shedding a tear. And it was all the same, when they had to take her away
to be buried. She just kissed the child, and sat her down in the
window-seat to watch the little black train of people (neighbours--my
aunt, and one far-off cousin, who were all the friends they could
muster) go winding away amongst the snow, which had fallen thinly over
the country the night before. When my aunt came back from the funeral,
she found my mother in the same place, and as dry-eyed as ever. So she
continued until after Gregory was born; and, somehow, his coming seemed
to loosen the tears, and she cried day and night, day and night, till my
aunt and the other watcher looked at each other in dismay, and would
fain have stopped her if they had but known how. But she bade them let
her alone, and not be over-anxious, for every drop she shed eased her
brain, which had been in a terrible state before for want of the power
to cry. She seemed after that to think of nothing but her new little
baby; she hardly appeared to remember either her husband or her little
daughter that lay dead in Brigham churchyard--at least so aunt Fanny
said; but she was a great talker, and my mother was very silent by
nature, and I think aunt Fanny may have been mistaken in believing that
my mother never thought of her husband and child just because she never
spoke about them. Aunt Fanny was older than my mother, and had a way of
treating her like a child; but, for all that, she was a kind,
warm-hearted creature, who thought more of her sister’s welfare than she
did of her own; and it was on her bit of money that they principally
lived, and on what the two could earn by working for the great Glasgow
sewing-merchants. But by-and-by my mother’s eye-sight began to fail. It
was not that she was exactly blind, for she could see well enough to
guide herself about the house, and to do a good deal of domestic work;
but she could no longer do fine sewing and earn money. It must have been
with the heavy crying she had had in her day, for she was but a young
creature at this time, and as pretty a young woman, I have heard people
say, as any on the country side. She took it sadly to heart that she
could no longer gain anything towards the keep of herself and her child.
My aunt Fanny would fain have persuaded her that she had enough to do in
managing their cottage and minding Gregory; but my mother knew that they
were pinched, and that aunt Fanny herself had not as much to eat, even
of the commonest kind of food, as she could have done with; and as for
Gregory, he was not a strong lad, and needed, not more food--for he
always had enough, whoever went short--but better nourishment, and more
flesh-meat. One day--it was aunt Fanny who told me all this about my
poor mother, long after her death--as the sisters were sitting together,
aunt Fanny working, and my mother hushing Gregory to sleep, William
Preston, who was afterwards my father, came in. He was reckoned an old
bachelor; I suppose he was long past forty, and he was one of the
wealthiest farmers thereabouts, and had known my grandfather well, and
my mother and my aunt in their more prosperous days. He sat down, and
began to twirl his hat by way of being agreeable; my aunt Fanny talked,
and he listened and looked at my mother. But he said very little, either
on that visit, or on many another that he paid before he spoke out what
had been the real purpose of his calling so often all along, and from
the very first time he came to their house. One Sunday, however, my aunt
Fanny stayed away from church, and took care of the child, and my mother
went alone. When she came back, she ran straight up-stairs, without
going into the kitchen to look at Gregory or speak any word to her
sister, and aunt Fanny heard her cry as if her heart was breaking; so
she went up and scolded her right well through the bolted door, till at
last she got her to open it. And then she threw herself on my aunt’s
neck, and told her that William Preston had asked her to marry him, and
had promised to take good charge of her boy, and to let him want for
nothing, neither in the way of keep nor of education, and that she had
consented. Aunt Fanny was a good deal shocked at this; for, as I have
said, she had often thought that my mother had forgotten her first
husband very quickly, and now here was proof positive of it, if she
could so soon think of marrying again. Besides, as aunt Fanny used to
say, she herself would have been a far more suitable match for a man of
William Preston’s age than Helen, who, though she was a widow, had not
seen her four-and-twentieth summer. However, as aunt Fanny said, they
had not asked her advice; and there was much to be said on the other
side of the question. Helen’s eye-sight would never be good for much
again, and as William Preston’s wife she would never need to do
anything, if she chose to sit with her hands before her; and a boy was a
great charge to a widowed mother; and now there would be a decent,
steady man to see after him. So, by-and-by, aunt Fanny seemed to take a
brighter view of the marriage than did my mother herself, who hardly
ever looked up, and never smiled after the day when she promised William
Preston to be his wife. But much as she had loved Gregory before, she
seemed to love him more now. She was continually talking to him when
they were alone, though he was far too young to understand her moaning
words, or give her any comfort, except by his caresses.
