HOW SHALL THE CHILD BE TOLD?
Every mother and every father realizes that there are certain things
incident to reproduction that must be learned by the child at an early
age. They realize, too, that it is preferable that this information
should be imparted by the parents. But, on account of their own lack of
instruction, they find two problems confronting them. How and when shall
I tell my child are the questions uppermost in many parents' minds.
The answer to the first question must depend upon the individual case.
At a certain age a baby expresses a desire for something to bite. Before
that time we make no effort to force him to bite. Later he finds he can
help himself from one position to another by creeping. Then in a few
months he discovers he is able to use his feet and tries to walk. We do
not try to force any of these new ideas upon him but simply wait
patiently until he expresses a desire to acquire some new knowledge,
then we aid him and guide his efforts.
There comes a time in the life of every child when he awakens to
knowledge of reproduction. Then is the time to give the information.
Some children commence to inquire as early as three years. At such an
early age it is not necessary to go into details, as a very little
information suffices to satisfy the child.
Just how to tell the truths necessary must vary with the age of the
child. It is important to remember to be truthful to the child. When a
mother tells the child that the stork or the doctor brings the baby, she
sets a seal upon evasion. Some day he will learn that his mother has
deceived him and that behind her instruction lies an element of secrecy,
and secrecy with its companion curiosity is the cause of much unrest in
after life. The child gathers the idea that there must be something
shameful connected with the birth of a child or his mother would not be
ashamed to tell him the truth.
Secondly, the child must be told scientifically that this knowledge may
form a basis for later studies in biology. He can be taught in a simple
manner that all nature comes from a seed; that the mother makes a tiny
nest for the seed and that with all seeds it is necessary for their
growth that the father gives them some pollen.
Until these subjects are put before children and young people with some
degree of intelligence and sympathetic handling, it cannot be expected
that anything but the utmost confusion in mind and in morals should
reign in matters of sex. It seems incredible that our thoughts could be
so unclean that we find it impossible to give to our children the
information they need on these most sacred subjects, but instead we
allow them to obtain their information whenever and wherever they can
and in the most unclean manner. A child at the age of puberty is capable
of the most sensitive, affectional and serene appreciation of what sex
means and can absorb the teachings if properly given without any shock
to his sense of the fitness of things. Indeed whenever these subjects
are taught to the child correctly they induce a feeling of reverence for
the mother that could not otherwise be obtained. A little child when
told that she grew in a nest in mother's body right underneath mother's
heart at once becomes filled with a great love and wonder for that
mother. Then later to teach the relation of fatherhood and how the love
of parents for each other and their desire to have a child of their very
own was the cause of that child's existence--these things seem so
natural to the child mind that has not been polluted with vulgar ideas
that they excite in him no sense of unfitness, only a deep gratitude and
a kind of tender wonderment.
The great point to remember in teaching these things to children is to
satisfy their present question and leave the understanding that mother
(or father) always stands ready and willing to explain any problems that
are bothering the child.
So many girls have told me that when they were between six and fourteen
years of age they had heard some things about the land where the babies
grow and immediately went to their mothers and inquired as to the truth
of what they had heard. The invariable answer received was, "Little
girls must not talk about such things." That silenced the child and the
mother heaved a sigh of relief that the question had passed off so
smoothly and easily. That little sentence has been the cause of
innumerable mistakes and misery. That little sentence marked the
beginning of the failure of the child to confide in her mother, the
child never again would broach the subject to her mother. However, that
did not mean that the child would not receive the information requested;
for, as a rule, the girls who told of this incidence also remarked that
they had received the information very soon from some older girl and
frequently in a vulgar manner. If a mother wishes to retain the
confidence of her daughter, if a father wishes to retain the confidence
of his son they both must keep a keen lookout for the first questions
and be prepared to answer them at the time.
Later on the special sexual needs of the boy or the girl can be
explained, the necessity of cleanliness and the danger of self-abuse.
The need of self-control and the possibility of deflecting physical
desire to other channels and the great gain resulting; all these things
the youth of either sex are capable of understanding and appreciating,
and the knowledge given early will prevent many physical and moral
wrecks.
It is the duty of fathers and mothers to prepare themselves on these
subjects so as to have the answer ready when the child first inquires.
There is no excuse for not doing so, for educators all over the country
stand ready to help any parents who call upon them. It is possible for
every community to obtain the services of a lecturer or teacher who will
instruct the parents. The individual can obtain books which explain all
these things simply and plainly. There is no excuse for ignorance.