Hell. The Chief of the Devils sits in the highest place. The Devil's
Secretary sits lower down, at a table with writing materials.
Sentinels stand at each side. To the right are five Imps of
different kinds. To the left, by the door, the Doorkeeper. A
dandified Imp stands before the Chief.
THE DANDY IMP. The whole of my booty for the three years has been
220,005 men. They're all in my power now.
THE CHIEF. All right. Thank you. Pass on.
The Dandy Imp goes to the right.
THE CHIEF [to the Secretary] I'm tired! Is there much business left?
Whose reports have we had, and whose are still to come?
THE SECRETARY [counts on his fingers and, as he counts, points to the
Imps to the right. When he mentions any Imp, the one referred to bows]
We've had the Gentlefolks' Devil's report. He's captured 1836 in all.
And the Tradesmen's Devil's with 9643. From the Lawyers', 3423. The
Women's we've also just had: 186,315 married women, and 17,438 maids.
Only two Devils are left, the Officials' and the Peasants'. There are
altogether 220,005 souls on the list.
CHIEF. Well then, we'd better finish it all to-day. [To the Doorkeeper]
Let them in!
The Officials' Devil enters, and bows to the Chief.
CHIEF. Well, how have you got on?
OFFICIALS' IMP [laughing, and rubbing his hands] My affairs are all
right, just as soot they are white! The booty is such that I don't
remember anything like it since the creation of the world.
CHIEF. What, have you captured a great many?
OFFICIALS' IMP. It's not so much the quantity. Only 1350 men in all, but
such splendid fellows! Such fellows, they might shame any Devil! They
can embroil people better than we ourselves can. I've introduced a new
fashion among them.
CHIEF. What's that new fashion?
OFFICIALS' IMP. Why, in former times lawyers were in attendance on the
judges and deceived people. Now, I've arranged for them to do business
also apart from the judges. Whoever pays most, is the one to whose
business they attend. And they'll take such trouble over it that they'll
make out a case where there is none! They and the officials between them
embroil people far better than we Devils can.
CHIEF. All right. I'll have a look at them. You may pass on.
The Officials' Imp goes to the right.
CHIEF [to Doorkeeper] Let in the last one.
Enter the Peasants' Imp with the chunk of bread. He bows to the
ground.
PEASANTS' IMP. I can't live like this any longer! Give me another
appointment!
CHIEF. What appointment? What are you jabbering about? Get up and talk
sense. Give in your report! How many peasants have you captured this
week?
PEASANTS' IMP [crying] Not one!
CHIEF. What? Not one! What do you mean? What have you been doing? Where
have you been loafing?
PEASANTS' IMP [whimpering] I've not been loafing; I've been straining
every nerve all the time, but I can't do anything! There now, I went and
took his last crust from under the very nose of one of them, and,
instead of swearing, he wished it might do me good!
CHIEF. What?... What?... What are you mumbling there? Just blow your
nose, and then speak sensibly! One can't make head or tail of what
you're saying.
PEASANTS' IMP. Why, there was a peasant ploughing; and I knew he had
brought only a chunk of bread with him, and had nothing else to eat. I
stole his crust. By rights he should have sworn; but what does he do? He
says, "Let him who has taken it eat it, and may it do him good!" I've
brought the chunk of bread away with me. Here it is!
CHIEF. Well, and what of the others?
PEASANTS' IMP. They're all alike. I could not manage to take a single
one.
CHIEF. How dare you appear before me with empty hands? And as if that
were not enough, you must needs bring some stinking crust or other here!
Do you mean to mock me? Do you mean to live in Hell and eat the bread of
idleness? The others do their best, and work hard! Why, they [points to
the Imps] have each supplied 10,000 or 20,000, or even 200,000. And you
come with empty hands, and bring a miserable crust, and begin spinning
your yarns. You chatter, but don't work; and that's why you've lost hold
of them. But wait a bit, my friend, I'll teach you a thing or two!
PEASANTS' IMP. Before you punish me, listen to what I'll tell you. It's
all very well for those other Devils, who have to do with gentlefolk,
with merchants, or with women. It's all plain sailing for them! Show a
nobleman a coronet, or a fine estate, and you've got him, and may lead
him where you like. It's the same with a tradesman. Show him some money
and stir up his covetousness, and you may lead him as with a halter. And
with the women it's also plain sailing. Give them finery and sweets--and
you may do what you like with them. But as to the peasants--there's a
long row to hoe with them! When he's at work from morn till
night--sometimes even far into the night--and never starts without a
thought of God, how's one to get at him? Master, remove me from these
peasants! I'm tired to death of them, and have angered you into the
bargain!
CHIEF. You're humbugging, you idler! It's no use your talking about the
others. They've got hold of the merchants, the nobles, and the women,
because they knew how to treat them, and invented new traps for them!
The official one there--he has made quite a new departure. You must
think of something too! You've stolen a crust, and brag about it! What a
clever thing to do! Surround them with snares, and they'll get caught in
one or other of them. But loafing about as you do, and leaving the way
open for them, those peasants of yours have gained strength. They begin
not to care about their last crust. If they take to such ways, and teach
their women the same, they'll get quite beyond us! Invent something! Get
out of the hole as best you can.
PEASANTS' IMP. I can't think how to set about it. Let me off! I can
stand it no longer!
CHIEF [angrily] Can't stand it! What do you think, then? Am I to do your
work for you?
PEASANTS' IMP. I can't!
CHIEF. Can't? Wait a bit! Hollo, there! bring the switches; give him a
thrashing.
The Sentinels seize the Imp and whip him.
PEASANTS' IMP. Oh! Oh! Oh!...
CHIEF. Have you thought of something?
PEASANTS' IMP. Oh, oh, I can't!
CHIEF. Give him some more. [They whip] Well--thought of something?
PEASANTS' IMP. Yes--yes, I have!
CHIEF. Well, tell us what it is.
PEASANTS' IMP. I've invented a dodge that will bring them all into my
grasp, if you'll only let me take a labourer's place with that peasant.
But I can't explain what it is beforehand.
CHIEF. All right. Only remember, that if you don't atone for that crust
within three years, I'll flay you alive!
PEASANTS' IMP. They'll all be mine in three years' time.
CHIEF. All right. When the three years are past, I shall come and see
for myself!
Curtain.