At last William Preston and she were wed; and she went to be mistress of
a well-stocked house, not above half-an-hour’s walk from where aunt
Fanny lived. I believe she did all that she could to please my father;
and a more dutiful wife, I have heard him himself say, could never have
been. But she did not love him, and he soon found it out. She loved
Gregory, and she did not love him. Perhaps, love would have come in
time, if he had been patient enough to wait; but it just turned him sour
to see how her eye brightened and her colour came at the sight of that
little child, while for him who had given her so much, she had only
gentle words as cold as ice. He got to taunt her with the difference in
her manner, as if that would bring love: and he took a positive dislike
to Gregory,--he was so jealous of the ready love that always gushed out
like a spring of fresh water when he came near. He wanted her to love
him more, and perhaps that was all well and good; but he wanted her to
love her child less, and that was an evil wish. One day, he gave way to
his temper, and cursed and swore at Gregory, who had got into some
mischief, as children will; my mother made some excuse for him; my
father said it was hard enough to have to keep another man’s child,
without having it perpetually held up in its naughtiness by his wife,
who ought to be always in the same mind that he was; and so from little
they got to more; and the end of it was, that my mother took to her bed
before her time, and I was born that very day. My father was glad, and
proud, and sorry, all in a breath; glad and proud that a son was born to
him; and sorry for his poor wife’s state, and to think how his angry
words had brought it on. But he was a man who liked better to be angry
than sorry, so he soon found out that it was all Gregory’s fault, and
owed him an additional grudge for having hastened my birth. He had
another grudge against him before long. My mother began to sink the day
after I was born. My father sent to Carlisle for doctors, and would have
coined his heart’s blood into gold to save her, if that could have been;
but it could not. My aunt Fanny used to say sometimes, that she thought
that Helen did not wish to live, and so just let herself die away
without trying to take hold on life; but when I questioned her, she
owned that my mother did all the doctors bade her do, with the same sort
of uncomplaining patience with which she had acted through life. One of
her last requests was to have Gregory laid in her bed by my side, and
then she made him take hold of my little hand. Her husband came in while
she was looking at us so, and when he bent tenderly over her to ask her
how she felt now, and seemed to gaze on us two little half-brothers,
with a grave sort of kindliness, she looked up in his face and smiled,
almost her first smile at him; and such a sweet smile! as more besides
aunt Fanny have said. In an hour she was dead. Aunt Fanny came to live
with us. It was the best thing that could be done. My father would have
been glad to return to his old mode of bachelor life, but what could he
do with two little children? He needed a woman to take care of him, and
who so fitting as his wife’s elder sister? So she had the charge of me
from my birth; and for a time I was weakly, as was but natural, and she
was always beside me, night and day watching over me, and my father
nearly as anxious as she. For his land had come down from father to son
for more than three hundred years, and he would have cared for me merely
as his flesh and blood that was to inherit the land after him. But he
needed something to love, for all that, to most people, he was a stern,
hard man, and he took to me as, I fancy, he had taken to no human being
before--as he might have taken to my mother, if she had had no former
life for him to be jealous of. I loved him back again right heartily. I
loved all around me, I believe, for everybody was kind to me. After a
time, I overcame my original weakliness of constitution, and was just a
bonny, strong-looking lad whom every passer-by noticed, when my father
took me with him to the nearest town.
At home I was the darling of my aunt, the tenderly-beloved of my father,
the pet and plaything of the old domestic, the “young master” of the
farm-labourers, before whom I played many a lordly antic, assuming a
sort of authority which sat oddly enough, I doubt not, on such a baby as
I was.
