_Chairs placed in two rows, to represent seats of cars. Passengers enter
and take their seats. Placard stuck up, “Beware of Pickpockets,” in
capitals._
_First._ Enter two school-girls, M. and A., with books strapped about,
lunch-box, &c. They are laughing and chatting. M. gives A. a letter to
read. A. smiles while reading it, M. watching her face, then both look
over it together. Afterwards, study their lessons. All this must be
going on while the other passengers are entering.
_Second._ Business man and two clerks, one at a time. One takes out
little account-book, another reads paper, another sits quietly, after
putting ticket in his hat-band.
_Third._ Fat woman, with old-fashioned carpet-bag, umbrella, and
bundles tied up in handkerchiefs; seats herself with difficulty.
_Fourth._ A clergyman, all in black, very solemn, with white neckcloth
and spectacles.
_Fifth._ Yankee fellow from the country, staring at all new-comers.
_Sixth._ Dandy, with yellow gloves, slender cane, stunning necktie,
watch-chain, and eyeglass comes in with a flourish, lolls back in his
seat, using his eyeglass frequently.
_Seventh._ Lady with infant (very large rag-baby, in cloak and
sunbonnet) and nurse girl. Baby, being fussy, has to be amused, trotted,
changed from one to the other. Lady takes things from her pocket to
please it, dancing them up and down before its face.
_Eighth._ Plainly dressed, industrious woman, who knits.
_Ninth._ Fashionable young lady, dressed in the extreme of fashion. She
minces up the aisle, looks at the others, seats herself apart from them,
first brushing the seat. Shakes the dust from her garments, fans
herself, takes out smelling-bottle, &c. (Shout is heard.) “All aboard!”
_Tenth._ In a hurry, Lady that’s been a-shopping, leading or pulling
along her little boy or girl. She carries a waterproof on her arm, and
has a shopping-bag and all sorts of paper parcels, besides a portfolio,
a roller cart, a wooden horse on wheels, a drum, a toy-whip (and various
other things). Doll’s heads stick out of a paper. Lady drops a package.
Dandy picks it up with polite bow. Drops another. Yankee picks it up,
imitating Dandy’s polite bow. Gets seated at last, arranges her
bonnet-strings, takes off the child’s hat, smooths its hair, &c.
Steam-whistle heard. Every passenger now begins the jerking, up-and-down
motion peculiar to the cars. This motion must be kept up by all,
whatever they are doing, and by every one who enters.
Enter Conductor with an immense _badge_ on his hat, or coat. Calls out
“Have your tickets ready!” Then passes along the aisle, and calls out
again, “Tickets!” The tickets must be large and absurd. Passengers take
them from pocket-books, gloves, &c. Fat old woman fumbles long for hers
in different bundles, finds it at last in a huge leather pocket-book.
Conductor, after _nipping_ the tickets, passes out.
Enter boy with papers, “Mornin’ papers! Herald, Journal, Traveller!”
(Business man buys one.) “Mornin’ papers! Herald, Journal, Traveller!”
(Clerk buys one.) Paper boy passes out. Conductor appears, calls out,
“Warburton! Warburton! Passengers for Bantam change cars!” (Noise heard
of brakes, jerking motion ceases, school-girls leave, with those little
hopping motions peculiar to school-girls. Yankee moves nearer
fashionable miss. Two laborers enter. Steam-whistle heard, jerking
motion resumed.) Candy boy enters. “Jessup’s candy! All flavors! Five
cents a stick!” (Lady buys one for baby.) “Jessup’s candy! All flavors!
Lemon, vanilla, pineapple, strorbry!” (Yankee buys one, offers half to
fashionable miss. She declines. Crunches it himself.) Boy passes out.
Enter boy with picture-papers, which he distributes. Some examine them,
others let them lie. (Dandy buys one.) Boy collects them and passes
out. Enter a very little ragged boy, with fiddle, or accordion. After
playing awhile, passes round his hat. Most of the passengers drop
something in it. Exit boy.
Enter Conductor. “Tickets!” Collects tickets. (Steam-whistle heard.)
Passengers pick up their things. Curtain drops just as the last one goes
out. (This scene might be ended by the passengers, at a given signal,
pulling their seats together, pitching over, and having the curtain fall
on a smash-up.)