Gregory was three years older than I. Aunt Fanny was always kind to him
in deed and in action, but she did not often think about him, she had
fallen so completely into the habit of being engrossed by me, from the
fact of my having come into her charge as a delicate baby. My father
never got over his grudging dislike to his stepson, who had so
innocently wrestled with him for the possession of my mother’s heart. I
mistrust me, too, that my father always considered him as the cause of
my mother’s death and my early delicacy; and utterly unreasonable as
this may seem, I believe my father rather cherished his feeling of
alienation to my brother as a duty, than strove to repress it. Yet not
for the world would my father have grudged him anything that money could
purchase. That was, as it were, in the bond when he had wedded my
mother. Gregory was lumpish and loutish, awkward and ungainly, marring
whatever he meddled in, and many a hard word and sharp scolding did he
get from the people about the farm, who hardly waited till my father’s
back was turned before they rated the stepson. I am ashamed--my heart is
sore to think how I fell into the fashion of the family, and slighted my
poor orphan step-brother. I don’t think I ever scouted him, or was
wilfully ill-natured to him; but the habit of being considered in all
things, and being treated as something uncommon and superior, made me
insolent in my prosperity, and I exacted more than Gregory was always
willing to grant, and then, irritated, I sometimes repeated the
disparaging words I had heard others use with regard to him, without
fully understanding their meaning. Whether he did or not I cannot tell.
I am afraid he did. He used to turn silent and quiet--sullen and sulky
my father thought it; stupid, aunt Fanny used to call it. But every one
said he was stupid and dull, and this stupidity and dullness grew upon
him. He would sit without speaking a word, sometimes, for hours; then my
father would bid him rise and do some piece of work, maybe, about the
farm. And he would take three or four tellings before he would go. When
we were sent to school, it was all the same. He could never be made to
remember his lessons; the schoolmaster grew weary of scolding and
flogging, and at last advised my father just to take him away, and set
him to some farm-work that might not be above his comprehension. I think
he was more gloomy and stupid than ever after this, yet he was not a
cross lad; he was patient and good-natured, and would try to do a kind
turn for any one, even if they had been scolding or cuffing him not a
minute before. But very often his attempts at kindness ended in some
mischief to the very people he was trying to serve, owing to his
awkward, ungainly ways. I suppose I was a clever lad; at any rate, I
always got plenty of praise; and was, as we called it, the cock of the
school. The schoolmaster said I could learn anything I chose, but my
father, who had no great learning himself, saw little use in much for
me, and took me away betimes, and kept me with him about the farm.
Gregory was made into a kind of shepherd, receiving his training under
old Adam, who was nearly past his work. I think old Adam was almost the
first person who had a good opinion of Gregory. He stood to it that my
brother had good parts, though he did not rightly know how to bring them
out; and, for knowing the bearings of the Fells, he said he had never
seen a lad like him. My father would try to bring Adam round to speak of
Gregory’s faults and shortcomings; but, instead of that, he would praise
him twice as much as soon as he found out what my father’s object was.
One winter-time, when I was about sixteen, and Gregory nineteen, I was
sent by my father on an errand to a place about seven miles distant by
the road, but only about four by the Fells. He bade me return by the
road, whichever way I took in going, for the evenings closed in early,
and were often thick and misty; besides which, old Adam, now paralytic
and bedridden, foretold a downfall of snow before long. I soon got to my
journey’s end, and soon had done my business; earlier by an hour, I
thought, than my father had expected, so I took the decision of the way
by which I would return into my own hands, and set off back again over
the Fells, just as the first shades of evening began to fall. It looked
dark and gloomy enough; but everything was so still that I thought I
should have plenty of time to get home before the snow came down. Off I
set at a pretty quick pace. But night came on quicker. The right path
was clear enough in the day-time, although at several points two or
three exactly similar diverged from the same place; but when there was a
good light, the traveller was guided by the sight of distant objects,--a
piece of rock,--a fall in the ground--which were quite invisible to me
now. I plucked up a brave heart, however, and took what seemed to me the
right road. It was wrong, however, and led me whither I knew not, but to
some wild boggy moor where the solitude seemed painful, intense, as if
never footfall of man had come thither to break the silence. I tried to
shout,--with the dimmest possible hope of being heard--rather to
reassure myself by the sound of my own voice; but my voice came husky
and short, and yet it dismayed me; it seemed so weird and strange in
that noiseless expanse of black darkness. Suddenly the air was filled
thick with dusky flakes, my face and hands were wet with snow. It cut me
off from the slightest knowledge of where I was, for I lost every idea
of the direction from which I had come, so that I could not even retrace
my steps; it hemmed me in, thicker, thicker, with a darkness that might
be felt. The boggy soil on which I stood quaked under me if I remained
long in one place, and yet I dared not move far. All my youthful
hardiness seemed to leave me at once. I was on the point of crying, and
only very shame seemed to keep it down. To save myself from shedding
tears, I shouted--terrible, wild shouts for bare life they were. I
turned sick as I paused to listen; no answering sound came but the
unfeeling echoes. Only the noiseless, pitiless snow kept falling
thicker, thicker--faster, faster! I was growing numb and sleepy. I tried
to move about, but I dared not go far, for fear of the precipices which,
I knew, abounded in certain places on the Fells. Now and then, I stood
still and shouted again; but my voice was getting choked with tears, as
I thought of the desolate, helpless death I was to die, and how little
they at home, sitting round the warm, red, bright fire, wotted what was
become of me,--and how my poor father would grieve for me--it would
surely kill him--it would break his heart, poor old man! Aunt Fanny
too--was this to be the end of all her cares for me? I began to review
my life in a strange kind of vivid dream, in which the various scenes of
my few boyish years passed before me like visions. In a pang of agony,
caused by such remembrance of my short life, I gathered up my strength
and called out once more, a long, despairing, wailing cry, to which I
had no hope of obtaining any answer, save from the echoes around, dulled
as the sound might be by the thickened air. To my surprise, I heard a
cry--almost as long, as wild as mine--so wild that it seemed unearthly,
and I almost thought it must be the voice of some of the mocking spirits
of the Fells, about whom I had heard so many tales. My heart suddenly
began to beat fast and loud. I could not reply for a minute or two. I
nearly fancied I had lost the power of utterance. Just at this moment a
dog barked. Was it Lassie’s bark--my brother’s collie?--an ugly enough
brute, with a white, ill-looking face, that my father always kicked
whenever he saw it, partly for its own demerits, partly because it
belonged to my brother. On such occasions, Gregory would whistle Lassie
away, and go off and sit with her in some out-house. My father had once
or twice been ashamed of himself, when the poor collie had yowled out
with the suddenness of the pain, and had relieved himself of his
self-reproach by blaming my brother, who, he said, had no notion of
training a dog, and was enough to ruin any collie in Christendom with
his stupid way of allowing them to lie by the kitchen fire. To all which
Gregory would answer nothing, nor even seem to hear, but go on looking
absent and moody.
Yes! there again! It was Lassie’s bark! Now or never! I lifted up my
voice and shouted “Lassie! Lassie! For God’s sake, Lassie!” Another
moment, and the great white-faced Lassie was curving and gambolling with
delight round my feet and legs, looking, however, up in my face with her
intelligent, apprehensive eyes, as if fearing lest I might greet her
with a blow, as I had done oftentimes before. But I cried with gladness,
as I stooped down and patted her. My mind was sharing in my body’s
weakness, and I could not reason, but I knew that help was at hand. A
gray figure came more and more distinctly out of the thick,
close-pressing darkness. It was Gregory wrapped in his maud.
“Oh, Gregory!” said I, and I fell upon his neck, unable to speak another
word. He never spoke much, and made me no answer for some little time.
Then he told me we must move, we must walk for the dear life--we must
find our road home, if possible; but we must move or we should be frozen
to death.
“Don’t you know the way home?” asked I.
“I thought I did when I set out, but I am doubtful now. The snow blinds
me, and I am feared that in moving about just now, I have lost the right
gait homewards.”
He had his shepherd’s staff with him, and by dint of plunging it before
us at every step we took--clinging close to each other, we went on
safely enough, as far as not falling down any of the steep rocks, but it
was slow, dreary work. My brother, I saw, was more guided by Lassie and
the way she took than anything else, trusting to her instinct. It was
too dark to see far before us; but he called her back continually, and
noted from what quarter she returned, and shaped our slow steps
accordingly. But the tedious motion scarcely kept my very blood from
freezing. Every bone, every fibre in my body seemed first to ache, and
then to swell, and then to turn numb with the intense cold. My brother
bore it better than I, from having been more out upon the hills. He did
not speak, except to call Lassie. I strove to be brave, and not
complain; but now I felt the deadly fatal sleep stealing over me.
“I can go no farther,” I said, in a drowsy tone. I remember, I suddenly
became dogged and resolved. Sleep I would, were it only for five
minutes. If death were to be the consequence, sleep I would. Gregory
stood still. I suppose, he recognised the peculiar phase of suffering to
which I had been brought by the cold.
“It is of no use,” said he, as if to himself. “We are no nearer home
than we were when we started, as far as I can tell. Our only chance is
in Lassie. Here! roll thee in my maud, lad, and lay thee down on this
sheltered side of this bit of rock. Creep close under it, lad, and I’ll
lie by thee, and strive to keep the warmth in us. Stay! hast gotten
aught about thee they’ll know at home?”
I felt him unkind thus to keep me from slumber, but on his repeating the
question, I pulled out my pocket-handkerchief, of some showy pattern,
which Aunt Fanny had hemmed for me--Gregory took it, and tied it round
Lassie’s neck.
“Hie thee, Lassie, hie thee home!” And the white-faced, ill-favoured
brute was off like a shot in the darkness. Now I might lie down--now I
might sleep. In my drowsy stupor I felt that I was being tenderly
covered up by my brother; but what with I neither knew nor cared--I was
too dull, too selfish, too numb to think and reason, or I might have
known that in that bleak bare place there was nought to wrap me in, save
what was taken off another. I was glad enough when he ceased his cares
and lay down by me. I took his hand.
“Thou canst not remember, lad, how we lay together thus by our dying
mother. She put thy small, wee hand in mine--I reckon, she sees us now;
and belike we shall soon be with her. Anyhow, God’s will be done.”
“Dear Gregory,” I muttered, and crept nearer to him for warmth. He was
talking still, and again about our mother, when I fell asleep. In an
instant--or so it seemed--there were many voices about me--many faces
hovering round me--the sweet luxury of warmth was stealing into every
part of me. I was in my own little bed at home. I am thankful to say, my
first word was “Gregory?”
A look passed from one to another--my father’s stern old face strove in
vain to keep its sternness; his mouth quivered, his eyes filled slowly
with unwonted tears.
“I would have given him half my land--I would have blessed him as my
son,--oh God! I would have knelt at his feet, and asked him to forgive
my hardness of heart.”
I heard no more. A whirl came through my brain, catching me back to
death.
I came slowly to my consciousness, weeks afterwards. My father’s hair
was white when I recovered, and his hands shook as he looked into my
face.
We spoke no more of Gregory. We could not speak of him; but he was
strangely in our thoughts. Lassie came and went with never a word of
blame; nay, my father would try to stroke her, but she shrank away; and
he, as if reproved by the poor dumb beast, would sigh, and be silent and
abstracted for a time.
Aunt Fanny--always a talker--told me all. How, on that fatal night, my
father, irritated by my prolonged absence, and probably more anxious
than he cared to show, had been fierce and imperious, even beyond his
wont, to Gregory: had upbraided him with his father’s poverty, his own
stupidity which made his services good for nothing--for so, in spite of
the old shepherd, my father always chose to consider them. At last,
Gregory had risen up, and whistled Lassie out with him--poor Lassie,
crouching underneath his chair for fear of a kick or a blow. Some time
before, there had been some talk between my father and my aunt
respecting my return; and when Aunt Fanny told me all this, she said she
fancied that Gregory might have noticed the coming storm, and gone out
silently to meet me. Three hours afterwards, when all were running about
in wild alarm, not knowing whither to go in search of me--not even
missing Gregory, or heeding his absence, poor fellow--poor, poor
fellow!--Lassie came home, with my handkerchief tied round her neck.
They knew and understood, and the whole strength of the farm was turned
out to follow her, with wraps, and blankets, and brandy, and everything
that could be thought of. I lay in chilly sleep, but still alive,
beneath the rock that Lassie guided them to. I was covered over with my
brother’s plaid, and his thick shepherd’s coat was carefully wrapped
round my feet. He was in his shirt-sleeves--his arm thrown over me--a
quiet smile (he had hardly ever smiled in life) upon his still, cold
face.
My father’s last words were, “God forgive me my hardness of heart
towards the fatherless child!”
And what marked the depth of his feeling of repentance, perhaps more
than all, considering the passionate love he bore my mother, was this:
we found a paper of directions after his death, in which he desired that
he might lie at the foot of the grave, in which, by his desire, poor
Gregory had been laid with OUR MOTHER.
THE END.
LONDON:
PRINTED BY WILLIAM CLOWES AND SONS, STAMFORD STREET AND CHARING CROSS.
* * * * *
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End of Project Gutenberg's Round the Sofa; vol. 2, by Elizabeth C. Gaskell